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Cheesecat wrote:I try to find the positive in every situation.

There's a big difference between optimism and wishful thinking.

At the end of the day, you're spending all this time talking to us, when you should be talking to her.

So, stop pissing about and get on with it.

BloodQuest wrote:

Cheesecat wrote:I try to find the positive in every situation.

There's a big difference between optimism and wishful thinking.

At the end of the day, you're spending all this time talking to us, when you should be talking to her.

So, stop pissing about and get on with it.

I already I said I'm probably not going to get her and I do have other things in my life besides her to you know.

Well, things suck worse when you're older. They are also often better. I have to worry about repaying student loan debt, which is much worse than worrying about a book report for AP English. On the other hand, instead of sneaking a few beers at a party, i can drink finely crafted micro brew in my own apartment while smoking a cigar. You take the good with the bad.

Polonius speaks the truth.

Also, Monster Rain and Cannerus speak the truth. Possibly with a side of Albatross, but I don't have experience with that level of fiendishness.

Your first and easiest course is just to break it down for her honestly. The relationship isn't meeting your needs. You want an actual romantic & physical relationship. She can choose to have you on those terms, or you can move on. As other people have observed, however, this mostly just works in movies. It has a very low-percentage chance of success, but given how little time and effort (aside from screwing your courage to the sticking place) it takes, it may be worth a shot.

Your far better chance, as Cannerus has said, is to move the hell on, reinvent yourself a bit, and come back later (we're talking months or a year, not weeks) and ask her out when you come back.

As for the reinvention, this is, at a minimum, ACTUALLY dating some other women, but achieving/accomplishing something in terms of improving yourself would help too. Like working out to get in (visibly) better shape, joining a band, taking a study abroad semester, or something. When you come back you want it to be apparent that you are an interesting and desirable person, and notably different from the poor sucker she was taking advantage of (even if she does not admit to herself that she was taking advantage of you).

Overall, however, odds are you are never going to have this relationship. This diagnosis is based in part on experience with similar situations, in part on experience with women, and in part on your earlier comments which seem to indicate that this relationship has been going on (in one form or another) for a year or more. Most likely she is never going to look at you the way you need her to for it to be a viable relationship. And as Manchu said, you are better off moving along and not wasting your seventeeth/eighteenth year, or really any more of your time, on this frustrating relationship which is giving her what she wants, but not giving you what you want.

Now i need my girl....

Asherian Command wrote:Now i need my girl....

She's not your girl just because you masturbate to images of her 24/7

Harsh.

Vladsimpaler wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:Now i need my girl....

She's not your girl just because you masturbate to images of her 24/7

We used to have a saying in the frat house:

"It's ok to cry. It's ok to cry. Just don't cry while you masturbate."

If the above is true, at least share the pics.

I'd definitely keep away from claiming anyone prematurely though.

That rule was pretty much on the honor system. More of a guideline than a rule.

Taking a girl I've known for a total of 5 minutes out (and made out with) this upcoming Friday. Hamlet in a cemetery. Should be interesting.

Keep us updated Can we get an "ongoing dating and/or relationship stories (within moderation)" thread going or is that too un-toy soldiery? I think it could be interesting and fun!

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:Keep us updated Can we get an "ongoing dating and/or relationship stories (within moderation)" thread going or is that too un-toy soldiery? I think it could be interesting and fun!

Yeah they're much more interesting than the politics & religion threads that dominate the "Off-Topic" forum.

Mannahnin wrote:
Overall, however, odds are you are never going to have this relationship. This diagnosis is based in part on experience with similar situations, in part on experience with women, and in part on your earlier comments which seem to indicate that this relationship has been going on (in one form or another) for a year or more. Most likely she is never going to look at you the way you need her to for it to be a viable relationship. And as Manchu said, you are better off moving along and not wasting your seventeeth/eighteenth year, or really any more of your time, on this frustrating relationship which is giving her what she wants, but not giving you what you want.

This basically would have been my advice for those of a less psychotic disposition. Just move on. You don't want to be her friend, you just want to nail her. And let's face it - she's not going to let you. Not unless you do something that would make you a cold-hearted bastard from the depths of a Martin Amis novel.

I don't think you have it in you, FromageFeline. Sorry, but there it is. It's not a bad thing. It actually makes you a good person, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. Some women dig a guy who can do a passable impression of being a good person, even if you're only just clinging to the mask by your fingernails. It's worked for me for the last 6 years, and I have to say it's a relief not to have a ton of skeletons in my closet these days. It's just an easier life when you don't have to watch your back all the time.


Wow, I'm really coming out of this thread looking bad, aren't I?

Dakka dakka for advice? Anyway, get yourself a pair of balls and make a move. Failing that when your at a party and everyones out of it, say how you feel and if "she no digs it", you can always use the "sorry I was drunk" excuse. But you have planted seeds in her mind, which can bring her interest forward, in time though.

Again the "make a move on her friend to see what happens" is another area to try. You either make her jealous, failing that if the friend breaks up with you, use her shoulder to cry on, Vulnerable positions like this usually lead to peoples true emotions coming to bear. Make a move carefully, your on your own from there.

And this works due to the fact that I did something similar in my sociology and psychology thesis's. Well at least in theory.

Nail her sister. In the event her sister is very young or non existent, her Mom will do.

If both of these fail man, at least you got laid.....

Vladsimpaler wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:Now i need my girl....

She's not your girl just because you masturbate to images of her 24/7

what?
Why would I do that? O.o
I haven't Masturbated in five weeks.

Asherian Command wrote:

Vladsimpaler wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:Now i need my girl....

She's not your girl just because you masturbate to images of her 24/7

what?
Why would I do that? O.o
I haven't Masturbated in five weeks.

Put that young libido to use! It cures cancer or something.

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:

Vladsimpaler wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:Now i need my girl....

She's not your girl just because you masturbate to images of her 24/7

what?
Why would I do that? O.o
I haven't Masturbated in five weeks.

Put that young libido to use! It cures cancer or something.

I would be joining in on the masturbation jokes, but since this is my thread I don't want to get it locked. Anyways I've decided to sever my ties with her till Christmas holidays and by that time I'll decide which direction I want to go with her.

Asherian Command wrote:

Vladsimpaler wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:Now i need my girl....

She's not your girl just because you masturbate to images of her 24/7

what?
Why would I do that? O.o
I haven't Masturbated in five weeks.

Christine O'Donnell would be proud.

Yeah, but he has sacrificed a goat inside a chalk pentagram within that timeframe, so....

I will echo a lot of what has been said. Give it a shot and if she's not up to it, let it go.
I wish I knew this 10-15 years ago because I spent waaaaaay too much time on the old 'maybe someday she'll love me blah blah'. It's all BS. All the time you're spending pining for someone who won't reciprocate could be spent with someone who will.

Good luck!

Well maybe if he burns a few science textbooks and prays REALLY REALLY hard Christine can forgive him.

A nice little campaign contribution would also do the trick.

pretre wrote:All the time you're spending pining for someone who won't reciprocate could be spent with someone who will.

EDIT: Okay my post was unnecessarily unpleasant.

This is nice to say, but it really isn't as simple as that. Finding and making something working isn't does happen magically. Also throwing around terms like "Friend Zone" doesn't exactly point at the most realistic attitudes towards other people, making things more challenging at best.

Chongara wrote:

pretre wrote:All the time you're spending pining for someone who won't reciprocate could be spent with someone who will.

EDIT: Okay my post was unnecessarily unpleasant.

This is nice to say, but it really isn't as simple as that. Finding and making something working isn't does happen magically. Also throwing around terms like "Friend Zone" doesn't exactly point at the most realistic attitudes towards other people, making things more challenging at best.

Well sure. Nothing is really as simple as a sentence on the interwebs. Thanks for the newsflash. Also, I have been married for a few years now; I'm pretty familiar with the making things work idea.

That being said. I'm fairly sure that the OP (and a large number of geeks, including myself about 15 years ago) spend a lot of time pining over people who will not love them the way they want to be loved. They/I have a hard time separating friendship and romantic love. Looking back at it from where I am now, it isn't rocket science, but at the time it was.

The 'realistic attitude' is that you need to find people who are interested in the same kind of things as you in a relationship. The best way to do that? Be honest and open. You can't just keep thinking it and hope that they start reading your mind or change theirs.

http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20100411.gif

Well, after reading through all five pages thus far I suppose I'll toss in my two cents.

There has been some pretty good advice here, some maybe not IMO. I'm not a fan of the separating yourself and coming back a "different person", maybe it'd work in some situations but I haven't had one.

I'm not going to tell you what you should do, instead I'll tell you what has worked for me.

I used to be the clingy type early on in high school, which never turned out to anything. It wasn’t until the point where I really stopped actively pursuing women that things looked up for me. When I didn't pay attention to women, and just concentrated on having a good time (which I wish I would've done a lot more during high school) I was less stressed, more confident, and being me. Those are all things that women are attracted to. After I did that I found women seeking me out rather than the other way around. These relationships have typically ended in much better standings for me than those where I was pursuing them. Plus it all but eliminated the friend zone problem for me, because the women that were after me weren't like "OMG you should come over to my house when my parents aren’t home so we can just be friends!".

Apart from my high school dating habits, I have found that there are generally two types of men and women: Women that want to be taken care of and women that want to be wanted. Men that are the blunt this is what I want and I'm leaving if I don’t get it and the more caring knight in shining armor type men.

I am the latter (and you come off as that to me too), which you don’t want to be if your intentions are getting in the sack with lots of women. Being this guy has gotten me much fewer women, but the ones that do dig it absolutely DIG it. But being the KISA type guy you're going to mesh better with a woman who is the want to be cared for woman, because the other is just going to be a waste of your time because you are satisfying her by just wanting her and getting nowhere. This goes completely opposite but along the same lines for the other types of women/men respectively.

Take my advice for what you will, examine yourself and decide what is better for you: To have a good time and let women come to you or to spend the rest of your few teenage years letting women suck you dry. Ultimately you are you, and you will have to find something that works for you. This may or may not be something that someone else helps you to realize. All in all you need to just decide when you're wasting your time, and what's worth spending time on and that is something you will have to decide for yourself.

/2 cents




Automatically Appended Next Post:
Any women that dont fit into the two catergories are just confused and fall in the third don't waste your time, you'll get nowhere/around in circles catergory.

This thread makes me sad.

Get off the internet and get in her pants!

rubiksnoob wrote:This thread makes me sad.

Get off the internet and get in her pants!

A good slogan actually.

You could try copping a feel while she sleeps.

That ought to get you out of the "friend" zone pretty quick, one way or the other.

Well Thing Is I try and try and talk to her every day. And yet I can never actually talk to her due to her friend shield.

I live at least 25 miles away from her. And her shields are always up. *RAGE*

Probably because her last boyfriend was a bust. And not only that but I am weird of course she openly admitted that she was weirder. (back when I had classes with her.)