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No wish. You are fish-slapped again and again.

I wish to watch that spectacular event.

Granted. The fish are sharks and you get bitten.

I wish I had time to read more.

Granted! You become ridiculously wealthy after winning the lottery, cease working and pursue a life of books and literature...all of which, however, are only available to you in the Klingon version of pig-Latin.

I wish I could make the world's best Beef Wellington.

Granted. You became a modern art artist and recreated the Vickers Wellington bomber out of beef steaks. What a waste of meat.

I wish I owned a Ferrari.

Granted! It's made out of leftover beef steaks from my Vickers Wellington project.

I wish I had Jabba's pleasure barge.

Granted. But beef steaks won't fly.

I wish for a gas grill.

Granted. It's made in Nazi Germany.

I wish for an old-school motorcycle.

Granted, it has no fuel.

I wish to play D&D.

Granted. Enjoy a game of Dudes & Dongs

I wish I was the president.

Granted. Then you were assassinated.

I wish for one more frosty cold bottle of Moosehead before bed.

Granted. You're going to have to wake up & piss 3 times.

I wish my vacation started today instead of tomorrow.

Granted, but whenever you go, there is a tiny storm cloud just one meter above your head and it rains constantly through the entirety of your vacation, with occasional lightning strike.

I wish for a weather control device.

Granted. You control the weather effects over your miniature battlefield.

I wish to find the perfect miniature.

Granted. You found it and when you wanted to play with it, it got hit and destroyed by a lightning strike I summoned over your half of the battlefield.

I wish to own a real PzKpfw V Panther tank.

Granted. It was shipped to your door this morning with a giant Swatiszika draped across it's back and several racist slogans spray painted on its sides. You find out about the delivery when the news shows you pictures of the local national guard surrounding a 'suspected racial terrorist's house and their tank'.

I wish to cancel HBO's game of throne series and pin the blame on someone else.

Granted! I'll gladly take the blame...laughs maniacally!

I wish I had a cloak of invisibility.

Granted, but it's too small and your butt is still visible.

I wish getting into grad school was easier.

Granted. You became an ISIS terrorist, so now you need no education to fire the BM-21 Grad. All you need is to shout that the god is great.

I wish to be hang gliding

Granted. By the neck.

I wish to throw a kegger.

Granted, it hit an elderly woman and resulted in a 12 year ban on alcohol consumption and sales for your state.

I wish for a giant peanut butter and jelly sandwhich.

Granted. When the giant knife comes down to cut the crusts off you're too slow and lose both legs.

I wish to trade a couple goats for a hot 20 y.o. girl from Greece.

Granted. The girl is almost as hairy as were the goats.

I wish for a second wife.

Granted! You get the goat!

I wish I won a contest that exempted me from ever paying taxes, on anything, again.

Granted. Now the government just takes everything.

I wish for another kitten.

Granted. Two kittens together is like 4 cats at night when you're sleeping and the noise keeps you up for months.

I wish to see The Sopranos prequel movie right now.

Granted. It's a musical.

I wish to get some rest.

Granted. You're given the Sleep of Yavanna like the 7 fathers of the dwarves. You won't wake up until there are new stars in the sky.

I wish I could get a nice omelette delivered.

Granted, it is stolen.

I wish I owned a car!

Granted. It's the Reliant Regal.

I wish the EU leadership was a bit more sensible and rational.

Granted. Now they really hate each other.

I wish to find a figure store.