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DutchKillsRambo wrote:Really? Im the only one that would choose women over 40k? God the internet truly changes what people would do.

Yeah yeah I get it everyone you have this "super hawt wife who likes that Im a nerd cuz Im different I like metal and have a long hair Im not stereotypical at all!" But I mean if your advice is to dump a girlfriend of 8 years because she doesn't like 40K your either exaggerating, or have terrible priorities.

I think the concern is that it's symptomatic of a greater problem. It's not that she doesn't like toy soldiers as such, it's that she's trying to monopolise his one day of the week that he wants to do his own hobby and doesn't seem willing to be flexible to work around it. Now obviously he could be a prat about it and be leaving her feeling like she's taking second place to his model obsession. But it doesn't sound like it.

The thing is, he obviously has a hobby that he likes doing in his own time, now if she wants to take that from him then there's going to be a problem because people in relationships who feel they can't do a load of reasonable things, because their partner has some irrational disapproval, find it creates tension, resentment and unhappiness down the line. It's not about the woman not wanting a guy to blow all your cash down the pub every night and never talk to her, someone who can't buy a few models to make or a R\C car or watch a certain TV programme because their partner has decided it's "uncool" and simply doesn't want them doing it will stifle the other person's creative and relaxing outputs. And we all need those otherwise you end up frustrated and bored. It doesn't matter how 'hawt' your partner is, there's more to a happy relationship than your partner's looks and a great deal of any relationship is compromise not monopolisation.

A person should in all reasonableness expect to be able to sit down for a few hours one night of the week to do some activity of their own be it painting or reading a book. You do't have to do *everything* with your partner, you're not joined at the hip. And understanding that while it's important to make time for each other you also have to support each others needs and interests and give each other space and freedom.

I have to say that to be together 8 years and still be living apart with one still living at home does not sound like an adult relationship going somewhere. Maybe I'm wrong but after that amount of time I'd have thought you'd be onto a more permanent footing and living together not still arranging nights of the week to get together like when you were 16. If I didn't know better I'd think a relationship like this has run its course, it's been a long time and it's not particularly serious and it's not moving along and now there are difficulties and arguments brewing. 8 years at the age of 24 is a looong time so of course to break up would be a big change in your lives, you'd both be single adults for the first time. Maybe she's trying to change you or really hates the little men, but it could also just be frustration coming to the surface, but you have to talk and find out what you both want from it because it could be that you remain together through force of habit rather than a real desire to be with each other and that's not a good place to be.

Dutchkillsrambo- having to stop gaming isn't the problem, the problem is her demanding unreasonable things. When someone tells you they are feeling less atracted to you because you do something "uncool"- just because they dislike it- you can tell there are some issues.

This isent about choosing a hobby over someone etc. Its about not comprimsing who you are and what you like to do for someone who wants to change you. We need to find people in our life that accepts us and will see through our "faults" within reason.
I have been through this before and honestly im very up front about what I enjoy to do in my life when Im very early in a relationship. If that person decides that they cannot accept what I enjoy to do in my spare time then I know this will never work. If I had to give up my passions for someone then I know I would be misserable in my life. Thankfully I have found someone who accepts all of my hobbies and passions with open arms and I could not be happier and one day you will too.

Ive read the thread. Her reasons that I've seen are she doesn't like the hobby and she thinks it's uncool. Those aren't reasons?

I'm willing to agree that she's most likely a shallow person that sees 40k as something to be loathed because she lacks enough self confidence to be an individual. She might be the type of person that thinks Jersey Shore is good tv.

But there's also the chance that maybe the people he plays with are extremely weird. None of you can say you haven't met some real "characters" in this hobby. Maybe his gaming group is full of the basement dwelling mouthbreathers and she doesn't really like him hanging around with them. Is a woman not liking a mans friends anything new?

All Im saying is everyone is a little too quick to jump on presumptions that she's this controlling bitch that won't let him be who he wants to be and is going to whip him the rest of his life if he gives up 40k.



Automatically Appended Next Post:

Howard A Treesong wrote:

DutchKillsRambo wrote:Really? Im the only one that would choose women over 40k? God the internet truly changes what people would do.

Yeah yeah I get it everyone you have this "super hawt wife who likes that Im a nerd cuz Im different I like metal and have a long hair Im not stereotypical at all!" But I mean if your advice is to dump a girlfriend of 8 years because she doesn't like 40K your either exaggerating, or have terrible priorities.

I think the concern is that it's symptomatic of a greater problem. It's not that she doesn't like toy soldiers as such, it's that she's trying to monopolise his one day of the week that he wants to do his own hobby and doesn't seem willing to be flexible to work around it. Now obviously he could be a prat about it and be leaving her feeling like she's taking second place to his model obsession. But it doesn't sound like it.

I think you guys are reading into 40k and its relation to real life a bit too much. Its a hobby. It should be fun. It should be relaxing. It should not be a defining characteristic of who you are.


And to the OP, if you really want to break up with her but don't know how to do it, take her to a LARP. Im guessing that will send her packing mighty quick.

DutchKillsRambo wrote:Ive read the thread. Her reasons that I've seen are she doesn't like the hobby and she thinks it's uncool. Those aren't reasons?

I'm willing to agree that she's most likely a shallow person that sees 40k as something to be loathed because she lacks enough self confidence to be an individual. She might be the type of person that thinks Jersey Shore is good tv.

But there's also the chance that maybe the people he plays with are extremely weird. None of you can say you haven't met some real "characters" in this hobby. Maybe his gaming group is full of the basement dwelling mouthbreathers and she doesn't really like him hanging around with them. Is a woman not liking a mans friends anything new?

All Im saying is everyone is a little too quick to jump on presumptions that she's this controlling bitch that won't let him be who he wants to be and is going to whip him the rest of his life if he gives up 40k.

No, those are not valid reasons. 40k may be uncool, but it's not damaging to their relationship or to him as an individual.

If her complaint is that he's spending too much time with the hobby and can't hold down a job or ever see her, that's reasonable.
If her complaint is that he's spending too much money and is constantly broke, that's reasonable.

But, demanding he quit playing because it's nerdy isn't a good reason.

Granted, if she posted on the board with her side of the story, saying things like "My boyfriend spends 12 hours a day playing 40k and never shuts up about it! He made power armor out of cardboard and showed up to Thanksgiving dinner at my parents house with it on! He's never held a job longer than a month before getting fired because of this stupid hobby!" then, we'd be taking her side and telling her to dump this loser. But, from the limited information we have, he seems to be in the right.

Honestly i would say talk to her and find out if it really is the problem

Also your living by yourself and you've been together for 8 years, have you asked her to move in with you? That might be one of the underlying problems

I think the point most people are trying to get across is its fine if she finds the hobby uncool, but asking him to stop entirely for that reason is not okay. People need some hobby's and time to hang out with freinds

Grakmar wrote:

DutchKillsRambo wrote:Ive read the thread. Her reasons that I've seen are she doesn't like the hobby and she thinks it's uncool. Those aren't reasons?

I'm willing to agree that she's most likely a shallow person that sees 40k as something to be loathed because she lacks enough self confidence to be an individual. She might be the type of person that thinks Jersey Shore is good tv.

But there's also the chance that maybe the people he plays with are extremely weird. None of you can say you haven't met some real "characters" in this hobby. Maybe his gaming group is full of the basement dwelling mouthbreathers and she doesn't really like him hanging around with them. Is a woman not liking a mans friends anything new?

All Im saying is everyone is a little too quick to jump on presumptions that she's this controlling bitch that won't let him be who he wants to be and is going to whip him the rest of his life if he gives up 40k.

No, those are not valid reasons. 40k may be uncool, but it's not damaging to their relationship or to him as an individual.

If her complaint is that he's spending too much time with the hobby and can't hold down a job or ever see her, that's reasonable.
If her complaint is that he's spending too much money and is constantly broke, that's reasonable.

But, demanding he quit playing because it's nerdy isn't a good reason.

Granted, if she posted on the board with her side of the story, saying things like "My boyfriend spends 12 hours a day playing 40k and never shuts up about it! He made power armor out of cardboard and showed up to Thanksgiving dinner at my parents house with it on! He's never held a job longer than a month before getting fired because of this stupid hobby!" then, we'd be taking her side and telling her to dump this loser. But, from the limited information we have, he seems to be in the right.

But thats my point. If she doesn't like it then it IS damaging to their relationship. Whether or not YOU see it is as justifiable is not relevant. If she sees it as damaging to their relationship than it is. Not everything has to be so extreme like playing 40k so much that you can't hold a job.

DutchKillsRambo wrote:But thats my point. If she doesn't like it then it IS damaging to their relationship. Whether or not YOU see it is as justifiable is not relevant. If she sees it as damaging to their relationship than it is. Not everything has to be so extreme like playing 40k so much that you can't hold a job.

The point is if you dont like something your partner does fine, but if its something like a hobby (that he only spends on day of the week doing) or you dont like their freinds then that is a bit more of a problem.

If you had a girlfreind who didnt liek you using the internet i would think that would be a bit of a problem

@DucthkillsRambo: If OP dumps his gf, you should get her number. Seems like a good match.

I really like your username, by the way.

Gibbsey wrote:

DutchKillsRambo wrote:But thats my point. If she doesn't like it then it IS damaging to their relationship. Whether or not YOU see it is as justifiable is not relevant. If she sees it as damaging to their relationship than it is. Not everything has to be so extreme like playing 40k so much that you can't hold a job.

The point is if you dont like something your partner does fine, but if its something like a hobby (that he only spends on day of the week doing) or you dont like their freinds then that is a bit more of a problem.

If you had a girlfreind who didnt liek you using the internet i would think that would be a bit of a problem

Come now. The internet is almost to the point of being necessary for modern day life. 40k, not so much. And for the record he said he only PLAYS one day a week. He didn't mention painting time which we all know is the real killer. Speaking of which I should probably get back to that.

Ive said what I had to say to the OP. My advice would be to move on, but for other reasons. And for the love of God don't listen to people that are advocating gaming as a defining aspect of your personality. They do make some good points of not being ashamed of who you are, but unless you work for GW, 40k should be a dipping sauce to your meal of life. Sure it makes chicken nuggets taste better, but steak is always better than any nugget. The steak of course being banging.

liam0404 wrote:She has been saying she is feeling "less" attracted to me because she feels that this hobby is "uncool".

That is some grade A crap right there. Tell her to grow up or get rid of her.

So she doean't like it because she thinks it's nerdy/uncool. That means that she doesn't like that part of the OP. Everyone would change something about the person they love. Being in a relationship is about putting up with the stuff you don't like, for you should like the person overall.

It's called compromise.

DutchKillsRambo wrote:

Gibbsey wrote:

DutchKillsRambo wrote:But thats my point. If she doesn't like it then it IS damaging to their relationship. Whether or not YOU see it is as justifiable is not relevant. If she sees it as damaging to their relationship than it is. Not everything has to be so extreme like playing 40k so much that you can't hold a job.

The point is if you dont like something your partner does fine, but if its something like a hobby (that he only spends on day of the week doing) or you dont like their freinds then that is a bit more of a problem.

If you had a girlfreind who didnt liek you using the internet i would think that would be a bit of a problem

Come now. The internet is almost to the point of being necessary for modern day life. 40k, not so much. And for the record he said he only PLAYS one day a week. He didn't mention painting time which we all know is the real killer. Speaking of which I should probably get back to that.

Ive said what I had to say to the OP. My advice would be to move on, but for other reasons. And for the love of God don't listen to people that are advocating gaming as a defining aspect of your personality. They do make some good points of not being ashamed of who you are, but unless you work for GW, 40k should be a dipping sauce to your meal of life. Sure it makes chicken nuggets taste better, but steak is always better than any nugget. The steak of course being banging.

You must have had a horrible time annotating books in school.
Its not about 40k. It could be anything. Such as, dancing. If OP was into dancing and only did it once a week and the GF knew this, If she thinks it degrades his look and makes him less attractive and doesn't want him to do it, then shes a bish. Unless it is something harmful or illegal, It shouldn't be a problem no matter what. She doesn't like who OP really is, which is a guy who likes playing warhammer. If she can't deal with that, she can't deal with anything in his life and will always want him to change to match her perfectly.

To tell if your GF/Spouse is controlling, go out to eat. Ask her what restaurant. If she says "We HAVE to go there, no where else" Unless she has beendying to go there for the past 2 months, shes controlling and will always have things her way.

drop this bitch like a bag of dice!!!

you already know you should, or you wouldnt be asking this community for help, or guidance.

i understand strength in numbers, and needing reassurance. you have 6 pages of it from complete strangers. shes not worth you or your time.

I have to say to the OP, i'm sorry things don't seem to be working out, but if she is throwing around that she is becoming less attracted to you because of this hobby . . . Its not because of the hobby.

Relationships are about compromise, but you should not compromise yourself. This is a part of who you are and want to be. These are your friends. If she loves you she should love you for who you are. She is trying to change you because she is not happy.

You seem to do well with time management, and she is creating an issue by messing with the one night you have to yourself. She's looking for a way out without having to be the bad guy. I hate to sound like a pessimist, but in time, I'm sure this is how its going to work out. She's got some maturing to do to figure out whats really important in life.

Stand your ground. If it doesn't end because of this, your relationship will end for another reason just as petty.

Give her a dice and tell her to make a 4+ relationship saving throw

One more to chime in on the 'case of the unreasonable ladyface' side.

My girl absolutely cannot understand why I like RPGs or wargaming. Just can't wrap her head around it. AND YET. Instead of mocking me or demanding that I give it up, she not only supports the hobby but listens to what I'm saying when I'm talking to the guys about it. Imagine my surprise when miss 'funny little plastic men' surprised me the other week with a Leman Russ because 'she heard that (I) needed more fire support'. Well well. And when we were redecorating? She asked if I wanted to put figurine cases for others to see because 'even though (she) didn't understand the hobby, it's important to (me) and they're very well-painted'.

WELL.

I dated a girl like yours seems to be for five years. She begged me at the beginning of our relationship not to try and change her (she was happy with herself as she was) and by the end of that relationship *I* was the one who had changed so many things about myself. If you can get her to understand you, great. If not...

...see if you can find a more understanding brand of companion. Like mine. Or like many of the other fellows in this thread.

Indra wrote: Imagine my surprise when miss 'funny little plastic men' surprised me the other week with a Leman Russ because 'she heard that (I) needed more fire support'. Well well.

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

Indra wrote: Imagine my surprise when miss 'funny little plastic men' surprised me the other week with a Leman Russ because 'she heard that (I) needed more fire support'. Well well.

<insert sexual innuendo here> (Does it really need saying?)

But damn, your one lucky guy

When my husband and I first got together, I was very jealous of his friends and gaming group. I think that a lot of it was that he seemed unwilling to change his days in order to accomodate the time we could spend together, and that he was at first unwilling to introduce me to that group of friends because I wasn't a gamer and that's the only thing they did together. He did have to compromise, but I never forced him to completely give up the hobby. I think that the OP has given a lot of effort into trying to accomodate his relationship, and that his GF is insecure. But I do wonder if he's presented his hobbies in a way like my husband did at first which is "this is mine, you can't have any".

Gibbsey wrote:

Indra wrote: Imagine my surprise when miss 'funny little plastic men' surprised me the other week with a Leman Russ because 'she heard that (I) needed more fire support'. Well well.

<insert sexual innuendo here> (Does it really need saying?)

But damn, your one lucky guy

She bought me Space Hulk last year, too. 'Oh God they're out fffff' 'Chill out honey, I bought a set for you the first day they came out! I had the guys at the store call me!'

Yes. She is awesome. PAY ATTENTION, OP.

Indra wrote:

Gibbsey wrote:

Indra wrote: Imagine my surprise when miss 'funny little plastic men' surprised me the other week with a Leman Russ because 'she heard that (I) needed more fire support'. Well well.

<insert sexual innuendo here> (Does it really need saying?)

But damn, your one lucky guy

She bought me Space Hulk last year, too. 'Oh God they're out fffff' 'Chill out honey, I bought a set for you the first day they came out! I had the guys at the store call me!'

Yes. She is awesome. PAY ATTENTION, OP.

Wow... thats one amazing girl you got there

Gibbsey wrote:

Indra wrote:

Gibbsey wrote:

Indra wrote: Imagine my surprise when miss 'funny little plastic men' surprised me the other week with a Leman Russ because 'she heard that (I) needed more fire support'. Well well.

<insert sexual innuendo here> (Does it really need saying?)

But damn, your one lucky guy

She bought me Space Hulk last year, too. 'Oh God they're out fffff' 'Chill out honey, I bought a set for you the first day they came out! I had the guys at the store call me!'

Yes. She is awesome. PAY ATTENTION, OP.

Wow... thats one amazing girl you got there

Seems like... does she have a sister?

Grakmar wrote:

DutchKillsRambo wrote:Ive read the thread. Her reasons that I've seen are she doesn't like the hobby and she thinks it's uncool. Those aren't reasons?

I'm willing to agree that she's most likely a shallow person that sees 40k as something to be loathed because she lacks enough self confidence to be an individual. She might be the type of person that thinks Jersey Shore is good tv.

But there's also the chance that maybe the people he plays with are extremely weird. None of you can say you haven't met some real "characters" in this hobby. Maybe his gaming group is full of the basement dwelling mouthbreathers and she doesn't really like him hanging around with them. Is a woman not liking a mans friends anything new?

All Im saying is everyone is a little too quick to jump on presumptions that she's this controlling bitch that won't let him be who he wants to be and is going to whip him the rest of his life if he gives up 40k.

But, demanding he quit playing because it's nerdy isn't a good reason.

If that is true, its a sign, and a bad one. Typically it means she is personally embarrassed by his involvement with the gaming hobby, and wants him to stop is to keep or raise her status with a particular group...could be parents, friends, etc.

My advise...get rid of her. Sure, your SO will likely have hobbies you dont really want to be a part of...but to demand they stop because its "nerdy" is simply shallow and self serving, and that person wont make a good long term partner.

Howard A Treesong wrote:

DutchKillsRambo wrote:Really? Im the only one that would choose women over 40k? God the internet truly changes what people would do.

Yeah yeah I get it everyone you have this "super hawt wife who likes that Im a nerd cuz Im different I like metal and have a long hair Im not stereotypical at all!" But I mean if your advice is to dump a girlfriend of 8 years because she doesn't like 40K your either exaggerating, or have terrible priorities.

I think the concern is that it's symptomatic of a greater problem. It's not that she doesn't like toy soldiers as such, it's that she's trying to monopolise his one day of the week that he wants to do his own hobby and doesn't seem willing to be flexible to work around it. Now obviously he could be a prat about it and be leaving her feeling like she's taking second place to his model obsession. But it doesn't sound like it.

The thing is, he obviously has a hobby that he likes doing in his own time, now if she wants to take that from him then there's going to be a problem because people in relationships who feel they can't do a load of reasonable things, because their partner has some irrational disapproval, find it creates tension, resentment and unhappiness down the line. It's not about the woman not wanting a guy to blow all your cash down the pub every night and never talk to her, someone who can't buy a few models to make or a R\C car or watch a certain TV programme because their partner has decided it's "uncool" and simply doesn't want them doing it will stifle the other person's creative and relaxing outputs. And we all need those otherwise you end up frustrated and bored. It doesn't matter how 'hawt' your partner is, there's more to a happy relationship than your partner's looks and a great deal of any relationship is compromise not monopolisation.

A person should in all reasonableness expect to be able to sit down for a few hours one night of the week to do some activity of their own be it painting or reading a book. You do't have to do *everything* with your partner, you're not joined at the hip. And understanding that while it's important to make time for each other you also have to support each others needs and interests and give each other space and freedom.

I have to say that to be together 8 years and still be living apart with one still living at home does not sound like an adult relationship going somewhere. Maybe I'm wrong but after that amount of time I'd have thought you'd be onto a more permanent footing and living together not still arranging nights of the week to get together like when you were 16. If I didn't know better I'd think a relationship like this has run its course, it's been a long time and it's not particularly serious and it's not moving along and now there are difficulties and arguments brewing. 8 years at the age of 24 is a looong time so of course to break up would be a big change in your lives, you'd both be single adults for the first time. Maybe she's trying to change you or really hates the little men, but it could also just be frustration coming to the surface, but you have to talk and find out what you both want from it because it could be that you remain together through force of habit rather than a real desire to be with each other and that's not a good place to be.

Block quoting is not cool, but I have to do it.

This post is 100% correct and true.

OP, please read it and take it to heart.

Ive already provided my two cents to this thread, but I thought I would revist it to see how its going.

I did want to add that maybe consulting the members of a website where the primary subject matter is painting and playing with little army people probably isnt the best guidance a guy could ask for. Im just sayin

And I wonder if OP is still here. I'm dying to know what was the outcome

To OP dude she sounds like a bitch I hope she has leet bedroom skills to make up for the fact she sounds like a horrible person.

If someone was this unconcerned with your feelings and ridiculed you for a perfectly normal interest than you should get away from that person as soon as possible, sorry to be blunt but your girlfriend sounds like a tool.

Hmmm.

I'd never choose gaming over a relationship. So if, for instance, money was tight and I had to give up to gaming to support a partner, fair enough. If my gaming mates were rude to my partner and she felt excluded, I'd give it up. If it took up all my time so I couldn't see her, I'd drop the hobby in a flash. These are examples of gaming vs relationships, and I think most people here would choose the relationship.

But, this isn't what's being discussed. You are being asked to give up something you enjoy because your girlfriend thinks it's uncool. Yes, gaming is geeky, but it's your hobby. So think hard before giving up something you enjoy for no other reason than your girlfriend is embarrassed by it. You'll probably resent the decision at some point.

There's no reason you can't explain this, and make every effort to limit things to the one night/week. Relationships are about negotiation, and give and take.

And let us know how you get on.