Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

Pael wrote:I am going to put money on the op's gf wanting to get married

This is my vote. You're at that age and length of a relationship when it's time to get married. She's most likely pissed at you for dragging your feet and thinks you need to "grow up" and propose.

This is especially true if she's got friends who are getting engaged and married.

I tried reading this article, and like a typical teen, I got bored.

So, I'm going to throw out everything written here, and give my opinion. [darn my teenagerlyness.]

1. Think about it. whats more important?
In my personal opinion, there is no point having a relationship with someone who doesn't like something thats a big part of your life.

thats not to say that she has to like your hobby. there isn't anything that you want to do to change that.

2. If you're having second thoughts about going out with her [rather then playing the game] maybe she's not right for you.

3. Gaming is fun. but maybe the relationship is more important.

to put it coldly, if you don't end up working with her, then you could come back to the game?

She's controlling and this will only get worse.

Dump her, but do it in spectacular fashion. I'd suggest this priority depending on financial capacity

*Sky writing
*Billboard
*Youtube of professional caller at trafalgar Square decrying her deficiencies in a writ form
*choir outside her window singing 50 Ways to leave Your Lover
*Mail her a witty "Congratulations! You've just been dumped!" card

Ok, since I have and do marital and relationship counselling I'm going to be blunt: Break up.

She's got no hobbies by your admission.

She thinks what you do is "uncool".

She lives at home still (hey in this economy, it's not a big deal, but for sociological development, it's a big step).

She's going to break up with you if you don't do what she wants. She's already distancing herself from you, so it's just a matter of time until you hear "we've drifted apart".

I dated someone very similar to that, and I can tell you she isn't worth it. Sure you can give and take and that's all well and good, but if one person isn't being flexible or tolerant of the other, you're heading for misery and resentment.

From your words, she sounds resentful that she is not your total and utter focus. She sounds like she has no desire to DO anything herself. It's not healthy at all. In fact, if you give up the hobby for her, it won't improve the situation at all. It will make it worse.

Sorry son.

Howard A Treesong wrote:She doesn't sound very reasonable to me, Thursday is your "busy" night. She sounds a bit controlling, any other hobbies you're not allowed to do? Sounds awful, I share a lot of interests with my wife, not everything but a fair bit. I don't mind the things we don't share interest in but we are different people and have individual interests that the other should respect, I wouldn't put up with being told to drop something all together because it doesn't fit in with her idea of 'cool', it seems selfish, to put her own self image or the opinions of others before your own happiness.

Indeed. i am sure its been brought up already, but the hobby thing is minor. If it weren't that it would be something else.

I don't know, man... nothing could be finer than a little bit o' vaginer.

Then again you do make an effort to try to spend time with her... I think its time to move on.

Plus which would you rather lose... community/friends/experiences with wargaming... or 1 person's unreasonable approval...

OoieGoie wrote:This is one funny thread.

To all those who said "dump her". Your relationship advise is the poo. The sticky dark brown stuff that sticks like glue. Don't give advise unless you have hair "down there" and are above the age of 25.

Welcome to relationships people.

My advice: I can't really give any. Not enough information about ya girl. But communication is important and if she won't go down that path and is willing to dump you because of a small hobby then things arnt good thats for sure.

I have learned one thing. No matter the hobby, as long as you spend a good amount of time with them they don't mind what you do (unless its drugs or something weird like watching reality TV).

thank you for that thrilling point

nearly everyone is saying that she is being unfair and the OP needs to set things straight with her, even if that means dumping her, for the sole reason that she doesn't actually like who he is.

there is a big difference between being in a relationship and being in a good relationship

Taoofss wrote:If my girlfriend told me to choose her or the hobby, I would choose her without hesitation. Then again, she would never do that. That's why she's my girlfriend. The fact that you are even considering picking this hobby over a relationship pretty much means that she's not the one. Move on.

Much truth there.

You are 24 and have been dating the same chick for 8 years ?

Now she is b*tching about your hobbies?

Pffftt..

You need to spread some wild oats kid.

If she is like this while living with her folks, how do you think she will act when you guys take the next step ?

Mini's meet microwave....

It sounds like the OP has done everything he can to accomodate his relationship and his efforts are not being recognized.

ChrisWWII wrote:The fact that she wants you to drop it cause it's uncool really does hit off a berserk button, at least for me.

Thats an issue. I thought cool/uncool went out the window after college age when the Real World (TM) introduced itself. Have you checked her OID to make sure she's even legal?

OoieGoie wrote:Don't give advise unless you have hair "down there" and are above the age of 25.

Says the 14 year old making rhymes about poo and then proceeding to give advice.

Elmodiddly wrote:Unless, of course, she has large, firm boobs, in which case ignore us, ditch wargaming and never look at toy soldiers again.

See the quote below, as it is the Lord's sweet truth.

Manchu wrote:Eh, whatever. There are a lot of boobies out there and a great deal of them are attached to reasonable, intelligent, funny, and supportive ladies.

djphranq wrote:I don't know, man... nothing could be finer than a little bit o' vaginer.

It's my duty to please that booty.

BluntmanDC wrote:there is a big difference between being in a relationship and being in a good relationship

Excellent point. There's a lot of people that equate being in a relationship with being miserable. I had a neighbor who was always talking about how he wanted to pursue a few hobbies like video games and RC Cars but his wife didn't like them so he couldn't. He's always say things like "You know how it is."

I actually don't. I've been married for 9 years and as long as the bills are paid and there's food in the house and she doesn't know about all of my teenage mexican girlfriends we're quite happy and she doesn't care if I play a bit of 40k now and then. She actually gets rather excited when I win a tournament or something like that. She has said herself that she'd rather have a husband who plays Warhams than is out doing the things she has to listen to her girlfriends complain about their husbands doing.

@Pael: These guys have been together for 8 years and are only 23 and 24. I don't know that this relatiopnship has the most mature legs to stand on headed towards a marriage--by which I mean, headed towards a divorce. OP's conundrum is a very nice piece of evidence in this regard. I agree that the gf's behavior is indicative of underlying problems but disagree that they're ones that can be fixed--in other words, they seem "structural" or "systemic." It might be helpful to know whether this has been an on-again-off-again thing or if it's truly a case of inertial puppy love. At the very least, on the available facts, both parties would definitely benefit from a "break." OP needs to know--and not just be told--that there are plenty of women out there. He does not seem to understand how basically problematic this behavior is. He also does not seem to fully understand that the problem is NOT with him. I realize that we don't "have all the facts" but based on the ones we do have, this relationship is a right stinker. It's not because 40k is that important; it's because her behavior--applied to any hobby OP might have--is that offensive and unreasonable.

OoieGoie wrote:This is one funny thread.

To all those who said "dump her". Your relationship advise is the poo. The sticky dark brown stuff that sticks like glue. Don't give advise unless you have hair "down there" and are above the age of 25.

Welcome to relationships people.

My advice: I can't really give any. Not enough information about ya girl. But communication is important and if she won't go down that path and is willing to dump you because of a small hobby then things arnt good thats for sure.

I have learned one thing. No matter the hobby, as long as you spend a good amount of time with them they don't mind what you do (unless its drugs or something weird like watching reality TV).

I said dump her and I'm 34 and happily married to a beautiful, intelligent woman who collects night goblins and tyranids. She loves what a total geek I am, because I have a relationship with someone who shares my interests and I'm sure the majority of dakkites in relationships are, at the least, with someone who tolerates their hobbies.

What was your point exactly?

Frazzled wrote:

ChrisWWII wrote:The fact that she wants you to drop it cause it's uncool really does hit off a berserk button, at least for me.

Thats an issue. I thought cool/uncool went out the window after college age when the Real World (TM) introduced itself. Have you checked her OID to make sure she's even legal?

I find that adults that live with their parents (barring extraordinary circumstances, calm down) tend to be less mature than their independent counterparts.

Frazzled wrote:

Taoofss wrote:If my girlfriend told me to choose her or the hobby, I would choose her without hesitation. Then again, she would never do that. That's why she's my girlfriend. The fact that you are even considering picking this hobby over a relationship pretty much means that she's not the one. Move on.

Much truth there.

But...would he still choose her over the hobby if she did ask that, because he implies the reason she's his girlfriend is because she has the maturity to not ask that...so would he really choose her if she chose to ask the question?

Make her read this thread

Flashman wrote:Make her read this thread

You mean except for the fact that she would just probebly complain at him, "something... something... something, why does their opinion matter more that mine, etc"

Because we understand.

Dakka Dakka - That second family that truly understands you!

When women get upset, they go and find that friend that "understands" (i.e., agrees with) them. Unfortunately, guys don't lie to their friends as often. I doubt OP will like the balance of opinions his thread has generated. But at least it's the truth.

Manchu wrote:Because we understand.

Whoa, perfect unintentional ninja'ing. Fine work as always, Monster Rain.

Manchu wrote:When women get upset, they go and find that friend that "understands" (i.e., agrees with) them. Unfortunately, guys don't lie to their friends as often. I doubt OP will like the balance of opinions his thread has generated. But at least it's the truth.

Agreed. I hate to say it, but essentially my advice has boiled down to "Keep your pimp hand strong. Guard your grill against them trifling ass bitches" as it were.

Looks like a popular thread.

I see no reason to dump her. Who cares if she doesn't like one hobby? I find that spending the effort to do something cleverly nice for a woman will usually make her stop complaining temporarily. It's a good way to keep your mind sharp, anyway.

Kavalion wrote:I find that spending the effort to do something cleverly nice for a woman will usually make her stop complaining temporarily.

Scott-S6 wrote:My ex has the most spectacular boobs I have ever seen.

That does make it harder.

Haha, awesome, I was just about to make the point that that pretty much makes you her bitch, especially if she never takes the time to do anything nice for you in return. But Manchu summed it up in a much more elegant way. Bravo!

Sometimes you gotta keep your hoes in check

Sometimes you gotta choke a b*tch