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DutchKillsRambo wrote:She might be the type of person that thinks Jersey Shore is good tv.

Gaah! That'd be a relationship-killer right there!

But there's also the chance that maybe the people he plays with are extremely weird. None of you can say you haven't met some real "characters" in this hobby. Maybe his gaming group is full of the basement dwelling mouthbreathers and she doesn't really like him hanging around with them. Is a woman not liking a mans friends anything new?

Heh heh. You're absolutely right there! As you say though, we don't know enough. Again, what concerns me the most is her not-so-subtle game-playing, seeming to deliberately weasel out of spending time with OP until his gaming night, then freaking out when he won't go to the movie when he's been asking her and getting dissed several nights during the week.

Wow,
Well I must say the joke first, send us a nude photo and we will decide for you (just kidding ). If theis is a fairly new realtionship and I am assuming your both you, you have nothing to loose by dropping the realtionship. I am a married man with 3 marriages under my belt and this one has lasted 13 years, she accepts my hobbies because I accept hers, fairly simple. What is hers? Do you know? Try that angle first to see why she is busy, or pop buy on those "off nights" to surpise her by taking her to said movie. As for having a game night, meh you need your time as well as she seems to need hers, so I would not change it.

Regards,
Carl

There's more or less 3.4 billion womans on this planet. There's only one you.

It's speaks for itself that you are willing to compromise for her, but it does not sound like she's trying to return the favor.

If you back down on this, not only will you be giving up on your self-respect, but she will likely lose all respect she has for you.

The fact that she wants you to give up your toys and pick up soccer or spots usually either means one of two things: You're not mature enough for her or you are not man enough for her. This is not to say that this is how you are, but this is what she sees. If you do not change her view on this situation, it will only get worst.

If you really love this woman, take charge of the situation. Don't ask her if she wants to go see a movie on a Monday, take her to a movie on a Monday. If you know she's not doing anything on those days when she says she's busy, you should not be giving up, it only worsens her opinion of you.

Make her understand that those Thursdays are important to you, it doesnt matter what you do, it's a day on which you get to see your circle of friends. Once she's finally come around to accepting it, make an exception and take her out for dinner on a Thursday. She'll appreciate the gesture a lot more if it comes from you doing it then from her making you give it up.

If all that fails, then your love is likely one sided at this point and has plenty of others have said before me, your relationship is doomed in the long run. Break it off, you'll feel better for it, and try to find out if any of your gaming friends have any geeky sisters

Better still, join the Royal Marines, AND carry on playing WH40K....then let her say you're not man enough

Actually, that might not be a bad idea......

DutchKillsRambo wrote:Ive read the thread. Her reasons that I've seen are she doesn't like the hobby and she thinks it's uncool. Those aren't reasons?

Wow, talk about missing the point.

He has an activity that doesn't affect her at all and she thinks she can demand that he gives it up simply because she doesn't like it.

Either she's incredibly controlling or she's looking for an excuse to break up.

Given that it's eight years in and they're still just dating I'm inclined to think it's the latter.

I'm with others who think that this 8 year relationship is important, but that also this kind of thing happening is indicative of bigger issues than just wargaming.

This isn't just a her vs. wargaming alone.

As others have suggested, I don't think you should give up wargaming completely, but you should reevaluate how it relates to your relationship, if at all. If the way you treat wargaming and her as something so separate she might be put off by how exclusive it seems to be, whereas all that might mean to you is that you understand that she probably isn't interested in it.

I noticed you mentioned her wanting you to get out and do sports and such. How are you doing physically right now? Are you fit and lean, or are you getting a gamer belly? Women can be odd with how they request things of you in a relationship. I know one friend got her boyfriend wii fit because she wanted him to tone up some more, but never told him outright. Perhaps she's concerned about you being unhealthy and is just picking the worst way to go about letting you know?

After you've done the all self assessment on your part, only then can you really say that there might be something wrong with how she perceives the relationship.

There are alot of harsh answers on here. Obviously you wouldn't post this unless she meant something to you. So you need to find a way to make a point, that might show her your point of view.

Find something she does without you. Gossip, shop, watching soap operas, etc.

Tell her you don't know if you could be attracted to her if she continues those activities. Ask her how it would feel if you told her that she had to drop those activities to be with you. Explain to her that a hobby doesn't have to include her...no more than her phone conversations with her friends, her shopping or her soap operas have to include you. Explain to her that you socialize with friends when you play those games. Try to communicate, to put her in your shoes. Turning the table can often be effective.

If this doesn't work, I say ignore her and continue to do it. She'll see that you're not giving in, and then she'll either realize she's wrong, she needs to give in and compromise, or she'll leave you. And if she leaves you over a hobby like gaming, you probably need to find someone else anyway. Gamings alot better than crack, alcoholism, wife beating, strip clubs, or alot of other hobbies. Make her aware that there are alot worse hobbies you could participate in.

Tell her you have given up gaming, and are now dedicated to writing a Thesis on all of the different coloured underwear worn by Pole-Dancers.

This will involve you spending many nights in Strip-clubs , doing researh.

At least it's not 40K.

/jk

liam0404 wrote:

To answer your questions Eilif:

1) I'm 24 and she is 23

2) I live alone while she lives with her parents.

3) 8 years - played warhammer on and off, but i've only been living alone for 2 years - she was aware I did it, but didn't want to know about it so didnt really know what was involved. Now shes's seen my models lying around the flat etc.

Wow. This sounds like high school crap dude. I've had enough experience in the dating field (not NEARLY as good of a thing as it sounds) to know that if she hasn't lived on her own, then she's not managed to mentally progress beyond the age of about 17. They're just not developed yet. Not really their fault, but by the same token, you don't deserve to drag yourself through hell for that person. There's plenty of fish in the sea.

Seriously, even if you did drop the Warhammer, what would be next? Eventually it would get to the point that every facet of your life is dictated by her. That's not a healthy thing for anyone to deal with.




Automatically Appended Next Post:
Unless of course, you wanted to go the Scorched Earth method, which is that you employ 'Pack Mentality', assert yourself as the Alpha, and generally treat her like dirt, demanding she ends everything else she does. Be very forceful about it and threaten to leave her unless she complies 100%. Tell her that her habits make her fat and unattractive, and that she's a bad person morally for them. By the end of it, she'll be even more crazy than she is now, but I bet she'd love you for it.

Hey bro just wait till you meet that girl thats gonna play with you! keep your chin up bro shes obviously too shallow for your time!

daedalus wrote:

liam0404 wrote:

To answer your questions Eilif:

1) I'm 24 and she is 23

2) I live alone while she lives with her parents.

3) 8 years - played warhammer on and off, but i've only been living alone for 2 years - she was aware I did it, but didn't want to know about it so didnt really know what was involved. Now shes's seen my models lying around the flat etc.

Wow. This sounds like high school crap dude. I've had enough experience in the dating field (not NEARLY as good of a thing as it sounds) to know that if she hasn't lived on her own, then she's not managed to mentally progress beyond the age of about 17. They're just not developed yet. Not really their fault, but by the same token, you don't deserve to drag yourself through hell for that person. There's plenty of fish in the sea.

Seriously, even if you did drop the Warhammer, what would be next? Eventually it would get to the point that every facet of your life is dictated by her. That's not a healthy thing for anyone to deal with.




Automatically Appended Next Post:
Unless of course, you wanted to go the Scorched Earth method, which is that you employ 'Pack Mentality', assert yourself as the Alpha, and generally treat her like dirt, demanding she ends everything else she does. Be very forceful about it and threaten to leave her unless she complies 100%. Tell her that her habits make her fat and unattractive, and that she's a bad person morally for them. By the end of it, she'll be even more crazy than she is now, but I bet she'd love you for it.

I would like to point out that the "Pack Mentality" idea is the easiest way out.

She's testing you for compliance. It's not about Warhams at all, actually. Have you been 'nicer' to her lately? You need to butch it up. Don't dump her, she's important, just butch it up. Don't be directly confrontational either, just be sarcastic about her concerns and make her feel like every time she opens her mouth about something like that, you loose respect for her. Dig?

I'm goin to say dump her since she is trying to change/ control you, just think if you mary her and she gets a divorce she could go all uber bitch and try and get your minis in the divorce...... extreem scenario aside tell ehr to drop one of her hobbies since its "uncool" and when she freaks on you tell her tehn what gives her the right to demand the same things to you (basicaly get her in a trap)

You could aslo ship her off to Isreal to be some dudes mail in bride

i would say get rid of her and find another, i got lucky and my fiance has an actual interest in playing fantasy with me. so go find someone that can accept you as a wargammer and is okay with it but doesnt have to have an intrest or (if your lucky) is willing to participate with you.

Id imagine there are a crap load of women out there that find warhammer geeky and unnatractive, but the ones worth having will appreciate that its your hobby and you enjoy it, and therefore never ask you to drop it.

My girlfriend thinks its pretty nerdy, which i admit it is, but i dont really give a sh*t, i enjoy it and will continue to play for as long as i enjoy it. She often refers to it as playing with toys which im sure many people have to deal with....and it mightily fooks me off but thats life, she'd never ask me to stop.

I have a very broad array of hobbys. I like to paint and play 40k, snowboard including going abroad to do it, and im also an ameteur cage fighter! She even refers to that as playing with men! I dont think the hobby defines you its just something you enjoy doing. Maybe she doesnt have hobbies so doesnt understand?

Basically if she asks you to stop doing things which you enjoy (as long as they dont have a large adverse affect on her) then you gotta kick her to the curb. 8 years is a long time so im sure that will be difficult but do you wanna spend your life with someone who will get pissy unless you do what she wants?

Slight change of topic...who else gets the 'playing with toys' thing from the mrs? God that f*cks me off? THEY'RE MODELS and its constructive!

Firstly, I thinkg that you've already made the decision if you're posting here.

I was very embarrassed to tell my wife that I got into this madness, but she understands that I'm a kid at heart and I bring home the bacon, I'm supportive, loving, compassionate and would never ever let any hobby / pursuit come between us. If she asked me to quit my job, my hobbies, my climbing, my skiing - any of it... I'd quit and never look back. She'd do the same for me.

HOWEVER... she loves me and sees that I get enjoyment from these little toys. So it's been incorporated. It's good that you don't allow it to interfere (EXCEPT Thursday nights). If you love her and she loves you. Give it a shot. Make a sacrafice for a few weeks. See if she understands that you think your relationship is the most important thing in your life. It may change her mind about you and your hobby. She may feel threatened.

BUT... if she seems aloof, negative and hurtful to you. DUMP HER ASS.

Dr G

Brother SRM wrote:She's not worth your time. Anyone worth throwing your hobby away for wouldn't ask you to do so in the first place.

Sorry, you're dating a controlling bitch.

Duke Nukem speaks great wisdom.

All jokes aside, he's right. People who want to change *you* because of your hobbies don't respect you. If you dressed like a slob, or didn't practice basic hygiene until her, then that's not a problem, that's an advancement. If it's an issue of her not being willing to understand or accept something you value, then, as Dan Savage says, DTMFA.

dont compromise your hobby for your relationship if you value the hobby more.

i told my wife that i was a gamer the first day we met, and if she stood in my way she was gone. 6 years later i have no issues with gaming and my relationship with my wife.

My wife pretty much tried the same stuff... I play on sundays and she was pissed I went every week. SO our compromise became this; I go every other sunday, if a tourney comes up, she gets the weekend before and afterward. I'm happy with it. I get less games in, sure, but least I don't have to hear from her...

daedalus wrote:Unless of course, you wanted to go the Scorched Earth method, which is that you employ 'Pack Mentality', assert yourself as the Alpha, and generally treat her like dirt, demanding she ends everything else she does. Be very forceful about it and threaten to leave her unless she complies 100%. Tell her that her habits make her fat and unattractive, and that she's a bad person morally for them. By the end of it, she'll be even more crazy than she is now, but I bet she'd love you for it.

Sadly, this is totally true.

I think a relationship should be half and half, you have shown you are willing to compromise, yet this still isnt right! Maybe in time she will accept that the hobby is a part of you but if she cant, well thats her problem and she should sort herself out! But not at the cost of you enjoying yourself.
My other half played the hobby when I first met him, but over time I picked up my own army and have joined in ever since!
Are you sure she definitely doesnt want to give it a go, even the painting side of things?

To put it bluntly shes missed her chance to dump you over this. Generally a girl will unearth the models as soon as she has a chance to rifle through all your stuff, then if they think it is a dealbreaker will make excuses and dump yo' ass, this should have happened a long time ago. Obviously one of her idiot friends or a friend she is trying to make has told her that she is a loser for dating a wargamer.