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jamunition wrote:Sometimes you gotta keep your hoes in check

Sometimes you gotta choke a b*tch

Spoken like a true white English teenager.

Blast Templates before Breast Templates.

I think people telling you to say to her "Get lost" or saying she's not worth your time are missing the point a bit.

There's a funny movie about the reverse situation- a woman who is unsure if things are going to work out with a man. She is trying to get him back, and frequently throughout the movie the frame stops and a voiceover says "Now, this is only if you want your man back- if not, forget about it."

I'm going to assume that you really like this girl, and want to stay together. If not, then you wouldn't even be asking the question!

As someone who has struggled with this with my significant other (married for almost 5 years now) I say stick with it. Tell her how you feel, that it doesn't make you feel that she cares about you when she intentionally attempts to schedule a movie for the day when you participate in your hobby with friends. Tell her that you feel that if it's important to you, she should care about it a bit, too. It doesn't have to be much- but simply scheduling things on another night is a huge first step.

My wife only recently took this step. I know it's because she cares about me, even though she hates all things sci-fi / fantasy- not just warhammer. She makes an effort to tolerate these kinds of things because I really like them. And that means a lot to me, even though I'm also not asking her to change her likes/dislikes for me.

In my opinion, having gone through this and still going through it, it is worth trying to work it out. I would never end a relationship for my hobby. However, if someone is pressuring me about my hobby, it could point to other things in the relationship that need addressing and working out.

That is where I would approach it from- the view of the wider relationship as a whole. It is a bad precadent for her to act this way while you are dating- and yet it is common, just as guys learning to (for example) be a little more hygienic once they're in a relationship is common. See if you can work it out, and look at it for what it is- a relationship issue, not a more childish "Do it or Don't Do it" issue.

My $0.02

In my personal opinion, do what Barney would do:

Eh, I also had this issue with the missus RiTides. Mine was about D&D day. It went on and on until I flat out told her I wasn't going to change my friends and hobbies for her period. I'm not a "patriarch" by any means but there had to be a boundary on the issue. She accepted that boundary so we are still together. I don't know if OP has really laid it on the line yet and, if not, he should rather than simply ditch her. BUT it looks like this has been a recurring theme for them . . .

Manchu wrote:

Kavalion wrote:I find that spending the effort to do something cleverly nice for a woman will usually make her stop complaining temporarily.

Sisyphus. Very nice!

BloodQuest wrote:

Scott-S6 wrote:My ex has the most spectacular boobs I have ever seen.

That does make it harder.

Indeed it does.

I see what you did there.

Late entry to the discussion, but I just wanted to chime in.

For me, this isn't about leaving someone over a hobby. It's about the way she's handling the fact that you enjoy something that she doesn't. If you're making yourself available to her the rest of the week, and she's deliberately trying to sabotage your efforts and then goes into a rage when you inexplicably can't go to that movie you've been mentioning for days at a time on the one day of the week she already knows you've got other plans, than that makes me question just what sort of a person she is at her core, and how she'll handle more significant issues.

Monster Rain wrote:

Manchu wrote:When women get upset, they go and find that friend that "understands" (i.e., agrees with) them. Unfortunately, guys don't lie to their friends as often. I doubt OP will like the balance of opinions his thread has generated. But at least it's the truth.

Agreed. I hate to say it, but essentially my advice has boiled down to "Keep your pimp hand strong. Guard your grill against them trifling ass bitches" as it were.

Im tempted to sig that

Monster Rain wrote:
"Keep your pimp hand strong. Guard your grill against them trifling ass bitches" as it were.

@manchu I totally agree with what you are saying. The gf shouldn't be targeting gaming and it is unreasonable for her to do so.

The op just has to find out the real issue or do like you did and state how he feels. I also was just adding some possible ideas to alleviate the situation and show his gf that gaming isn't a big deal because it doesn't affect their relationship.

Most women I know whether friends, boss, or mate react like this. I think the term is called displacement, where they are upset at one thing and take it out on another. Guys do it too but for some reason it is the law of women. No offense ladies.

Best thing is to not rise to her bait. She wants you angry and hurt.

BloodQuest wrote:

Scott-S6 wrote:My ex has the most spectacular boobs I have ever seen.

That does make it harder.

Freudian slip is Freudian.

Sorry, you are dating a controlling bitch.

A girl should like you for you. Tell her that if she can not respect the things you do, then she needs somebody else.

You may not want to do that but you should do it.

Hückleberry wrote:If she can't accept that your hobby is "uncool" then maybe she is shallow...and therefore not worth the effort. My 2 cents.

not to be like a jerk, but have to agree with this. Most of my girlfriends hated the game, but they accepted it as somethng I enjoyed and so let me have my time with it, just didn't really want to talk about it or be around when I play. They did like the whole painting aspect of it though.

If they can't accept it as just an aspect of you than i wouldn't be with them. It is one thing to dislike it and not want to see, and it is another thing to go out of herway to get rid of your hobby. This goes with almost anything.

My current gf plays warhammer with me, it is a wonderful thing


Automatically Appended Next Post:
It isn't really breaking up with her because of the hobby, but really due to her inability to accept it as part of you.

RiTides had good points earlier, and you should try to work it out, but if you are unable to figure out some middle ground, then it really is a bad sign if she can't accept this aspect of you.

Shes 23 and is having issues like "uncool"? wow that is absolutley rediculous. I would man up, agreed.

Fire her, Hire another for far cheaper.

... what a bitch. Story for you: I had never heard of Warhammer in my life till my boyfriend rolls up one days with boxes of little toy men in his trunk and says he had just gotten the money to start a Necron army. My response, "What the hell is a Necron?" I didn't at all plan on getting into it but out of respect and support I decided to read a little on it so I would know what was going on during games and helped him paint just to spend time with him. Suddenly, I was begging for him to help me start a dark elf army and now, I have my own Ork army. Maybe you should think about if your girl is opposed to the game or you. Because you love gaming, its part of who you are so... she should get over it or get over her.

keelerlimbstumpa wrote:I had never heard of Warhammer in my life till my boyfriend rolls up one days with boxes of little toy men in his trunk and says he had just gotten the money to start a Necron army. My response, "What the hell is a Necron?" I didn't at all plan on getting into it but out of respect and support I decided to read a little on it so I would know what was going on during games and helped him paint just to spend time with him. Suddenly, I was begging for him to help me start a dark elf army and now, I have my own Ork army.

Are you sure this isn't the story of how Andy Chambers got Phil Kelly to work at GW?

@Liam0404 - you should find out if keelerlimbstumpa has a sister or friend who's available!

If a joke, then in supremely poor taste. ~Manchu

Well hell why not put my opinion in here...

Talk to her about what her issues are and then decide if the relationship is salvagable. I personally would never leave this hobby for a gf. And I am pretty up front about it once the hobby comes into discussions.

This hobby is the only real thing I got going for me with no job, tons of school debt, blah blah blah. It keeps me sane.

All the good advice has been given, the most important thing being that: if she has a problem with this now, she'll just find something else to change about you down the road. The real issue is her lack of hobbies/interests, at 23 to have no real hobbies, live at home, and as far as you've said, not do much of anything, it's just insecurity being projected onto you. Sit down, have a talk, if you have an impasse and she can't respect you for who you are and isn't more concerned with your happiness then with your appearance, it's time to end it.

I'm lucky enough that most of my girlfriends over the years (including my wonderful one of four years at present) have respected and appreciated my hobby. Not that they want to play it, but that they're happy that I have something in my life I'm passionate about and enjoy. As the others of said, there are plenty of 'worse' hobbies one could have, so this isn't about the hobby. You could be out wasting money and wrecking your body drinking that night, or going to strip clubs, etc etc.

And since I can't resist at least a single funny..

Next time she tells you that she feels less attracted to you because your hobby is uncool, tell her you know how she feels, and you've been feeling less attracted to her lately because a 23 year old with no hobbies that still lives at home is kind of pathet...uncool. But you're okay to accept her if she's okay to accept you.

I like that for every post giving reasonable advice there's a post telling you to keep your pimp hand strong.

As with all things, the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

Brother SRM wrote:I like that for every post giving reasonable advice there's a post telling you to keep your pimp hand strong.

As with all things, the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

That seems like an exaggeration.

There's way more reasonable posts than pimp hand advice.

Thought I would add my two cents.

In the end life is short. You need to do the things that make you happy and not try to comprimise yourself in the process.
Kick her to the curb and find someone who likes you for you

B-Dizzle wrote:
In the end life is short.

Life is the longest thing any of us will do.
But there needs to be a dialogue between the two of you before you "kick her to the curb." There may be some other issue that is annoying her.

Manchu wrote:

keelerlimbstumpa wrote:I had never heard of Warhammer in my life till my boyfriend rolls up one days with boxes of little toy men in his trunk and says he had just gotten the money to start a Necron army. My response, "What the hell is a Necron?" I didn't at all plan on getting into it but out of respect and support I decided to read a little on it so I would know what was going on during games and helped him paint just to spend time with him. Suddenly, I was begging for him to help me start a dark elf army and now, I have my own Ork army.

Are you sure this isn't the story of how Andy Chambers got Phil Kelly to work at GW?

+1

Really? Im the only one that would choose women over 40k? God the internet truly changes what people would do.

Yeah yeah I get it everyone you have this "super hawt wife who likes that Im a nerd cuz Im different I like metal and have a long hair Im not stereotypical at all!" But I mean if your advice is to dump a girlfriend of 8 years because she doesn't like 40K your either exaggerating, or have terrible priorities.

Keep in mind Dakka, that there's always 2 sides to a story and were only getting one.

Maybe I don't self-identify myself as a "gamer" first and foremost so I would be willing to take or leave this hobby. I love 40k and I always will, but sometimes you do have to give things up. if only for a bit. I gave up both 40k and weed my last 2 years of college to concentrate on my studies. Is that wrong? So why would a hiatus from 40k to work on a relationship be wrong?

But my real advice man? Move on. Not for 40k but were the same age, and I can imagine still being with the girl I was at 16. The other posters had the right idea, just not the right reason.

DutchKillsRambo wrote:Really? Im the only one that would choose women over 40k? God the internet truly changes what people would do.

Yeah yeah I get it everyone you have this "super hawt wife who likes that Im a nerd cuz Im different I like metal and have a long hair Im not stereotypical at all!" But I mean if your advice is to dump a girlfriend of 8 years because she doesn't like 40K your either exaggerating, or have terrible priorities.

Keep in mind Dakka, that there's always 2 sides to a story and were only getting one.

Maybe I don't self-identify myself as a "gamer" first and foremost so I would be willing to take or leave this hobby. I love 40k and I always will, but sometimes you do have to give things up. if only for a bit. I gave up both 40k and weed my last 2 years of college to concentrate on my studies. Is that wrong? So why would a hiatus from 40k to work on a relationship be wrong?

But my real advice man? Move on. Not for 40k but were the same age, and I can imagine still being with the girl I was at 16. The other posters had the right idea, just not the right reason.

It's not the fact that the issue is relationship vs 40k. If that was the only issue, I think many of us would easily choose relationship.

The problem is that she has given him an ultimatum that is unreasonable. If his hobbying isn't interfering with the relationship and not affecting him in some other negative way, she has no grounds to demand he quit. It's the demand that's the issue, not the actual choice.

Unreasonable why? Because its 40k and this is a 40k website?
Obviously it is affecting their relationship as she doesn't like it. Isn't that a legitimate reason?

Dont kid yourself with "its the demand" If the demand was to stop playing poker or something like that there wouldn't be nearly as much vitriol in this thread.

Like I said theres always 2 sides.

DutchKillsRambo wrote:Really? Im the only one that would choose women over 40k? God the internet truly changes what people would do.

It's not really a matter of choosing women over 40k. Also, with someone who isn't shallow or controlling you can have both.

DutchKillsRambo wrote:Yeah yeah I get it everyone you have this "super hawt wife who likes that Im a nerd cuz Im different I like metal and have a long hair Im not stereotypical at all!" But I mean if your advice is to dump a girlfriend of 8 years because she doesn't like 40K your either exaggerating, or have terrible priorities.

You're the one exaggerating. I don't think you've read the thread very closesly.

DutchKillsRambo wrote:Keep in mind Dakka, that there's always 2 sides to a story and were only getting one.

We can only comment on what we know about.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

DutchKillsRambo wrote:Unreasonable why? Because its 40k and this is a 40k website?

Again, you should read the thread.

It's unreasonable because of her reasons for wanting him to stop playing.