My Girlfriend + Warhammer

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**Alastergrimm**

Basically I have to agree with everyone else here, Maybe you could buy the upgrade of FNP to endure this time, but if she forces a choice, do what you feel needs to be done. While I do see the appeal of controling women (Seeing how I dated a few in the past) they are at best, difficult and at worst very damaging. In the word of the great commander bill adama, "you sometime have to roll the hard six!" meaning you just have to deal tough situation!

**Kubik**

my two cents.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeWjzBHUdsI

**Jihadnik**

Pael wrote:Here is my two cents; women are complicated creatures just like us men. A major difference between us is this; if something is bugging a man he will focus on that and fix it until it doesn't bug him, hence your thread. You have an issue and you want some advice on the issue so that you can fix.

Now women are a bit different when they have a problem, they attack other "problems" rather than the real issue. Like your girlfriend she doesn't like "gaming". Which is bogus, if she loves you she wouldn't mind your gaming.

To fix your problem I would stop worrying about gaming, its your hobby and you're are going to play. It isn't going to affect your life or your girlfriends life in a negative way at all, only if both of you let it. You won't have to choose between them either. I would tell her this but not in a take it or leave it attitude but with compassion. Tell your girlfriend she is important and that gaming is just a hobby nothing more.

Now to your real problem, your girlfriend is insecure. There can be a lot of reasons for this; the first is because of you but not really a problem because you can fix it easily. That is she needs your sincere attention. What I mean by sincere is take more interest in what she is doing, tell her you are taking more interest by asking about what is going on in her life. Ask her about an issue she may have complained about a week ago and see how it went. When you are with her tell her how much you appreciate being with her, I dare say how you LOVE to be with her. When she says she is busy tell her that is ok and that you miss her. When she asks to do something on a Thursday say yes no problem at least once. Maybe in the future ask her to do something on Thursday yourself. If she asks about why you are blowing off gaming for the night say that you missed her and wanted to spend some time with her. In short make sure your girlfriend feels appreciated which is much simpler than it seems.

Ok now to back up what I am saying, I am married now and my wife wants me to have gaming as my hobby. She doesn't care for it but she likes that I like it. It is how women work, if they love you they want you to be happy, crazy huh? Before we were married she had no idea I gamed; I keep it quiet because of people's initial reactions to it. I am not ashamed of gaming I am just tired of the odd looks. My wife at first didn't like it because of the stigma surrounding it. Then she got to know that side of me and know she loves it. She even likes to buy miniatures for me. Other girlfriends in the past have done the same thing and ultimately they aren't bothered about the hobby at all.

Just remember that you have to work at every relationship in your life, some are easier than others like you gaming buddies but some take a lot more effort like your girlfriends. Also compare what you get out of them, hopefully your are more satisfied with your girlfriend than your gaming buddies but that is how it should be.

Last thing if you are doing your best to have a relationship with your girlfriend and issues like this still come up then you should consider dumping her, not because she is a B@#$% but because you guys just aren't compatible and there is nothing wrong with that.

I read this whole thread and pretty much everyone here is saying ditch her. I completely agreed with all of them until I read this response. You should do what Pael says first, and if that doesnt work, then ditch her. That's some free range wisdom there, frankly, if he hadn't said he was a married man, I would have thought that was a women responding there. (That was meant as a compliment there mate!)

**Element206**

Hmm, I really cant offer any advice. I think you shelter her enough from the game you like to play. You dont play or paint around her, that should be good enough. I think all chicks are like this though; what I mean is that the wife loved that I used to skateboard (long time ago back before it blew up in popularity)and found it incredibly attractive, she also finds it attractive when I play drums and wants me to get into a band, but when I paint, she thinks its nerdy.. I paint all the time in front of my wife and though she feels like its a 'waist of time' I dont get any push back to stop. Maybe thats the difference between wife and gf though. Considering your situation though, it sounds like she only cares about her interest and feelings instead of letting you continue something you love to do, simply because she finds it a little out of the norm. I interpret that as selfish. I dont think its worth giving up things for women, in the end you will grow to resent her, do what you love and what makes you happy! Best of luck!

**Delephont**

Look at all this crazy jibba jabba about dumping your girl....FOOL, do you know how many guys on her have only seen a woman naked because they bought some Hasslefree Harem girl miniature......don't be so silly about things.....

Here's what you need to do dude.

Tell her you've stopped playing, just ditch the whole WH40K sadness, and start being coolio about things.....now heres's the pinch, you haven't really dropped it, you're actually lying....YES, you got it....just like you lie about that Porn collection you don't have

Now, while she's giving you what every man needs from his lover, in the background you is still enjoying your freak-time!!!

Now, this next part is tricky, and its gonna take a lot of Jedi power on your part, trust me, and you'll need to do this because you can't keep lying for the rest of your life, and in truth what all the others are saying is really true, you need to dump her....but here's the flick, you never leap from a sinking ship into the ocean, you try to find another ship to jump onto my friend!!!

So while you're lying about your hobby, you're probably gonna have to lie about that other girl you have been flirting with, who is more accepting of you...you here me? As soon as this new girl gives you the thumbs up, drop your current tag like she has rabbies......everyone lives happily ever after, accept your controlling ex....but thats another story brother!

WARNING: Advice given from a non professional help agent, any action taken based on this advice IS for your happiness and best interests only!...BOOM.

**BluntmanDC**

liam0404 wrote:Ok guys, I need some advice on a bit of a situation I have.

In a nutshell, my girlfriend hates that i play wargames. Now I don't ever force her to play (i asked her once and got my head bitten off), I never paint when she's there, I never mention it. She knows that I always play on a thursday evening (so I she knows I can see her 6 days out of 7 if im not working), but she always tries to find ways around this. Like i'll ask her to go see a movie on a monday. "I'm busy". is the response. I dont ask her the next day, but ask again on Wednesday. "I'm busy". Comes the reply. Then on thursday I'm asked to go, then get shouted at for telling her no. This happens far to regularly for it to be a case of her being busy every Mon/Wed (which I know she is not).

But it's getting much worse than this.

She has been saying she is feeling "less" attracted to me because she feels that this hobby is "uncool". She says she'd rather hear about when I play football(soccer) than about hanging out with my friends on a Thursday. It's getting to the stage now where she is pressuring me to drop the hobby for her.

I really don't want to do this, but I don't want to break up with her either - there has to be some sort of compromise i'm not thinking of. I thought that by having a set night things would be ok, but she's really becoming relentless about this.

Any opinions appreciated Dakka!

my opinion, is break up, i know its harsh but she doesn't like who you are (i know GW is a hobby but everyone involved do it because they like it), she likes the way she presents you to others.

when you say there may be a compromise, you already have compromised, 1 day a week you set aside for you hobby, then you don't take about it at all to her.

she is one of a certain type of person, a controller or changer, they see their partner as a trophy and an improvement challenge, this will be the first in many things that annoy her and she will continue to get to do stuff that goes against who you are.

If doesn't like you for who you are then you shouldn't be with them.

**liam0404**

Thanks for all the responses so far guys.

Just to answer some questions that i've seen in the thread:

The GF doesn't have any hobbies of her own. I've asked her if she would like me to help her find one, but shes unmotivated to do this.

I never talk about warhammer in her presence. All of my stuff is always packed away whenever she comes over to visit.

To the person that asked me why I was dating her - she didn't always act like this. It's happened more so now that I have my own space and she's seen all my stuff. She hadn't really had much to say about it until recently. Something must have set her off, but I honestly don't know what.

**VikingScott**

Connor McKane wrote:
Brother SRM wrote:She's not worth your time. Anyone worth throwing your hobby away for wouldn't ask you to do so in the first place.

Sorry, you're dating a controlling bitch.

A-yup! Sorry dude, but she (Like all women) is gonna try and change you. If you were a "super-jock" you current girl would just complain about you not having enough "intelluctual" interests. ....

Let me give you a little insight into women through the magic of a joke.

A woman goes into a building she has never seen before. She is surprised when she is told that it belongs to dating service, and they have a unique take on dating. They hold a large party with hundreds and hundreds of men, all of them want to get married, and whoever picks them, they will marry. During the party the women are allowed to go into the elevators and pick what ever floor they want. On each individual floor the men will be divided up, a different kind of man per floor. The women can get out on any floor, but once they get out, they cant go any further up, and the elevator wont be able to take anyone back down until the end of the party. So they will have to stay on the floor they pick till tomorrow.

So she decides that she will participate. When she gets into the elevator, the man running it takes it to the 2nd floor. Before the doors open she asks the man "what kind of man is on this floor?"

He says, "Well the men on this floor arent great looking but they are not hideous, all of them earn a livable wage and are caring, funny, and fairly smart."

"Hmmmmm" She says, "Take me to the next floor."

So he does, and before the doors open she asks the man "what kind of man is on this floor?"

He says, "Well the men on the 3rd floor are above average looking, have a good moral character, are good lovers and make a nice salary."

"Hmmmm" she says, "take me to the next floor."

One the next floor, before the doors open she asks the man "what kind of man is on this floor?"

He says, "Well, the men on the 4th floor are smart funny and good looking, they make 200,000 a year, and have 7 inch penises!"

"Hmmmm" she says, "take me to the next floor."

One the next floor, before the doors open she asks the man "what kind of man is on this floor?"

He says, "Well the men on the 5th floor are all millionaires, look like don juan, make love like a demon, and have 12 inch penises!"

WOW she thinks, imagine what kind of man is on the next floor!

"Take me to the next floor!"

So he does, and when the doors open, the woman sees hundreds of other women, standing around. She turns to the man and asks, "What kind of man is on this floor?"

He answers, "There aren't any men on this floor."

"Then why is it here?" She asks.

"To prove that no matter what kind of man a woman has, she will always want something better."

It's funny because it's true.

She can't handle you for who you are. Ergo she doesn't want to be with you she wants to be with who she wants to change you into. So she is with you to change you to suit her wants and not with you for you.

**Lord_Astaroth**

filbert wrote:I would never presume to tell my wife what she can and can't do at any given time and likewise nor she. That's the thing about relationships; it doesn't mean that you control the other person or that you have to spend 100% of your time together; a little space is a healthy thing.

Exactly right! My wife and I have been together for almost 8 years. Before she met me, she wasn't into computers or gaming really at all. Now she actually enjoys it. It also helps that she thinks that geeks are "Teh hawtness"

She has a Dark Eldar and Ork army, and we play 40k when we can. But we also spend a bit of our time apart. If I feel like playing video games, she's just as happy watching shows she's recorded that I don't enjoy as much. I'm no therapist, but near as I can tell, our secret is doing enough stuff together that you both enjoy, and have time apart for things that you don't as much with each other. Mind you, this does take a bit of an open mind on both parts. I'm sure there are things that she enjoys that you don't so much.

Try comprimising, and if things don't work out, I hate to say that it's probably for the best. I'm not saying that gamer girls a a dime a dozen, I got lucky. But women that are more understanding and comprimizing are far more common.

**Elmodiddly**

It's the familiarity more than anything else as you both get to know more about each other. She see's things she doesn't like, or understand, so she wants it gone.

You already changed enough by hiding your own stuff!

Find someone who will love you for what you are, not for what she can make you into.

Years, and years ago, too long ago when I think about it, my girlfriend found out that I had a motorbike. She wanted me to get rid of it as they were dangerous and she didn't like bikes. 22 years later I have my first accident on a bike despite riding more miles every year than I drive!

It's harsh but you need to find someone who likes YOU, not someone who she can bend to her will.

**Grot 6**

liam0404 wrote:Ok guys, I need some advice on a bit of a situation I have.

In a nutshell, my girlfriend hates that i play wargames. Now I don't ever force her to play (i asked her once and got my head bitten off), I never paint when she's there, I never mention it. She knows that I always play on a thursday evening (so I she knows I can see her 6 days out of 7 if im not working), but she always tries to find ways around this. Like i'll ask her to go see a movie on a monday. "I'm busy". is the response. I dont ask her the next day, but ask again on Wednesday. "I'm busy". Comes the reply. Then on thursday I'm asked to go, then get shouted at for telling her no. This happens far to regularly for it to be a case of her being busy every Mon/Wed (which I know she is not).

But it's getting much worse than this.

She has been saying she is feeling "less" attracted to me because she feels that this hobby is "uncool". She says she'd rather hear about when I play football(soccer) than about hanging out with my friends on a Thursday. It's getting to the stage now where she is pressuring me to drop the hobby for her.

I really don't want to do this, but I don't want to break up with her either - there has to be some sort of compromise i'm not thinking of. I thought that by having a set night things would be ok, but she's really becoming relentless about this.

Any opinions appreciated Dakka!

I'll be the one to break it to you...

Your "Hobby" isn't the issue. I'm not going to tell you to dump her, but I will tell you that you two need to have a serious discussion about you two's next move, and what the real issues are between the two of you.

We're guys, so it's safe to tell you that when a woman ( or girl) starts making something an issue, it really isn't the real issue. There is usually something underlying that hasn't been dealt with, or that there is something that she perceves is an issue. Your best course of action boils down to sitting down with her and saying, "Honey... What is the real issue that you want to talk about?"

Another tidbit to throw at you is that she may be using your "Hobby" to either tell you she's leaving, or that you aren't really paying enough attention to her.

I don't know your girl, yet, but if I were you, I'd sit down with her and get ready for some serious girlie stuff time and have the conversation and get ready for anything...

**Scott-S6**

Element206 wrote: I paint all the time in front of my wife and though she feels like its a 'waist of time' I dont get any push back to stop.

That's the crucial bit. She doesn't have to like it or even understand why you like it. She just has to accept that you do.

Automatically Appended Next Post:

liam0404 wrote:The GF doesn't have any hobbies of her own. I've asked her if she would like me to help her find one, but shes unmotivated to do this.

My guess is that she resents that you have something to do that isn't related to her. She may even suspect that game night is when you go and see someone else (been there).

Or she may just be testing you to see if you've actually got any backbone.

Either way a serious talk needs to be had.

**MeanGreenStompa**

Your hobbies and interests are part of you, if that's something she loathes, that's a part of your personality she loathes.

You are not suited, or you are being too soft in allowing her to dictate what you do, in that case she will ultimately leave you, women do not appreciate weakness in males, it is unattractive.

Take charge and if she does not like that, leave the girl and get a new one.

Man up son.

**Eilif**

liam0404 wrote:To answer your questions Eilif:

1) I'm 24 and she is 23

2) I live alone while she lives with her parents.

3) 8 years - played warhammer on and off, but i've only been living alone for 2 years - she was aware I did it, but didn't want to know about it so didnt really know what was involved. Now shes's seen my models lying around the flat etc.

Thanks for your candidness. As you mention in a later post. you hide your Wargaming stuff when she's over. This is not a good start. Cleaning up for your girl is a good thing. Putting most of your gaming away is a good thing. However, if it seems like you're hiding it from her, you're setting yourself up for her "discovering" it, wondering why you hid it, and possibly wondering what else you may have hidden. You also allow her to think that it's not a big part of your life because it's not around when she's around.

My advice from before stands. No reason to jump strait to dumping her, but no reason to cave either. Have a talk. If you really like her, tell her so, but stand your ground on things you do that do not have an actual negative impact on you or your relationship with her (Hobbies, food you like, etc). She's obviously either ashamed of your activity, uncomfortable with it because she doesn't understand it, or simply insecure (possibly jealous) of an activity that you do that does not revolve around her.

As everyone else has said. When one half of a relationship is allowed to begin to change little things about the other half, it's only the beginning. Relationships with "changers" do not have a good track record. Relationships where both partners have a backbone and respect the other have a much better success rate.

Lastly, I am not telling you not to comprimise. Relationships are built on comprimise and communication and without it they fail. However, this is not comprimise. This is someone coming into your home telling you what to do.

**OoieGoie**

This is one funny thread.

To all those who said "dump her". Your relationship advise is the poo. The sticky dark brown stuff that sticks like glue. Don't give advise unless you have hair "down there" and are above the age of 25.

Welcome to relationships people.

My advice: I can't really give any. Not enough information about ya girl. But communication is important and if she won't go down that path and is willing to dump you because of a small hobby then things arnt good thats for sure.

I have learned one thing. No matter the hobby, as long as you spend a good amount of time with them they don't mind what you do (unless its drugs or something weird like watching reality TV).

**Gibbsey**

OoieGoie wrote:Your relationship advise is the poo. The sticky dark brown stuff that sticks like glue. Don't give advise unless you have hair "down there" and are above the age of 25.

What the

....

**Manchu**

Look, OP, in case you missed it:

Happygrunt wrote:Introduce her to the door. Ask her to walk through it. Lock it behind her.

Monster Rain wrote:I'd say you could do much better.

Taoofss wrote:The fact that you are even considering picking this hobby over a relationship pretty much means that she's not the one. Move on.

rryannn wrote:get rid of her.

Wolfun wrote:She should grow up and get over it.

A Black Ram wrote:Give her the boot. NOW.

Tails9095 wrote:Drop that bitch like a hot stone.

Necros wrote:If she's that intolerant of something you clearly enjoy, it's time to find someone else.

darkkt wrote: you may have found the single most shallow person in existence - quite an acheivement.

MajorTom11 wrote: If she is just worried what her friends will think, well then I'd probably say she's the one with insecurity issues that need looking at before you tackle wargaming lol.

Hückleberry wrote: not worth the effort. My 2 cents.

filbert wrote:Get a new one.

Brother SRM wrote:Sorry, you're dating a controlling bitch.

snurl wrote:She sounds unreasonable and manipulative.

Excommunicate Traitoris wrote:So my advice end it and look eslewhere

Howard A Treesong wrote:I wouldn't put up with being told to drop something all together because it doesn't fit in with her idea of 'cool', it seems selfish, to put her own self image or the opinions of others before your own happiness.

Mr Mystery wrote:Tell her to get bent. And do it now.

BloodQuest wrote:Tell her you're finding her less attractive since 36,537 of your friends reached a majority verdict that you should tell her to take a hike...

chowderhead13 wrote:Did you keep the recipt? Because you can probably trade her in for some store credit.

Valkyrie wrote: she's shallow and not worth your time.

Xenith wrote:She is with you because she wants to change you, the root of the failure of a lot of relationships.

ironicsilence wrote:I'd cut your loses, the kind of mickey mouse games shes playing might have been cute and cuddly when you guys were 14 but not so much when your 24

Tim the Biovore wrote:ensure that the door does not hit her on the way out.

wolfshadow wrote:Her being controlling will only lead to heartbrteak in the long run.

Kirbinator wrote:I guess my point is that if she's seriously giving you issues about a hobby because then she's probably going to give you issues with other, larger aspects of your life that she doesn't agree with.

glon52 wrote:Drop her now. Do not pass go, just do it.

TedintheShed wrote:Break up with er.

Lord of battles wrote:She sounds seriously shallow. I say leave her if she can't except who you are

Maxstreel wrote:Dump her. And find a great woman that lets you do your hobby in peace or even joins in.

prime12357 wrote:After all, there are other fish in the sea...

Smitty0305 wrote:sounds like a really shallow emotionally unstable women who is VERY passive aggressive. Why are you dating her?

Nephil1m wrote:She probably needs to seek therapy. You can tell her that. Bonus points for doing so as your breaking up with her. Double bonus points if you explicitly state that her psychoses are no longer your problem and that she can STFU and GTFO.

Scott-S6 wrote:shouting at you because you already had plans (which she knew about) is childish and possessive.

Elmodiddly wrote:At what point will that behaviour stop? You'll be asking for permission to take up fishing next or going to the gym.

J'santai Khan wrote:Get rid of the 'girl' & go find yourself a woman. You'll be MUCH happier!

Elmodiddly wrote:It's harsh but you need to find someone who likes YOU, not someone who she can bend to her will.

MeanGreenStompa wrote:Take charge and if she does not like that, leave the girl and get a new one. Man up son.

Eilif wrote:This is someone coming into your home telling you what to do. [/u]

DAKKA HAS SPOKEN!

Automatically Appended Next Post:
If she has trouble understanding why you're dumping her, show her this.

**Elmodiddly**

Unless, of course, she has large, firm boobs, in which case ignore us, ditch wargaming and never look at toy soldiers again.

**Manchu**

Eh, whatever. There are a lot of boobies out there and a great deal of them are attached to reasonable, intelligent, funny, and supportive ladies.

**Gibbsey**

Manchu wrote:Look, OP, in case you missed it:
DAKKA HAS SPOKEN!

Automatically Appended Next Post:
If she has trouble understanding why you're dumping her, show her this.

Or... ya know you could do the reasonable thing and say its not something you want to give up, you enjoy playing and hanging out with freinds.

**Manchu**

I would assume that OP has already had that discussion a number of times, as per his post . . .

**Gibbsey**

Manchu wrote:I would assume that OP has already had that discussion a number of times, as per his post . . .

Well there is nothing left to do... except yell "FOR THE EMPEROR!!!" during sex

**CajunMan550**

Dump that pieces of **&& and get someone new. There's a million other girls out there trust me u'll find one who accepts it. Luckly I i got lucky and found a hottie that does

you will too just tkae ur time and play more warhammer!

**Grakmar**

You've been with her 8 years, so obviously there's a bit of emotional attachment there.

I suggest you sit down and really think about what you want out of the relationship, because you're at the point where you either need to break up or propose.

Talk with her and try to explain how much you enjoy gaming. Hopefully, she'll understand and accept it.

**spireland**

I would say that her not appreciating your interests is a sign of a much bigger issue then she just doesn't like wargaming. Relationships are like partnerships, there is give and take. You both have to deal with the fact that the other one is going to be into stuff that they don't like or find annoying.

**Manchu**

Gibbsey wrote:
Manchu wrote:I would assume that OP has already had that discussion a number of times, as per his post . . .

Well there is nothing left to do... except yell "FOR THE EMPEROR!!!" during sex

Now you're talking! Just be careful not to follow it up with "die, heretic!"

**Scott-S6**

Elmodiddly wrote:Unless, of course, she has large, firm boobs, in which case ignore us, ditch wargaming and never look at toy soldiers again.

My ex has the most spectacular boobs I have ever seen. And two little girls that I loved to bits.

Still wasn't worth putting up with her, long term.

**MagickalMemories**

Dump her.
If a woman can't accept her man for what he is, foibles and all, and does not accept his (legal) hobbies, then she's just not worth it.

My wife was raised as an uptight Catholic. When she found out I played D&D, it was almost the end of us. Fortunately, she had the wisdom to look beyone the crap that her Father had erroneously drilled into her for years and took the time to see what RPG's and gaming was really about.

Fifteen years later, our marriage is stronger than ever and she has no issues with the fact that my 2 older kids have been gamers at one time or another in their life, the third is on her way there and the grand daughter (who we are adopting on Jan 14th) will be brought "into the fold," as well.

Eric

**Pael**

@jihdnik Thanks for your comment

A response to all the “dump her and find somebody new” comments.

You can't always run away from problems, this guy has been with his girl for eight years and just because a little issue like wargaming comes up your best advise is to run? Try being with someone for longer than a month a lot more difficult issues will arise than flippant wargames and what are you going to do when you are married and have a few kids? Cut and run?

Not a good idea.

I am going to put money on the op's gf wanting to get married or that she herself wants to split because of some other problems. Take the sensible advice from the rest of Dakka and talk to her about them and drop the wargaming topic its not the real issue.

Also props to the advice from grakmar, eilif, mgs, and anyone else that is pro relationship all good sensible advice.

Another thing about being a man in the relationship is that you have to be a MAN and that means talking about the tough stuff and telling your gf the truth. You don't have to be a whipping boy, if you want your stuff out on the table when she comes by you can have your stuff out on the table, no need to hide it. If she thinks its messy clean it up, but if its not she can abide by that. Little things like that will give you the biggest clues to who your gf is. If she is angry every time she sees a mini you need to talk about it and resolve it. If she can't let it go no matter what then you can call the relationship off.

Also I am not trying to me argumentitive with anyone else just trying to show the other side of popular opinion. No flames intended.

One other thing 100th post woot woot!! Noob status disappearing!!

**Lint**

She sounds like a total bitch. I should know, I've shacked up with my fair share.
Look, women will never stop trying to change men into what they want. Some women do it to lesser degrees, to where it almost seems like they're not, but trust me, they all do it. It's built in. If you've got one who's this controlling out of the gate, then it will only get worse. I've seen it happen to the best of guys. One minute they're fun, and the next minute they're in handcuffs.
You've got to throw women a bone every once in awhile to let them feel like they're making progress. Maybe stop wearing that Motorhead t-shirt to church or something, you know something easy that they can feel accomplished about. But big investments, and "guy" time activities like gaming should be off-limits.