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Granted. Your last wish was not to go away, it was to never go away again. You are now stuck where you are.
I wish my cat would clean up after itself.

Granted. It does that, but dumps it on you instead.

I wish everything is perfect.

Granted. Everything is perfect. Then the film ends and everything returns to reality.
I wish reality was more fun.

Granted but you lose touch with your imagination.

I wish for a chocolate bunny who gives good painting tutorials.

Granted, however it is an actual living rabbit made of chocolate which horrifyingly melts before your eyes in a gory scarring way.

I wish the next person gets two wishes.

Granted, however 'NO DEAL!!!' I say. Unfortunately my last case was 1 wish.

I wish game shows could happen at home.

Granted. They show up at dawn and drink all your coffee while trashing your house from hauling in their sets and backdrops. And even though its your house, you are not a contestant.

I wish for Kite season.

Granted, but they always go for the throat..

I wish I never wished this wish.

Granted, however logic prevails making you a duck.

I wish for a drink.

Granted. Enjoy your ice cold keg. But there is no tap to be found.
I wish to continue.

Granted, god inserts coin for you.

I wish that some memes could just die in the corner of the internet.

Granted. They all go to the legendary meme graveyard to die. They drag you along with them, kicking and screaming.
I wish the keg had not blown out.

Granted, it blows up instead, killing you in the process.

I wish I never had to blow my nose again.

Granted, But the nose blows you up.

I wish all movies were slightly better.

Granted, they are ever so slightly better, so slightly that nobody can even tell the difference.

I wish power point was easier to work with.

Granted but word just pisses you off know. "stupid paper clip guy"

I wish for a faster pizza.

Granted, but it's hotter then the surface of the sun.

I wish people would remember to make wishes.

Granted, but now people don't remember to feth up the other person's wish.

I wish I had a suit of steampunk PA, like Karchev the Terrible.

Granted. You have the steampunk PA, but it has fleas and chafes you when you walk. Its also impossible to see out of.
I wish to have some comfortable shoes.

Granted! But they're bright pink and two sizes too small.

I wish I had more rum...

Granted, you have more rum. Too much rum, so much rum in fact you drown in it.

I wish I was a better writer.

Granted, however the only improvement is your q's. May not be able to compose a decent story but boy can you write a mean 'q'

I wish for 28 letters in the alphabet. More choice.

Granted. The two extra letters cause insanity in all those that read them.

I wish TV was better

Granted. TV is much better, but your cable bill triples as a result.
I wish tires were made of solid rubber.

Granted, however they make the ride extremely bumpy and ruin your shocks.

I wish for an easy cop out.

Granted. All police officers disappear from the world, crime rates skyrocket and society falls apart.

I wish lamp.

Granted. However, your wish was grammatically invalid, and therefore, nothing happens.

I wish the Ultramarines weren't so overdone..

Granted, they are no longer so overdone, they are incredably overdone. Now literaly all you will see is Ultramarines.

I wish for world peace.

.Granted. The earth is at rest, there is no war. Then the bugs come.

I wish for a fine birthday.