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H.B.M.C. wrote:The Blood Angel Codex. Some of the best comedic writing in 40K by far. And Canis Wolfborn - funniest character in existence. Dumb name. Dumb mount. Dumbest weapons ever for riding said mount.


Also Firewarrior, the book, has some wonderfully stupid moments:

1. Kais uses a single Spider Mine to take out a Raptors Chapter Captain and his Command Squad in a single attack.
2. Kais - this is a single Firewarrior guys - takes on a Combat Squad of Raptors Marines + a Raptors Librarian by himself.

The worst part of this combat is when there is one Raptor firing at him, and Kais runs under the legs of another Marine, but the first Marine keeps shooting and kills the other Marine with friendly fire.

Oh my.

"Some runtherds use the thrat of serving in a Big Gunz battery to instill discipline in their Grotz mobz, with rebellious or truculent runts being sent to 'man the guns'. Should the miserable Grot crew survive for long they will soon become deafened and have to resort to a rudimentary system of sign language. This is rarely successful as there are only so many signs a grot can carry around with him."

Probably the dumbest joke ever right there, but I laughed forever anyway.

"Ogryn were so stupid that one time an ogryn fought with a massive hole in it's chest and finally died when a medic told him about the wound"

loota boy wrote:"Some runtherds use the thrat of serving in a Big Gunz battery to instill discipline in their Grotz mobz, with rebellious or truculent runts being sent to 'man the guns'. Should the miserable Grot crew survive for long they will soon become deafened and have to resort to a rudimentary system of sign language. This is rarely successful as there are only so many signs a grot can carry around with him."

Probably the dumbest joke ever right there, but I laughed forever anyway.

Love this joke.

The beginning of "The Armor of Contempt": Gaunt sneaks his way into Lord General Van Voytz's private room. When the Commissariat guards show up and try to arrest Gaunt Van Voytz ends up

1. Slapping a Commissar across the face.

2. Ordering the troops to lower their weapons

3. After said standing down, orders them: "Now, salute him (Gaunt) damn you!"

I also seem to remember a quote by some commissar that goes something like "If your the last man standing then your not fighting hard enough."

Wardragoon wrote:"Ogryn were so stupid that one time an ogryn fought with a massive hole in it's chest and finally died when a medic told him about the wound"

*pow*
O-"huh? *Inspects wound* oh, well."
*carries on krumpin'*
M-"you do know you have a fatal injury, right?"
O- "I DO?! blah I is dead."
M- "that's better."

loota boy wrote:"Some runtherds use the thrat of serving in a Big Gunz battery to instill discipline in their Grotz mobz, with rebellious or truculent runts being sent to 'man the guns'. Should the miserable Grot crew survive for long they will soon become deafened and have to resort to a rudimentary system of sign language. This is rarely successful as there are only so many signs a grot can carry around with him."

Probably the dumbest joke ever right there, but I laughed forever anyway.

I facepalmed when I first read that, then laughed at the stupidity of the grots and phil kelly's mad sense of humour.

Canis Wolfborn

Wolf Wolfborn,Wolf Lord dual wielding Wolf Claws, wearing a Wolftail Talisman and a Wolftooth necklace, being the Lord of the Wolfkin, with the Saga of the Wolfkin to back it up. He rides in a Thunderwolves, with the option of taking Fenrisian Wolves to back him up


Edited: Correcting Wolfy info

and he likes wolves.

Guardsman hunting in "Fifteen Hours"

G1: I got near the pray (he was hunting some dinosaur like animals on jungle planet), take aim at the target and then..."
G2: And then he called artillery strike at the target telling it's a bunch of Orks there.
G1: Nah, it doesn't matter, the most important thing is I won that bet with Catachans and show that I am a better hunter than them.

LOL

WARORK93 wrote:The beginning of "The Armor of Contempt": Gaunt sneaks his way into Lord General Van Voytz's private room. When the Commissariat guards show up and try to arrest Gaunt Van Voytz ends up

1. Slapping a Commissar across the face.

2. Ordering the troops to lower their weapons

3. After said standing down, orders them: "Now, salute him (Gaunt) damn you!"

I also seem to remember a quote by some commissar that goes something like "If your the last man standing then your not fighting hard enough."

Wasn't that His Last Command?

DE Codex: The majestic plan to gain control of Commoragh by Vect:

It's entirely based on the fact that the Salamander captain "forgets" that he has ciclone torpedoes....

Master of the forge:
- Muhahaha!!!! they left their door open! Let's bomb them with some planet destroyer weapon!!! Fluff states that we have a lot of this stuff!!!
Captain:
-Shut up you fool!!! We're going to assault them in close combat!!!
Master of the forge:
-What??? Why???
Captain:
-'coz I like to kick asses with my bare feet!!! And I want to use my bolter sideways because I'm a racist stereotype!!! Did you notice we are the only black guys in the whole galaxy?
Master of the forge:
-Yes... but we also can do some drive-by exterminatus... Do you want to perpetrate also the stereotype of the black guy that dies first???
Captain:
-Shuddup!!!

punkow wrote:DE Codex: The majestic plan to gain control of Commoragh by Vect:

It's entirely based on the fact that the Salamander captain "forgets" that he has ciclone torpedoes....

Master of the forge:
- Muhahaha!!!! they left their door open! Let's bomb them with some planet destroyer weapon!!! Fluff states that we have a lot of this stuff!!!
Captain:
-Shut up you fool!!! We're going to assault them in close combat!!!
Master of the forge:
-What??? Why???
Captain:
-'coz I like to kick asses with my bare feet!!! And I want to use my bolter sideways because I'm a racist stereotype!!! Did you notice we are the only black guys in the whole galaxy?
Master of the forge:
-Yes... but we also can do some drive-by exterminatus... Do you want to perpetrate also the stereotype of the black guy that dies first???
Captain:
-Shuddup!!!

Librarian walks in
"Oh Lawdy"

I wonder what a Cowboy Space marine would look like after reading through some lore. THey don't have a single chapter!

Anyway. Space Wolf and Dark Angel lore is kinda lol. Especially what they do to each other, minus the secrets and honor rituals they get well together as brothers. In that they basically beat each other up.

Also Torgaddon makes me laugh so hard.

I also loved that part in the ork codex about one grot living to the ripe old age of 9 before being sat apon by his master and then being fed to his pet squighound.

loota boy wrote:I also loved that part in the ork codex about one grot living to the ripe old age of 9 before being sat apon by his master and then being fed to his pet squighound.

Lol. Orks = FTW

punkow wrote:DE Codex: The majestic plan to gain control of Commoragh by Vect:

It's entirely based on the fact that the Salamander captain "forgets" that he has ciclone torpedoes....

Master of the forge:
- Muhahaha!!!! they left their door open! Let's bomb them with some planet destroyer weapon!!! Fluff states that we have a lot of this stuff!!!
Captain:
-Shut up you fool!!! We're going to assault them in close combat!!!
Master of the forge:
-What??? Why???
Captain:
-'coz I like to kick asses with my bare feet!!! And I want to use my bolter sideways because I'm a racist stereotype!!! Did you notice we are the only black guys in the whole galaxy?
Master of the forge:
-Yes... but we also can do some drive-by exterminatus... Do you want to perpetrate also the stereotype of the black guy that dies first???
Captain:
-Shuddup!!!

"As We Know most of our Battal Brothers is in SPESS......"


You Guys know the rest

loota boy wrote:I also loved that part in the ork codex about one grot living to the ripe old age of 9 before being sat apon by his master and then being fed to his pet squighound.

yeah, I forgot about makari the grot...even though that's my account name on the B&C...lol...

I like the ork codex, the description of the ork trukk and what it says about kerrunch! on the ramshakle table, Somthing vital gives, but the ork passengers bail out of their vehicle before it falls apart with a noise like a meganob falling down a spiral staircase, just imagining a mega nob falling down a spiral staircase makes me lol

purplefood wrote:

WARORK93 wrote:The beginning of "The Armor of Contempt": Gaunt sneaks his way into Lord General Van Voytz's private room. When the Commissariat guards show up and try to arrest Gaunt Van Voytz ends up

1. Slapping a Commissar across the face.

2. Ordering the troops to lower their weapons

3. After said standing down, orders them: "Now, salute him (Gaunt) damn you!"

I also seem to remember a quote by some commissar that goes something like "If your the last man standing then your not fighting hard enough."

Wasn't that His Last Command?

Arrrgh, you have a point, I always get the two mixed up, my bad


The story (can't remember the name) of the deathwatch on an ork infested space hulk in the book "Legends of the Space Marines":

When one of the mekboyz finds the space marine's ship among the scrap, he supposedly gets visions of destruction he can wreak with it from Gork and Mork. He's so preoccupied by what he sees that he forgets to breath

punkow wrote:DE Codex: The majestic plan to gain control of Commoragh by Vect:

It's entirely based on the fact that the Salamander captain "forgets" that he has ciclone torpedoes....

Master of the forge:
- Muhahaha!!!! they left their door open! Let's bomb them with some planet destroyer weapon!!! Fluff states that we have a lot of this stuff!!!
Captain:
-Shut up you fool!!! We're going to assault them in close combat!!!
Master of the forge:
-What??? Why???
Captain:
-'coz I like to kick asses with my bare feet!!! And I want to use my bolter sideways because I'm a racist stereotype!!! Did you notice we are the only black guys in the whole galaxy?
Master of the forge:
-Yes... but we also can do some drive-by exterminatus... Do you want to perpetrate also the stereotype of the black guy that dies first???
Captain:
-Shuddup!!!

The captured ship was completely disabled, so it couldn't well do anything; the rescue fleet was attempting to retrieve the captured ship, not destroy everything; and finally, Commoragh isn't a single location, it's a network of many smaller chambers interconnected, that can be completely isolated at the flip of a switch, so using Exterminatus level weaponry would serve only to blast apart the chamber the ship they were trying to retrieve was in (which would also serve Vect's purpose, since the ship was over the noble families' citadels).

In Tales of Heresy, when Kharn tries to talk to Angron, the Primarch comes off as the Incredible slowed Hulk.

three words Eldar Battle tites

Mordoskul wrote:In Tales of Heresy, when Kharn tries to talk to Angron, the Primarch comes off as the Incredible slowed Hulk.

What the

Orks are just lulzy in their own right.

I mean, their gak works because they think it will?

Awesome

Rubberanvil wrote:

Mordoskul wrote:In Tales of Heresy, when Kharn tries to talk to Angron, the Primarch comes off as the Incredible slowed Hulk.

What the

Yeah, Karn goes I alone to his chambers to try to talk him down from a rage and he's smashing everything up like a baby




IIRC

this isnt really real fluff, but this is really funny.
in the ultramarines movie, when 1 bolter shot takes out a CSM whereas it takes like 20 bolter shots to kill a normal marine, although all the equipment is the excact same. another funny part is when the flamethrower blows up in the middle of the ultramarines and somehow the CSMs (that were all farther away from the ultramarines) were all killed and SOMEHOW all the space marines are unharmed.


oh and the chaplain has psychic powers i mean, wtf?? damn you abnett!!!

necrongod wrote:
oh and the chaplain has psychic powers i mean, wtf?? damn you abnett!!!

Or, you know, he was just using his Crozius Arcanum. Which, come to think of it, was actually mentioned immediately in the movie.

How Space Wolves distrust magical/mythical devices, mainly Teleporters, yet they now somehow love to use Psyker energies in combat.

So they distrust technology, yet wear power armor and terminator suits, use high end Vehicles and Dreds?

None of it makes any sense.

Wardragoon wrote:

punkow wrote:DE Codex: The majestic plan to gain control of Commoragh by Vect:

It's entirely based on the fact that the Salamander captain "forgets" that he has ciclone torpedoes....

Master of the forge:
- Muhahaha!!!! they left their door open! Let's bomb them with some planet destroyer weapon!!! Fluff states that we have a lot of this stuff!!!
Captain:
-Shut up you fool!!! We're going to assault them in close combat!!!
Master of the forge:
-What??? Why???
Captain:
-'coz I like to kick asses with my bare feet!!! And I want to use my bolter sideways because I'm a racist stereotype!!! Did you notice we are the only black guys in the whole galaxy?
Master of the forge:
-Yes... but we also can do some drive-by exterminatus... Do you want to perpetrate also the stereotype of the black guy that dies first???
Captain:
-Shuddup!!!

Librarian walks in
"Oh Lawdy"