Fluff that made you laugh?

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**EmilCrane**

Ronin-Sage wrote:
* On that note, when in one novel he faces off against a Khorne berserker that shouts 'Blood for the Blood God!' and he retorts with '[scrummball team] for the Cup!'.

"Blood for the blood god!"
"harriers for the cup!"

**idget**

Anything by C.S Goto

**Valhallan42nd**

What amuses me: the historical blurb in the IG codex about the regiment that sacrifices themselves to the last man to save a planet, which the Administratum fails to notice. The regiment then gets reassigned to a different sector, fail to show on account of death, and and then get labeled Excommunicatus for their heresy.

**Commander Endova**

I'm fond of one of the time line entries in the Tyranids codex.

You know, the one where the Tau are fighting the 'Nids on what turns out to be a tomb world? The Necrons wake up, exterminate the bugs, and then the Tau when the Ethereals invite the Necrons into their base for a thank you party.

**purplefood**

Valhallan42nd wrote:What amuses me: the historical blurb in the IG codex about the regiment that sacrifices themselves to the last man to save a planet, which the Administratum fails to notice. The regiment then gets reassigned to a different sector, fail to show on account of death, and and then get labeled Excommunicatus for their heresy.

I love that one.
There an entry in the SW codex where a Wolf Lord fleet was vasty outnumbered and his ship crimpled. Him and his men then decide to jump off the ship in space and land on the enemy battleship and take it, they then shoot all the ohter ships and win.
Another one where a Wolf Lord and his fleet were fighting an Ork Space Hulk, so they ramn it. It takes 6 months to gain control of the hulk.

**Fafnir**

Take the Blood Angels or Space Wolf Codex.

Turn to any random page.

That.

**Emperors Faithful**

Caiphas Cain has a lot of good stuff, one I can recall was the amazement of fresh Valhallan recruits at 'Liquid Snow' otherwise know as 'Rain'. The more I thought about it the more I realized the reaction made perfect sense for people from an ice world.

**Chaos Lord Gir**

Fafnir wrote:Take the Blood Angels or Space Wolf Codex.

Turn to any random page.

That.

+1 on that.

Also a certain somone(

) being buried under a building and then gaining the means to strangle carnifexs bare handed comes too mind.

**Enginseer**

The Dark Eldar Codex is filled with funny anecdotes.

Among others, in the summarised timeline, After the narrow victory over the Tyranids, Craftworld Iyanden had to engage a fleet of Orks (at least I think they were Orks, I'm doing this from memory).
The Dark Eldar swept in and saved Iyanden from certain destruction. When the Eldar asked why the DE came to their rescue, the reply was something along the lines of "We find your fear-motivated attempts at necromancy highly amusing."

**IvanTih**

Sageheart wrote:I found the necron/BA alliance was very very funny!

also had to mention the multilazer SM haha

I don't know why people complain about this,the Silent King probably had a self preservation instict,personality and he then allied himself with the BA.

Automatically Appended Next Post:

Commander Endova wrote:I'm fond of one of the time line entries in the Tyranids codex.

You know, the one where the Tau are fighting the 'Nids on what turns out to be a tomb world? The Necrons wake up, exterminate the bugs, and then the Tau when the Ethereals invite the Necrons into their base for a thank you party.

Same happens in DE codex.

Automatically Appended Next Post:

purplefood wrote:
Valhallan42nd wrote:What amuses me: the historical blurb in the IG codex about the regiment that sacrifices themselves to the last man to save a planet, which the Administratum fails to notice. The regiment then gets reassigned to a different sector, fail to show on account of death, and and then get labeled Excommunicatus for their heresy.

I love that one.
There an entry in the SW codex where a Wolf Lord fleet was vasty outnumbered and his ship crimpled. Him and his men then decide to jump off the ship in space and land on the enemy battleship and take it, they then shoot all the ohter ships and win.
Another one where a Wolf Lord and his fleet were fighting an Ork Space Hulk, so they ramn it. It takes 6 months to gain control of the hulk.

I never can't understand how did the SW managed to pass through Void Shield then how didn't the ship evade them(in the novels we have accelerations from Andy Chamber's minimalistic single Gs then we have speeds at 0.75c(appears in two novels) and 0.25c).

**purplefood**

Dunno but i loved the guy who came up with the plan
Wolf Lord "What do we do?"
Plan man "Jump off the ship onto the enemy battleship"
Wold Lord "Well i haven't got any better ideas so lets do that"

**AgeOfEgos**

BA dex; Ka'Bandha, the legendary Bloodthirster that nearly killed Sanguinius himself, gets body checked and killed by the Sanguinor. Who then goes on to kill a bunch of Bloodletters.

FANBOY MUCH?

**Brother Heinrich**

My favorite is still the entry in the Orks codex about Wazdakka and how he jumped his bike into a warlord titan cockpit, all the while being on fire after passing through the Titans' void shields. pure green awesome lol.

**veritechc**

I agree with anything about the Angry Marines!

The entire Ork codex makes me laugh. The truck rules and the Weirdboy entries certainly stand out.

**shrike**

In C:'nids, it says that
(e.g. day 1)- hive fleet gets stopped, the tau celebrate.
day 2- necrons land on the planet, which are greeted in great ceremony by the ethereal.
day 2- the necrons kill the ethereal. The harvest of planet X begins.

Or gaunt's ghost- his last command:
*IG captain slaps commissar Ludd around the face with a glove and throws it to the floor*
"You are uncouth. I challenge you to a bout of merit at your convenience."
"Are you challenging me to a duel?!"
"Are you such a base creature that you do not know common manners? Yes, I do cha-"
*Ludd punches the guy in the face*
"That was a convenient time for me."

Oh, and chapter's due, how ultras are crap and raven guard are ninjas.

Calgar- is too proud and vain to see an inbound fleet of enemy ships.
Telion- doesn't notice a RG captain, sergeant and techmarine (with full servo-harness) standing in the same room as him.
RG tac. squad and captain- climb a titan and bomb it.
all the RG- don't show up on a data slate.
silver: inquisitor- there.
blue: ultra- there.
red: enemy iron warriors- there.
yellow (?): skiitari- there.
green: raven guard- where'd they go?!
RG tac. squad and captain- walk right up to an enemy fortification, knife the guards and return to where there are 5 scouts staring right at the fortress with snipers without being noticed by the enemy or the scouts, meking the scouts jump.

**Valkyrie**

The Godawful stuff in the SW Codex:

1: Wolfy Wolfenstein flew a Strike Cruiser through a Space Hulk

2: Olaf hit on a Daemonette and got his company wiped out

3: Grungir Somethingelsesoundingnordic fired himself out of his cruiser's torpedo tubes and manages to make the (literally) tens of thousands of kilometers journey to another ship without getting shot or dying due to lack of O2, and manage to get into and take back the enemy cruiser.

**shrike**

I agree SW fluff is stupidly funny at times, but space battles are fought over thousands of kilometers- 100 kilometers is considered point-blank.
And marines can survive in space.

**Hlaine Larkin mk2**

Ronin-Sage wrote:* Cain has, one more than one occasion, I believe, taken on a CSM in close-combat(even parrying blows from them with his chainsword).
* On that note, when in one novel he faces off against a Khorne berserker that shouts 'Blood for the Blood God!' and he retorts with '[scrummball team] for the Cup!'.
* [psuedo-official] The IG in Soulstorm having apparently shipped off 100 Baneblades right before their HQ is attacked

ehhh
gereon mission in the GG novels gaunt personally duels with the lead CSM afetr assaininating another and Sgt. Tona Criid drops a bag of tube charges perfectly round ones neck yet some how surviving despite getting caought in the blast. Major rawne picks up 'mad' Larkins long-las and snipes off anothers head not using the scope. Sgt. ceglan Varl is given enough time to empty a bolter clip into another marines face and the one Gaunt dueled eventually b*tch slapped him and took out his cheek only for the patrtisans to shoot him with enough poison to override his immune system, the lost about 20-30 partisans and no guardsmen

**ChiliPowderKeg**

The bit of fluff where the Tau regarded the Necrons as their saviors and greeted them at their planet, only to be introduced to their own demise.

Greetings from 2016

**purplefood**

Valkyrie wrote:The Godawful stuff in the SW Codex:

1: Wolfy Wolfenstein flew a Strike Cruiser through a Space Hulk

2: Olaf hit on a Daemonette and got his company wiped out

3: Grungir Somethingelsesoundingnordic fired himself out of his cruiser's torpedo tubes and manages to make the (literally) tens of thousands of kilometers journey to another ship without getting shot or dying due to lack of O2, and manage to get into and take back the enemy cruiser.

He didn't fly it through the Space Hulk. He flew it into the Space Hulk then boarded the space Hulk.

**shrike**

shrike wrote:In C:'nids, it says that
(e.g. day 1)- hive fleet gets stopped, the tau celebrate.
day 2- necrons land on the planet, which are greeted in great ceremony by the ethereal.
day 2- the necrons kill the ethereal. The harvest of planet X begins.

ChiliPowderKeg wrote:The bit of fluff where the Tau regarded the Necrons as their saviors and greeted them at their planet, only to be introduced to their own demise.

ninja'd.

. I just noticed someone else posted about this. I got ninja'd.

**Acardia**

It's been ages but it was a letter from a higher commander to a ship commander about the cost of dropping asteriods on a planet versus using missles. I still laugh everytime I think about that tail chewing.

**Sir Pseudonymous**

There's always the horrible Grey Knights novels, about the idealistic young squad leader who battles daemons with the POWER OF FRIENDSHIP AND IMAGINATION! The first book has him defeat a "mile high cylinder of flesh" daemon by speaking a long string of gibberish an insane rogue inquisitor had spewed during interrogation (which turned out to be the daemon's true name), because herp he trusts his friends derp. The climactic battle of the second literally goes "UNGH WHY CAN'T I KILL YOU DAEMON?" "I already told you, I'm not a daemon, idiot." "YES YOU ARE DAEMON!" "Oh, I suppose I might be if you insist so strongly..." "HAHA NOW I CAN KILL YOU DAEMON!" (The "daemon" in question was an STC, by the way...

) For the sake of my sanity, I didn't read the third book.

There's also Faith and Fire, where the most sympathetic character is the psyker they're hunting, the secret villain mastermind's evil plot is... to kill some psykers to turn himself into a living weapon to better fight chaos, using an old imperial relic... and the main character climbs out of an active volcano with unpowered, fused power armor, to hijack a helicopter in order to fly it back into the volcano, which happens to be filling with daemons because they blew up the relic, tearing open a hole to the warp, in order to (successfully) rescue the rest of her squad...

It would be funny if it wasn't so enragingly terrible...

Acardia wrote:It's been ages but it was a letter from a higher commander to a ship commander about the cost of dropping asteriods on a planet versus using missles. I still laugh everytime I think about that tail chewing.

I remember that vaguely, what was it from? I'm thinking one of the Dark Heresy books, since they had a lot of that sort of thing (including a page referencing the events in the Grendel "game transcript," which was quite surprising considering that was originally from /tg/ thread). Let's see... There it is, the opening for Creatures Anathema.

**Alphapod**

The part where the Tau wipe out a whole Tyranid fleet with no casualties. It's nothing next to 5th Edition Fluff, but still makes me angry. Also, the entire Blood Angels and Space Wolf codices.

**Tjyven**

Mephiston.

**Hlaine Larkin mk2**

the bits in code:IG
The hydra unit achieveing kill to death ratio of 99999-1
Marbo being an eejit yet brilliant
Criid going from Red shirt to captain
Bucas Basstonne surviving a nurgle infestation

Oh and the 'Catachan devils boots' quote from Sgt. Harker

**Valhallan42nd**

Acardia wrote:It's been ages but it was a letter from a higher commander to a ship commander about the cost of dropping asteriods on a planet versus using missles. I still laugh everytime I think about that tail chewing.

You mean this?

Rocks are NOT “free”, citizen.

Firstly, you must manoeuvre the Emperor’s naval vessel within reach of the asteroid belt, almost assuredly sustaining damage to the Emperor’s ship’s paint from micrometeoroids, while expending the Emperor’s fuel.

Then the tech priests must inspect the rock in question to ascertain its worthyness to do the Emperor’s bidding. Should it pass muster, the Emperor’s Servitors must use the Emperor’s auto-scrappers and melta-cutters to prepare the potential ordinance for movement. Finally, the tech priests finished, the Emperor’s officers may begin manoeuvring the Emperor’s warship to abut the asteroid at the prepared face (expending yet more of the Emperor’s fuel), and then begin boosting the stone towards the offensive planet.

After a few days of expending a prodigious amount of the Emperor’s fuel to accelerate the asteroid into an orbit more fitting to the emperor’s desires, the Emperor’s ship may then return to the planet via superluminous warp travel and await the arrival of the stone, still weeks (or months) away.

After twiddling away the Emperor’s time and eating the Emperor’s food in the wasteful pursuit of making sure that the Emperor’s enemies do not launch a deflection mission, they may finally watch the ordinance impact on the planet (assuming the Emperor’s warship does not need to attempt any last-minute course correction upon the rock, using yet more of the Emperor’s fuel).

Given a typical (class Bravo-CVII) system, we have the following:
Two months, O&M, Titan class warship: 4.2 Million Imperials.
Two months, rations, crew of same: 0.2 MI
Two months, Tech Priest pastor: 1.7 MI
Two months, Servitor parish: 0.3 MI
Paint, Titan class warship: 0.9 MI
Dihydrogen peroxide fuel: 0.9 MI
Total: 9.8 MI

Contrasting with the following:
5 warheads, magna-melta: 2.5 MI
One day, O&M, Titan class warship: 0.3 MI
One day, rations, crew of same: 0.0 MI
Dihydrogen peroxide fuel: 0.1 MI
Total: 2.9 MI

Given the same amount with under one third of the cost, the Emperor will have saved a massive amount of His most sacred money and almost a full month of time, during which His warship may be bombarding an entirely different planet.

The Emperor, through this – His office of Imperial outlays – hereby orders you to attend one (1) week of therapeutic accountancy training/penance. Please report to Areicon IV, Imperial City, Administatum Building CXXI, Room 1456, where you are to sit in the BLUE chair.

For the Emperor,
Bursarius Tenathis,
Purser Level XI,
Imperial Office of Outlays.

**WARORK93**

Lots of GG parts are hilarious, like the part in Only in Death where Varl's squad is trying to use the well and Varl gets Cant to try and open it with the lever and the conversation goes something like:

Cant: Its jammed sir

Varl: And why is that trooper?

Cant: Because it wont move sir

Varl: and why is that?

Cant:.......Because I ....can't move it sir.

Varl: Oh you can't can you Cant?

Then Hark comes along and pulls the same joke and Cant is like "Oh not you too!" the entire scene made me laugh uncontrollably.

Then there's the part in Blood pact where Rawne actually dresses up like a commissar and uses the disguise to raid a gambling joint. XD

Ther's a part in Of their lives, In the ruins of their cities Where Merrt mouths off to Gaunt and when gaunt asks him if he's always been a smart alec Merrt replies"

"I reckon my mouth will get me in trouble one day." lol, foreshadowing much?

There was one part in the SW omnibus I remember, it went something like:

"Do you remember when he got drunk and tried to throw his spear at the moon? We had to search the jungle for three bloody days to find that thing!"

Which should tell you how SWs like their mead

**IvanTih**

shrike wrote:I agree SW fluff is stupidly funny at times, but space battles are fought over thousands of kilometers- 100 kilometers is considered point-blank.
And marines can survive in space.

Tens of thousands kilometres,15cm(1cm=1000km) is considered point blank range in BFG.
I hate Andy Hoare's space combar(hundreds of kilometres range).
I think that in Fulgrim Space Marines who watch a naked chick(Slaneesh cultist) say that if I wasn't an Astartes this would be attractive,something like that.

**jonolikespie**

In Prospero Burns a little human guy is talking to Russ and keeps calling him 'sir' which Russ evidently finds amusing.

Russ: 'you know who this is?'
Guy: 'no sir'
Russ: 'well, sir, this, sir, is my brother Felgrim'

I loled