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Daemonhammer wrote:

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:

 Daemonhammer wrote:

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
Why would you loose respect for women in general based on what one woman did, in any way?

Because its not the first time I havent bern treated well by women.

The trick is to stop being naive - don't trust anyone unconditionally. You can only trust people to be themselves.

I don't trust trainwreck to be exclusive with me, because her life is a trainwreck. But, I trust her to follow through when we make plans because I know that she likes hanging out. And I trust her to cook dinner because she's got some culinary skills.

Im not naive, atleast I dont consider myself to be. I am pretty paranoid, I trust nobody.

People that have trust issues should not try to be in relationships. It will destroy everything you attempt.

Zambro wrote:

 Tyranid Horde wrote:
On an unrelated note: Fresher's Week this week! Let's see how it goes for me this week.

Just be sure your warhammer is all boxed up and/or out of sight
(It's hard to explain to drunk people. And even harder to explain to drunk women whom you intend on boning) - YMMV

Please do not be that guy. I've spent 3 years now in the military being told that drunk people can not legally consent to sex. Might be different in your neck of the woods but I should think you should avoid the situation all together. Drunk people who are in relationships with drunk people CAN give consent but they can also take it away.

Stay safe and do the right thing. Picking the drunk girl out for your advances is at best predatory. At worst is....well you know. Go with sober decisions with sober people. Best thing you could possible ever do.

 Bullockist wrote:
If you're doing wall climbing it certainly is a good excuse to stare at someones' arse.

I am doing wall climbing. But I do not think I will focus on her arse.

But, but, you have to be a good belayer (omg how do i spell that) and be concerned for her safety , as a result it's right in your view safety first hybrid!

I will definitely watch her climb, as any good belayer should, but I will be focusing more on which holds she should use and how rather than her arse.

This might be where you are going wrong hybrid. Everyone and I mean everyone has some part of them that does want to be treated as a sex object (obviously by people they are interested in). Everyone wants to feel desired, it's natural and uplifting. You might be erring to strongly on the respect for women side of things and they might feel you are not interested and think of them as a friend. Nothing wrong with getting caught out having a look, let's face it if this is a "date" situation, you are supposed to be looking.

Don't put women on a pedestal , I did for a long time, it doesn't work. Also never and i mean never talk about feminism with women ( especially in a date situation), all of my female friends dated one of those guys at uni and universally those guys ended up as manipulative jerks that treated them like gak - they all take it as a red flag now.

 Bullockist wrote:
Nothing wrong with getting caught out having a look, let's face it if this is a "date" situation, you are supposed to be looking.

I do not really think of it as a date situation. At least not yet. For now it is mostly about making the new comer that do not speak French and knew no-one here before coming feel more integrated, and less lonely (maybe because of how much I felt lonely during my internship in Korea ). She seems to like me though, so maybe it will change into one later.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

 Daemonhammer wrote:

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
Why would you loose respect for women in general based on what one woman did, in any way?

Because its not the first time I havent bern treated well by women.

Just like all black people steal because one persone did it once to my cousin.

Black guy here- that's a fair assumption to make. We're natural survivors.

edit- Also, Nuggz is on the money about expectations. It's important, for the sake of sparing your feelings, to try to get a grasp on what you can expect from a person. That sounds difficult to do, especially when meeting a stranger, but there's a surprising number of "warning bells" that you begin to pick up about people on an intuitive level once you're aware of them and have experience.

Case in point, from the start of my High School years to a couple of years afterwards, I was burned quite a few times by chicks -and not just burned like "expressed my feelings, was shot down"- burned as in "expressed my feelings, was strung along for awhile with non-committal answers and then discovered that there was a boyfriend involved a few hundred dollars down the drain later." I had that "women are all whores" sentiment for awhile, but then after some reflection realized that there was actually a pattern: while it wasn't likely that all these women I had feelings for were just whores, what they did have in common was that they all came from lower class broken homes and had grown up without a father figure. What I also found out, through facebook and word of mouth from friends etc, was that most of these women had also had also been apart of strings of short-lived relationships before I'd come along, and continued to be in them after I'd left. What the pattern therefore implies is not that all women are untrustworthy, but rather that maybe being poor and coming from a broken home with no father figure does not breed values that are conducive to a stable relationship. Even that's a stereotype and is probably incorrect in many situations, but it's a much more realistic one then simply writing off 51% of the World's population.

A trick that I use for gauging potential relationships with a woman involves a series of questions I ask myself when initially meeting them. It also works for women gauging men.

"Is she single?" If no, then that's that lol. If yes, then move on to part 2.

"Is she attractive?" If no, then that's that. If yes, then move on to part 3.

"Why is she single?" is the question in which the answer is critical. It's obvious why a physically unattractive woman is single... as sad a commentary on our society as that might be, but the reasons for why a highly attractive woman is single might not be so obvious. The reason isn't always bad- maybe she'd just gotten out of a relationship, maybe she chose to be single for awhile after her last relationship, or is young and has yet to be in a serious relationship, or lived a life-style that has prevented her from being in a serious relationship (religious, military, focused on career etc), maybe she just has gak luck and most of her relationships have been with abusive or bummy or unfaithful dudes etc- but it's equally likely that she could be single because she's a bitch, or has mental issues, or emotional baggage, or struggles with monogamy, lol. The former list of reasons are relatively innocent and don't imply relationship issues, while the latter reasons are very clear warning bells. So, while you shouldn't just outright ask a person "you're hot, so why are you single", it would be to your benefit to try do a little polite digging and find out what's up. It can save you a lot of pain later.

The only reason I've brought up this word-quilt is because, reading this thread, I see a lot of sentiments about frustration and even a bit of desperation resulting from loneliness. Having been in that situation myself, I also know that it's easy to form a kind of "I'll take what I can get" mentality which can result in you jumping into a relationship that's more or less doomed from the start, and I also know that when you're a person whose trying to take a step forward on building confidence or game, being apart of a crap relationship that ends on a bad note can be two steps back on that development.

So, just protect yourself. No matter how thirsty or undesirable you feel, it's always fair to have some standards and to turn your nose up at a potential suitor if you get the vibe that they might not be what's best for you.

... unless your intent is to just hit it n' quit it, in which case ignore everything I just said lol. As long as they don't have STD's or a Navy SEAL significant other, they're fair game.

I have absolute terrible luck with women of any kind. So i dont bother anymore.

I dont want children or to get married. so ive just accepted it and moved on

To build on BlaxicanX

Always remember that no matter how put together someone looks or acts; they are a hot mess of problems, emotions, and stress. Everyone (yes, everyone) has issues.

As you get closer to a person, you start to see all of that noise. The question is if it is a hot mess you can handle. If it is you stick around. If it isn't you move on.

my problems, unfortunately, take the form of a large red birthmark that covers nearly half my face.
oh well, it's always funny telling kids i fell on a fire.
also, turns out i have a throat infection, and it's ceared up right before my date thing tomorrow.

Well college is looking to be pretty good, with the regular dorm parties, I might find a hook up yet

I need advice. How do I ignore and avoid women? I never want to fall for one again and I have zero interest in casual flings. It doesn't need to be part of my life, but I keep going dumb.

 trexmeyer wrote:
I need advice. How do I ignore and avoid women? I never want to fall for one again and I have zero interest in casual flings. It doesn't need to be part of my life, but I keep going dumb.

Don't give anyone that's potentially interested in you any hopes. Don't go on dates. That kind of stuff.

Alternatively, everytime a woman says something to you, start flailing and scream "Girls are icky!"

 trexmeyer wrote:
I need advice. How do I ignore and avoid women? I never want to fall for one again and I have zero interest in casual flings. It doesn't need to be part of my life, but I keep going dumb.

Become gay? I dont care if thats not how it works, be a leader, not a follower.

Going back to BlacianX post, learn to recognize patterns of behavior. EVERY living thing has them, and they are a pretty solid predictor of what will happen if you get involved. I will say, that disqualifying people because they come from a broken home with no father figure is irrelevant, you will find lots of women from wholesome (or seemingly wholesome) families who exhibit similar, if not identical, patterns of behavior. Likewise you will find women from broken homes who arent emotionally/psychologically scarred as a result. The more important thing is their behavior, not their backgrounds.

As an example, the last girl I got involved with/burned by (and was from a broken home) was someone I have known for about 5-6 years. Her pattern of behavior was that she would meet a guy who was decidely beneath her (shes a booksmart college grad with lots of potential, yet all the guys she dates are blue collar working class types with zero goals or ambition that are content with working minimum wage and gettijg boozed up every night), date them for 15-18 months and be seemingly head over heels for them and then suddenly break it off because errr... well whatever, usually it was that they werent paying enough attention to her in some way.

On top of that, there was a secondary pattern at work, in that she was never single for more than 1-2 months at a time. I.E. - She was either in a relationship, or she was looking for her mext victim.

Then there was a tertiary pattern at play - she always had a backup plan. For as long as I knew her, and from what I understand, for years and years before that, she always had one of our mutual friends on the backburner. He was pretty much in love with her, from an outsiders perspective she was pretty much in love with him, it was as if she was dating two people simultaneously - her actual boyfriend had a physical relationship, but all her emotional (and even romantic) energy was invested in this mutual friend instead. I.E. she was all but physically cheating on every one of her actual bfs.

Well somehow, I ended up taking the place of said mutual friend. The three of us were hanging out for a few days while he was on leave from the navy and he basically told her hed had enough of her gak (cant say I blame him) - she kind of latched on to me from that point onwards (though she had started to do that a year or two prior), meanwhile she was still in a proper relationship with someone else (and with me at least she did cheat, in that she kissed me for a good couple minutes). Pretty much textbook repitition of all the behaviors I had observed over the previous few years, right down to the bs excuses she gave me as to why she wouldnt date me when she finally broke up with her bf, even though she pretty much jumped in bed with me less than a week after they broke up.

She was a good friend once, I havent spoken to her in 13 months.

Going really great, Still no numbers, but the forest raves are a great place to meet girls and chat it up. But also, 3 days in im gaining a reputation as a fun guy with no inhibitions. A party animal I guess.

trexmeyer wrote:I need advice. How do I ignore and avoid women? I never want to fall for one again and I have zero interest in casual flings. It doesn't need to be part of my life, but I keep going dumb.

Get yourself fixated on so many hobbies that you just don't have time? I could give you an Eve Online referral.

hotsauceman1 wrote:Going really great, Still no numbers, but the forest raves are a great place to meet girls and chat it up. But also, 3 days in im gaining a reputation as a fun guy with no inhibitions. A party animal I guess.

How's classes going?

Dont start yet, not for another week.
Why do you thik we are spending every night partying?

I mean, it makes sense if you have nothing else to do. That's really odd though. I think we got the weekend before classes to move in and be settled and get our books and that was about it.

Well, and im in santa cruz, one of the well known Party Schools.
It also isnt good they allow alcohol in the dorms itself.

 trexmeyer wrote:
I need advice. How do I ignore and avoid women? I never want to fall for one again and I have zero interest in casual flings. It doesn't need to be part of my life, but I keep going dumb.

My advice would be to go out (or hang out) with your mates a lot. It might sound counter-intuitive, but I find it really helps going out with the lads and doing 'lad' things. Yes, there'll be girls in the bar (or club), but if you're with a big gang of lads, girls won't tend to approach you, and you can just focus on having a laugh, getting wasted etc.

Works for me. I got a bit hung up on a chick a few months back and I found that going out drinking with the lads, going to football etc really took my mind of it.

So I had Freshers' Ball on Friday night... Marquees set up on campus, cheap drink, fantastic! Met up with a few friends at the gates and headed in to get our drinks, this was at 8pm so very early to be heading in to the tents.
On the way to the bar, we were intercepted by three lovely ladies who invited us dancing. You could see they'd had a few but they weren't so bad so sure why not we said, we introduced ourselves and so did they, what we were going to be studying - geology in my case - and said where we were from. I mentioned I was Irish and good lord they literally swooned! They proceeded to mention how lovely my accent was, etc, etc (I'm getting used to saying I'm Irish to everyone now and women liking my accent ).
So we go into the main tent, which is fairly quiet and they decide we should all do Jaegerbombs. Have those, they go for another round, I back out, mainly because getting hammered at half eight in the evening is silly for a night that'll be going on until three in the morning. Then one of them gets sick after her third Jaegerbomb in a row. So that is how that pretty much finished, one gets sick, the others help her to a bathroom, and my friends and I try out the silent club. After that I don't make many attempts to chat to many of the girls dancing because they either can't hear me, don't have a cigarette to give them or they are too drunk to bother with.

But wait! There's more! The afterparty was being held at a nearby club from 12 to 3am and the queue is massive, so massive that 20 mins passed and we got nowhere near the front. Two of my friends that I was with get fed up and leave, so it leaves me with another guy. We're chatting away about rocks in our now sobering up states and a girl taps me on the shoulder and asks where I'm from because she loves my accent. I go about telling her where I'm from, why I'm in England, ask her the same questions, enjoying the conversation I'm having with a really pretty girl. Her friend, who I thought was chatting to my friend has gotten bored with him and doesn't look impressed with the girl I'm talking to. I'm making it fairly obvious that I like her and she's fairly obvious she likes me. All is going great!
She suggests we leave the queue and head to a bar she knows that's a lot quieter so we can talk more. I agree to it and she grabs my hand to leave, when suddenly! Her friend steps in to break it up, says that they need to go find another friend back at her house and drags a potential date away. There was no time to get her number and I don't know her surname. Am I allowed to say that I was well and truly cock-blocked? Also, it might be a pretty boring experience to some, but actually finding someone interested in me was nice. So I guess my question is, what do I do now?

Go to the next event and find another girl and if you see her again, great. If not.... you don't.

So the girl I was interested in (and who was interested in me, at least initially) overdosed yesterday and is currently hospitalized. I found out this morning.

Completely shocked. I had a bad feeling yesterday and was really stressed out. I guess this is why.

chaos0xomega wrote:

 trexmeyer wrote:
I need advice. How do I ignore and avoid women? I never want to fall for one again and I have zero interest in casual flings. It doesn't need to be part of my life, but I keep going dumb.

Become gay?

I know this was a joke, but as a someone with a friend who complains nearly daily about the pitfalls of his local gay scene, I don't think it's actually any better. Certainly he's just as frustrated with casual flings as trex is and yet, over and over again, that's all that expresses interest in him. Obviously YMMV, he lives in a sort of conservative area where being gay is difficult.

So, three time going climbing without colleagues, three different women I paired with for the belay, and I went on to have lunch with two of them. Next time I am bringing the PhD student. Climbing is definitely better than LGS to meet women . Who would I thought (apart from, actually, everyone)?

 Ouze wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:

 trexmeyer wrote:
I need advice. How do I ignore and avoid women? I never want to fall for one again and I have zero interest in casual flings. It doesn't need to be part of my life, but I keep going dumb.

Become gay?

I know this was a joke, but as a someone with a friend who complains nearly daily about the pitfalls of his local gay scene, I don't think it's actually any better. Certainly he's just as frustrated with casual flings as trex is and yet, over and over again, that's all that expresses interest in him. Obviously YMMV, he lives in a sort of conservative area where being gay is difficult.

Yep, my housemate's gay. Sounds basically exactly the same as being straight, except it's way less obvious who you can date. It's something I hadn't really thought about, but which actually must be quite annoying. If I see a pretty girl, the odds are that she's likely to be straight - the only thing I have to worry about is if she might be interested. When my housemate meets guys, he has to first figure out whether or not they're gay, then whether or not they're interested in him. The idea that sex/dating is less hassle when you're a gay man is not one that has any basis in reality. Sounds like a bloody nightmare.

Plus, there's the prohibitive standards of personal hygeine... And all that dancing!

 Albatross wrote:
When my housemate meets guys, he has to first figure out whether or not they're gay, then whether or not they're interested in him. The idea that sex/dating is less hassle when you're a gay man is not one that has any basis in reality. Sounds like a bloody nightmare.

Well, there is the fact that the situation is symmetric. That means, among other things, that you are about as likely to make the first move as you are to just have someone else do it for you. That is already pretty neat.

Okay, I have one for the thread. In my dating profile, which I'm brutally honest in, I state openly that I have little interest in commercial sports. I'd be happy to play football, soccer, kickball, whatever. I just don't want to sit and passively watch them. I make this very clear. My profile is reasonably well written and without glaring spelling or punctuation issues. I talk about the books I've enjoyed reading, the camping I do. You know, hobbies. Things you do.

Surprisingly often, on average once a week, get messages from women that have one of the following show up in their profile: they quite literally have nothing posted except for stuff like "I like baseball woo Cardinals" and "i love 2 go to baseball games!" Sometimes they'll have music tastes, which typically fall into the category of music I've listed as "I like pretty much everything except X and Y. I really don't enjoy those." Their profiles look like they were typed in a text message. I'll see delightful things like "lol i dont read". Even after conversation, it seems like they don't actually DO anything other than work and watch TV. And those are direct quotes from a few of the women who have come knocking.

They basically seem diametrically opposed to me in every way. I mean, do women actively look for opposites and I'm somehow still not getting this after all this time? Are they just looking at my profile pictures? I don't understand. Am I just being a judgmental donkey-cave?

And it's not like I just dismiss them, at least not always. I've gone out with several of them, time and patience permitting. I don't know if I've just been picking poorly or what though, because it seems to mostly just end in either awkward silence most of the time or (particularly the last woman I went on a date with) talking my ear off about the baseball games she's gone to see with her friends while I nod and smile, trying to change the topic and then desperately searching for a way out of the date.

I can make small talk. I'm just not interested in someone who doesn't understand or care about my hobbies, and I want to be able to likewise be interested in theirs.

Women that are really, really, really into professional team sports tend to be odd, even moreso than the guys that really get into all that gak.

 daedalus wrote:
I'll see delightful things like "lol i dont read".

There lies your explanation, I guess. You should maybe use pictogrames on your profile instead.