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*several bullets ping off ceramite*
Meh, that il chip the paint.

Auto gun rounds, 3+ save.... *laughs and steps in repressor closing hatch. *

*Rounds ping effortlessly off tanks hull knocking off paint chips*

This strikes me as a tremendous waste of resources on both counts. [Sighs and rubs sore neck]
Keep him in the room, please Sister. If he runs off again of his own accord that really is a hanging offence.

[Walks over to WK slowly] Before this turns into a full scale war, and hurts other people, how about you stop firing, and allow us to explain?

Ok, better not add another charge

*steps out and drags Benny back into tank for saftey*
*to Benny* now it's for your own good and don,t touch my data slate. Save you from being hung.

*uses intercom*
Got him, all safe .

*stops firing but minigun stays spun up*
Some people think they can outsmart me. I have yet to meet man who can outsmart bullet. Explain. Now.

Well you can move away from bullet, or block it. [Looks confused]

Anyway. The smaller commissar has been very bad at his job. He ran away from the army and tried to shoot a superior officer. He also isn't very good at being a commissar and failed half of his test.
I'm here to try and solve this, preferably with him only going to prison. The alternative is a firing squad.

*pokes head out*

There auto gun rounds, powered armour should do. That universe does not have hardened ceramite. Oh yeah guard codex, you get, oh never mind.

*ducks back in and closes hatch*

Oh, did somebody say cuddling?
Everything's done. Hopefully, I never have to do that again.

*several vertibirds land, and several Knights and initiates get out*

Ah yes, reinforcements, just on time.

Your commissar is surprisingly squishy for his size and build.
If that were the most alarming aspect of his person, it would be a very short assessment.

What have you been doing?

*walks out of the Room*

*opens a roof hatch*

Oh benny, far as I know the inquisition decided to play with his brain, force him to have a kid and implant odd chips in him among other things.

Nothing exactly helpful to the human mind....

Well that.. Certainly solves one issue.

[Raps on tank hatch and retrieves BC] Thank you for watching him, Sister.

[To BC] Are you done trying to commit mutiny? [BC nods] Good. Now go and sit quietly while I try and find enough sane commissars to form a panel.

[Sits at table and uses a small computer] [Rests head on hands] This could take a while. I'm down to C and I've only found one who doesn't suffer from mild psychosis or paranoia.

*drop pod crashes through the ceiling and lands next to BC*
*strides out*
Where did Thrakka go? I finally found that gloom prism he was looking for? Do you know how difficult it is to get one of the fething things from the Necrons? I had to fight an entire dynasty to get it!

[Keeps eyes on the screen] I don't remember mail ordering any blue thugs.
Must be a promotional offer. Did anyone buy some cereal lately and send off the tops?

Hello! Somebody said something about cuddling, but I probably wouldn't be allowed to join.
Oh, I was just finalizing the placement of the Institute under Brotherhood control. The woman showed up and thanked me. I swear she just walked out of my closet, handed me a note, and walked back in. When I looked back into the closet... She wasn't there any more.
A shame, really. I've been feeling quite lonely.

*looks on from roof hatch*

Yeah, it could, this is the only imperial ish place on planet. Bar the mining ship but that's run by drones on remote.

*steps out and hands bennys medical report*
In the files, found this, proof of inquisition chip etc. I may not like you entirely but I will make sure all is done to code and fairly.

*looks down* oh, that charge wrong code, 56 not 34. Your trying to charge him with drunkenly riding a grox whilst ranching. It's right, I was head law clerk for a inquisitor for a few months. Oh and administration only take the charge sheet in black ink.

Goodnight, oh hello ultramarine.

Oh fine *gives v a hug* you should check your online dating messages.
*goes back to tank*

*glares at BC*
Care to take that statement back Commissar?
*hand on power sword*

[Points at BC whilst scrolling one handed] Have trouble stopping that one from cuddling you, if you get too close. Pretty sure it's a survival instinct to stop you seeing him as a threat.

...I'll send a drone.
*Drone hovers over Benny*
I'm going to go for a walk near a pond. Perhaps grab a goose, cook it, and make something pretty and tasty.
Should be fun.

[Doesn't look up] I don't believe so, no. And that's Lord Commissar Yarrick.
You may remember me from such episodes as commanding the entire sector's imperial forces during the third war of Armageddon, and a short run of educational films. They're not very good.

But "sir" will do.

*chuckles*
And I'm the Champion of Chapter Master Calgar's Honor Guard. I don't have to call you anything. Now, kindly take your statement back before I decide to rip you in half for fun

*pokes head out*
If you want to kill each other, try to not wake me

*slams hatch shut and turrets go to defend mode*

[Leans back on chair] You're distracting me from my work, go forth and be noisy elsewhere.

*does not move at all*
You may be a war hero Commissar, but even you cannot command the Astartes.

Are you two not militants working for the same cause? Then act like it. I've been here for one day and I already see disunity between your ranks. I don't care if you have to kill one another, just find a way to get along.

I'm not commanding, I'm merely suggesting you take that unnecessarily garish loudness elsewhere, and your voice unit with it.

[Rubs temples and puts boots on table] Nearly fifteen thousand in this sector, and I can't find six sane commissars. I'd be as well asking for six intelligent ogryns, or six quiet Astartes.

You could go ask the Raven Guard, I hear they have a demi-company in this sector.

[Sighs] I may have gotten that last pairing confused, by the sound of it. Don't you have somewhere to be?

[Stares at list] I could throw a bag of rocks into a penal colony and come out with a more balanced group.

I think we got off on the wrong foot. Shall we start over without the insults and threats? And to be honest I don't think you'll find anyone. Most of Imperial officials in this system are dead or have gone mad

[Sighs] For lack of time in the day, I'd be inclined to agree. Fine.
Hello.

[Gestures to computer] How am I supposed to put together a court martial if I can't assemble a fair group? None of these people would give balanced counsel.