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In light of this thread:

http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/245174.page

What does it mean to be a Father?

EDIT: This is not necessairly about whether you'd think to be one at this point, but what do you think it means.

Utter terror for me.

Don't want kids. At all. Ever.

I'd rather have some Doggies me. I love Doggies.

I wish to find out some day

I didn't read the Father's Day thread because we don't have Father's Day in the UK.

However, as a father I can say it is at once the best thing and the scariest thing ever.

The first night we brought our daughter home from hospital, my wife was asleep and I could not sleep. I got the baby out of her cot and let her lie on my chest for a couple of hours, as if it was the only thing that would keep her breathing. A couple of weeks later, I accidentally bumped her head against the wall and she cried, and I said, "If that's the worst thing that ever happens to you in life, you will be lucky."

Being a father you just have to do your best to bring up your children and help them get the skills to cope with the world they are going into. It's scary because you don't know what you are doing is or the best or if it will work at all.

Bringing up a new human is a way of saying thanks to your own parents.

I'll stick to mucking around with my friends sprogs ta.

Many people have said I'd be a good Dad, and I am good with kids, but I am terrified of being a poor father or even poor father figure (hey, this is the modern world after all!). And as much as they say that is the very hallmark of a good parent in the making, I'm still too scared of it. And this is one bit of cowardice I am happy to embrace, given the consequences should it prove justified!

I'm quite content with helping bring my sister up, and not having kids of my own. Maybe it's part selfishness, and part what Doc Grot said about the fear of being a poor father figure, I couldn't honestly say..but having my own kids doesn't appeal to me. Maybe when I get older I'll change my mind, but for now I'm quite content with not getting up at 3am to change a gakky nappy

Kilkrazy wrote:I didn't read the Father's Day thread because we don't have Father's Day in the UK.

However, as a father I can say it is at once the best thing and the scariest thing ever.

The first night we brought our daughter home from hospital, my wife was asleep and I could not sleep. I got the baby out of her cot and let her lie on my chest for a couple of hours, as if it was the only thing that would keep her breathing. A couple of weeks later, I accidentally bumped her head against the wall and she cried, and I said, "If that's the worst thing that ever happens to you in life, you will be lucky."

Being a father you just have to do your best to bring up your children and help them get the skills to cope with the world they are going into. It's scary because you don't know what you are doing is or the best or if it will work at all.

Bringing up a new human is a way of saying thanks to your own parents.

Word on that.

Now that I won’t be heckled:

***Responsibility. Kids are life’s great “this is no BS that little bugger is depending on you to carry the day, and do it with a smile on your face.” I always had the image of a statute of a man lifting up his wife, who is in turn lifting up a child, and that child is reaching for the heavens. If you do it right its still really really hard, but its what you do.

***Joy. You will never, ever have happier times than with the rugrat or from the rugrat. Happiness is a daughter climbing onto your lap when you’re sitting watching TV. Happiness is watching your son launch a tomato from his home made catapult.

***Anger. Same to same. Usually that’s fires up out of concern though. That and not turning off the freaking lights. What do you think power grows on trees! Also that whole, he beats me like a mule at chess is really annoying… Also anger at others that threaten the kids.

***Fear. Fear for their safety, their success. Fear they will make the mistakes you did. Fear they will make different and even worse mistakes. Fear the Evil out there will find them, when they are not ready to face it. Fear their mom will find out how much I’ve spent on 40K-yikes!

***Glory. Glory when they achieve, or when they pick themselves up and try again.

***Wonderment. They are not me. They do things I could never have done, effortlessly.

***Respect. You learn to respect what your parents did for you, the sacrifices they made.

***Important things. I’ve learned if everyone’s still employed and no one’s come down with a life threatening illness, then life is ok.

I think being a Father means doing things that are neither easy, nor fair. I think that a Father must be there in the hard times and the good times. A father must sacrifce in a ways that a mother cannot as he gets the easy end of the pregnancy. A father must be willing to show love through discipline, but without smothering or being overbearing.

I was scared of being a potential father until recently. I mean I'm going to be in control of this little human being, a little helpless creature, but I'm not scared. As long as I understand sacrifice and the needs of my wife and child I will suceed. My father and his father haven't always been the best role models, but their offspring have survived and suceeded. It's not easy, but what in life that's worth doing ever is easy?

I wish luck to those fathers out there and I hope that you are doing the best you can for your children.

a father is the one who feths the mother ands leaves
a dad is someone who steps up and take responsibility.
Basically anyone can be father,but it takes a real man to be a dad.

This is an awesome thread.

I kind of would like to be a father someday. I've even considered the option of adopting. Right now I'm only 'father' to my cat.

garret wrote:a father is the one who feths the mother ands leaves
a dad is someone who steps up and take responsibility.
Basically anyone can be father,but it takes a real man to be a dad.

Clear, concise, and to the point.

Frazzled wrote:
What does it mean to be a Father?

Means only getting to play the games you love once or twice a year....


Until the little ones are old enough to play with yah.

Kilkrazy wrote:I didn't read the Father's Day thread because we don't have Father's Day in the UK.

Eh? Am I missing something here?

garret wrote:a father is the one who feths the mother ands leaves
a dad is someone who steps up and take responsibility.
Basically anyone can be father,but it takes a real man to be a dad.

No, that's pretty offensive actually. Not all of us absent fathers are absent through choice, or because we don't care, or because we don't want the responsiblity. Not all of us shirk our obligations or fail to pay the child support. The system screws us again and again. My ex-wife ran off with another guy, and took my son with her. So I'm the bad guy in this how? You should perhaps abstain from making such pathetic and thoughtless generalisations in future.

No im not because thats the truth.
Also no you are not the bad guy in that

Part of me wants to derail this thread with cynical comments....several of you know why. I'll fight the urge.

To me, being a father is:

1. doing your best to to what is morally right in order to set an example. Be a superhero for your kid. (noone else will ever see you as the invincible man your kids see, dont disappoint them)

2. living up to your responsibilities toward your little spawn regardless of whether you "can" or not....(you can, find a way)

3. Not giving up....ever.

4. Always being there for them. If your kid is ready to play/talk/spend time with you...you MAKE time for them. You'll never get THAT chance again.

Chicago wrote:
You should perhaps abstain from making such pathetic and thoughtless generalisations in future.

I'd suggest you refrain from taking offense to future generalizations when you apparently suffer from a very specific set of circumstances.

Chicago wrote:

garret wrote:a father is the one who feths the mother ands leaves
a dad is someone who steps up and take responsibility.
Basically anyone can be father,but it takes a real man to be a dad.

No, that's pretty offensive actually. Not all of us absent fathers are absent through choice, or because we don't care, or because we don't want the responsiblity. Not all of us shirk our obligations or fail to pay the child support. The system screws us again and again. My ex-wife ran off with another guy, and took my son with her. So I'm the bad guy in this how? You should perhaps abstain from making such pathetic and thoughtless generalisations in future.

Calm down now...I'm in the same boat as you and wasnt offended here. Don't read so much into every post.

Garret obviously was talking about the "father" who hits it and then doesnt give a fig to live up to his responsibilities.

I'd say it's the difference between leaving and having them leave.

Yes thats exactly what I meant.

I can't ever "know" what it's like.
I can't have them, and the wife is in the same position.

We'll settle for the meagre approximation of "happiness" that we can know, and do so knowing that it cannot be diminished by anyone else's opinion on what "true" happiness is.

Chicago wrote:

Kilkrazy wrote:I didn't read the Father's Day thread because we don't have Father's Day in the UK.

Eh? Am I missing something here?

I was thinking the same thing. I think maybe Killkrazy's kids are keeping him in the dark so they don't have to get him anything.

Fatherhood means lugging stuff. Lots and lots of stuff. Everywhere.

Orkeosaurus wrote:I'd say it's the difference between leaving and having them leave.

As always Orkeosaurus nails the nail on the head. Mancrush continues...

My cousin became a father last year. When we visited him, he gave me his kid to hold, he was 6 months old at the time.

I was terrified that I might drop him, but in the end it was a great feeling.

whatwhat wrote:

Chicago wrote:

Kilkrazy wrote:I didn't read the Father's Day thread because we don't have Father's Day in the UK.

Eh? Am I missing something here?

I was thinking the same thing. I think maybe Killkrazy's kids are keeping him in the dark so they don't have to get him anything.

No, it's true.

Father's Day was introduced in the UK a decade or so ago by Hallmark cards, Interflora and M&S Socks department.

It never existed in the UK before then, so I refuse to recognise it.

You young'uns just don't know what a commercially distorted world you've grown up in, because you never had the chance to know different.

Anung Un Rama wrote:My cousin became a father last year. When we visited him, he gave me his kid to hold, he was 6 months old at the time.

I was terrified that I might drop him, but in the end it was a great feeling.

You sure look cute in the jumper and hat there Anung. But man that baby grows like a weed, and already has facial hair...

veeery funy Fraz

btw. I would love to hear the story about Genghis Connie and that straw


Seriosuly, sounds like a TNG Data dream sequence

Kilkrazy wrote:

whatwhat wrote:

Chicago wrote:

Kilkrazy wrote:I didn't read the Father's Day thread because we don't have Father's Day in the UK.

Eh? Am I missing something here?

I was thinking the same thing. I think maybe Killkrazy's kids are keeping him in the dark so they don't have to get him anything.

No, it's true.

Father's Day was introduced in the UK a decade or so ago by Hallmark cards, Interflora and M&S Socks department.

It never existed in the UK before then, so I refuse to recognise it.

You young'uns just don't know what a commercially distorted world you've grown up in, because you never had the chance to know different.

Still, your dad can't think much of you.

It is hard to say at the moment being one for only 6 months.

Initailly pretty bloody annoying as he was nonresponsive to me and soaked up heaps of time, but since about the 3 month mark where he has become more interactive he is getting better every day.

I now know why parents would hand off their babies to their friends at parties, dinners etc... it is becaus ethey want a moment without worrying about their child.

I'm also planning ahead for him in terms of what schools to go to, what sports to promote, what musical instrument to play, etc.

Anung Un Rama wrote:My cousin became a father last year. When we visited him, he gave me his kid to hold, he was 6 months old at the time.

I was terrified that I might drop him, but in the end it was a great feeling.

Why do parents always insist that you hold THEIR kids? Something about that has always irked me. To this day I completely refuse to hold someone elses child.

I'm 38 years old and have held only a single baby in my entire life....mine. Maybe thats me being an a$$hole but I'm content with reserving myself for my own children. I've got no interest in holding anyone elses little squig.