Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

Ok as I am expecting our first child within the the week I thought that I would ask my fellow Dakkaites random parenting advice. Good, bad, doesn't matter just throw it at me. If you have never even have seen a child before it doesn't matter, just throw it my way. I need good material to cheer the wife up as we wait for this bloody, wrinkled thing that will be ours to raise.

Disclaimer: Keep it "relatively clean" and non-sexual.

Well... grubs are distinctly different than kids, at least for the first year or three... or four, five. Look forward to six or so, mainly because you can officially begin to say "Because I said so!" and it will imply more than utter gibberish to the whippersnapper.

The first few years are apparently the hardest, if not most utterly shocking... seriously though, and after that you can watch them grow into angry teenagers ready to tell you what they think about your "Because I said so!" line with a vendetta in mind.

As soon as they reach 18 you'll be hoping to christ that they have figured out a way to leave you in peace, nay you will be begging them to leave for sake of your mental and emotional capacity to handle any more change .

Just wait until your second kid (if you plan on having one) because the party is just getting started then .

A good slap every now and then helps, just don't slap it too hard and leave a mark on it, that's like keying your own car.

Naaaaah.

In all seriousness, just enjoy the ride.

Yeah, congrats!

First bit of advice. Babies are built tough and durable for the everyday stuff. Much more so than you'd think. Reading too much and watching too much about baby care and development will drive you bonkers and may cause you to become overly cautious regarding everything. Not too mention spending a small fortune on crap you don't need.

Second; playing nice mellow music (classical) at a very young age is a great thing! I'm not talking about the 'Mozart Effect' myth. It conditions the baby to sleep/nap through times when you are trying to get potentially noisy things done.

Third: From about eighteen months to three years old the child will demand 100% of your attention. Put you 40k stuff away.

Fourth: Get used to not having much of a social life and becoming out of touch with popular culture.

Fifth: Hug them often and hold them lovingly as much as either of you can stand.

Sixth: As they grow and develop, remember they are not you. They may idolize you but they will have their own likes and dislikes.

Seven: Newborns are very easy. Enjoy it. You'll understand in about six months.

Eight: Read to them as much as either of you can stand. Even 40K rules! Not only will you keep up on your reading but it may just stimulate them to read when they're old enough.

Nine: As somewhat touched upon, there are too many 'professionals' with too many studies and opinions regard the best way to take care of babies. Relax, relax, relax. Have you ever wondered why most first borns tend to be a bit uptight or too serious? Relax and never ever lie to them, somewhere deep down they'll know it (well except for Santa and such) and grow to resent you for it.

Ten (my last one, honest): Hope for a perfect child but you may get an unholy terror (i.e. Goku before his conditioning was broken) either way, they are still yours. Find a direction for their gameness. You will both benefit.

Anyway, these are all based off of my own experiences. Good luck! It was/still is one of the most frightening and wonderful experiences of my life. I cannot imagine my life without kids now.

My tip: sometimes, it good to let them cry.

M_Stress wrote:My tip: sometimes, it good to let them cry.

Good one, I forgot that one! You'll learn the differences between the types of crying.

I've also never said (at least that I can remember), "Because I said so," to mine. I always had a reason ready. Mostly because my girl is a damned prodigy so she has been smarter than me by six years old so I HAD to have a reason.

Babies like whiskey.

Beer makes them too gassy.

Force yourself to enjoy every moment...even when your newborn is screaming in your face at 2:38 am. They grow up fast, and each moment that passes is gone forever. As my mom told me, the nights can be long, but the years go quickly.

GoFenris makes many good points.

Don't leave your baby on the bus or in the car.

From the age where they have mobility, keep anything that can break or be picked up as far away from them as possible. Things that fall into this are things such as: Drinks glasses on coffee tables, costers, magazines, DVD's, etc...

And I would definately agree with GoFenris above; you can never read too much with/to them.

Congratulations!

So, my main advice would be to realize that, once a newborn enters your home, everything you have is disposable. There's an old saying about not crying over spilled milk; I advise not yelling over it either. . .Even if it's dumped over your favorite Codex, your wedding photos, or the dog.

Try to sleep when you can.

If you have a coffee table, I'd say get rid of it. Your child may start to crawl far more quickly than you might plan for, and coffee tables are chin-magnets and have limited practical value when you have a toddler in the house - anything you place on them will be pulled off, and they'll pull themselves up on them just long enough to smash their chin against the edge.

Try to keep the fridge and pantry stocked with stuff that's quick to prepare for all the non-babies in the house. Comfort food makes the long nights shorter.

Most first time parents are (as someone else mentioned) overly protective and worried about the child; I think that's natural - and I wouldn't be too concerned about being too concerned.

Try to avoid commitments to regular events (gaming sessions, etc) for the first year or seven.

Favorite overheard axiom on parenting:

"With your first child, if the food drips onto the clean high-chair tray, it is no longer worthy of being eaten. With the second, as long as it doesn't hit the floor it's fine. With the third, you use the 2 second rule, and with your fourth you just hope it doesn't have hair on it."

Oh oh oh oh!!! I almost forgot!

Crawling babies make the BEST 'counts as' Squiggoths ever!

Mistress of minis wrote:Oh oh oh oh!!! I almost forgot!

Crawling babies make the BEST 'counts as' Squiggoths ever!

Counts as?

Thanks for the advice, keep it coming.

For the last 2 months or so I've been reading him a story before we go to bed at night. Granted he's still in the wife, but we figured any noise from me is better than none (he probably gets tired of listening to her anyways, jk). I'm thinking till he is old enough to understand I'm going to be reading him the Horus Heresy, Caiphus Cain, and my homework readings.

Hope it works.

Boy or girl? Gratz anyway!

Don't be passive agressive, don't be a bigot, do spend time with your kid throughout its entire life, and most importantly...

Turn your kid into a geek so that you can share your hobby with it! Kids are like sponges and they're going to soak up everything you two do, good or bad. In a few years they'll resemble mini-clones of you not only in appearance but personality.

I know its currently out of fashion, but you really should wait before sending them off to the coal mine/work camp until they can walk. I know I know, "if they can crawl they can work," is the new black, but trust me. Go with tradition, wait until they are at least two.
You can get more money that way.

Teach him what honor is. Teach him what being a father is and husband to your wife. pattern proper behavior and odds are better that they will act that way, or expect such from their husband/bf.

And always, always remember: if they do good its because of you. If they do bad its because of your wife's side of the family.

It's a boy (Carson is his name). I'm not too worried about how he'll turn out. The wife is very loving and is great with kids, I'm very patient with Adult Children and I rarely lose my temper.

When he get's older I'm putting GW posters up in his room. I've already decided that his first army is going to be Orks (40k and/or Fantasy) and I'm going to start grooming him into geekhood when he is five.

The doctor thinks he is going to be big. I was 9lbs 10ozs when I was born. The misses was 7lbs something, but it looks like he will take after me. The doctor has already mentioned that we may have to have a C-Section, so we'll see how that goes. Prenatal classes prepared us for the possibility so we're as ready as we can be.

Edit: Forgot to mention Frazzled. He and She Who Must Be Obeyed (his wife) gave great advice last week and I need to give them mad props (in public).

I thought of a new one! If you make the mistake of becoming impatient with whatever they're doing and you then make the additional mistake of threatening them, make sure:

a.) The threat is something reasonable and not an off-handed outrageous one that you can never enforce and...

b.) You enforce the threat causing it to become a fact. If you don't as with the above, they will never respect your authority (which is actually very important until age five or so, depending on the personality).

It is best to find other ways and methods to avoid this altogether but I guarantee you will go down this road at least once.

Thanks. She would say YIKES! at the weight expectation.

Listen to her, my advice is strictly optional, except for the waiting part. Seriously, you can get like twice as much for a 3 year as a 9 monther. Plus at that age they can moonlight from their coal mine job to write GW army codexes, and thats profit direct to your wallet...


Also, once they are a teenager you need to put younger pics of them on the fridge. It helps.
I'll tell ya what level of pharmacopia is needed for driving lessons soon enough.

Learn to say 'No', but don't always say 'No'. Sometimes it's ok to say Yes.

Always follow through. If you say you're going to do something (whether it's reward or punishment), do it. If you don't plan on doing it, don't say it.

If you're losing your patience (you will lose your patience when your baby is screaming for the 2nd straight hour at 4am), put the baby in a safe place and walk away to re-gain your composure. Don't do something rash/stupid.

18 month old children (and potentially younger) are tall enough to take your minis off the kitchen table. Plan accordingly.

Your day care costs are depressingly high. But think of all the extra gaming money you'll have once they're, oh, 10 or so.

Lots of other things, too many to list. Enjoy how wonderful they are, even as they get older. If you're doing it right, they should stay wonderful, just in a different way.

We could start a Birth Weight Pool.

Everybody give a weight. Closest without going over wins a mini painted by me (my choice).

stormtitan wrote:Learn to say 'No', but don't always say 'No'. Sometimes it's ok to say Yes.

Always follow through. If you say you're going to do something (whether it's reward or punishment), do it. If you don't plan on doing it, don't say it.

If you're losing your patience (you will lose your patience when your baby is screaming for the 2nd straight hour at 4am), put the baby in a safe place and walk away to re-gain your composure. Don't do something rash/stupid.

18 month old children (and potentially younger) are tall enough to take your minis off the kitchen table. Plan accordingly.

Your day care costs are depressingly high. But think of all the extra gaming money you'll have once they're, oh, 10 or so.

Lots of other things, too many to list. Enjoy how wonderful they are, even as they get older. If you're doing it right, they should stay wonderful, just in a different way.

Make sure pets understand, kids are higher are the food chain. Make sure kids understand that pets are not food.
A dog will enjoy its new packmate and properly raised, will fight to the death to protect that baby. A cat will just add it to the list of people first against the wall when the cat revolution comes.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Remember parents don't want justice. They just want quiet. Its ok to be that way. You're normal. the hellspawn in the other room are probably normal too. When you realize this you will both sigh in relief and weep for humanity.

barlio wrote:Ok as I am expecting our first child within the the week I thought that I would ask my fellow Dakkaites random parenting advice. Good, bad, doesn't matter just throw it at me. If you have never even have seen a child before it doesn't matter, just throw it my way. I need good material to cheer the wife up as we wait for this bloody, wrinkled thing that will be ours to raise.

Disclaimer: Keep it "relatively clean" and non-sexual.

Im not a parent , but i still remember things that i dislike growing up.

Never assume children dont know anything , no matter how young they are.

Yeah that's actually good advice--treat your children like friends--i.e. show them respect, value their opinion, laugh at their (bad) jokes, etc. Don't dismiss them as children. They will develop to be more mature, more respectful of others, more independent, etc.

My wife and I get constant compliments on how well behaved our children are, and how much of a joy they are to be around. I believe this is because we treat them with honesty, deal with them fairly, and talk to them like adults, not children. We explain why we make decisions, why they can or cannot do something, etc.

Okay!

I'll take 9 lbs 9 oz!

There is some great advice on here!

stormtitan wrote:Yeah that's actually good advice--treat your children like friends--i.e. show them respect, value their opinion, laugh at their (bad) jokes, etc. Don't dismiss them as children. They will develop to be more mature, more respectful of others, more independent, etc.

My wife and I get constant compliments on how well behaved our children are, and how much of a joy they are to be around. I believe this is because we treat them with honesty, deal with them fairly, and talk to them like adults, not children. We explain why we make decisions, why they can or cannot do something, etc.

In contrast I'd proffer fon't treat them like friends, treat them like your children. You're not their pal. You are their to guide them, and occasionally make them do things they don't want to do for their own benefit.

But I do agree with the other part:

show them respect, value their opinion, laugh at their (bad) jokes, etc.

Mistress of minis wrote:Babies like whiskey.

Beer makes them too gassy.

Actually, rubbing some whiskey (or other drinkable alcohol) on their gums when teething really badly helps immensely! Just dip your finger and rub, you're not trying to get them drunk.

I got this one from my Mother and Grandmother.

One more thing to add that i think is the most important of all.

"Nothing is for free , everything comes with a price , you are responsible for your own actions."

If a child fully understand that sentence , they are pretty well set. ( even some adults still cant understand the concept )

barlio wrote:We could start a Birth Weight Pool.

Everybody give a weight. Closest without going over wins a mini painted by me (my choice).

Since you read to your baby while it's in the womb I'm guessing you guys are going to be pretty responsible parents. I say 8 pounds 7 oz.

As for advice, never telling a lie is good. The more you tell the more it will come around to bite you later on. I'm not talking about Santa Claus, Easter Bunny type lies. I'm talking where do babies come from, why are girls different, does god exist type stuff. Always be straight forward, they come from pregnant mommies, they have vagina's (different parts, use whatever alternative word you like), I think God does (or not, whatever you believe). It will help him deal with things a little better later on and it won't make him a vicious liar.

As for the right here right now things. ABCs. Start them early. Like years early. As soon as his eyes are open be educating him (it's pretty easy). Be verbal, show him a flash card with an A on it. Say "A! Ah!" to let him know the letter and the sound. Show him letters and say "2! This many (Hold up two fingers, two apples and two toys)". People underestimate how much an infant can learn. The earlier you start with their education the faster they will learn later on.

Lefty Liberal View incoming!

I would say you never fail as a Parent as long as you don't stop trying to be a good Father/Mother. Look at Homer Simpson. The character is praised by Parenting groups in the US and elsewhere not because he always succeeds, but because he always tries to do the good thing, even when it blows up (occasionally literally) in his face.

The little turds of this world come from Parents who couldn't care less about their behaviour. The ones who either never tried, or have given up and labelled their child with ADHD, plain Unruly, Strong Willed etc. All three of these are to my mind, matters of opinion, and all three of them are certainly Cop outs.

Get a book with scary monsters in it, and teach him to read with it.

Everyone reads better when it's about monsters.