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Clthomps wrote:If a man or woman is watching porn in a relationship 99% of the time it is because he / she has a higher sex drive than their partner.

The remaining 1% of the population have socially unacceptable fetishes and/or are prone to compulsions and obsessions (Just like drug addiction or even a gambling compulsions).


The only time porn causes problems in relationships is if you are either in the 1%

OR

One or both partners have serious trust issues, and if this is the case no abstinence of porn will ever make your relationship a healthy one.

That is a bit generalized I think. My parents, who don't even know how to use the internet much less a computer, don't have trust issues with each other and they don't observe porn, and they have a very healthy relationship. You may dismiss this as an anomaly, but I know many couples like this.

Arctik_Firangi wrote:Never been a fan of disproportionate W's anyway.

Dude, they have porn these days for whatEVER you are in to. I don't care WHAT some guys' dream girl ooks like or what kind of vet she sees; there's a slew of sites waiting to cater.

I believe they refer to it as Rule 34? Trust in it.

JEB_Stuart wrote:Looking at porn suggests something that is unfulfilled or empty in your relationship.

What it also suggests is that the man likes looking at nekkid women.

JEB_Stuart wrote:

grizgrin wrote:Luna: How old ...bracket up the value of your opinion nicely.

I don't think that this is a fair post. Its none of your business, and unless Luna shares it with us, its none of ours. Lets be honest, in this situation, where he is posting on the internet, does it really matter what any person's life or history is like? They will make up any past if they want to in order to justify their claim. As long as anyone has a decent answer, which Luna does, then this is really a pointless post. Like I said, he is posting the question on an internet forum, not going to a professional, so our background or experiences is irrelevant.

That's a very nice opinion. Let me take out some of the syllables and explain somethings you missed. First off, the question was rhetorical. Luna's answers are not for my or dakka's information; rather they are responses to a set of questions that were intended to get her to think about her answers, the questions, and how her responses influence how she considers such things. Tell you what, if you didn't like that, you should just go ahead and put my on ignore now, you'll be happier that way.

Oh god... I knew this would happen... yes... that is right....

Fwooooooaaaarrrrrgh!!!




Automatically Appended Next Post:
Redbeard, JohnHwangDD and Polonius gave the best answers to your question.

Yes, your GF has the right to ask you to stop, and you have the right to say no, if it’s important to your quality of life.

Would you let your GF stop you playing wargames?

Sometimes, some women in relationships make demands of their partners ‘just because’. It’s part of a control strategy. That’s when you have to insist on your rights.

If I gave in to all my wife’s demands I would spend my entire leisure time waiting around in shoe shops.

I'm pretty certain that science has proved that men & women view & deal with sex in different ways. As I understand it us men are actually quite shallow when it comes to sex, we react straight away to visual stimulus. Which is probably why porn works on us. I for one can say hand on heart that I've never compared my wife to a porn star and thought I'm missing out on something, it's just porn.

As I've got older I have found myself reflecting on the rights & wrongs of it though. I know there are a lot of women in the industry who defend it and say it gives them self power, but does it really?

It's an odd comparison, but I do think it's a bit like sticking sweets at the check outs. The shops / makers say that you aren't forced to buy them, but they know you will due to the kids kicking off. It's the same with the porn industry. They say that nobody is forced to do it, but they offer up money and target people who they know are susceptible. You can't tell me that that women who went for the world record of having sex with the most men was right in the head?

I don't know how many of the posters here have a daughter who is 17+ or would be old enough to off had a daughter of that age, but how would you feel if you found out your daughter was doing this? I mean we are quite happy to watch the porn, but it is somebodies daughter at the end of the day!? Can kinda take the fun out of it. Then there's the "drunk" porn that gets stuck on the internet. Women who are too drunk to know what's going on being filmed having sex... bit too close to rape I think.

@Wrex:



On topic. Well, I suppose it depends on the kind of relationship you have. If you guys are into that kinda kinky stuff then I guess that's your choice. But if you went into this relationship with respecting and loving only eacher in mind, then I would say no. (BTW, if you need to look at p0rn then that's not a good sign of the relationship.) How about you try to spice up things between you instead of looking at other areas? It'd be a safe bet to say that it won't stop there with looking...

If it's your PC (as opposed to a jointly owned one) then, no she has no 'right' to demand anything. She can ask by all means and you can say no and if you do then she has no legitimate cause for complaint.

Personally I have no issues with pron as long as it involves consenting adults and I freely admit that I enjoy it. I don't think it is damaging in itself and that and when people say they have known relationships destroyed over pron I think that the pron is more than likely a symptom as opposed to a cause.

Personally I think the hang ups over pron and sex in general that Britain and some other western countries have is not only misguided but actually damaging. Sex and sexuality are nothing to be ashamed of and shouldn’t be treated as something to be hidden away or worse, criminalised.

If a GF ever said to me, it's the pron or me then quite frankly I'd tell her to take a hike. I have no interest in being with anyone who wants to control me in this manner and what I look at on my PC is no ones business but mine.

LuciusAR wrote:If it's your PC (as opposed to a jointly owned one) then, no she has no 'right' to demand anything. She can ask by all means and you can say no and if you do then she has no legitimate cause for complaint.

Personally I have no issues with pron as long as it involves consenting adults and I freely admit that I enjoy it. I don't think it is damaging in itself and that and when people say they have known relationships destroyed over pron I think that the pron is more than likely a symptom as opposed to a cause.

Personally I think the hang ups over pron and sex in general that Britain and some other western countries have is not only misguided but actually damaging. Sex and sexuality are nothing to be ashamed of and shouldn’t be treated as something to be hidden away or worse, criminalised.

If a GF ever said to me, it's the pron or me then quite frankly I'd tell her to take a hike. I have no interest in being with anyone who wants to control me in this manner and what I look at on my PC is no ones business but mine.

QFT!

Just find a grrrl who also likes it, or make sure she's proper eye candy.

But there are lines to be drawn across the ground of course.

Beerfart wrote:Is a GF within her rights to demand that her man NEVER looks at any sort of pornography online?

....sometimes while surfing, I just wind up there to take a look. If she sees it in the history or something, look out!... its arguements and threats to leave.

Now its not like you've got a "right" to look at whatever you want to, or is it?

Something just tells me that this would be a pipe dream for a woman to expect her man to never have his eyes stray. Isnt it ingrained in our DNA or something that we just love to look at the menu?

Dump her dump her now. She's evil. We're talking Satan's sock puppet kind of evil.

Frazzled wrote:

Beerfart wrote:Is a GF within her rights to demand that her man NEVER looks at any sort of pornography online?

....sometimes while surfing, I just wind up there to take a look. If she sees it in the history or something, look out!... its arguements and threats to leave.

Now its not like you've got a "right" to look at whatever you want to, or is it?

Something just tells me that this would be a pipe dream for a woman to expect her man to never have his eyes stray. Isnt it ingrained in our DNA or something that we just love to look at the menu?

Dump her dump her now. She's evil. We're talking Satan's sock puppet kind of evil.

I'm scared... I agree with Frazzled... I think I need a shower now.

What if it goes the other way round? Hmm? I knew my relationship was over when she started openly browsing watersports and auto-asphyxiation sites looking for ideas.

Kilkrazy wrote:If I gave in to all my wife’s demands I would spend my entire leisure time waiting around in shoe shops.

Looks like you have some advide to give.



This is me (centre) hangin' with ma homie.

BrookM wrote:What if it goes the other way round? Hmm? I knew my relationship was over when she started openly browsing watersports and auto-asphyxiation sites looking for ideas.

No, you really know its over when you catch them perusing "how to get life insurance on your hubby/BF without letting them know" website.

Dirty Deeds! Done dirt cheap!

It all comes down to respect. If your GF has made it clear that she finds you looking at smut unacceptable then do you respect her enough to stop? If the answer is no then it's time to part ways.

She is well within her rights do demand whatever she wants, the same as you are well within your rights to tell her to jog on.

Personaly I have no problem with it, as said before almost all blokes crack off a sneaky one when the missus is not about, I would imagine that the majority of women know full well this happens but are happy to let it go as long as they are not confronted by it.

I would be interested to know who's PC it is? If it is hers then I have to say you are bang out of order, if it's yours then for the love of god remember to delete down your history after every "session"

Beerfart wrote:....sometimes while surfing, I just wind up there to take a look.

Seriously though, I think your girlfriend doesn't want you looking at it because it makes her feel like she's not satisfying you. Put yourself in her position. If you found her playing with herself in front of some male Pr0n, wouldn't you feel a bit... err.... deflated?

Just take a romantic trip together to the friendly neighbourhood sex shop and get her to do some of the things you see in porn. See if she does it better.

Shadowbrand wrote:My GF watches Pr0n with me.

Wife and I used to do it all the time...now, it's kinda boring, the porn that is.

LunaHound wrote:Hmm my reply had some weird reaction....

would you like ur gf looking at porn of hot studs?

I don't see a problem with it. Because at the end of the day, who is she crawling into bed with?

Skarwae wrote:
Just take a romantic trip together to the friendly neighbourhood sex shop and get her to do some of the things you see in porn. See if she does it better.

Be prepared for this to back fire. A friend of mine was always talking to his girl about some back door loving, they took a trip to the local adult shop and bought some lube, on the way out she darts back into the shop and says "back in a second i just want to get a little suprise for you". He thinks he is well in and has a smile on his face for the rest of the day. That night they go to bed and things start to get steamy, he asks if she is "up for it" and she replies yes, she proceeds to tie him to the bad and nips of to the bath room to get the suprise ready. He still thinks his luck is in and inticipates her returning wearing something red and flimsy. When she re-entered the room with a huge black rubber willy he started to get a bit upset, apparently he failed to specify which back door was going to be getting the love.

I must stress that this geuinely happened to a friend and not me!

What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

My wife aint a fan of porn, so that's why I don't let her know I'm looking at it on the net . I'm fortunate in that my wife has a desktop PC to use and I have my own laptop, otherwise she'd wonder why the web history is misteriously blank all the time ("its like its never been used" ).

I appreciate why most women I know don't like porn (at least openly), but as long as you aint looking at anything 'wrong' or genuinely disturbing it's really just a fantasy. I love my wife, but I still like to look at some naughty stuff every now and again, but I'd never cheat on her even if I was invited to take part in some of the stuff I look at. If you do find yourself favouring porn over your partner then that is a sign your relationship is in trouble.

squilverine wrote:...apparently he failed to specify which back door was going to be getting the love.

No reach-around? How rude.

squilverine wrote:When she re-entered the room with a huge black rubber willy

"Uh oh..."

squilverine wrote:I must stress that this geuinely happened to a friend and not me!

Yeah, that's what they all say...

Assuming that looking at pron is an activity indulged when the GF is not around and that it's on your own PC/internet connection then I don’t see how this could possibly be described as a reasonable request.

If she doesn’t respect you enough to let you have you own private life then it's time to get rid of the controlling wench before she takes your life over. Mark my words, she’ll be after the toys soldiers next!

In my experience women can be extremely insecure about their bodies and attractiveness. I had a gf, and more recently this happened to another friend of mine who is engaged, who got 10 sorts of pissed because I went to the strip club. I tried to explain that there was no way in hell I was actually going to score with one of those women, but she wouldn't hear it.
Same thing when I got "caught" looking at porn. I came to find out out that it was her insecurities that were driving her anger over pornagraphy, she felt that I wasn't attracted to her enough, and it was somehow her fault that I was being "driven" to porn.
I explained to her that my penis and I have been in a very long and happy relationship, and I'd been masturbating since I first figured it out. It had nothing to do with her, or my desire for her, it was simply something that me and my dick do every once in awhile when we are bored/horny/have nothing better to do. And porn is just a good facilitator for one of my favorite activities with my best friend i.e. my penis.

after 20 years together porn is a nice change of pace from time to time....

and yes your GF has the right to ask you to stop, but its a sign of worse things to come IMO

So it goes from looking at porn to inviting Rosy Palms for a date. I can see how some ladies dislike competition.

I also find myself agreeing with Frazzled...amazing.

Look, to the OP - first, there's no "right" opinion when it comes to porn. It has no across-the-board effects on everyone. Porn comes down to social mores, and how liberal or conservative they are, which on the left side of the spectrum may also decide what kind of porn you like.

All you can get on this are opinions, so here are mine and I hope they help.


1) Yes, your girlfriend is in her "rights" to tell you not to watch porn anymore...but it may be worth considering *why* she doesn't want you to watch it. Most women will appreciate your having this sort of conversation with her. Find out what her issue is, and be sensitive about it. Major brownie points. Sometimes women just want men to listen, and that's all. You may not need to change anything.

Does she feel threatened by it? Most women I know who are confident in their sexuality and in their relationship with their partner don't give a damn if their partner watches porn as long as it's within reasonable limits, i.e. if the man starts running up credit card debt to pay for porn, that's a problem. If he starts watching porn exclusively and not sleeping with her anymore, that's a problem. Otherwise, who cares?

If she has no reasonable argument for your not watching porn anymore, then the problem lies with her. Maybe she's conservative and isn't comfortable with sex. Maybe she's not confident about her looks and thinks that you're comparing her to the porn actresses. Both women and men need to accept that human beings will find other people attractive and look at them, and that's that - but as long as they don't act on it, it's fine. If she can't handle that, then she may be too immature to be in a relationship at all.

If these are her problems, and not yours, then you have the choice to make. Personally, I dumped a woman as soon as something like this took place. Too many fish in the sea. Next time you think about dating a girl, see what she thinks about porn early. If she's all conservative and offended by it, no next date.

Dating isn't about learning what you want to find in a partner, it's about learning what you DON'T want in a partner.


2) To anyone who tells you that porn leads to unhealthy fantasy/wanting to act them out, first of all I would suggest that most fantasy is not unhealthy so long as it remains fantasy, and you know the difference between fantasy and reality. Per wanting to act fantasies out, this is very often a GOOD thing in a relationship. When you've been with the same woman for ten years you may very well want to try something new, and as long as it's something you and your partner both consent to, it can be a very good thing.



3) This goes to everyone else...no, if a woman watches porn it doesn't mean she's not being satisfied. It just means she's horny and into sex. Women can get themselves off better than men can because they know their unique stimuli. Men who think all women operate the same as one another are usually a terrible lay.

PRAY you date a woman who likes to get toys and watch porn and stuff b/c it means you've got a keeper there! LOL

JEB_Stuart wrote:

Clthomps wrote:If a man or woman is watching porn in a relationship 99% of the time it is because he / she has a higher sex drive than their partner.

The remaining 1% of the population have socially unacceptable fetishes and/or are prone to compulsions and obsessions (Just like drug addiction or even a gambling compulsions).


The only time porn causes problems in relationships is if you are either in the 1%

OR

One or both partners have serious trust issues, and if this is the case no abstinence of porn will ever make your relationship a healthy one.

That is a bit generalized I think. My parents, who don't even know how to use the internet much less a computer, don't have trust issues with each other and they don't observe porn, and they have a very healthy relationship. You may dismiss this as an anomaly, but I know many couples like this.

That is a bit generalized I think. My parents, who don't even know how to use the internet much less a computer, don't have trust issues with each other and they don't observe porn, and they have a very healthy relationship. You may dismiss this as an anomaly, but I know many couples like this.

I seriously Hope / Doubt you know what goes on in your parents bedroom. IF your around my age then your parents are part of a generation that was privy to movies like "Deep Throat" and "Behind the Green Door" movies like this were huge box office hits, (and were played in main stream movie theaters, not just sleazy places with sticky floors). While the lack of a computer will limit the type of porn they watch / have watched I seriously doubt that they have never or would never watch porn or enter an "Adult Book Store".

well as a girl myself i don't mind porn at all. i actually like it rather a lot if i find something good or something i think my boyfriend might like i will bookmark it for him.
each to there own, im not threatend by someone having sex on a recording....i guess i'm just easy going!

See thats just ridiculous. My wife knows I look at porn, she has no problem with it what so ever. Infact Ive shown her some at times. Its no big deal. I laugh when I hear stories like this. If she is really THAT unreasonable about it, she has a problem. And needs to realize that she needs to work on herself.
And mental cheating doesnt count looking at porn. Thats just looking at porn. Mental cheating is falling inlove with the chick in the porn movie