Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

If you have a problem - you feel bad about something, are annoyed or generally feel down - then that problem exists within your own mind, and only there. Nobody else has got anything to do with it. Women are not crazy, and even if they were, that need not bother you.

In a very simple example, that means that if a woman treats you in a way that makes you feel bad, it means you expected something that was not there and feel bad because of that - not because of how she behaves.

But there is a lot more to that. If you act such as to satisfy your needs, you will get what you want - or at least you will find out how much it costs you to get it and then decide whether the fulfilment of that specific desire is worth that much to you.

If you are yourself - as opposed to trying hard to be nice to her or to impress her - and just do what you like - which includes kissing her or even being rude to her if that is what you feel like at that moment - you will seem more authentic - and that is something that people like, so your chances with women will increase. People notice when you are uncertain, and that makes you immediately undesirable as a man for most girls. Trying to be nice often means trying to understand what others expect or wish of you, and that often leads to uncertainty.

This also makes your life a lot easier. You need not bother with considering whether she wants to be hugged longer, kissed more often, wants roses or whatever. You just do all those things whenever you want to, whenever you enjoy doing it. If that is too much or too little from her point of view, that is not your problem. It may lead to her leaving you, but that is 1. rather unlikely and 2. good for you, because then her desires and needs obviously do not fit yours that well.

Applied to the "be a jerk to get women" theory, that means that yes, jerks have better chances with women, because they do what they want to do and do not ask anyone for permission. But you do not need to be a jerk to do that.

Edited for more clarity.

In my life ive come to a very important conclusion about women: All women are trouble, few of them are actually worth it.

Gibbsey wrote:

And i beleive he was refering to "The Rules"

What Goddamn rules?

There are no rules?

Are there?

I get my ass kicked when I act like a lazy bum round the house..Is this a rule? or should I instead stop acting like a lazy bum?

I dunno, I'll ask my wife.......

Mr. Burning wrote:

Gibbsey wrote:

And i beleive he was refering to "The Rules"

What Goddamn rules?

There are no rules?

Are there?

I get my ass kicked when I act like a lazy bum round the house..Is this a rule? or should I instead stop acting like a lazy bum?

I dunno, I'll ask my wife.......

Its a book, which is basically a horrible example of this

totally wrong decission as every man knows who is married for any length of time...probably woundn´t hurt for guys that are just in a "realtionship"...but for a married man asking his wife about thinks he read...this will be like dropping a nuke on your own head...have fun...

vik

I think Beer and Bolters sums it up nicely.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate women. Hell I positively love them. But do they have to make things such hard work?

And yes, it even happens at work, with women struggling to stay professional. The second you ask them to do something they don't want to (no, not that you filthy buggers) they totally freak out. The voice raises to just the right amount to not sound shouty angry, but enough that *Everyone* in the office assumes you've said something terrible.

Take my experience this very day. I work in the claims department of an Insurer's. We all have our own files, but the phones work on a first-come-first-served basis. So I get a call from a Policy Holder regarding a claim that is a bit convoluted, and he says he wants to speak to his File Handler, which happens to be Mandy. So I look over, see she isn't currently on the phone. I tell the Poliicy Holder I'll see if she's available to take the call. You know, for such a simple request, you'd been forgiven for thinking I'd asked to dig up her Nan and bum the corpse. She rants at me for around a minute, then, and this *seriously* pisses me off, gets up, feths off, and spends an hour out the office, leaving me to deal with a pissed of Policy Holder.

All for simply asking if she was available to take the call. Not telling her to take it. Not just doing a blind transfer, but seeing if work load wise, she actually had time to deal wirth it. Silly moo.

And it's this sort of irrational behaviour I see time and time again. And it seriously gets on my wick. I've never seen a guy act like it, or expect to get away with it.

GAH!

Mr Mystery wrote:

All for simply asking if she was available to take the call. Not telling her to take it. Not just doing a blind transfer, but seeing if work load wise, she actually had time to deal wirth it. Silly moo.

Should have just transfered the call. Who the feth cares what she wants, It's the C/M that matters.

Ugh, this place has needed me. Everyone read over their ladder theory and I'll be back to help on a case per case basis.

If a man speaks and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

Medium of Death wrote:

Mr Mystery wrote:

All for simply asking if she was available to take the call. Not telling her to take it. Not just doing a blind transfer, but seeing if work load wise, she actually had time to deal wirth it. Silly moo.

Should have just transfered the call. Who the feth cares what she wants, It's the C/M that matters.

Can't transfer it when she's fethed off out the room. Worst thing is, I was later told the reason she wasn't on the phones, was that she had generated a complaint already today by being rude to a customer! Stupid cow.

Mr Mystery wrote:I think Beer and Bolters sums it up nicely.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate women. Hell I positively love them. But do they have to make things such hard work?

And yes, it even happens at work, with women struggling to stay professional. The second you ask them to do something they don't want to (no, not that you filthy buggers) they totally freak out. The voice raises to just the right amount to not sound shouty angry, but enough that *Everyone* in the office assumes you've said something terrible.

Take my experience this very day. I work in the claims department of an Insurer's. We all have our own files, but the phones work on a first-come-first-served basis. So I get a call from a Policy Holder regarding a claim that is a bit convoluted, and he says he wants to speak to his File Handler, which happens to be Mandy. So I look over, see she isn't currently on the phone. I tell the Poliicy Holder I'll see if she's available to take the call. You know, for such a simple request, you'd been forgiven for thinking I'd asked to dig up her Nan and bum the corpse. She rants at me for around a minute, then, and this *seriously* pisses me off, gets up, feths off, and spends an hour out the office, leaving me to deal with a pissed of Policy Holder.

All for simply asking if she was available to take the call. Not telling her to take it. Not just doing a blind transfer, but seeing if work load wise, she actually had time to deal wirth it. Silly moo.

And it's this sort of irrational behaviour I see time and time again. And it seriously gets on my wick. I've never seen a guy act like it, or expect to get away with it.

GAH!

This is the sort of behaviour I have seen in both Women AND Men in call centre environments. Luckily I have been a line manger in this situation so this sort of behaviour gets at least an informal chat and maybe retraining and some monitoring of work rates, calls etc.

Though In an instance where I was accused of bullying it was a female colleague that raised the complaint, funny that the centre manager was right by our section and se every interaction I made.

Be a man! Take ownership of the call!

Women marry men, hoping to change them, but they never do.

Men marry women, hoping they'll never change, but they always do.

Seriously, without painting with too broad a brush, women like projects. So they go for the douchelords. It makes them feel all maternaly tingly to take care of somebody. Throw in a healthy dose of daddy issues, self-righteousness, and self-loathing, and you get the insanity laced time bomb that is the American Woman.

If a man speaks and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

be sure of that...eventually....

and eternity is not long enough, she will find out...so have you done somthing silly sir lately?

Lint wrote:Women marry men, hoping to change them, but they never do.

Men marry women, hoping they'll never change, but they always do.

Seriously, without painting with too broad a brush, women like projects. So they go for the douchelords. It makes them feel all maternaly tingly to take care of somebody. Throw in a healthy dose of daddy issues, self-righteousness, and self-loathing, and you get the insanity laced time bomb that is the American Woman.

That does sound somewat like my Ex, but not all women are like that

Mr Mystery wrote:

Medium of Death wrote:

Mr Mystery wrote:

All for simply asking if she was available to take the call. Not telling her to take it. Not just doing a blind transfer, but seeing if work load wise, she actually had time to deal wirth it. Silly moo.

Should have just transfered the call. Who the feth cares what she wants, It's the C/M that matters.

Can't transfer it when she's fethed off out the room. Worst thing is, I was later told the reason she wasn't on the phones, was that she had generated a complaint already today by being rude to a customer! Stupid cow.

You shouldn't have asked her in the first place, thus negating her chance to leave.

Sounds like you need a talcum powdered hand to deal with this upstart.

And on a side note, I have to wear a suit to work. Company dress policy. The women? Ah wear pretty much what you want. Though to be honest, in terms of Parris and Ellie, oh and Jade, that has it advantages. Shame about the frumpy nightmares.

But yeah, it's quite cold and wet out, you might have noticed. But I have to wear 'sensible' shoes whilst the women can wear big fluffy things. Sexist quite frankly. Yet they don't see it.

SilverMK2 wrote:If a man speaks and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

yes. He will be reminded why later.

as far as i recall women seldom remind men of their wrong doing...they use a very clever trick.
they say: you fully well know why i am rightfully angry about you, dont you? now come on and spill it out or i give you something for ....!smack!

Lint wrote:Women marry men, hoping to change them, but they never do.

Men marry women, hoping they'll never change, but they always do.

Seriously, without painting with too broad a brush, women like projects. So they go for the douchelords. It makes them feel all maternaly tingly to take care of somebody. Throw in a healthy dose of daddy issues, self-righteousness, and self-loathing, and you get the insanity laced time bomb that is the American Woman.

Nice

People could just not get married. It typically doesn't work out. Barring religion, why not just live with someone and move on when it's not working out so well? if you do find someone who's actually worth it, then yay, go right ahead, but if you married them then you find yourself being driven nuts by them, how was the decision to marry them not self-abuse?

Viktor von Domm wrote:as far as i recall women seldom remind men of their wrong doing...they use a very clever trick.
they say: you fully well know why i am rightfully angry about you, dont you? now come on and spill it out or i give you something for ....!smack!

QFT! I have had this a lot from my wife, she is angry/annoyed for some reason, I ask her what is wrong. Because as far as I am aware I haven't done or said anything bad or wrong and nothing has happened that I can see that should have caused her to be in said strop. All I get in reply is either "you know what's wrong." or "Figure it out!" So I ask her have I done or said something or not done something that I should have done. She still wont tell me, so I apologise and say "If I've done something or said something I'm sorry." Does this help? No. Then all I get is "how can you be sorry if you dont know what for?" I try the hugs and kisses approach. You know maybe she just wants me to hold her, still nothing. Then eventually she will either A) just stop being annoyed out of the blue, still leaving me in the dark as to what she was annoyed about. B) Tell me and be more annoyed at me for not being able to work it out and it will be something which never actually happened or was ages ago and I had apologised for several times and made ammends for or C) Get really annoyed that I haven't worked it out and say "Fine! I'll do it myself, like I have to do everything else." Then storm off to do some minor job and I mean so minor that I didn't actually realise it was something that needed doing or I would have already done it.

Another all time classic is when they get mad at you because they had a dream in which you were mean to them. They are fully aware it's a dream but still they act like somehow you were responsible and so you have to somehow make it up to them because you were mean to them in their dream.

But for all her psychosis I love her to bits and wouldn't change her for the world. And I am far from perfect myself so I guess in the end it is just about even.

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:Everyone read over their ladder theory

Can't I just take to a construction site porta-potty with a spoon instead? I'd certainly be more palatable.

Excommunicate Traitoris wrote:

Viktor von Domm wrote:as far as i recall women seldom remind men of their wrong doing...they use a very clever trick.
they say: you fully well know why i am rightfully angry about you, dont you? now come on and spill it out or i give you something for ....!smack!

QFT! I have had this a lot from my wife, she is angry/annoyed for some reason, I ask her what is wrong. Because as far as I am aware I haven't done or said anything bad or wrong and nothing has happened that I can see that should have caused her to be in said strop. All I get in reply is either "you know what's wrong." or "Figure it out!" So I ask her have I done or said something or not done something that I should have done. She still wont tell me, so I apologise and say "If I've done something or said something I'm sorry." Does this help? No. Then all I get is "how can you be sorry if you dont know what for?" I try the hugs and kisses approach. You know maybe she just wants me to hold her, still nothing. Then eventually she will either A) just stop being annoyed out of the blue, still leaving me in the dark as to what she was annoyed about. B) Tell me and be more annoyed at me for not being able to work it out and it will be something which never actually happened or was ages ago and I had apologised for several times and made ammends for or C) Get really annoyed that I haven't worked it out and say "Fine! I'll do it myself, like I have to do everything else." Then storm off to do some minor job and I mean so minor that I didn't actually realise it was something that needed doing or I would have already done it.

Another all time classic is when they get mad at you because they had a dream in which you were mean to them. They are fully aware it's a dream but still they act like somehow you were responsible and so you have to somehow make it up to them because you were mean to them in their dream.

But for all her psychosis I love her to bits and wouldn't change her for the world. And I am far from perfect myself so I guess in the end it is just about even.

your a brother in terror man^^
and did you think as you where proding the unknown depths of your supposed failures that she might actually use this strategy to get every once in a while to get you to spill the beans of all the small atrocities you comitted in her mind and now as she cleverly planned this (even subconscious) to get all the secrets from you?


she has her way no matter what...and if you think now omg then all the more you have to love her as she only does this all cause she loves you and cares for you both that way...


and the best thing was indeed the dreampart...gone through this on several occasions too...afterwards you might actually laugh about it butwhen your in the middle of such a story you´re sweating like hell...

vik

Excommunicate Traitoris wrote:
Another all time classic is when they get mad at you because they had a dream in which you were mean to them. They are fully aware it's a dream but still they act like somehow you were responsible and so you have to somehow make it up to them because you were mean to them in their dream.

You need to go deeper.

As my friend once said regarding women:

Sane
Hot
Single

Pick two.

Locclo wrote:As my friend once said regarding women:

Sane
Hot
Single

Pick two.

Well...that would be an easy choice,Hot & Single please.

I think Sebster has the right of it, you pay less attention to men that are gobshites because your willy isn't sending you "pay attention to that" messages.

I do hate the "You must wear a suit, the women can wear whatever they want!" approach.
But, if I was going out with a girl and she got in a strop with me over something pointless, I wouldn't let her away with it. We'd talk that sucker out. Don't care if she gets pissier and pissier, it needs to be done.

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:People could just not get married. It typically doesn't work out. Barring religion, why not just live with someone and move on when it's not working out so well? if you do find someone who's actually worth it, then yay, go right ahead, but if you married them then you find yourself being driven nuts by them, how was the decision to marry them not self-abuse?

Because not all of us think with our smaller heads. And we are masochists.

Honestly, I was about to start a topic about Women being crazy when I saw this. You guys know that girl I danced with? ( Said in http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/325917.page this thread) Well, I see her every sunday at church. She says I'm creepy and unchurchly, and refuses to shake my hand in church. She also never looks in my direction.... but, when she is an Alter Server (helps the preist during the mass) she basically does nothing but stare at me the entire freakin mass.

So, I'm creepy, but she's staring at me... And then ignoring me.... And then staring at me.... and then ignoring me....

NEVER pick up women at church. In all my church going years I had so much more drama vs. goodness with any female I was going after. Seriously, going to a bar and finding someone with beliefs you can tolerate is more stable than that. She may well want you but the human mind and religion work in two completely opposite ways. Being "of the world" now I don't understand why people do that to themselves.

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:NEVER pick up women at church. In all my church going years I had so much more drama vs. goodness with any female I was going after. Seriously, going to a bar and finding someone with beliefs you can tolerate is more stable than that. She may well want you but the human mind and religion work in two completely opposite ways. Being "of the world" now I don't understand why people do that to themselves.

I went to school with her, didn't start with it at church.

She was really friendly before I asked her to dance, but after that..... She seems to like me, but doesn't seem to want anything to do with me......

I am basing the "Like me" after the staring at church and some short exchanges on facebook.