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1) Read every episode of BOFH (http://www.theregister.co.uk/data_centre/bofh/)
2) Get established as an IT professional at a multi-national company.
3) Making liberal use of accidental open electrical circuits and fire-escape stairwells, progress up the organization.
4) Aggressively take control of cloud networks "All you cloud R belong to us!" 5) Through combinations of seeding data with bot-network virus delivery and data mining blackmail, gain a hold of all those of import.
5) Create a cult of techno-savants to carry out the great work to bring about the ultimate utopia playland:
6) Find some small land or artificial land mass and establish it as a country.
7) Throw rude amounts of money into portable nuclear devices and triple-redundant encrypted communication equipment and always claim to be a high-end medical imaging specialty group.
8) When countries make policies you do not like, claim that various devices of yours can become quite "uncomfortable" for them if not properly maintained by your company and it takes a lot of donated money from people like you...

Everything after that just becomes fooling around...

Why on Earth would you want- Earth? It's full of humans! Instead, focus your efforts on self-sustainable life support technologies. Push endurance to the point that your offworld factories and colonies can create all the necessary materiel to keep your mining fleet mobile. Once you are free of Earth support requirements- pull some large asteroids into orbit and use them to assure no one interferes with your insterstellar organization. Terraform Mars, mine Europa for water, create enormous lasers to melt the icecaps- no one could stop you. Just make sure to freeze a large seed population of human embryos, since your space people would not be capable of landing after a generation or two.

In other words- Space Victory.

I would become the director of a very large and powerful conglomerate, then bend the establishment to my every whim with promises of large donations to the party's funding.

You know, the way it's already being done

Assume complete control of Bacon distribution

 Talizvar wrote:
1) Read every episode of BOFH (http://www.theregister.co.uk/data_centre/bofh/)
2) Get established as an IT professional at a multi-national company.
3) Making liberal use of accidental open electrical circuits and fire-escape stairwells, progress up the organization.
4) Aggressively take control of cloud networks "All you cloud R belong to us!"

Spoiler:

5) Through combinations of seeding data with bot-network virus delivery and data mining blackmail, gain a hold of all those of import.
5) Create a cult of techno-savants to carry out the great work to bring about the ultimate utopia playland:

Spoiler:

http://youtu.be/nsH1atj4Tsg

6) Find some small land or artificial land mass and establish it as a country.
7) Throw rude amounts of money into portable nuclear devices and triple-redundant encrypted communication equipment and always claim to be a high-end medical imaging specialty group.
8) When countries make policies you do not like, claim that various devices of yours can become quite "uncomfortable" for them if not properly maintained by your company and it takes a lot of donated money from people like you...

Everything after that just becomes fooling around...

Why on earth would a BOFH want world domination? As long as the onion bhajis are still on the lunch menu, no one tries to mess with the IT budget and Friday lunches remain suitably liquid, why bother with moving up the organization, never mind taking over the whole world. One PFY is danger enough, never mind hundreds or thousands of them.

 Jihadin wrote:
Assume complete control of Bacon distribution

All right, I think I speak for Great Britain at large when I say 'we surrender'. Just watch out for the vegitarians though... or ban them once you take power to ensure absolute control!

 Paradigm wrote:

 Jihadin wrote:
Assume complete control of Bacon distribution

All right, I think I speak for Great Britain at large when I say 'we surrender'. Just watch out for the vegitarians though... or ban them once you take power to ensure absolute control!

There is only one Final Solution to deal with the vegetarians.



































I.V. drip feed a liquified bacon solution. What!? did you really think I was gonna go Hitler on them?

I just need to make a serum to make super human soldiers. And then I will create an organization that will never cease and will only grow back if a head is cut off. The salamanders I will call it as the coils from our tails will be the undoing of this world.
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Or I could poison all the world leaders with cupcake poison and use clothing to control everyone in the world MUHAHAHAHAHA
*takes a bit of the cupcake*
*COUGH* Damn my hungerrrr.............*COUGH* *chokes to death on cupcake*

Post a Topic on Dakka Dakka asking people how they would take over the world.

Pick the Most Fun/ Easiest idea.

Avatar 720 wrote:

 Sgt_Smudge wrote:
I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but if I'm wrong, I'm sure a Mod will move this!
So, I'm sure a lot of you have thought of this, maybe some of you have tried (hey, good for you!!), but I think that it would be a good idea if we all post our diabolical schemes and plots for Word Domination here, no matter how simple or convoluted!
So, all you wannabe rulers, please feel free to write your plans below!

You're not catching me out that easily.

Curses! Foiled again!

Ensis Ferrae wrote:I would start a thread in an online forum, asking what other people would do, then I'd take all those plans and do them

Iur_tae_mont wrote:Post a Topic on Dakka Dakka asking people how they would take over the world.

Pick the Most Fun/ Easiest idea.

That's an ABSOLUTE lie! A fabrication! There is NO WAY on Earth that I would EVER do something like that...

Steps to world domination

1. Gain political power by fabricating a crisis and preying on people's racial and political fears.

2. Remove opposition in the government and military, quietly though, by re-assigning troublesome officers to unfamiliar commands and forcing rogue politicians into retirement. Purges get you nowhere, unless you can go full stalin on someone.

3. Gain the support of the military-industrial complex by promising massive military spending and possible wars in the future.

4. Re-occupy the rhineland.

5. Fabricate a coup in austria, then move in and occupy the nation.

6. Claim to protect ethnic germans in the Sudetenland. When given that land in exchange for a promise of no more territory, go back on the deal and take all of Czechoslovakia.

7. Demand Danzig, annex Poland. (Very important, all plays for world domination involve annexing Poland)

8. Foster some of the most brilliant military minds on the planet, make excellent use of maneuver warfare to destroy France and the Low Countries.

9. Waste my Air Force on an ill-conceived strategic bombing campaign.

10. Invade the Soviet Union. Alienate the populace so they unite against me instead of exploiting dissent and division. Assign my Army way too many objectives without enough resources.

11. ??????

12. World domination, or suicide in a bunker.

Listen to your Generals then Emil

 Ensis Ferrae wrote:

I.V. drip feed a liquified bacon solution. What!? did you really think I was gonna go Hitler on them?

Gotta have standards after all. Anyone who would turn their back on bacon doesn't deserve to be drip fed it.

The only proper solution is to feed vegetarians to pigs, and thus turn them into actual bacon.

EmilCrane wrote:Steps to world domination

1. Gain political power by fabricating a crisis and preying on people's racial and political fears.
...
12. World domination, or suicide in a bunker.

Not if I create a Chronosphere and go back in time to shake your hand first

Ebola

mine is simple.
i would win the lottary.
have japan (yes all of japan) make me a suit of terminator armour.
walk around killing anyone who doesn't want me in charge.

Contact aliens. Bow down to our alien overlords. Hope that I'm worthy of a place in their new world order.

If there are no aliens to contact.

With Hot Latinos, Spicy Buffalo Wings, Hot Pockets, Zombie Senators, Frazzled's Weiner Dog Legions, Judges, Robo Celebrities, and the great dildo.... Thor. I shall rule the world! And The world will be mine. AS I weaponize Latinos with Spicy Buffalo Wings! And Senators who try to pass a bill that rids the US militaries nuclear warheads with freshly microwaved giant hot pockets.

And the Weiner Dog Legions being the replacements of the FBI and CIA. And the Judges replacing Jury, and judges as all forms of public execution

Robo Celebrities taking over the world with their great looks and mind wiping people to follow behind my great power!

And The Great Dildo Thor, As my bodyguard and Warrior for my new movement! And then the world is mine!

Kill all the dogs.

Without their natural arch-enemies to keep the balance of power in check, cats would naturally rise up and assume their rightful place as rulers of this planet and as the human that facilitated this I would be put in place as the planet's ruler, obviously controlled by the true powers behind the throne:

Dunno how I'd do it, but this is how everything would look when I had




Automatically Appended Next Post:
Crazy things would happen if I won the lottery too, I am serious where I would make all the sets from Caligula as my palace, and have naked people around to...do naked people things. People to fan me, people to do things on command, naked romans on stilts.
Make everyone call me Emperor... so my world domination and winning the lottery would amount to really the same end (less head chopping if I won the lotto though).

PhantomViper wrote:
Kill all the dogs.

Without their natural arch-enemies to keep the balance of power in check, cats would naturally rise up and assume their rightful place as rulers of this planet and as the human that facilitated this I would be put in place as the planet's ruler, obviously controlled by the true powers behind the throne:

Im siding with Frazz in the great apocalypse known as Wienie-geddon, against the Great Oppressor, known as Cat.

Dogs may laugh, but deep down you know that cats are superior because of the almighty litter box. We don't need humans to let us out to poop, we make them clean up after us.

 Grey Templar wrote:
Dogs may laugh, but deep down you know that cats are superior because of the almighty litter box. We don't need humans to let us out to poop, we make them clean up after us.

Dogs could poop indoors and make humans clean up but dogs are more loyal and respectful than that. Cats are actually more restricted that dogs. They have a small tray to poop. The rest of the world is off bounds. Dogs have a small house they can't poop in. Apart from that, go nuts!

Also, dogs are more dominant... Yes, they are loyal, but holy feth, if they bring you a ball.... you better fething throw it!!!

 Ensis Ferrae wrote:
Also, dogs are more dominant... Yes, they are loyal, but holy feth, if they bring you a ball.... you better fething throw it!!!

Nope, other way around. Dogs bring a ball and want to play. They are simply focused on you being able to entertain them, they rely on you. In their mind they have done you a favour in bringing you a ball (because its a ball!!! A ball!!!) and want a favour in return but they still need help in order to play. They obey you as master/alpha and follow restrictions and training (no jumping on the furniture, no gaking in the house, heel, sit, play dead).

Cats lounge about. They care not whether you interact with them. If they want your attention they will come find you and demand it. If you give them your attention they will either ignore you, move, reject your affects (sometimes with sharp claws) or gracious accept the pleasurable sensation and then move on. They come and go as they please and care not for your desires or rules.

 Jihadin wrote:
Listen to your Generals then Emil

Good plan, I'll have my naked lady fangirls, my naked men on stilts and pirate-orgy boat within no time!

I would ask two mice how to do it



but seriously, money, control the banks, control the world.

Its even simpler than that.

You only need to hold the internet hostage. A couple well placed EMPs and the entire internet ceases to exist.

 Grey Templar wrote:
Its even simpler than that.

You only need to hold the internet hostage. A couple well placed EMPs and the entire internet ceases to exist.

I agree with you, after all most of our banking/currency/economy/infrastructure/ect is not dependent on the net, except wouldnt that be destroying the world, more then dominating it?

my idea of domination is more "I want to control the world" as opposed to wanting to see the world burn.

Step 1: Take control of Nintendo Headquarters
Step 2: Force them to create a high quality Pokemon MMO
Step 3: ??????
Step 4: World Domination.