40k Vending Machine I: Just As Planned

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**War Kitten**

You get retconned out of the universe.

I throw myself into the machine

**KommissarKiln**

You get KommissarKiln. Wait, does that mean I'm inserted into the machine after you, or are you spat out of the machine and then I am given to you? How was I even inserted 4 times already if I have only been spat out about twice now? Are there more vending machines inside the vending machine into which I was further inserted?? The devices of Tzeentch indeed boggle the mind.

I insert a brain counting down to self-destruct.

**sing your life**

You get a piece of paper. Which then explodes in your hands.

I insert some Chinese spare ribs.

**snurl**

You get a missing cat.

I insert KommissarKiln again.

**War Kitten**

You get Me. Don't ask how this gak works. Just accept it.

I put SYL into the machine

**snurl**

You get a fish-slap.

I insert some snow.

**ZergSmasher**

You get an ice sculpture of a Pink Horror of Tzeentch.

I insert a lit match.

**War Kitten**

You get a fireball to the face.

I insert a Tau Fire Warrior

**dannydakka**

You receive a goldfish
I insert a hair squigg

**War Kitten**

You get an oil squig

I throw myself into the machine again

**snurl**

You get stuck.

I insert a crowbar.

**Torus**

You receive the Joker...have fun with that

I push War Kitten in the machine but fall in as well... whats the worst that could happen...

**snurl**

You get a Spawn.

I insert cold coffee.

**sing your life**

You get an Eldar.

I insert a PS4.

**War Kitten**

You get an Xbox One

I respawn and put the Spawn that is me and Torus into the Machine

**snurl**

You get Anchovies, lot of them.

I insert a rainbow.

**ZergSmasher**

You get a little pony.

I insert a Nintendo 64.

**snurl**

You get a Neo-Geo.

I insert 2 part Epoxy.

**sing your life**

You get an Rastafarian hat.

I insert Snurl.

**snurl**

You get some rum, mon.

I insert some Rastasafarian holy smoke.

**Torus**

You receive two of me and War kitten

I insert an Angry Marine

**sing your life**

You get a Dreadnaught pilot shoved up your butt.

I insert a pound coin in the vending machine to see if I get a snack out.

**Torus**

You receive a Yorkie and 20p change

I insert a singing spear

**KommissarKiln**

You receive a flaming bodkin arrow to the forehead, and it simply won't cut it out with the "It's A Small World After All."

I insert a parking garage ticket.

**War Kitten**

You get arrested by the police and thrown into jail.

I take Kiln out of jail and throw him into the machine (for the fifth time I believe, how are you still alive?)

**KommissarKiln**

You receive a book written for early elementary school students about single digit addition. I have been inserted not five, but six times now.

I insert a written plea to stop being shoved in this feth-awful machine. Tzeentch has shown me things. Too many things. But at least he also showed me my "#1 Entity Most Frequently Inserted into Vending Machine" trophy.

**snurl**

You get a pass.

I insert your trophy.

**Torus**

You receive Kiln

I insert Slaanesh

**snurl**

You receive Pink Horrors.

I insert some Gas Station Coffee.

**sing your life**

You get a hot dog.

I insert some strawberry flavoured milk.