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Loving it Ice!

Knightley wrote:Very interesting indeed.

My interpretation of Razziks actions infers to me that he is still not fully comfortable taking over the new captaincy role. To me it seems his actions are quite muted or restrained (I guess the flip side is that if he was over zealous he could alienate himself from his brother marines - Positions of power can corrupt and change people) He knew that he would have to punish the one who gave the order, but chose not to because the attack was successful and I believe that also because his either not competent or comfortable he went down the path of making less waves.

I thought that it was because he wasnt comfortable giving that kind of sentence to a Marine from another Chapter personally...

Really like the analysis of the room when he enters such a great narrative without describing the full fight.

Can't wait for the next installment.

Hear hear!

Sageheart wrote:getting even better!

Thanks Sage!

Gitsplitta wrote:Very good Ice. I like the fact that all the marine's personalities are not just cookie-cutters of the gung-ho stereotype. Makes the whole saga and the interplay between characters much more interesting and believable.

I agree! That was always a complaint about older 40k fluff. I think that was also a big motivator for having a small group of marines from other chapters so I could really focus on the differences between super humans.

Revenent Reiko wrote:Loving it Ice!

Knightley wrote:Very interesting indeed.

My interpretation of Razziks actions infers to me that he is still not fully comfortable taking over the new captaincy role. To me it seems his actions are quite muted or restrained (I guess the flip side is that if he was over zealous he could alienate himself from his brother marines - Positions of power can corrupt and change people) He knew that he would have to punish the one who gave the order, but chose not to because the attack was successful and I believe that also because his either not competent or comfortable he went down the path of making less waves.

I thought that it was because he wasnt comfortable giving that kind of sentence to a Marine from another Chapter personally...

Really like the analysis of the room when he enters such a great narrative without describing the full fight.

Can't wait for the next installment.

Hear hear!

Thanks Knightley. I'm glad you made that comment because that is exactly what I was shooting for. I'd actually planned on including a conversation between Razzik and Cyaxeres in a future segment to reiterate that exact point, but I may not need to if it came across that well the first time. Reiko, both you and Knightley are correct, it is a combination of him being new to the role and unsure of how he should handle the guest marines. It will be interesting to see how he develops as the story progresses. I think your guess is as good as mine at this point, lol.

Awesome Ice

One of my good buddies pointed out something that the Ice Angels are missing. Now, I have been thinking about this for several weeks but I want to get some feedback first. Nearly every chapter has some sort of phrase or battle cry or term that only they use. For example when you read gaunts ghosts each group of soldiers has their own swear words depending on what homeworld they were from. Now I can already borrow some of the Blood Angel ones which I've already done but I feel like the Ice Angels need their own.

As I type this I am reminded of one that I wrote and put in here some where. I may have to go back and see if I can find that.

Any one have a suggestion?

I personally think it would add character to the individuals if they had their own unique battle cries. However I do think that you might want to make a note on who says what so we don't get any inconsistencies with the Blood Angel yelling out the Mantis warrior battle cry etc.

As a suggestion for a battle cry?

How about

"Shattermantle's honor!"
"Fury of ice!"
"It's only cold when your dead!"
"We're not infringing on an IP rights!"
"Redwaaaaaallll!"

I kinda lost the plot towards the end... I apologise

In that vein Knightley:
'Blood and Vinegar!!'

I agree with keeping things consistent on the battle cry front as well.
As for ideas, i like 'Shattermantle's Honour!'
you could also use the standard BA cry 'For Sanguinius'....
Ill try being more creative later...

"By the Power of Greyskull!"

(just had to be mentioned)

lol, nice He-man reference. I will most likely use the Shattermantle one, but I am still looking for a bit more.

My good friend, we'll call him Ogre, had a good point. Ice Angels most likely wouldn't have any sort of battle cry. They are cold and methodical about their killing, only certain ones would actually shout anything in battle. Bel Uri and Idiptu for example. Now obviously the guest marines would have their own phrases but I think what I really need is a greeting or a commonly used phrase that the Ice Angels would use outside of battle. Maybe like a pre battle phrase, like a "good luck" or "happy hunting" kind of thing.

For the marines that do shout, I will be using "Shattermantle's Honor!" in the future. Or at least a variation of that.

“I do not agree Razzik.” Muttabriqu stated through gritted teeth. His helmet was still on yet Razzik could sense the stare that the veteran sergeant was giving him.

Captain Razzik turned and looked out upon the hanger in front of him. The tiny hanger was too small for a standard thunderhawk, only Philosir’s specialized hawk adjusted to the fit the space. In front of the hawk sat a large treaded device. Nearly the size of a land raider the weaponless moveable piece of tech sat like an armored shelving unit. A handful of servitors worked near the device.

“Muttabriqu, my decision is final.” Razzik said without looking back at lone marine next to him.

Muttabriqu shook his head, completely dumbfounded. “You are out of your mind. In a matter of days you will need all of the marines you can get. Instead you are sending the only unit that is still intact, the most experienced squad on this ship…away!”

With a sigh Captain Razzik started to turn back to face Muttabriqu when a small winged symbol appeared on his HUD. Razzik accessed the winged symbol and a scroll bar of black pic screens appeared across the bottom of his HUD. With a slow whir the large device on the deck began to open. Several rows of small bay doors on the top of the device could be seen pointing up. When they stopped moving a swarm of servo skulls exited the device. Each one silently hovered to a various position around the hanger. One of the servitors that was plugged into the device, adjusted several settings when the black screens in Razzik’s HUD suddenly activated. Razzik, along with every other Ice Angel, could now view what the servo skulls were seeing.

Two other winged icons appeared in his HUD as the servitor released two other kinds of hovering servo skulls, one version had a built in bolt pistol the other had six minute legs used to deliver or install various items. At the moment they all carried frag grenades.

The servo skulls had deployed into hundreds of small units, with another swarm of the carrier skulls forming closest to the device. With a final thought, the servitor activated them all and they flew out the hanger to search the ship for hiding orks, rogue squigs, and anything else that wasn’t human or marine, only twenty or so of the carrier skulls remained. The other servitors had already began to hand out deployable cameras to those that stayed.

As the servo skulls flew out of the hanger, Razzik looked back at Muttabriqu. He knew that the distraction in the hanger wouldn’t stop Muttabriqu or change his attitude one bit.

“You are correct Sergeant. I do need all of the marines I can get. However, a unit that can protect an entire ship needs to stay behind on the Frozen Rage. A unit that excels at rapid recovery needs to stay behind to pick us up once we have our proof. AND most importantly this unit needs to operate alone.” Razzik raised his hand to silence Muttabriqu as the veteran sergeant attempted to speak.

“Sergeant, given the choice of units at my disposal, what unit best fits that description?” Razzik watched Muttabriqu’s reaction. He knew that Muttabriqu came to the same conclusion and was thinking extremely hard to find a fault in his logic.

“Muttabriqu, you command one of the best veteran units in the chapter. You followed Captain Ruusa loyally and without question. I know you believe that you should have been the newest captain in the chapter….” Razzik paused for a moment, “at times I do too, but the Council chose me as the twelfth Captain and I don’t pretend to understand or question their decision making.”

Muttabriqu stopped shaking his head and chuckled at the comment. The Council did work in mysterious ways, yet the chapter had survived for millennia. At Razzik’s words Muttabriqu finally realized that his anger towards his fellow marine was unjustified. Razzik didn’t ask to be the Captain, he was ordered to be the Captain.

With a final sign of the Aquila he nodded his head. “Captain, I will gather my men and depart on the next transport immediately.”

Razzik returned the sign and watched as the veteran sergeant marched away. Deep down inside he hoped this wouldn’t be the last time he would see a member of the Uttuakki. With grim determination Razzik marched back towards the bridge, the next phase of his strategy was about to begin.

Geeze I have some reading to catch up on.

whalemusic360 wrote:Geeze I have some reading to catch up on.

Same I haven't been up to date with this in a long time.

Nice installment Ice.

whalemusic360 wrote:Geeze I have some reading to catch up on.

Asherian Command wrote:

whalemusic360 wrote:Geeze I have some reading to catch up on.

Same I haven't been up to date with this in a long time.

Gitsplitta wrote:Nice installment Ice.

Thanks guys! Please let me know how you feel about the fluff as you catch up. I'm always looking for feedback.

again good stuff, I really enjoy when all the marine swap marines are conversing and we get a sense of each of them and how their chapters interact with each other, should we expect to see more of them as the stories go on?

Great passage Ice!

One small item that sit's a little oddly with me:

“You are out of your mind. In a matter of days you will need all of the marines you can get and yet you are sending the one still intact, most experienced unit…. behind!”

Is behind the best word here? would back be better? or even away?

I may have missed that part in high school so if it's normal please disregard.

Sageheart wrote:again good stuff, I really enjoy when all the marine swap marines are conversing and we get a sense of each of them and how their chapters interact with each other, should we expect to see more of them as the stories go on?

of course!

Knightley wrote:Great passage Ice!

One small item that sit's a little oddly with me:

“You are out of your mind. In a matter of days you will need all of the marines you can get and yet you are sending the one still intact, most experienced unit…. behind!”

Is behind the best word here? would back be better? or even away?

I may have missed that part in high school so if it's normal please disregard.

That sentence bugged me quite a bit so I rewrote it. Better?

Much

The double use of unit struck me.

what about?

“You are out of your mind. In a matter of days you will need all of the marines you can get. Instead you are sending the most experienced, intact unit on this ship…away! this is madness”

Feel free to drop the madness part (because you'll get "madness? this. is. SPARTA!" till the cows come home )

Knightley wrote:
Feel free to drop the madness part (because you'll get "madness? this. is. SPARTA!" till the cows come home )

Dammit Knightley, i had that all lined up....

Great work as usual Ice, keep em coming!

I do see your point, edited again!

Thanks for the assistance. I think you guys are really going to dig where this is going. I will have to say though I have some serious vacation coming up in a few weeks so there will be a slight lull in the posts.

I really like the idea, My dad plays BAs, and he might like this color scheme.

Captain Razzik stood face to face to the green brute. The muscular ork’s yellow teeth glistened with moisture, his black and yellow checkered hat sat slightly tilted on its head. The ork wore a cross between a sneer and a grin as if it were always about to tell a joke before killing something. His little red eyes were sunk into his skull but they followed Razzik’s every move. Around the orks throat dangled a set of dusty goggles that the ork would never again have a use for.

“Wat u’ fink… Kap’n?” the ork spat. The simple words brought a smile across Captain Razzik’s face.

“Taller. He should be taller.” Razzik spoke as he looked to his left where Tech priest Philosir stood amongst a riot of equipment. The floor on the bridge was covered with hundreds of cables and nearly a dozen Imperial staff worked on rigging and adjusting the controls on the ork ship. The ship was currently being controlled from the engine room, the Angels hadn’t wasted any time once they had loaded the ship with their necessary equipment and staff.

As Razzik looked back to the ork in front of him, the image wavered briefly before growing several inches taller.

When the holographic image of the greenskin finally completed its readjustment Razzik looked up into the eyes of the brute and nodded his head.

“That’s better.”

The image once again wavered before melting into a metallic contraption laying on the floor. The small device quickly folded into itself creating a disk with an inner ring of slowly fading lights. Philosir walked over and unplugged himself from it.

One of his servo arms picked the disk off the floor and slid it into a compartment on his back as several other cords detached from various devices around the room. Two small servo skulls floated over to Philosir and perched on his shoulder as the Tech Priest collected his things. Several Imperial officers watched in awe as the Ice Angel Priest absorbed his needed tools.

When the priest’s servo arms clicked back into place he gave a simple nod to Captain Razzik, then to several other officers on the bridge. As he finished, he followed Razzik out of the bridge past two Ice Angels.

After only a few minutes of walking Razzik broke the silence. “Are you sure they will be enough?”

Philosir stopped and regarded his superior. “Captain, I have calculated every variable to determine the optimal unit size for this mission and given the options of viable troops to be a part of this mission. I have no doubt that I have picked the best marines to accompany me.”

Something itched at the back of his mind. The entire situation bothered him like a tickle in his throat. There had been no suggestion of this side mission before and nothing that Razzik could recall prompted this sudden quest. No matter the internal argument he gave to himself he knew that he had to trust him. The ancient Techmarine thought differently. Even though Razzik's gut was telling him this wasn't right, he forced himself to swallow his issues and allow it.

“Fine, we will continue our course as planned.” Razzik eventually said before continuing on his path towards the hanger.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

As the air lock slowly slid open the two marines stepped out onto the hanger. Two ork transports sat in the center of the space like squat beasts ready to pounce. Both were painted with sloppy red paint and armored with an excessive amount of metal panels. The closer of the two had a small row of missiles above the front open hatch. Standing in front of the gaping entrance to the ship was a group of colorful marines and four servitors. At the sight of the Razzik and Philosir entering the hanger, several of the marines gave each other final words before walking away.

As Razzik and Philosir arrived at the ship only Chaplain Cyaxeres, Desai, Aquilum, Inushi, Reven, Pyrox, Hunzuu, and Shar-drasha remained. The servitors around the ship finished their work reinforcing several plates and attaching some Imperial surprises before walking and scuttling away. As they did Cyaxeres raised his voice in prayer, every marine lowered their head and reaffirmed their loyalty to the Emperor. As he finished he too turned and walked away, Brother Desai looked at each marine in turn before he followed the grim chaplain out of the hanger. The non Ice Angel marines placed their helmets on and began to enter the ork vessel. As Philosir entered the vessel to complete the necessary tasks before take off Razzik stepped over to Sergeant Hunzuu and Shar-drasha.

His two old squad mates already wore their helmets and each had a hand flamer on their hips. As the hint of promethium wafted into his helm Razzik was reminded of his old days as sergeant of the Ashurbani. The images of lost marines slowly took over his thoughts.

Shaking the images from his thoughts, Razzik held out his hand, “may the Emperor protect you, my brothers.”

Shar-drasha responded and grasped Razzik’s fore arm. Hunzuu did the same shortly there after but paused slightly.

“What is it Hunzuu?” Razzik prodded.

Hunzuu leaned back slightly with his hands across his chest, “permission to speak freely Captain?”

Razzik snorted at the formality. “Of course Hunzuu.”

“I do not like this one bit. Going on a pertinent side mission I’d be okay with, but sending us on a mission that will most likely have no relevance.” Hunzuu shook his head in disbelief at his own words. “I don’t like it Captain.”

Razzik took a side glance at Shar-drasha as he sighed, “I understand your reservations but Philosir believes the stations data systems are still active. They may have been recording and gathering information throughout the entire ork invasion of the Kota system. This data alone could give us a great advantage in this crusade.”

The look from both of his battle brothers didn’t change.

“That’s not what is truly bothering you, is it?”

“No Captain….” Hunzuu started.

“Please Hunzuu, amongst us there is no need for formal titles.”

Hunzuu nodded his head reluctantly, “Razzik, I don’t like the idea of going on any mission with these other marines. They fight well, but they aren’t of the Ice.”

As the truth came out Razzik found himself nodding his head before he realized what he was doing. “You need to trust me. You need to trust them. We all follow the same Emperor.”

Hunzuu and Shar-drasha shared a look before turning towards the ship. Razzik knew how they felt and no matter how much he wanted to believe his own words, they felt hollow. Watching his two old squad mates enter the ship he realized just how much he would prefer to be battling along side them leading with his actions, not leading them away with his words.

Wow, great piece of fiction! Love the ending!

Awesome, I can feel a sense of foreboding with your narrative. When I get a better chance I'll try to pick up more through what you've written and post it here

Very well done Ice.

One suggestion:

"The ancient Tech Priest thought differently then him and even though his gut was telling him this wasn’t right. He forced himself to swallow his issues and allow it."

Sounds a bit clunky and not quite right grammatically... perhaps a slight modification:

"The ancient Tech Priest thought differently. Even though Razzink's gut was telling him the wasn't righ,t he forced himself to swallow his issues and allow it."

Just great though... as always.

BattleBrother wrote:Wow, great piece of fiction! Love the ending!

Thanks! Tell your dad he is more then welcome to paint up some Ice Angels.

Knightley wrote:Awesome, I can feel a sense of foreboding with your narrative. When I get a better chance I'll try to pick up more through what you've written and post it here

Please do Knightley. I always appreciate the feedback.

Gitsplitta wrote:Very well done Ice.

One suggestion:

"The ancient Tech Priest thought differently then him and even though his gut was telling him this wasn’t right. He forced himself to swallow his issues and allow it."

Sounds a bit clunky and not quite right grammatically... perhaps a slight modification:

"The ancient Tech Priest thought differently. Even though Razzink's gut was telling him the wasn't righ,t he forced himself to swallow his issues and allow it."

Just great though... as always.

Good call Git, I went back and fixed it. Should be much smother now, thanks.

Hey Ice,

I had a bit of time so I sat down and poured over the writing again, I have to say again.. great story!

Some sections which I had to re-read a few times because it didn't seem right to me (if it doesn't make sense then please ignore)

The ship was currently under control from the engine room
The ship was currently being controlled from the engine room?

The small device on the floor quickly folded into itself creating a disk with an inner ring of slowly fading lights
A small device on the floor quickly folded into itself creating a disk with an inner ring of slowly fading lights? (we have no prior information on the device so to me there isn't something to base ideas around 'The device' if that makes sense)

When the priest’s servo arms clicked back into blank? he gave a simple nod to Captain Razzik
is there a missing a word here?

Now matter the internal argument
Should the wording be No?

The narrative leads me to believe that the tech priest is a normal imperial techpreist and not a Techmarine, however hanger section details two marines... is it a techmarine or a techpreist?

By the time Razzik and Philosir crossed the empty space there stood only Chaplain Cyaxeres, Desai, Aquilum, Inushi, Reven, Pyrox, Hunzuu, and Shar-drasha.
As Razzik and Philosir arrived at the ship only Chaplain Cyaxeres, Desai, Aquilum, Inushi, Reven, Pyrox, Hunzuu, and Shar-drasha remained. (the mid part 'empty space there stood only' was the concern for me)

Razzik stepped over to Sergeant Hunzuu and Shar-drasha as Philosir entered the vessel to complete the necessary tasks before take off.
As as Philosir entered the vessel to complete final checks Razzik moved towards Sergeant Hunzuu and Shar-drasha.

Razzik sounds slightly exhausted with his role as when trying to allay the concerns of Hunzuu he is sighing in his responses, perhaps he just wants to fight and not lead any more? cemented with the final sentence. great writing!

Thanks Knightley for the break down. I went back and applied some of your suggestions.

One point you made did make me think for a moment. Are Tech Priests and Techmarines different? Philosir is a tech marine. He is an Ice Angel. Couldn't I also call him a tech priest, or are those specifically a non-astartes title?

I may have to look into that.

AND NOW FOR TODAY'S TOPIC!

How do orks reproduce?

GO! Talk amongst yourselves.

I thought they used similar means as humans but an old friend of mine, we'll call him Dick, believes that orks actually spawn other orks like plants do. They just give off spores or something and greenskins start growing. Thoughts?

Hey Ice,

I'm 99% sure they are different in the 40k universe.

A Techpreist is assigned to an imperial gaurd force and is usually cloaked, hooded in red and carries a staff or polearm.
A Techmarine is assigned to a Spacemarine force and is armoured with power armor, a bolt gun/pistol and usually has a servo harness.

That's what I've grown up understanding with them (even though I have an IG engiseer being painted up for my GK force)

Ork reproduction? from the Ork codex I read about 2 months ago they are based off of spores which settle and grow like a root after which a immature Ork emerges after gestation (of course those with the Ork codex can quote this better than I)

Again really do like your writing!