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Lets tickle some funny-bones, who here has or knows any great WH40k jokes?
This is one I grabbed from tumblr. It gave me a bit of a laugh

Khorne, Slaanesh, Tzeentch and Nurgle are sitting together at a bar. After a few drinks Khorne turns to the others and says:
“You know, I think I might be the angriest being in the universe. I should apply for the Guinness Book of World Records.”
“That’s not a bad idea,” replies Tzeentch, “I too might apply as I am clearly the most devious being in the universe!”
“Me too,” says Slaanesh, “I’m obviously the most perverse being in the universe.”
“And I’m probably the most repulsive being in the universe,” adds Nurgle.
And so they agree on it and the following day head off to be judged for the Guinness Book of World Records.
Khorne finishs up first and greets the crowd gathered outside with a triumpant roar.
“It’s true! I truly am the angriest being in the universe!”
Tzeentch follows soon after, smirking callously.
“As was predicted, I am undoubtably the most devious being in the universe.”
A few hours later Slaanesh strolls proudly towards them snickering.
“I was right. I am the most perverse being in the universe!”
The three wait for Nurgle to return and after a time he finally emerges with a foul expression on his face.
“How did it go, Nurgle?” ask the three.
“Who the hell is Justin Beiber?!” he cries.

Feel free to share if you have any funny jokes or comics.

Okay, Bieber bashing may get a bit repetitive, but that one made me laugh my arse off. I nearly choked on my toast while laughing.

How many PDF does it take to change a light bulb?
5, But they where killed to the last man.

How many guardsmen does it take to kill a terminator in CC?
The better question is is why the heck are guardsmen in CC?

Q: "What do you call a tyranid fire extinguisher?"

A: "A pile of gaunts."

Kain wrote:Okay, Bieber bashing may get a bit repetitive, but that one made me laugh my arse off. I nearly choked on my toast while laughing.

I'm not into Bieber bashing either but it still got a chuckle out of it also.

So an Eldar is standing in front of a vending machine, but he only has a 20. So he asks this passing Ratling if he can break it. The Ratling says "Sorry, I'm a little short"


How many Daemonettes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

As many as you can squeeze in there

hotsauceman1 wrote:How many PDF does it take to change a light bulb?
5, But they where killed to the last man.

Not sure I get it.

hotsauceman1 wrote:How many guardsmen does it take to kill a terminator in CC?
The better question is is why the heck are guardsmen in CC?

Heheheh. you make a humorous point.

Puns are also acceptable.

Xendarc wrote:

hotsauceman1 wrote:How many PDF does it take to change a light bulb?
5, But they where killed to the last man.

Not sure I get it.

PDF are always killed to a man

Grey Templar wrote:So an Eldar is standing in front of a vending machine, but he only has a 20. So he asks this passing Ratling if he can break it. The Ratling says "Sorry, I'm a little short"


How many Daemonettes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

As many as you can squeeze in there

Hehehehehe. That genuinly warrants a "LOL"

Knock knock

whos there?

Commissar

Commissar who?

The Commissar WHOS going to shoot your for desertion if you do not get out of that house Guardsman!

I got one.

A Slanneshi Cultist aspiring to be a Noise Marine approaches the Champion of his hold. "Maaaaster~" The cultist called out. The bubblegum pink and black clad Noise Marine turned -slowly- meeting the gaze of the much smaller mortal."You must have sex with a Sister of Battle! By defiling their purity you've pleased Slannesh!" The cultist beamed as he was rather handsome, or so he was told, but it was apparent women were not into daemonic tentacles.

The Cultist in the late hours of the morning sneaked into a Imperial Chapel. A Sister of Battle bowed to an altar. Repenting for her past sins of devouring far too many sweats, Blasphemy! Well the cultist stalked the repenting woman... Now was the moment to strike he grabbed her. And as he ripped off her power armor she yelled. "Please! At least let me have my virginity!" The Cultist was not a evil man he at-least let her have that. After the primal passion, he beamed once more. "Terrific! I will become a Noise Marine now!" The Sister of Battle laughed, the sound of bells. "They said if I dressed up as a Sister of Battle i'd become a Noise Marine." -He- said with a grin.

- How many Space Marines can you fit into a Rhino?
- What's a Space Marine?

There once was a Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White bike...

Do a search on 40k Humor here and in the Discussions area and you'll find a half dozen threads from the last year or so. So far, these have been rather flat.

Xendarc wrote:Lets tickle some funny-bones, who here has or knows any great WH40k jokes?
This is one I grabbed from tumblr. It gave me a bit of a laugh

Khorne, Slaanesh, Tzeentch and Nurgle are sitting together at a bar. After a few drinks Khorne turns to the others and says:
“You know, I think I might be the angriest being in the universe. I should apply for the Guinness Book of World Records.”
“That’s not a bad idea,” replies Tzeentch, “I too might apply as I am clearly the most devious being in the universe!”
“Me too,” says Slaanesh, “I’m obviously the most perverse being in the universe.”
“And I’m probably the most repulsive being in the universe,” adds Nurgle.
And so they agree on it and the following day head off to be judged for the Guinness Book of World Records.
Khorne finishs up first and greets the crowd gathered outside with a triumpant roar.
“It’s true! I truly am the angriest being in the universe!”
Tzeentch follows soon after, smirking callously.
“As was predicted, I am undoubtably the most devious being in the universe.”
A few hours later Slaanesh strolls proudly towards them snickering.
“I was right. I am the most perverse being in the universe!”
The three wait for Nurgle to return and after a time he finally emerges with a foul expression on his face.
“How did it go, Nurgle?” ask the three.
“Who the hell is Justin Beiber?!” he cries.
Feel free to share if you have any funny jokes or comics.

Oh well played! Bravo! I loled!

Feth me I love these. Holy Terra these are great.

Why was Abaddon the Despoiler's office so messy?

He just got a new Defiler.

Iranna.

What does commander broadside do when he gets out the shower?

Uses a tau

olim wrote:
What does commander broadside do when he gets out the shower?

Uses a tau

tau'el...?

kronk wrote:Do a search on 40k Humor here and in the Discussions area and you'll find a half dozen threads from the last year or so. So far, these have been rather flat.

Agreed...
Some of these are really bad...

two hormagaunts are messily devouring a clown, when one turns to the other and asks: Does this taste funny to you?

You mean a Harliquin


I guess I'll just spam all my funny pics

The last two pictures were the best

I couldn't care less about Beiber (for or against him), but that first joke was one of the funnier 40k jokes I've heard. I honestly had a good chuckle out of it. Bravo, friend.

How many Tech Preists take it take to change a lightbulb?

3.
1 to Pray to the Machine Spirit of the Lightbulb
1 to recite the holy prayer of lightbulb changing and spray holy oil on the lightbulb.
1 to actully change the lightbulb also while reciting a prayer of lightbulb chaning.

"Thou shalt spake the holy litiny of turning"

"Thou shalt turn it 3 times, counter clockwise"

"3 times, and 3 is the number"

"Not 4 times, for that is wrong"

"Not 2, unless thou immediatly procedest to 3"

"5 is right out!"

Engine of War: This made me laugh for sure

Grey Templar: Now I'm just imagining The Holy Grail done in a 40k-esque.
"We found a Heretic! May we burn her?"

Now this cracks me up every time xD

I think this suits guard perfectly, despite the space marines in the photo.

Xendarc wrote:Engine of War: This made me laugh for sure

Grey Templar: Now I'm just imagining The Holy Grail done in a 40k-esque.
"We found a Heretic! May we burn her?"

Now this cracks me up every time xD