Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

Well I'll share this one

Don't worry I have heard worse. I accidentally hit a girls ass and I meant to be her back...... Yeah it was the Girl I liked. Note to self never do that again. It was something she did that I was congratulating her on and It went to far down low. Yep.

Another time with the same girl I accidentally asked her if she liked me through the internet and I told her that I am her to help her in more than 3 ways. Sometimes I applaud my stupidity

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:Once you've tasted the freedom of being able to post pictures of bisected genitals without a language filter, you'll never be the same

I know where to go if I want to find that stuff and Dakka couldn't really handle my perverse imagination without me getting a ban, so I get my words across in a "Family-Friendly" manner instead.

Oh Come on dakka dakka! WE play with toy soldiers AT LEAST HALF of you have a story or 45 of them.
Don't tell me you had to explain the hobby to a girl before.

Asherian Command wrote:Oh Come on dakka dakka! WE play with toy soldiers AT LEAST HALF of you have a story or 45 of them.
Don't tell me you had to explain the hobby to a girl before.

My ex was interested in my hobby, she wanted to get closer to me I suppose.

It went down hill when I started collecting 3rd ed Eldar, she left for a real man...

Another tale of mine comes from way back in my school days.

Being poor and having a mother who thought growing onto things would be best I had to wear trousers that, were cheaply made and were too big. One consequence of this was that my zipper area bulged when ever I sat down. One Class we had to watch Romeo and Juliet, relaxing in the classroom I was aware of some tittering, slumped in my chair I realised that I had what looked like an erection. The girls around me were horrified.
I made things worse by trying to hide the tent by rubbing the front of my trousers whining 'its not a hard on, see!' Cue many many years of jokes at my expense.



Automatically Appended Next Post:
When On an escalator I do, sometimes lock my gaze on a particularly pleasant pair of breasts, either on lower steps or looking over the railings etc.

Been caught looking a few times but I'm sure quickly looking away whilst whistling covers my tracks.

A real men of genius commercial would be great for this thread.....

When On an escalator I do, sometimes lock my gaze on a particularly pleasant pair of breasts, either on lower steps or looking over the railings etc.

Been caught looking a few times but I'm sure quickly looking away whilst whistling covers my tracks.

I don't know, some like that kind of attention.

Sanctjud wrote:

When On an escalator I do, sometimes lock my gaze on a particularly pleasant pair of breasts, either on lower steps or looking over the railings etc.

Been caught looking a few times but I'm sure quickly looking away whilst whistling covers my tracks.

I don't know, some like that kind of attention.

Most draw the line at the heavy breathing, drooling and subconcious raising of both hands whilst muttering 'hubba hubba'.

Awkward moment.
Nice looking girl.
At a party.

she was at the time alone.
I thought I'd make a joke to her.
It involved a rag and the question "Does this smell of chleroform to you?"

She sniffed it. I wasn't sure what to do then.

(and no, there was no chleroform on the rag.)

Mr. Burning wrote:
Automatically Appended Next Post:
When On an escalator I do, sometimes lock my gaze on a particularly pleasant pair of breasts, either on lower steps or looking over the railings etc.

Been caught looking a few times but I'm sure quickly looking away whilst whistling covers my tracks.

Working at Dillards (a department store) on the men's floor we would get extremely bored when there were no customers around and, being mostly guys, we'd stare at the women who were walking upstairs to the appropriate department. There are a few tricks here. One of my favorites involves continuing to stare, but allowing your stare to become absent if they (or their boyfriend!) notice. That way you're still staring at the same spot and it looks like you're just zoned out There's also the trick of looking like we were trying to count customers. Just hold a piece of paper and pen then if someone sees you staring you write something down. I'll see if I can remember any more later.

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:

Mr. Burning wrote:
Automatically Appended Next Post:
When On an escalator I do, sometimes lock my gaze on a particularly pleasant pair of breasts, either on lower steps or looking over the railings etc.

Been caught looking a few times but I'm sure quickly looking away whilst whistling covers my tracks.

Working at Dillards (a department store) on the men's floor we would get extremely bored when there were no customers around and, being mostly guys, we'd stare at the women who were walking upstairs to the appropriate department. There are a few tricks here. One of my favorites involves continuing to stare, but allowing your stare to become absent if they (or their boyfriend!) notice. That way you're still staring at the same spot and it looks like you're just zoned out There's also the trick of looking like we were trying to count customers. Just hold a piece of paper and pen then if someone sees you staring you write something down. I'll see if I can remember any more later.

This information should be taught at school.

VikingScott wrote:Awkward moment.
Nice looking girl.
At a party.

she was at the time alone.
I thought I'd make a joke to her.
It involved a rag and the question "Does this smell of chleroform to you?"

She sniffed it. I wasn't sure what to do then.

(and no, there was no chleroform on the rag.)

A classic gone wrong or right...
I can understand you could be confused, but what did you end up doing? There could be a 'dude...' in this.

Sanctjud wrote:

VikingScott wrote:Awkward moment.
Nice looking girl.
At a party.

she was at the time alone.
I thought I'd make a joke to her.
It involved a rag and the question "Does this smell of chleroform to you?"

She sniffed it. I wasn't sure what to do then.

(and no, there was no chleroform on the rag.)

A classic gone wrong or right...
I can understand you could be confused, but what did you end up doing? There could be a 'dude...' in this.

I laughed a little. She goes "what?". I then proccedded to tell her there was no chleroform and what it is.

She looked quite worried after that but then started laughing at her own mistake. It ended up as a sort of icebreaker.

VikingScott wrote:

Sanctjud wrote:

VikingScott wrote:Awkward moment.
Nice looking girl.
At a party.

she was at the time alone.
I thought I'd make a joke to her.
It involved a rag and the question "Does this smell of chleroform to you?"

She sniffed it. I wasn't sure what to do then.

(and no, there was no chleroform on the rag.)

A classic gone wrong or right...
I can understand you could be confused, but what did you end up doing? There could be a 'dude...' in this.

I laughed a little. She goes "what?". I then proccedded to tell her there was no chleroform and what it is.

She looked quite worried after that but then started laughing at her own mistake. It ended up as a sort of icebreaker.

Stockholm syndrome.

Mr. Burning wrote:

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:

Mr. Burning wrote:
Automatically Appended Next Post:
When On an escalator I do, sometimes lock my gaze on a particularly pleasant pair of breasts, either on lower steps or looking over the railings etc.

Been caught looking a few times but I'm sure quickly looking away whilst whistling covers my tracks.

Working at Dillards (a department store) on the men's floor we would get extremely bored when there were no customers around and, being mostly guys, we'd stare at the women who were walking upstairs to the appropriate department. There are a few tricks here. One of my favorites involves continuing to stare, but allowing your stare to become absent if they (or their boyfriend!) notice. That way you're still staring at the same spot and it looks like you're just zoned out There's also the trick of looking like we were trying to count customers. Just hold a piece of paper and pen then if someone sees you staring you write something down. I'll see if I can remember any more later.

This information should be taught at school.

I agree with this true statement.
Another thing that happened to me was this one time a girl asked me exactly what i was reading. And I said, "Uhh. The Art of War."
It turned into a very awkward situation as she literally had no idea how to reply to that and we were the only two in the room and it was dreadfuly quite and I looked at her with a raised eyebrow wondering if she was going to answer or reply. She just looked into space trying to think of something. Then I finally said, "Wow you seem like a girl who is a med-evil peasant and found out the world isn't flat."
Note NEVER SAY THAT! EVER! She looked at me and said, "WTF?"

Alright, another story my Grade 10 art class was small and cramped with large tables instead of separate desks anyways, I sat at the edge of the table with a girl sitting about a foot behind me at another table. Being very tired I stretched out my

arms and yawned, I almost extended may arm completely but I was stopped by something round and soft, I then hear the girl say "Did that kid just touch my ass?".

Cheesecat wrote:Alright, another story my Grade 10 art class was small and cramped with large tables instead of separate desks anyways, I sat at the edge of the table with a girl sitting about a foot behind me at another table. Being very tired I stretched out my

arms and yawned, I almost extended may arm completely but I was stopped by something round and soft, I then hear the girl say "Did that kid just touch my ass?".

Was she hot? If so it was worth it!

Asherian Command wrote:

Cheesecat wrote:Alright, another story my Grade 10 art class was small and cramped with large tables instead of separate desks anyways, I sat at the edge of the table with a girl sitting about a foot behind me at another table. Being very tired I stretched out my

arms and yawned, I almost extended may arm completely but I was stopped by something round and soft, I then hear the girl say "Did that kid just touch my ass?".

Was she hot? If so it was worth it!

She was kind of cute, but definitely agreed it was worth it, besides it's not like I'm going to feth her anytime soon so why should I care what she thinks?

First day of college, and there was a gigantic meeting in the auditorium, separated by majors. We were all separated by people we'd be taking classes with for the next 4 years--some of which I might've worked with, or under, in a school. One of them is a girl I've known since pre-school, and had a bad crush on. She dated the center of the football team in high school, so I let it be.

My cell phone rings as I'm standing next to her. First words out of my mouth are "AH! There's something vibrating, and it's in my pants!"

Hmmm... lets see.... well, there was this one girl in high school who I had a monster crush on... she straddled me one day while it was just the two of us in class waiting for others to show up. I totally fethed up that one, thought she was just teasing me, etc... oh well.

And then well... recent memory hurts real bad, lets just say that I dragged my feet too long.

These made me lol =) heres my list no in particular order

1. Picked up at the local took my new friend home and then vomited on the poor girl about 10 seconds before I errrr unleashed the dogs of war (she didnt call me back funny that)

2. Woke up next to what I am fairly sure was an incarnation of nurgle but with better hygiene.

3. Been caught punishing my unit by my girlfriends more times then I can remember

4. numerous bodily fluids mishaps

5. numerous instances of the little general failing to salute due to alcohol

There is a bunch more dosent matter If they are hawt or ugly I will find a way to screw gak up =)

Okay, not the most awkward, but I and a friend were both at a summer camp in Colorado. Now, remember that me and my friend are both the dorky, quite type, and pretty much all the the other guys there were the jock, rap music type. Me and my friend always ended sitting at the girls' table, because we had nowhere else to sit. Naturally, there was virtually no conversation at THAT table, no sir. Then, we went white-water rafting on rafts that held 8 people, plus the guide. Naturally, I and my friend ("the dorky duo") ended up being the only two guys in one of the boats. Now, we were going over safety procedures, like what to do when the boat starts to tilt to the side. I was a rower, so I sat on the right front edge, next to an (older) girl, and my friend also sat on the left front edge, and an older girl was next to him. Joy of hoys, it turns out that, when the boat starts to capsize, we were all supposed to pile to the opposite edge of the boat, which meant that I would either end up being smothered by two (good looking) older girls, OR I would end up on TOP of those same two girls...Most awkward moment of my life...

If we're going for lists then I can dig it:

Accidently setting a girls science project on fire.

Having to have a girl explain to me what 'turning on' ang 'get in there actually ment.

A situation similar to ChaosOmega's, but my reaction was to run and Gears of war roll out the door (to be fair, in sexual situations I kind of have an excuse).

Asking a girl who died after her Grandfather died.

There was one more, but it's a little...unsuitabel for Dakka.

I had one with a girl that used to have one hell of a crush on me. I mean calls at night, she would stand in certain poses, scrape against me while dancing and on one occasion got on her knees in front of me with her tongue hanging out making weird moany noises and zipping my fly up because she noticed it was down then looking at me for a long while before getting back up. (I have had a GF for 5 years, this was 3 years ago so I tried explaining, don't think she cared)

During work I came out of the forest for a break (I was a paint-ball Marshall) and went to the staff hut for my sandwiches and found my friend in there cradling her shoulder, she had been shot and was acting like it was the end of the world. So she asked if I could check if she was bruised I said okay.

Let me make it clear I was expecting to move her sleeve or neck of the top to look at the shoulder.

But ohhh no she had different ideas, within seconds of me saying yes and moving to grab the sleeve, she whipped off her top and turns round, the top gets caught in my hand and then the worst of it all, the door swings open and in comes my boss.

There was me looking like I was trying to grope my friend while she was topless (wearing a bra) and looking like she was about to cry. I died a little inside that day I had the look that changed from 'OMG X's boobs to OMFG my boss to ... feth! This looks horribly wrong and bad'.

Tried to explain it to my GF that night and it did not go down to well either.

syanticraven wrote:I had one with a girl that used to have one hell of a crush on me. I mean calls at night, she would stand in certain poses, scrape against me while dancing and on one occasion got on her knees in front of me with her tongue hanging out making weird moany noises and zipping my fly up because she noticed it was down then looking at me for a long while before getting back up. (I have had a GF for 5 years, this was 3 years ago so I tried explaining, don't think she cared)

During work I came out of the forest for a break (I was a paint-ball Marshall) and went to the staff hut for my sandwiches and found my friend in there cradling her shoulder, she had been shot and was acting like it was the end of the world. So she asked if I could check if she was bruised I said okay.

Let me make it clear I was expecting to move her sleeve or neck of the top to look at the shoulder.

But ohhh no she had different ideas, within seconds of me saying yes and moving to grab the sleeve, she whipped off her top and turns round, the top gets caught in my hand and then the worst of it all, the door swings open and in comes my boss.

There was me looking like I was trying to grope my friend while she was topless (wearing a bra) and looking like she was about to cry. I died a little inside that day I had the look that changed from 'OMG X's boobs to OMFG my boss to ... feth! This looks horribly wrong and bad'.

Tried to explain it to my GF that night and it did not go down to well either.

Damned if you do explain and very damned if you don't!

Mr. Burning wrote:

syanticraven wrote:I had one with a girl that used to have one hell of a crush on me. I mean calls at night, she would stand in certain poses, scrape against me while dancing and on one occasion got on her knees in front of me with her tongue hanging out making weird moany noises and zipping my fly up because she noticed it was down then looking at me for a long while before getting back up. (I have had a GF for 5 years, this was 3 years ago so I tried explaining, don't think she cared)

During work I came out of the forest for a break (I was a paint-ball Marshall) and went to the staff hut for my sandwiches and found my friend in there cradling her shoulder, she had been shot and was acting like it was the end of the world. So she asked if I could check if she was bruised I said okay.

Let me make it clear I was expecting to move her sleeve or neck of the top to look at the shoulder.

But ohhh no she had different ideas, within seconds of me saying yes and moving to grab the sleeve, she whipped off her top and turns round, the top gets caught in my hand and then the worst of it all, the door swings open and in comes my boss.

There was me looking like I was trying to grope my friend while she was topless (wearing a bra) and looking like she was about to cry. I died a little inside that day I had the look that changed from 'OMG X's boobs to OMFG my boss to ... feth! This looks horribly wrong and bad'.

Tried to explain it to my GF that night and it did not go down to well either.

Damned if you do explain and very damned if you don't!

Lol. That must of really sucked. DAMN!

One of my buddies at college totally blew it with a hot young thing to die for.

He played his Nintendo whilst she was there,she asked if he would be needing the contents of a square foil wrapped package stamped durex.

In mid killer Instinct combo he allegedly replied, 'I have some chewing gum, thanks'.

One of my landlords many, seemingly daily, conquests confided to me that she was too sore from the night before and that he should expect alternative enjoyments if she could see him again.

Soo true :( she never lets that go.


And damn, boys and their nintendo's eh?
Should buy him these >



I had a friend in uni that he was so drunk he stopped a girl giving him head because he 'felt as if his morals where in the wrong place' so went to go find them -literally searching for them.

There was one gal I met on a dating site like 10 years ago. We met at some diner and were enjoying our burgers and she asked what kind of hobbies I have... went something like this ..

me: well, I like to paint and stuff
her: like pictures with oil paints?
me: um, no I paint army men and use them in a game
her: ... a game? like chess?
me: kinda, it's like chess but you make your own pieces
her: oh...

10 minutes later, after a slightly uncomfortable silence she starts laughing

her: Army men? really?
me: yeah, it's a fun creative hobby
her: oh, ok...

another 10 minutes and longer uncomfortable silence

her: so when you play with your army men, do you make little laser beam sounds when they fight?
me: well I don't but I'm sure some people do....
her: wow, that's really nerdy.

We left soon after. Needless to say, I never spoke to her again

I would of instantly said "Pew! pew!"

The only appropraite response would be bragging about the size of your lightsaber.