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Gymnogyps wrote:Remilia, be careful if you do meet this man. As others have said, this is not your "dad", this someone claiming to have provided the sperm then bailed. His sudden desire to come back into your life in this way indicates he probably needs something, be that money, emotional support, forgiveness, whatever. The motivation is going to be something HE needs... if it was about you, he would have been there all along.

Just be very careful, OK? Meet in a public place. I know he has your address, since a letter was sent, but ensure there are other people around when (if) you meet him. Have a friend there with you, and meet in public. Make the first meeting short, over coffee or something. You will need to break the ice a bit and you both will need to understand what this all means.

Also, this could all be a scam. Here's long lost daddy-o, and oh, so sad, he needs a couple hundred bucks for an operation. Or maybe just needs a place to stay for a while (then can rob you blind). Anyone who has heard (even tangentially) about your situation could easily manufacture this sort of scam. There are people who milk lonely old people of all their savings; there is no depth that scammers won't sink.

Seriously, be careful.

As far as your appearance, be you. This person is nothing to you but a source of DNA, if that is even true. Don't compromise who you are for a total stranger. You owe him nothing. If he freaks out, that is why you must be in public... walk away and call security or police.

Hopefully this will be a chance to get to know your father. Who knows, he may become your Dad over time. I've said before, but again, please just be careful.

I wish you well and best of luck! Update the thread when you decide what you will do, OK?

Again, very good words.

Indeed, a very well thought out and prudent post.

I haven't even considered the "scammer/needs a couple hundred bucks" angle.

That's an excellent call.

Well, I'll gather more info before I invest my time and heart into it, I want this to be 100% legit, but, it is possible he could not be my father, but a scammer, and again, I appreciate all of your support, I've got a question only my real father would know, based on what my mama has told me about him growing up. If he answers wrong, he's not my father.

I guess I'm just being optimistic, and gymnogyps, monster rain, goddard, toastedandy, ineptus, klimino and da boss, I'll tell you how it turns out, I'm really hoping he is, I would love to talk to him, I envy people who have both parents together, maybe this will be a step closer. And again, thank you all for your support.

I hope it all goes well for you. Just don't let it get to you when things don't work out or are not what you expect it to be.

Hope for the best, be prepared for the worst and good luck.

I was hoping Albatross had posted in this thread and I was not disappointed.

Thanks kimzy, you're right, I just gotta hope things work out.

Well what you want to do when you meet him is defeat him in a gladiatorial contest of strength preferably whilst wielding a mighty broadsword and utterly emasculate him in the process to prove your superiority as a man. Then after landing the finishing blow rip off his head holding it aloft for all to see, rip out his heart just as its about to beat its last and eat it. (make sure raucous death metal plays the entire time)


In all seriousness Id recommend severe caution do you have any reason to believe / know that hes in Russia ?, do you know anyone who might even in passing have had contact with him in all these years ?. Also how did he get your address / know anything about you, I mean he said he thought you've become a good man so i can only presume there must be some middle party here ?.
Also as stated above you don't owe this man anything but regardless he is still your genefather, forged of his loins you are his legacy and / or will made manifest and I would imagine that he feels strongly about you perhaps more so then you feel about him.
There's no point in burning bridges whats done in the past is done and hes not the man that walked out on you as a child, hell i cant remember the statistic but aren't we biologically a completely different person every 7-8 years ?.
Take every day as it comes and be open minded there will be certain things that you don't agree on, you'll have to come to terms with this but its really a matter of what you put in you get out if he is the real deal then you share a bond that no amount of time or distance could ever break and you owe it to yourself at least to get to know the man , if not for anything other then satisfying your own morbid curiosity .
Feel free to raise your fists to the heavens and cry out your anguish to the uncaring silence of infinity if things don't go well, on that note do keep us all posted how it went ^^, I like to think at here at dakka dakka were in a way a deranged sort of family .

C-3

Well, it turns out he's my father, after a 3 hour talk on the phone. He's something else, not what I expected at all, , I plan on talking some more later today. I'm happy right now, il keep updated.

thats good. i wish you the best of luck!

Grats man! I'd be anxious too.
I wouldn't worry much about that. If he cares after so many years, I doubt he would turn on you because of that, even if he might be shocked at first.

Excellent news, mate. Though this might be a bit late, I'm saying it anyway.

"Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment"

Thanks everyone, I was talking with him again earlier, he doesn't seem to mind too much, he's a little shocked, but, he understands why I am the way I am. He asked if my mother had spoiled the suprise, because she told me he's been trying to make things right, I can't forgive him, but, I still love him none the less. Hopefully, he'll be here in the next week, with my mother.

Well, that's a fantastic outcome. I'm really pleased for you.

remilia_scarlet wrote:Thanks everyone, I was talking with him again earlier, he doesn't seem to mind too much, he's a little shocked, but, he understands why I am the way I am. He asked if my mother had spoiled the suprise, because she told me he's been trying to make things right, I can't forgive him, but, I still love him none the less. Hopefully, he'll be here in the next week, with my mother.

I feel bad every time something like this comes up ,because I love my parents despite their many flaws. My personality doesn't really match well with my mother's (she's OCD about cleaning and has a tendency to repeat herself over and over again), but other than that, I don't have any real issues with them.

It makes me feel lucky, and feel sorry for people like the OP. Hope it gets better...

Melissia, thank you, I do too. :')

remilia_scarlet wrote:Thanks everyone, I was talking with him again earlier, he doesn't seem to mind too much, he's a little shocked, but, he understands why I am the way I am. He asked if my mother had spoiled the suprise, because she told me he's been trying to make things right, I can't forgive him, but, I still love him none the less. Hopefully, he'll be here in the next week, with my mother.

^ Exalted
That's my response

:3

Yay for good news! I hope you two can become friends.

Thank you kimzy, I do too.

Monster Rain wrote:I haven't even considered the "scammer/needs a couple hundred bucks" angle.

That's an excellent call.

Yeah, haven't you seen LOST? Locke's dad only got in touch to steal his kidney!


Anyway, good luck to you Scarlet, and look after your kidneys.

Medium of Death wrote:
If you don't 'live up' to his expectations why should you care? He isn't or won't be a major influencing factor on your life.

I agree completely with you. My own dad left me when I was a kid, and never showed up again. If he came back all of a sudden and demanded me to change for him, I would say GTFO.

To OP: Just act as usual. Be yourself. If he contacted you, it is obvious that he still likes you, and would like to see how you have grown up and what you are interested in. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you will be more successful than I have ever been.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

Gymnogyps wrote:Remilia, be careful if you do meet this man. As others have said, this is not your "dad", this someone claiming to have provided the sperm then bailed. His sudden desire to come back into your life in this way indicates he probably needs something, be that money, emotional support, forgiveness, whatever. The motivation is going to be something HE needs... if it was about you, he would have been there all along.

Just be very careful, OK? Meet in a public place. I know he has your address, since a letter was sent, but ensure there are other people around when (if) you meet him. Have a friend there with you, and meet in public. Make the first meeting short, over coffee or something. You will need to break the ice a bit and you both will need to understand what this all means.

Also, this could all be a scam. Here's long lost daddy-o, and oh, so sad, he needs a couple hundred bucks for an operation. Or maybe just needs a place to stay for a while (then can rob you blind). Anyone who has heard (even tangentially) about your situation could easily manufacture this sort of scam. There are people who milk lonely old people of all their savings; there is no depth that scammers won't sink.

Seriously, be careful.

As far as your appearance, be you. This person is nothing to you but a source of DNA, if that is even true. Don't compromise who you are for a total stranger. You owe him nothing. If he freaks out, that is why you must be in public... walk away and call security or police.

Hopefully this will be a chance to get to know your father. Who knows, he may become your Dad over time. I've said before, but again, please just be careful.

I wish you well and best of luck! Update the thread when you decide what you will do, OK?

However, this is also important to keep in mind.

Thank you ambrosius, I appreciate your advice.

Glad to hear things seem to have started off well!

Good! Things seem to be starting off well.

Troy wrote:

remilia_scarlet wrote:Well klimino, I believe you've got a point, I'm just afraid of the "ew, my son is a transvestite, why god, why?" situation, I'm not exactly normal.

When you get older, you'll realize no one is "normal," yet - absent serial killers et al - we all really are.

You need to be old to tell that there is no such thing as normal?? Better go dig my grave then and im only 20.

OT though, just dont jump straight in at the deep and turn up at a bar or w/e fully female dressed. Since he probly doesnt know much about you he is more than likely expecting a son.

You would need to try build up trust between you and him before revealing that you are in fact a transvestite, and if you do tell him then explain why you are.

I went through somethin a bit similar with my girlfriend although Id rather not say more about it since I know one of my friends may(probly very slim chance) see this.

Take it slowly and it should all be fine.

EDIT: DERP, didnt realise the 3 page spread..... makes most of what i said irrelevant since well its been covered

johnscott10 wrote:

Troy wrote:

remilia_scarlet wrote:Well klimino, I believe you've got a point, I'm just afraid of the "ew, my son is a transvestite, why god, why?" situation, I'm not exactly normal.

When you get older, you'll realize no one is "normal," yet - absent serial killers et al - we all really are.

You need to be old to tell that there is no such thing as normal?? Better go dig my grave then and im only 20.

OT though, just dont jump straight in at the deep and turn up at a bar or w/e fully female dressed. Since he hasnt met much of you he is more than likely expecting a son.

You would need to try build up trust between you and him before revealing that you are in fact a transvestite, and if you do tell him then explain why you are.

I went through somethin a bit similar with my girlfriend although Id rather not say more about it since I know one of my friends may(probly very slim chance) see this.

Take it slowly and it should all be fine.

I think you should read the thread, friend : )

Good start, it would seem.