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Granted.

the Sensory information sent by your foot bypasses your brains normal filtering process. you are forever forced to experience every minute sensation from that foot.

I wish i had some bacon

Granted

You have the bacon, turn into a pig and become my next meal

I wish I was single

Granted

As for the reason you're single....it's best left to imagination

i wish the Blood angels had a decent codex

Granted. But it is unreleased, and may stay that way forever.

I wish to know where all my stuff is.

Granted. I stuffed it all up you arse.

I wish to lovingly and tenderly finger Cultist-chan's butt.

Granted. But she turns out to be like 12, and you get fingered by big bulky felons in prison who may or may not worship khorne

I wish I was a dragon

Granted. But then the Dragonborn devours your soul.

I wish people would understand I fingered the Cultist out of love for her, it wasn't molestation.

Granted. And you understand they were all mistaken when they tore you into little pieces and buried you alive.

I wish for some popcorn.

Granted, you get corn, it pops in your belly and you explode

I wish all armies would be condensed into one codex

Granted, but the codex is £200 and most of it is useless for a single army.

I wish Infinity miniatures were cheaper.

Granted, but the wave of 'infinities cheaper than gw' overwhelms you and you lose all interest

I wish the remote was in reach

The remote is in reach. Black reach. And now the ultramarines are taking the remote from the orks.

I wish there were more boxed starter sets.

Granted. There are now over 100 boxed starter sets. Problem is in order to have the complete core rules, you must purchase all of them, at £100 each.

I wish the rules were free.

Granted. They say you have to do everything GW tells you to or die.

I wish to drive around picking up hookers.

Granted, you drive around all night and end up with a car full of horny disgruntled fishermen


I wish it wasn't midnight and I hadn't unpacked all my old cases just to see what my collection looked like

Granted. You no longer have a collection


I wish for Naruto Dubbed episodes to come out faster

Granted. But they are dubbed in Cantonese.

I wish I had some Fireworks.

Granted they explode in your face.
I wish Ben Carson runs for president

granted, he is revealed to be Mitt Romney who turns America into a Theologic dictatorship.

I wish I knew how good Xtracrylic paints are.

Granted. You now know. I now have too kill you for that knowledge.

I wish too pour a good long drink.

You pour such a long drink you die of thirst

I wish I wasn't missing a limb

An out-of-practice doctor attaches a chimpanzee arm to you to replace your missing limb. He stuffs up the procedure, however, and you suffer an agonising death while he is attaching it.

I wish I was both a telkine and a telepath.

Granted. You now know every ones disgusting and disturbing sexual fetishes through telepathy You can not block this ability so family gatherings and social occasions of any sort are horrible nightmares to attend. Your telekinetic ability gives you terrible headaches as you use it.

I wish happines for everyone including myself.

Granted, everyone's happy, at your expense. Your happy whilst you think you're getting positive attention before you realise how pathetic life has become

I wish I could stop getting my miniatures out this late at night

Granted you lose sense of time and thus have no idea that ut is late at night.

I wish to die in an incredibly awesome manner fighting the foes of freedom.

Granted. You are fish-slapped to death.

I wish to be a super hero.

Granted, your powers are pathetic

I wish I didn't need a po right now

Granted, you never have any need for a po. But then you are locked in room and really need to gak.

I wish to bang Lofn. She's so cute.

Granted, you bang her, or rather you get close and she goes bang. The gore never washes off

I wish my kids would stop bothering me on my weekends

Granted, they bother you on weekdays instead.

I wish to bang Lofn. She's so cute!