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Granted. Now find some water to put it in quickly...and a clean container.....oops too late.

I wish for a few days of perfect weather.
(and the tent is up, no elephants were harmed in so doing)

Granted, but it's perfect weather for polar bears.


I wish I could be bothered to do something.

Granted. you have hundreds of itchy mosquito bites, and you are kept busy scratching them.

I wish for a fake blood recipe that stays red and doesn't soak into fabric.

Granted, but contact of said recipe to the skin causes you to bleed profusely.

<Fighting the urge to quote skee-lo...>

I wish I sucked less at Fantasy...

Granted, you are now so a awesome that everyone refuses to play against you.

I wish that Tyranids were on present day Earth.

Granted, but because of their codex, the combined forces of Earth eventually kill them off.

I wish you all would get me a birthday present next month.

Granted, we all get you time bombs.

I wish to defeat God in a fistfight.

Granted. You defeat Guardsman Bob, god of Tatertots.

I wish for more scary clown stuff.

You receive fluffy bunnies. Harmless pink fluffy bunnies.

I wish for harmless pink fluffy bunnies.

Granted, harmless to carrots. Your face on the other hand... Maybe plastic surgery will help?

I wish someone would repair the damage those pink fluffy bunnies did to Sgt_Smudge's face. (Sorry 'bout that by the way.)

Granted. He now looks just like Guardsman Bob.

I wish I could come up for some use for these bunnies.

granted. dog food.

I wish my luck wold finally turn.

Your luck becomes the worst luck. So unlucky in fact, you are also turned into dog food with the rest of the pink fluffy bunnies.

I wish to be a dog.

Granted. But all you get to eat is Purina pink bunny chow, and it tastes like ass.

I wish my neighbors had not moved away. I liked them.

Granted, they come back upon which you realise you actually hated them.

I wish I didn't get sunburnt.

Granted, you don't get sunburned but you do get skin cancer from being in the sun too long.

I wish people would stop doing ice bucket challenges.

Granted, they do knife bucket challenges. You are the first to try it.

I wish I could diagnose my iPod.

Granted. It's rotten to the core.

I wish Apple products grew on trees.

Granted, carnivorous, man eating trees infested with catachan barking roads.

I wish for a pet catachan devil

Granted, it spreads a deadly disease that causes boils to grow all over your skin.

I wish to bang Lofn. She's so cute.

Granted, Not sure who Lofn is but by bang you end up shooting Lofn....

I wish they would change the green skittle back to lime because sour apple sucks in it.

Granted, but you become allergic to the colouring they use.

I wish RJCarrot knew who Lofn was.

Granted, he steals that knowlidge from your mind.

I wish for a doodleflipper refrier.

Granted, but you get herpes. (sorry no idea what a doodleflipper refier is so you just get herpes.)

I wish it was 5:00pm in Chicago...

granted. And everywhere else. Permanently.

I wish i coud choose the consequences of my actions.

EDIT: YAY 500th post!!

You do. Unfortunately, you can only make choices that would happen naturally.

I wish that I had enough time to work on my 3d printing pet projects.

Granted. Now that 3D printing has been exposed as a major cancer-causer, no one come near a 3D printer and you never have too wait in line. And your hair falls out.

I wish I had better trash to work with.

Granted. It's still completely terrible.

I wish to write a great shipping fic starring Colonel-Commisar Ibram Gaunt.

Granted, but your editor changes the Colonels name to Colonel Sanders because he believes it will sell better that way.

I wish more people at my shop had larger fantasy army's and played more often.

Granted. They have armies so big and play so often that they take all the tables and you are never around at the start of one of their week-long games.

I wish they would bring back squats.