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"I am your father Inushi."




Nice installment Ice. Very well written.

It was awesome!

I sound like a fanboy...meh I am one

Really liked it man! Feed us more!

@Gitsplitta and Bobakos - Thanks guys! I do not know when more will arrive, but it will.

What did everybody else think?

Less chitter chatter more story telling.

Great, as usual. I don't comment on here as much as I should, but I really enjoy reading your writing

1-i wrote:Less chitter chatter more story telling.

Well then, that's a bit demanding.

prime12357 wrote:Great, as usual. I don't comment on here as much as I should, but I really enjoy reading your writing

Thanks prime. And yes, you should comment more.

Im sorry I dont want to bully you, can we hug it out? *evil grin*

Awesome. really liked how you incorperated the jumpack marine you did at the same time as adding the extra insight into Philosir, very nice and very well written

Hey Ice, maybe a random question, but is there any way you could save the story thus far as a .pdf? I'd love to read this on my tablet in a little more friendly format. Or even if you had it in Word, I could convert it myself. I started copy/pasting and realized you likely have a complete version.

From reading your stuff I had a random moment of fluff inspiration and then I sent that info your way via PM.

Also you should trust that man with the hansom handle bar mustache and fancy top hat about the PDF.

@bigfish = thanks bigfish. I'm glad you noticed the jump pack guy making an appearance!

@whalemusic360 = I can do that whalemusic. If you want to shoot me your e-mail address I can get a .pdf file over to you. If any one else would like one, send me a PM as well.

@1-i = Thanks for the fluff on your guy, expect a PM from me with some questions.

The crunch of pavement, the splashes of boots in puddles, the small unit of four marines ran through the light rain with no regard for silence only their haste to reach their destination. After rounding a waist high wall of worn mortar, Nefas slowed to a typical engagement speed.

He raised his custom bolter, a long curved clip hung from the bolters stock. Kvothe and Jaska followed his lead raising up their own weapons. They fanned out and explored the small alley way quickly while Inigo watched behind them.

The rain had slowed substantially to a slight drizzle. The clouds were still thick but a light gray could be seen in between mountains in the horizon. Dawn was making its approach but for the moment Inigo was still using his night vision. The details were not clean enough without it.

He moved down the alley way after his squad mates before stopping to check again that nothing was behind them. The sounds of footfalls breaking the dull hum of falling rain were all he could hear in the near vicinity. The occasional growl of engines could be heard in the distance but like the rain, the ork vessels had also subsided allowing the astartes vessels to land and set up defenses.

Inigo knew that they’d be back but for the time being the astartes appeared to be alone in the mountaintop crater they had landed in. It was filled with abandoned ruins and scraggly trees. Some sort of facility had been housed here but there were no hints to its original use.

When he finally turned back around he saw Jaska ahead of him looking down a hole in the ground about the size of his head. Kvothe was past him monitoring some ruins while Nefas was continuing ahead.

As Inigo approached Jaska, the Chrysemys marine stepped away to follow Nefas. Inigo looked down the hole in the ground as he past. Even with his dark vision he couldn’t see far into the hole, but it didn’t appear to have any water in it. The depth of the hole had to be excessive to have not been filled during the nights down pour.

With hammer in hand Inigo turned. The moment the hole was exiting his peripheral vision something made him pause. He froze. He glanced ahead at Jaska who was at another hole peering into its depths. Kvothe was to his left staring down at the floor of some ruins. Nefas was around the corner out of sight.

Inigo turned back to the hole. He once again didn’t see anything, only the wet stone surrounding the hole and a small trickle of water that cascaded into it. Regardless he felt as if someone was watching him. He stared at the hole with hammer in hand before the feeling subsided. Without further investigation he continued on. Kvothe and Jaska were already moving ahead.

The trio of marines rounded the next corner to see a thin road that ended at the edge of the mountainous crater they were in. Wrecked buildings and tumbled walls lined both sides of the street.

The rubble on both sides of the street was easily three times the height of all the marines. A unit of Ice Angels was perched amongst a ruined wall thirty yards ahead. Inigo could make out five of them. They were rearranging the rubble stones to a better defensible position. The wall was being reinforced with an extra row of stones as well as giving the Ice Angels a kill zone ahead of the building in case something landed in the courtyard just beyond their position.

Nefas was crouched only a few steps away near the entrance to an expansive building, possibly a warehouse or storage facility. The front wall was gone; the only hint of its existence was the angled floor that ended when it met the gravel of the road. The remains of the remaining walls showed that the building was windowless but as Inigo approached with Jaska and Kvothe something bothered him about the rubble.

Jaska had stopped behind Nefas and was looking up instead of down. Kvothe held his meltagun to his chest, still searching for enemies.

“I wonder what was in that building.” Jaska asked to no one in particular.

“I do not” Kvothe said, clearly his agitation by the straying from the mission parameters was bothering him. “Our objective is up ahead.” He pointed with a tilt of his head.

The other marines ignored him and continued to look around. Inigo took a final glance around. He noticed there were another half dozen bottomless holes in the ground around them in the street and in front of the building. He then reviewed the building once again.

The black armored Sinner marine laid on his side and stuck one of his gauntlets under the solid ferrofoam floor that wasn’t flush with the stones from the road. The light weight material was nearly impervious to weathering but it was dented and damaged in several places. Jaska stepped forward to look over a part of the damaged wall that was waist height. He then looked up at the higher part of the rear walls. Kvothe continued to look towards their objective as if a higher power would punish him for the delay. With a loud agitated exhalation he took a more sentinel position around the investigating marines.

“There is no rubble in the room except at the rear, and the walls look as if they had blown out.” Jaska spoke before stepping back away from the building. “Fascinating,“ he added while moving further around the corner. Kvothe moved to monitor him but was continuously looking around. His alertness was truly impressive, Inigo thought before chuckling to himself. It was the first time he had been impressed by Kvothe.

Inigo shivered slightly as a cold chill tickled the back of his skull. Nefas got up and knelt at the edge of the floor, he grasped the edge of the floor with both hands. “Help me Inigo” he requested.

Inigo mag locked his hammer in place as he stepped over and knelt beside the lithe marine. Inigo’s corded muscles strained as he and Nefas lifted up the edge of the floor. The solid piece of ferrofoam slowly rose up. Jaska and Kvothe returned to help as they saw that the floor was coming up in a single piece. As the floor reached head level, Inigo adjusted his grip and with a final grunt lifted it up above his head straightening his arms and legs. The sheer size of the light weight material made it heavy but Inigo held it in place even as the other three marines let go.

As they did they all looked at a giant hole that the floor had been covering. The black chute disappeared into nothingness before them. The hole was nearly the size of the warehouse. A land raider could have dropped through the hole and only scrapped the sides with its out stretched lascannons.

The four marines stared down into its depths, their night vision allowing them to see a rough yet perfectly round bottomless pit. After a minute of study the marines one by one stepped away, only Inigo stood tall holding the floor above his head. The sneaking feeling that he was being watched itched the back of his ears, but no matter where he looked into the pit nothing would meet his gaze.

Whatever's in there... I'm naming it "squiggles"!

Got to catch up on my reading today! ^ ^

Dude.... Ice.... Your writing just keeps getting better and better!!

And i second the vote for "Squiggles"!

Fear the dark for it harbor that what is named Squiggles, darkest of the black fears.

I want to know what's in that hole....

One typo:

second paragraph: "He raised his CUSTOMER bolter"... I think spell check got you there.

@ Git = lol, perhaps Mr. Squiggles has returned from the grave.

@ Ramos Asura = Thanks Ramos! Its good to see you catching up on the fluff.

@ 1-i = hold that thought 1-i.

@ Knightley = Is the suspense killing you yet?

@ Git again = Thanks for catching the typo. As much as I like customer bolters that wasn't what I was looking for.

How do you guys feel about the flow of that section? Anything throw you off?

I can say (having worked in retail) a "customer bolter" would really cut the crap

As for the flow, i'd say that it's good, but I think you need a little more transition from "patrol" mode to "what the feth is in the hole!?!?" mode. Other than that, I really liked it. Can't wait to see what's next

Oi ! You der !!! Da writah!!! Wher iz de oder one?


Anyway, I liked the building up, but as prime said above you might have needed some transition more. Though you did give a subtle hint at the beginning. Regardless, keep it up

@ prime12357 and Bobakos = Do you think I should have taken more time through the transition or did I just have crappy transitions?

Thanks for the critiques by the way.

"Crappy" is going waaay to far, mate After re-reading, it became quite clearer. I suppose the only thing I would add would be the reason Inigo decided to try to pick up the floor in the first place. Also, I would rephrase the first paragraph, as the ideas don't flow as fluidly as the rest of the passage.

Other than that, it's good, as usual.

Damn you prime....you beat me to it! What he said is 100% accurate.

Brilliant minds, no?

He felt the eyes upon him. He knew they were watching him. They wouldn’t meet his gaze but he could feel them. He could hear the whispers of their voices as they spoke about him. His body temperature was higher then normal, his sweaty palms irritated him. Occasionally his muscles tensed with sudden tremors. His armor felt stifling and tight, he wanted to remove it.

He continually adjusted the grip on his chainsword as he rocked back and forth. His breath exited his body in short bursts. He couldn’t focus and every prayer he recited he couldn’t complete. Something was horribly wrong. As if some one was trying to remove his mind from his body, he ached. He shook his head and turned away from the rows of marines. His head pounded and he couldn’t help but rapidly blink as he looked into the mountaintop crater below him.

In a moment he could only see blackness and the faint outlines of rubble or the wings of ships, but with each blink his eye sight seemed to improve. One moment he was looking at a tall warped tree, then the top most branch, then a piece of bark on that branch, then he was peering into the water droplet that was slowly beginning to tip over the edge of the bark. He witnessed the graceful decent of the water orb as it rolled over the edge.

He drew in a slow deep breath. The anticipation of the droplet's demise sent a sensation of intense pleasure through his body, yet as it fell the feeling morphed. It changed into something more sinister. It wasn’t fear. He knew no fear. The feeling was akin to dread. It crept through his bones; it passed through his nerves, and into his soul. The instant the droplet hit the puddle he blinked and it sounded as if an explosion had gone off under his feet.

He took several steps back as if he had witnessed a blast but when he recovered he looked back. The tree was two hundred yards away. He couldn’t see the puddle. He realized he was holding his breath before a calming voice seemed to remind him to breathe.

“Desai?” Cyaxeres calmly spoke.

“It’s happening, isn’t it” Desai quietly asked as he bowed his head. Thoughts of the Ice Angel encased in white armor and frozen solid flickered before him.

Cyaxeres took several steps over to him and stood, looking down at the mountaintop crater. Dawn was approaching but its gray lines had only begun to pierce the cloud cover.

The chaplain nodded his head, “It won’t be long now.”

“How can you tell?” Desai questioned even quieter then before.

Cyaxeres slowly reached out and placed his hand on Desai’s white shoulder pad, he absentmindedly checked the straps on Desai’s jump pack. They turned and their gazes met. The corvus helm of Desai’s and the skull helm of Cyaxeres were close as if they were about to exchange secrets.

“Every marine is different Desai, but chaplains are trained to see the signs.” He paused and looked away. “Have you ever heard the language of the Pure Blood tribe?” Cyaxeres asked.

The name rang a bell. Images of barbarians on a desert waste land came to mind, but nothing more. “No, I haven’t” Desai said as the fleeting images passed.

Cyaxeres let go and turned away, he pulled out his ornate bolt pistol. It was ice blue with a gold barrel yet unlike the chaplains armor it had no writing, no sigils, or markings, only a black purity seal.

He checked the chamber before looking back at Desai. The feeling of dread returned to Desai in force at the realization of what the pistol was used for. Their gazes met one last time before Cyaxeres spoke, “You’re speaking it.”

Great! Quite a good section this time

the anticipation of the droplet's demise

Just an apostrophe

Good catch prime. Thanks!

I like that passage, I feel like I was drawn in to Desai's visions and I got a sense of dread from the chat with the Chaplain. Nicely done

Nice exchange between the characters... well done!

@ Knightley = Thanks Knightley! Originally I wasn't going to have that scene from his point of view, but no matter how I rearranged things or rotated characters it simply didn't have the emotion I was shooting for. When I finally decided to do it this way I wrote it in record time. It's really fantastic that you were able to feel the dread that I was trying to convey. Desai is in a dark place right now and its good to see that its coming across.

@ Gitsplitta = Thanks Gits!