Ask teh Space Emporer!

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**DreadlordME!**

Dear space emperor, are you some cyborg virgin? Cuz wouldn't all the chicks burn if they tried to... Hm, hm, cof cof

**Wardragoon**

*Ninja'd*
Dear whoever decided to ask about my promiscuity,
I have 20 kids, what do you think?

Condescendingly yours,
TGoM
P.S. Do you know where Horus is, we were supposed to have tea together this afternoon and he missed it

-----

Dear God Emperor of Mankind,

I am on some gakhole of a planet and my commissar keeps on harassing me and my squad about how messy our beds are, please give me advice as to what to do about this man. He seems to think a clean bed will keep the Tyranid away

Sincerely,
Sgt. Jameson

**DreadlordME!**

Dear sgt.

Put a gene stealer on his clean bed. That'll show him

**DreadlordME!**

Dear emprah, how does it feel to know that tzeentch is going to warp ur plague-wracked body (nurgle) to the dark princes realm to be raped? Before I kill u.

Khorne

**Dr. Temujin**

Dear emprah, how does it feel to know that tzeentch is going to warp ur plague-wracked body (nurgle) to the dark princes realm to be raped? Before I kill u.
Khorne

Oh, Khorne,
I think someone's jealous because I made a deal with Cecoragh to screw with you guys in our annual poker game. Seriously, guys, learn how to take a fething joke once in a while.
Jokingly yours,
E.
P.S. Tell Slaanesh to say hi to Ynnead when he wakes up. It's going to be a real party.

Hay, gurl, hay,
So I was like, oh my gawd, I have totally not talked to daddy in such a long time. It's been like what, millennia since I came over and stuff? So I just wanted to say, like, hay daddy, what's like up? I wanna go to those, like, pleasure planets and, like, show the people there how to have a good time, ya know? I know you'll be, it's all cool.
XOXO,
Fulgrim

**Wardragoon**

Fulgrim,
You continue to bully your brothers, and try to wreck the house, so no you are still grounded go back to your room!

The Emperor of mankind

Dear Emperor,
Can you please clean yourself, for the first 5 years I was fine with cleaning up after you, but now after all this time you just sit on your arse and not do a thing while I pay the bills and deal with the drama.

Sincerely yours,
Head Custodes

**DreadlordME!**

Live with it, im a corpse.

E.

Dear Emprah, can you please become a chaos god cuz that would be cool and make my bros feel weird

Tzeentch

**DreadlordME!**

Cuz i like weirdness

**Wardragoon**

Dear Tzeentch,
I have been countering your plans for 10000 years and I still kick your butt at the weekend poker games, what makes you think I am not a god.

P.S. We are doing poker at nurgles this weekend

E.

DEAR EMPRAH,
I AM BROTHER

Censored

OF YOUR MOST BAD

Censored

SPESS MEHREEN CHAPTER THE ANGRY MARINES. I AM CURRENTLY HAVING AN ISSUE WITH MY

Censored

CAPTAIN HE REFUSES TO LET ME USE SERVITORS AS WEAPONS TO RAM UP DARK ELDAR

Censored

!!!! SO NOW I HAVE COME UP WITH A FAR BETTER PLAN TO USE MY

Censored

CAPTAIN AND SHOVE HIM UP THE DARK ELDARS COLLECTIVE

Censored

!!!!! BUT I AM TRYING TO PLAN ON HOW TO DO IT. I NEED YOUR

Censored

HELP

YOUR MOST

Censored

SPACE MARINE
BROTHER

Censored

OOC: Yes I censored it myself, I decided this game wasnt worth a permaban

**DreadlordME!**

Dear Brother *********

I am sending exterminatus at you cuz you made me mad with such uncouth sputtering

E.

Dear Emps,

since you are basically invincible, would you be bpthered if i used my zombie plague on you

sincerely, Typhus and Nurgle

**Wardragoon**

DreadlordME! wrote:Dear Brother *********

I am sending exterminatus at you cuz you made me mad with such uncouth sputtering

E.

Dear Emps,

since you are basically invincible, would you be bpthered if i used my zombie plague on you

sincerely, Typhus and Nurgle

Dear Typhus & Nurgle

Sorry, the warp is a weird thing, got your message 10000 years early, I am out of sick millenias, but I will send Mortarion and The Death Guard for you to use.

P.S. Next time I can take a few sick millenias I will be hanging out with dorn, and sanguinus.

Emperor
Dear Emperor

Using old logic engines we found something out, there was a God Emperor of Mankind on a librarium known as 4chan. Are you the same person?

Regards

Tech Magus Beauregard

**DreadlordME!**

No, who is this false-emperor, sounds like horus has come back!

E.

Dear Emps

Why are Smurfs so stuck-up.! Grey Knights screw em hard (do you think they are possessed by slaaneshi daemons?)

Crowe

**DreadlordME!**

Did I kill the thread?

**Darkvoidof40k**

I think your short, and in my opinion generally unimaginative responses are having a somewhat less than positive impact on the game.

I sure know that if I take the time to sit down, write a paragraph or two intended to be amusing or to give the responder a good deal of material to work with, I don't want someone to just disregard it with 1-2 lines of garbage.

**Trondheim**

DreadlordME! wrote:Did I kill the thread?

Yes

**Squigsquasher**

DreadlordME! wrote:No, who is this false-emperor, sounds like horus has come back!

E.

Dear Emps

Why are Smurfs so stuck-up.! Grey Knights screw em hard (do you think they are possessed by slaaneshi daemons?)

Crowe

Dear Crowe,

The Smurfs are probably not quite as stuck up as you make out. But then I'm not surprised, as your chapter seems to be able to find any excuse to get angry at someone, declare them heretics and virus-bomb them. Don't think I don't know about that time that woman you met on Miranar laughed at your unremarkable penis size, so you declared Exterminatus on the entire star system. I see these things you know.

Yours truly, Teh Spess Emprah.

XXX.

Dear Teh Spess Emprah,

Me and my friends like to pop into realspace from time to time, to muck around and make some friends, as quite frankly tribadism is only fun for so long. However we seem to have run into a problem: nobody likes us. Most Imperial Guard seem to shoot at us, and those that don't get shot by these silly men in long coats. Most Space Marines just get angry and shoot us, or punch us or otherwise hurt us, the shiny Space Marines are even worse, and try and stab us with blades on sticks with fancy lettering, Space Nuns really don't like us at all and set fire to us, Tau ignore us completely, Necrons just glare at us, Tyranids tend to dribble on us and attack us with tentacles, which we wouldn't mind if they didn't have hooks on the end, and Eldar just run away as soon as they see us, crying something about soles. Odd, we never bring fish. The Chaos legions are just a bit douchey really.

Do you know anyone who wants to have fun with us?

Yours, Shy'lith the Daemonette.

**DreadlordME!**

Yes I do in fact, we know some very nice people in the tesseract labyrinth in the fortress on titan who would like to have fun with you.

From Draigo and the Spess Emprah

**DreadlordME!**

Dear Big E.

Can I have another eye for christmas cuz then I get to have 1000 eyes.

Dude on Terra

**Wardragoon**

Dear 'Dude on Terra'
You are clearly a mutant. Something of which either the Inquisition or Sisters of Battle can take care of in a heartbeat. They specialise in mutant extermination err....I mean mutant surgery. As a matter of fact attached to this file there is a case number in which they will assign a skilled specialist and take care of your eye problem. If they are unable to take care of your eye problem please send a message and I will get to it in approximately 13946 days.

Yours Truly
The God Emperor of Mankind

Dear Emperor.

Me and my family came to you awhile back looking for food, which you gave us. While we do thank you for the occasional morsel you throw us, my family is getting bigger and bigger, yet we are forced to try and live off of just a few planets biomass. And most strangely of all these "Ultramarines" seem to not understand that we came into your galaxy with your permission, hell you even have a beacon for us so we do not become lost on the way and starve. So please Emperor stop your blue giants and little green things from shooting at us, those rounds hurt quite a bit, and besides cheese doesnt taste good to us.

Love Always'
Hive Mind

OOC: Try to answer with longer posts, better grammar, and try to put both your answer and question in one post, I think we would all appreciate it

EDIT: I am aware I am also guilty of the above, but this is killing the thread, and its a fun thread

**Squigsquasher**

Dear Hive Mind,

I imagine that the reason they are shooting at you is that you are trying to eat them. People tend to react badly to that. Very badly. I recommend you instead try one of the Imperium's many resturants and eating houses, located for your convinience right next to our largest cemetaries. We serve anyone, and our waitresses are very friendly. You won't be dissapointed.

Yours,

Teh Spess Emprah.

Dear Teh Spess Emprah,

This irritating little mortal by the name of DreadlordME! is starting to get on my nerves. He is ruining a perfectly good thread and coming up with stupid answers. Would you kindly remove him from existence?

Cheers,

Khorne. XXX.

PS: Tell Shy'lith and her Daemonettes that my legions would love some female company and that she is always welcome in my domain.

**Trondheim**

Dear Teh Spess Emprah,

This irritating little mortal by the name of DreadlordME! is starting to get on my nerves. He is ruining a perfectly good thread and coming up with stupid answers. Would you kindly remove him from existence?

Cheers,

Khorne. XXX.

PS: Tell Shy'lith and her Daemonettes that my legions would love some female company and that she is always welcome in my domain. [

Dear Khorne

I do understand what you mean, that pesky brat will get what is comming to him soon thou. I think your servnats would do a good jobb acctualy
And as regarding those daemonets.....well I hate to break it to you but they are Slaanshi

Yours understadigly
The Big E

---------------------------------------------------------

To the person known as "the emperor" of mankind

So after countless aeons of slumber I awoke to find a massive skull coverd pipe ending up in my home, when I looked up it I saw a man clad in a red robe dancing around a machine. Has the world really changed that much?

Yours tentacly

Chutulu

**necrovamp**

Chutulu

Yes, however the world will cater to your needs and every whim of lovecrafty goodness, howeve, i cannot belive you really are that small! you look so cute!

Emprah

Dear Emprah

Why is it called the Golden Throne?

The Inquisition

**DreadlordME!**

I am offended

**Trondheim**

DreadlordME! wrote:I am offended

Stop posting less than useful things, and follow the rules of the tread. And people will treath you with respect!

**Trondheim**

Dear Emprah

Why is it called the Golden Throne?

The Inquisition

Hello servant

Well there are several reasons for this, one of them being that its big and golden. The other reason is its many hidden fuctions, like the Sister Of Battle stimulatus 3000 rod.

Yours masterly

Da spess empra

------------------

To da crupped ummie known as da empra!

Me an da boyzs haz a questiun for ya, how did ya not stomp em runty boyzs of yer before em all lootad da univerze?

Da Nob an Boyzs

**DreadlordME!**

To "da nob"

Now, if dem runty boys are IG, then I must mention that I can order them to commit suicide and they will, so it' easy to stop them. But, if you apply it to my legions and the HH, then just read my autobiography of those events, entitled "Horus Heresy".

The Emperor, of mankind, his high holiness and brilliant writer

(there, is that useful squigsquasher >_<

**kitch102**

(You missed the follow up question!)

**kitch102**

I'll go...

Dear Your Most Supreme Lord of Imperial Greatness,

My name is Corporal Lance "point it the other way" Garand, of the Ghalaphrasian 42nd Enginseers.

On a recent excavation, my squad found themselves delving deep under ground, and we found ourselves in a cavern. It was big, with blue and yellow bits and what looked like the word "Blockbuster" written across the front. Let me tell you, this place looked old. Older than old even...

Well, while we were in there we found some kind of device that, seemingly, plays the same content over and over again. This particular screen showed a person called Hellboy... only... he wasn't really a boy. Or even human. But he fought with humans, for humans, and against the stuff of Chaos.

Towards the end, it seems that the gods of chaos actually made it to the material realm, only for this "Hellboy" to excommunicate their sorry asses back to their stink hole beyond the veil.

My question, Most Supreme Lord of Awesomeness, is this: please can we perform the same ritual to bring our own hellboy here, I reckon we could kick 7 shades of hell out of everything against us with him on side.

And on a personal note, any idea how I can make myself into a clockwork ninja made entirely of sand?

Wishing you well, hope that thing your doing is going along smoothly.

Lance

**DreadlordME!**

oops.

**DreadlordME!**

Yes well, captain lance, i must point out, that hellboy is most definitely a creature of chaos himself, or some very odd xenos, and as such cannot be trusted. I would like to see a machine as you said, and may revise judgement later. But I think that you'll be having a visit from some babes soon, for implying we, thepure humans of the imperium, may indulge in something of a ritual. As another person on this "box" of yours has said:

"see you in hell" (Han Solo, A new hope)