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Garnted, they are all useless at blocking any attack.

No wish. Dukat infects your computer so that when you try to play games, he says 'No Games'.

I wish for Dukat to get out of My computer.

Dukat gets out of your computer but then will not leave your house.

I wish for a horse.

Granted. The first time you approach it with a saddle it kicks you into next week and runs off.

I wish for less FB drama.

Granted, Matt Ward re-joins GW and nerfs them to oblivion.

I wish to write and play some funky bass lines.

Granted. You play some very funky bass lines that everyone hates.

I wish to play 5 nights at Hitler's.

Granted. Hitler is already dead, it's no fun.

I wish my brother would stop playing DoTA so I can have bandwidth.

Granted. He plays something else that doesn't use bandwidith.

I wish Bandwidith wasn't infinite.

Granted, I don't think that wish needs corrupting.

I wish people would post on the "Revamped war" thread.

Granted. They post nothing related to Dakka.

i wish for a good start to Fight the Dominion thread

Granted, it grinds to a halt immediately after the good start.

I wish I had an excellent moustache.

Granted. It's excellent to you, but not to others.

I wish for no double posting.

Granted, everyone triple posts instead.

I wish more people would post on the "revamped war!" thread.

Granted. It is a bunch of spam about kitchens and alternative medicine.

I wish I had a burrito as big as my head.

Granted! From Taco Bell.

I wish Taco Bell used real meat for their food.

Granted, turns out they use human meat.

I wish for my brush pot to stop falling over.

Granted, you destroy the pot so it is impossible or it to fall over.

I wish to join the army.

Granted, the aliens from Mars attack the day after you enlist.

I wish to be a member of the invading alien army.

Granted. You are, and they discover you are human.

I wish Jennifer Lien wasn't in jail for indecent exposure.

Granted, she actually died en-route to jail in a botched prison bus breakout.
I wish I could be described by every cliché ever created.

Granted. You are described by all of them. However, since attention spans are short, the description is shortened to "meh".

I wish tonight's concert was still going on.

Granted, everyone has got bored of it and left.

I wish more people would post on the "guess song lyrics" thread!

Granted. They just post crap.

I wish for Jennifer Lien to get out of jail.

Granted. She gets out of jail, comes to your house, stabs you repeatedly, and frames your family for the murder.

I wish I had gotten the mold lines off of my Assault Marine miniatures before I painted them.

Granted, you accidently removed all other detail as well as the mold lines.

I wish Bolt Action the game was more popular.

Granted, Bolt Action in an alternate reality is a weird sex game featuring elements of what is effectively Russian roulette but using rifles. (Ill leave any over-active imaginations to try and figure out how it is played).

I wish Facebook's upcoming dislike button also simultaneously causes the owner of the idiotic post you disliked to be punched in the face.

Granted. But it's a light punch.

I wish for no dislike button.

Granted. Only trusted users ( ??? $€ ??? ) have access to the dislike button. Seems they don't trust you....

I wish people stopped wishing for posts in threads.

Granted, loads of great threads end up dying because no-one is posting in them.

I wish more people would post on the "guess song lyrics" and "revamped war"threads!

Granted. Theh post random Star Trek and Weather gibberish there.

I wish to attend another concert soon.