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Granted. Now all is perfect, and life has become monotony.

I wish I hadn't burned the bridges I had.

Granted. You crushed them instead.

I wish I could never feel an immense amount of pain.

Granted. You do not feel the massive heart attack you are having as you are reading this.

I wish I had more motivation.

Granted. Papa Nurgle is ready to embrace you every time you slow down.

I wish the time had not jumped this weekend.

Granted. It leaped, and you lost an entire year.

I wish I was at Universal's Islands of Adventure.

Granted. You are an animatronic dinosaur.

I wish to go dinosaur fossil hunting.

Granted. You swept from you current location to hunt for fossils on the Antarctic with only the clothes you are wearing and the items in your pockets. Also nobody knows where you went.

I wish to shoot the moon.

Granted. You shot the moon with a spitball, and it just went into your eye.

I wish i was the ceo of a successful company projected for greatness.

Granted. Unfortunately the next year legislation is passed effectively rendering your company useless. You slowly slide into bankruptcy with no golden parachute to save you.

I wish to find a good song to listen to today.

Granted. You can't hear it.

(try Godz: Gotta keep running)

I wish for zesty italian dressing.

Granted. Unfortunately it infects you with Botulism.

I wish you all a merry christmas.

Granted. We all have a merry Christmas while you spend it out of town alone having to scroll through pictures of our good times.

(@snurl Thanks for the song. )

I wish Dashofpepper still posted.

Granted. He posted with his official resignation from this forum.

I wish I was back in Uni.

Granted. Your the only student there as the university was closed down due to budget cuts. Also a serial killer is stalking the grounds.

I wish You-tube would stop recommending crazy fandom stuff to me.

Granted. It now only recommends gross out footage.

I wish I had the money to eat steak and lobster every night.

Granted. You promptly die of food poisoning due to undercooked meat. Way to go.

I wish I was the strongest being on earth.

Granted. You are the strongest smelling being on earth. Take a shower, willya?

I wish for free stretch goals.

Granted. All stretch goals take twice as long to reach slowing the project, and all add ridiculous amounts of shipping you have to pay for if you want anything at all.

I wish to have a safe and happy vacation.

Granted. While you were away, your house burnt down, and to top it off the return flight you took was delayed. Also, your holiday ended when you walked out the airport. Tragic.

I wish I had a Jacuzzi.

Granted. Your Jacuzzi is delivered to you the day after you got evicted out of you house. The small apartment you are now forced to live in has no room for it and you cant get a refund. Selling it is impossible because the model you got is extremely unpopular. People don't want it even if you gave it to them for free.

I wish for an insurance policy that covers me and everything I own, with lots of small print, a high price, hidden fee's and no chance of them ever paying up.

Granted. You are disqualified from owning said policy, with no refund.

I wish for some shenanigans.

Granted. You take my place in this TSA security line, and get the full cavity search.

I wish this line was moving faster.

Granted. It's still gonna take a while though...

I wish Fire Emblem: Fates would come out quicker in the UK. I mean America already has it, and avoiding spoilers is hell.

Granted. It will be released tomorrow all 10 copies ever to be made available for the UK to the first 10 online pre-orders only.

I wish there where a lot less stupid people in the world.

Granted. Stupid is based on the ability of demi-gods. You just killed everybody.

I wish I could destroy people with my mind.

Granted. People being a broader term than you expected you just killed everybody including yourself.

I wish Fallout 4 was more stable on my PC.

Granted. Unfortunately during the tune-up you forgot to add another fan; your computer literally melts.

I wish for a hat.

Granted. It's slightly too small to be comfortable.

I wish I wasn't running out of wish ideas.

Granted. You will never run out of wish ideas. You are however unable to think of any other ideas. Forever shackling you to this thread.

I wish for more original and clever posts in internet forums.

Granted. Clever is based on the abilities of an average 2 year old.

I wish for world hunger to be stopped.