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Granted. Everyone's a cannibal now.

I wish my eyesight was better.

Granted, You eyesight is now slightly better. Still not great though.

I wish I wasn't ill.

Granted, You make a full recovery.
The next day you meet the love of your live. After 10 bliss full months you both get married.
You find out after 5 years that your wife is cheating on you and this sends you into a deep depression.
You try to commit suicide by locking youself in your garage with the car engine running.
You are found just in time and as a result you live, but are left paraplegic.
As you are bedridden your wife brings scores of lover to the house.
You eventualy die in a house fire caused by one of her lovers lit sigarets falling on the couch.

I wish to effort thy grace thy art divine.

Granted. You cannot speak old English again.

I wish for a less tragic life than the one just told.

Granted. Unfortunately it was aborted.

I wish these string beans were made to stand at the back of the concert.

Granted. They stand at the back, but they become really loud and disruptive.

I wish I a licence to execute any one I please.

Granted. You are arrested for a fake licence.

I wish I had a chocolate cookie.

Granted. Unfortunately it's a vegan cookie, and absolutely disgusting.

I wish I had taken more time off.

Granted, but you are sacked because you already used all your days up.

I wish I could be at home right now.

Granted. You are at home, but all of your posessions are where you were a moment ago with a "Free" sign on them.

I wish I did not have a hangover.

Granted. You just have a regular headache now.

I wish I could highlight black well.

Granted, but you lose the ability to highlight anything else.

I wish for a good warm shower.

Granted. You have a good warm shower, only for your faulty boiler to set your house on fire.

I wish for some fine wine and a plate of cheese to explode when I least expect it.

Granted. This causes you to get slapped with a fish repeatedly for hours on end.
I wish to see clearly without glasses.

Granted, You see so clearly that your vision expands beyond the normal visual spectrum turning you world in a psychedelic pandemonium of incomprehensible alien colors. You plunge deep into the pits of insanity as you fragile mind struggles to process that which it was never allowed to see.

I wish the other threads I posted in moved faster.

Granted. Unfortunately they move on without you, and eventually get locked for off topic posts.

I wish they serve us a full Coke on the plane today, instead of the half they usually do.

Granted. It explodes and goes everywhere, and you then have to clean the floor. You spend the rest of the flight in wet, sticky clothing.

I wish I had time for the gym.

Strangely this see you are free to do what ever you want but sadly the gym has turned into a fast.food restaurant

I wish all conflict was actually against orks

Granted. The conflict only makes them stronger and stronger, until they engulf the universe.

I wish jet fuel could melt steel beams.

Granted. You put the issue to rest once and for all by strapping yourself to a steel beam and watching the process close up.

I wish to know the final plan.

Granted. In the end, no one is spared, not even the children.

I wish for a cheeseburger.

Granted. The bun is made of provolone, the burger of cheddar, the lettuce of pepper jack, and the tomato of American. You are stopped up for several days.

I wish I could afford to pay someone to clean house.

Granted. Your box of most prized possessions was on the floor, and was cleaned out too. You are distraught, it had your first swimming certificate in!

I wish for a well timed bad pun.

Granted. You can't bear it all.

I wish for some inside info.

Granted. It's "inside" a spoiler.


I wish babies didn't cry on airplanes.

Granted. They're immediately ejected from the plane if they are going to start. Even if they're in the air.

I wish I booked tickets to batman vs superman for release day.

Granted by you quickly realize they misspelt the title and it's just batman and superman drinking tea


I wish I didn't have to go back to school when Easter ended

Granted. You no longer have an education, you have no grades or experience, and you become unemployable.

I wish I could ONE PAWCH anything.

Granted. You get punched in the face everytime you do it.

I wish for this fething week to end.

Granted. You open a new timeline, which clashes with the current one. Out of nowhere, a new Universe forms inside this one, with the force of the Big Bang. You can guess the rest.

I wish I had more time for painting.