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Granted, you have lots of time for painting. Unfortunately, you become terrible at painting

I wish I didn't have to write this 7-10 page paper

Granted. You are assigned a half-hour power point presentation, a speech, and a minimum of 2 pages of citations.

I wish it rains tomorrow in Memphis.

Granted, it rains for 2 seconds and then stops.

I wish that GW didn't hate the Imperial Guard so much

Granted. All are hated equally.

I wish for some nice lunch.

Granted. Unfortunately food poisoning from breakfast leads to you dry heaving over the toilet at dinner.

I wish to be a super hero.

Granted, but it's just for fun. You still have to go to work. BTW you work in an office.

I wish I could enter any movie or video game.

Granted. You are a pixel.

I wish to find the perfect miniature.

Granted. Unfortunately out of stock, and it never appears in eBay lots. It remains only a dream that can never be fulfilled...

I wish the New Mexico Lobos would start winning more than they lose.

Granted, however they are hated by all because of a comment by their manager. (they do have managers right?)

I wish for mercy.

Granted. Dying of thirst in the desert, you are dropped into the ocean.

I wish to find socks that fit.

Granted. They fit your feet perfectly, but are too thick for your current shoes. You'll have to buy all new ones if you want to wear the socks.

I wish I had the willpower to get up when my alarm goes off the first time.

Granted. But your alarm will now always go off randomly between midnight and 4 o'clock in the morning.

I wish there was something interesting on TV.

Granted. It is axed because of the low viewer count before the finale is released.

I wish I had superhuman reaction speed.

Granted. You become a cockroach, and react faster to light than any human possibly ever could.

I wish I didn't have heartburn.

Granted. You have diarrhoea instead.

I wish I have a good night sleep.

Granted. It is also the only good night sleep you will ever get for the rest of your life you will be plagued by insomnia.

I wish for a small porcelain cat.

Granted. You get a tiny porcelain cat that is the size of a fingernail.

I wish for the Purge to happen someday.

Granted. You are one of the first, and only casualties. Your pitiable death by banana peel spurs the nation to never host a Purge again.

I wish there wasn't so much salt in these deviled eggs.

Granted. Unfortunatly everyone bands together to purge YOU.

I wish for that bastard to stop bothering me!

Granted, some other bastard bothers you instead.

I wish my head didn't hurt so much

Granted. Now your tummy has unbearable cramps.

I wish korbenn wasn't so slow.

Granted. But now your eggs are too salty.

I wish i had not been shot in the eye by a dart this morning.

Granted. You are shot in the leg with a tranquiliser dart. The size of your leg.

I wish for justice to be brought to those who deserve it.

Granted. Starting with you, justice is brought for all of your sins. Incinerated, your ashes mix with the billions of humans destroyed in the blink of an eye.

I wish for the perfect beverage.

Granted. It's the most delicious perfect drink you ever had. All other food and drink now taste bland and boring to you robbing of your ability to enjoy food and drinks forever.

I wish these cheap chocolate eggs where'nt so terrible.

Granted. They are a wonderful confection. You are allergic to them.

I wish kickstarters were not so tempting.

Granted. All kickstarters are now for snooty art installations that ask too much, and give nothing in return except for "realizing the artist's vision".

I wish to come back down from this cloud.

Granted. You break the lower half of your body from the fall.

I wish for a well cooked chicken dinner.

Granted. The dinner is fine, the dessert gives you food poisoning.

I wish TV had'nt slided down into the level of garbage it is these days.

Granted. All television is replaced with reruns of I Love Lucy, BeWitched, I Dream of Jeannie, the Brady Bunch, and other well loved television shows.

I wish we were rained out today.