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Granted - A Major becomes the most popular key in music. You play in the key for 150 hours straight. In order to stop you playing, someone knocks you off your piano stool by slapping you with a fish.
I wish people used hammerhead sharks instead of razors to shave.

Granted. But in response to a stupid wish, everyone who shaves in the world slaps you with their giant fish.

I wish that I wasn't in college today.

Granted. You are in college in 1876. Your instructor slaps you with a fish for talking about Custer's last stand.

I wish to win a game of Warhammer.

Granted, By accident you totally crush a 10 year-old during their first game, They spent months saving up for a legal 500 pt force that they spent another 3 months doing their absolute best to assemble and paint. This child has won the hearts of the entire store with his long term (for the age) enthusiasm and he is now crying. I suggest you run away to a third world country immediately.

I wish for a rabid ravenous omnicidal badger.

Granted. Your Badger is delivered to your shorts.

I wish for turkey.

Granted. It's 17 feet tall and likes the taste of man-flesh.

I wish to be Typhus.

Granted. But in the alternative universe where typhus is a brony

I wish to

 master of ordinance wrote:
Granted. But in the alternative universe where typhus is a brony

I wish to

Granted! You fire it, roll for Gets Hot, and:

Oopsie...

I wish to be the version of Typhus represented in the WH40k TT game!

Granted, however you are the version of Typhus as he appears in the 7th ed CSM codex, where his stat line is like a message in binary. And his scythe is now a walking stick and he is now only armed with a twin linked laspistol.

I wish to be Sharpe

 sierra 1247 wrote:
Granted, however you are the version of Typhus as he appears in the 7th ed CSM codex, where his stat line is like a message in binary. And his scythe is now a walking stick and he is now only armed with a twin linked laspistol.

I wish to be Sharpe

Granted, you're good for stabbing things

I wish this 7th ed Typhus had his 6th ed stats + wargear.

 Selym wrote:

 sierra 1247 wrote:
Granted, however you are the version of Typhus as he appears in the 7th ed CSM codex, where his stat line is like a message in binary. And his scythe is now a walking stick and he is now only armed with a twin linked laspistol.

I wish to be Sharpe

Granted, you're good for stabbing things

I wish this 7th ed Typhus had his 6th ed stats + wargear.

YEAH!!! Thats all he was good for anyway

and granted, fair enough. GW finally realises it's flogging a dead horse and decide to end the CSM line entirely. They replace them with monopose finecast slappyfish.

I wish Sean Bean could survive in something else other than Sharpe

Granted. He now survives in an experimental underwater habitat.

I wish for turkey leftovers.

Granted! It's pretty bad, though.

I wish for a new die

Granted. You are the proud owner of a new D7. Use it wisely.

I wish for short lines at the store.

Granted. They close the store to prevent long lines.
I wish that Games workshop would support the hobbit.

Granted! They do, but everything is in finecast.

I wish that i could read dakkajets signature without heresy

You can. Your now stilton cheese

I wish my little brother was nicer too me

Granted, he is now so nice it's creepy and wierd.

I wish for TT rules and model for a 40k slappyfish

 sierra 1247 wrote:
Granted, he is now so nice it's creepy and wierd.

I wish for TT rules and model for a 40k slappyfish

Granted. It's so powerful, however, that all successful tournament armies consist of just one slappyfish. GW never changes its effectiveness, and then nerfs all other armies into oblivion.
Eventually everyone just quits 40k, as their armies just spend all day hitting things on a D6 roll of a 7+.

I wish to be 1337.

Granted.. your age is accelerated so that you become 1337 years old...... since they never found a way to keep you alive you are now dead.

I wish for a good steak.

Granted, however on your way to the kitchen table to eat your steak, you trip on a childrens toy and smash your face against the sink and all your teeth are now embedded into your cheeks.

I wish for a nock gun

Granted! It explodes with first shot.

I wish for a crappy computer.

Granted. Its so crappy even the recycling center rejects it.

I wish to get out of my rut.

You do. Into an even worse rut.

I wish for a Battlemech with a slappyfish.

Granted, you get a 20 foot slappy fish with a 2 inch tall battlemech.

I wish for the new tyranid codex release already.

Granted, the Carnifex has a new, recast model: a giant fish that GW staff slap you with if you try fielding them. They also cost an extra 150 points and lose even more upgrades because you rushed the release.

I wish for my birthday to be here (and, by extension, the new IG codex)

Granted, your 105th bday is here, you are dust in a box six feet under. On the upside IG has a great codex and is tier 1!

I wish for no more fish jokes for awhile.

Granted but your moms so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.

I wish for infinite wishes

Granted. You may have as many corrupted wishes as you can make.

I wish the new Dwarf Army book is released soon.

Granted! MW makes it.

I wish for a fly/human accident to happen, like in the movie the fly.