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Granted, but it will happen when you will least expect it and it won't be what you think is going to happen. This lurking doom will haunt your mind until you die.

I wish for a box of small animals.

Granted. You get a box of animal crackers.

I wish you could paint animals.

Granted. But the paint is so hot it boils the animals alive.

I wish I had a gym membership.

Granted. But the Gym is in another dimension. Its a stretch just getting there.

I wish for better roadways.

Granted, but you are banned from using them.

I wish for a special enhancement.

Granted, You get a hyper enhanced pain receptors. Your every living moment is one of extreme agony.

I wish I wasn't so tiered all the time.

Granted. You are a seething mass of raw energy, a unstoppable juggernaut of pure power. Then someone turns you off.

I wish work was more fun.

Granted, work is the most fun anyone could ever have. Then you get fired.

I wish for revision.

granted you revise your old kindergarten work, enjoy

I wish i could think of a wish

Granted, but you wish to have boiling oil squirted up your butt.

I wish for well-written 40k fapfiction.

Granted. You get fapfiction. Since no one knows what is, we will assume it is well written.

I wish to use my grill soon.

granted, but this "soon" is on a geological timescale.

I wish for 40k fapfiction

Granted you get 40,000 tons of really bad fapfiction and the urge to read it all.

I wish the weather was nicer.

Granted, but you get hit by a car and land in a coma. It's lovely weather to be in coma. After three months the doctors pull the plug.

I wish GW fine-cast was good.

Granted. You find that a 55 gallon drum full of shredded fine cast makes a good boat anchor.

I wish for some gas for my grill.

Granted, but it explodes spontaneously upon being picked up.
I wish for 20 dollars.

Granted, you get 20 space dollars. You just need to get to space to use them.

I wish I knew what my 1500 high elf list should have.

(Ha, little know fact: I own a space ship. These space dollars shall help me conquire the galaxy!)
Granted, you recive a slip of paper in the mail with the perfect high elf list. Sadly, you drop it when taking it out of the mail. As you reach down to grab it, you fall face first unto the floor. Just then, a wild racoon comes along and claws your eyes out and pushes you onto the road. Then, a 6 wheeler truck happens to be driving down the road, and runs you over. 10 minutes later it comes back and runs you over again, this time leaking oil all over you which some how catches fire and burns your list. (What?)
I wish I knew why I need to type that

Granted, you find you typed that because you've been affected with SCP-610, The Flesh That Hates.

I wish for well-written 40k fapfiction.

granted, and in two weeks you will emerge from your house with an Arnold Schwarzenegger sized arm... you can either live with the shame or be forced to work out your other arm till you look like a complete 'roid freak who forgot leg-day

I wish for a G rated dark eldar codex

Granted. You get an X rated codex with all pages and the cover painted black. There is a sticker on the corner that says now appropriate for all ages.

I wish for a sexy Skaven.

Granted, but they are so sexy you kill yourself out of envy.

I wish I was the world's most handsome man.

granted, the population of earth kill themselves out of envy.

I wish i senpai would notice me

 Hive Fleet Cerberus wrote:
(Ha, little know fact: I own a space ship. These space dollars shall help me conquire the galaxy!)
Granted, you recive a slip of paper in the mail with the perfect high elf list. Sadly, you drop it when taking it out of the mail. As you reach down to grab it, you fall face first unto the floor. Just then, a wild racoon comes along and claws your eyes out and pushes you onto the road. Then, a 6 wheeler truck happens to be driving down the road, and runs you over. 10 minutes later it comes back and runs you over again, this time leaking oil all over you which some how catches fire and burns your list. (What?)

Well .

Granted, senpai notices you and then hates you. Senpai then spends the rest the year ignoring you.

I wish none of that stuff above happened to me.

Granted, instead of a truck it is a van, and instead of you it is your pet bird (ill buy you one if you dont have one)

I wish I could oval.

Granted. You begin eating all day and night, in a few weeks you are oval shaped.

I wish for some Hirst molds.

Granted ,but the molds are made from actual black mold. The one that causes your house to be condemned and gives you a terminal respiratory disease.

I wish for a Chaos space marine command set consisting of a germaphobic Plague Marine standard barer, A hemophobic Khoren bezerker champion, a sorccerer of Tzeench who hates magic and a Slaaneshi musician who likes moderation.

Granted, but the slaanesh marine like moderation in moderation, the the each marine uses psychic powers, and the khorne marines beats people to death without spilling any blood.

I wish I was Tony the Pony.

Granted, but you become an extremely cheap knock-off that breaks after two uses, only to left discarded in a rubbish heap.

I wish to orchestrate a ballet.

Granted-- you orchestrate an artillery strike on the ballet and any building within 5km.

I wish for da good scratchbuildin' skillz.