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Granted, cashews are now so cheap you can't help not filling your mouth with DEEZ NUTZ!

I wish Matthew wished he hadn't wished for DEEZ NUTZ!

Granted. He wished instead for DOZE NUTZ. With the same effect. And you get a fish-slap.

I wish to know the origin of mankind.

Granted. It's horrifying. You spend the rest of your life huddled in the back corners of a psych ward wishing you didn't know.

I wish my house would clean itself.

Granted, it is with hydrochloric acid and chlorine bleach. They discover your body as the primordial ooze you have become seeps into the drinking water. But your house sparkles!

I wish I had more to eat this morning.

Granted. You are being fed intraveiniously in a hospital. You take your time as it drip, drip, drips.

I wish for birthday cake.

Granted, Matthew pops out of your cake with DEEZ NUTZ in his mouth and slaps you with a fish.

I wish my space heater worked.

Granted. You don't know it but it heats up a point in OUTER SPACE nice and toasty warm.

I wish for some fun times. Too much work.

Granted. You have fun times listening to Matthew sing the Horst Wessel in Llamalese.

I wish I had more tacos.

Granted. You work at Taco Bell, and get every Taco that falls on the floor. And you're a Dog.

I wish for a nice long warm spell.

Granted, but it does not work.

I wish I had more exaltions on my P&M.

Granted. It gets so popular that trolls find their home there, spamming and spamming until a mod locks the entire thread, returning you to obsurity.

I wish for a key that would open any door.

Granted, but those doors are TRAPDOORS dundundun!

I wish I was a llama.

Granted, you're a blonde llama with a black mustache, and when you cry out it sounds suspiciously like deeeeeeez nuuuuuuuuts.

I wish I was Dan Bilzerian...

Granted. You are Dan Bilzerian. Not THAT Dan Bilzerian, but it's a nice name anyway.

I wish for a lift for my truck.

Kelly502 wrote:Granted, you're a blonde llama with a black mustache, and when you cry out it sounds suspiciously like deeeeeeez nuuuuuuuuts.

GLORIOUS!!!!! Have an exalt on Matthew's behalf!

tekno000 wrote:Granted. You are Dan Bilzerian. Not THAT Dan Bilzerian, but it's a nice name anyway.

I wish for a lift for my truck.

Granted, your truck gets a lift and you are stuck in the Wasteland of a post apocalyptic Australia where everyone wears chain mail bikinis and hockey pads.


I wish to play Dragon Strike!


Stupid autocorrect.....

Granted. That game sucks.

I wish to get some work done.

 JamesGang wrote:
Granted, your truck gets a lift and you are stuck in the Wasteland of a post apocalyptic Australia where everyone wears chain mail bikinis and hockey pads.

I'm weirdly okay with that...


Granted. You get all of my work done. Thank you!

I wish I had the paint I need so I could get something accomplished tonight.

Granted, it's body paint. And Charles is whats next on the to do list.

I wish it was baseball season, I'm tired of the cold weather.

Granted. Games cancelled due to snow in the outfield.

I wish I could ski better.

Granted. There's no snow you can ski on.

I wish Norway could stop winning in Falun.

Granted, they stop winning and start conquering Sweden in all sports, especially the one you really like....

I wish for a living room table where I can play Nine Men's Morris with 8 other people.

Granted, but you each need to pay 50 bucks for a rulebook, then 200 more for the game itself.

Matthew wishes he was more pro llama/porcine breeding.


I wish I didn't see this picture!

Granted. You did not see the picture, you partook of it.

I wish that picture had not been posted.

Granted, it was not posted, it was live streamed from your backyard.

I wish to keep posting to get to the next page.

Granted. You heap on the spam, only to discover the new page is no different than all the others. Dejected, you turn to llama seduction.

I wish for more unexpected boobies. Fun night.

Granted, but they're a 12-year olds boobies. You go to jail.

I insert my computer.

 JamesGang wrote:
Matthew wishes he was more pro llama/porcine breeding.


I wish I didn't see this picture!

Wat

No wish. Matthew is now a herald of Nurgle.

I wish to be invisible.

Granted. Your loved ones inform the police you are missing. Since nobody can see you, you are hit by a speeding car and critically injured. You should seek medical attention, however you cannot move and no search reveals a body. You might want to try again. If you survive.


I wish for the Shapeshifting abilities of a 20th level Druid/10th level Master of Many Forms from D&D edition 3.5,