Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

Granted. Unfortunately you lost your shaker of salt, cut your heel on a poptop, and had to cruise on back home.

I wish Korn hadn't went dubstep.

Granted. They just quit altogether.

I wish to relax this weekend.

Granted. You relax so much you poo your pants. People run screaming and as you waddle back to your car (which smells of poo for days afterwards) flies begin to trail you. You become known on Youtube as the Herald of Nurgle. EDIT: The most popular video is called MEET MR POO MAN CHU.

I wish I could find a better job.

Granted. You find a great company that's hiring! You don't meet the qualifications, and the time spent looking at other job opportunities gets you fired from your current workplace.

I wish popcorn didn't get stuck in my teeth.

Granted. It gets stuck in your throat, and you asphyxiate.

I wish I could rejuvenate injuries almost instantly.

Granted. You can! Downside is you are trapped inside a running cement mixer filled with jagged rusty metal and broken glass, thus injuring yourself over and over again.
Gosh, that was rejuvinating!

I wish I could dance.

*edit - Ninja'd

Granted, but you can only dance to songs by Justin Bieber and you have an insatiable urge to appear in a local talent show. The local media get hold of the story and the bad publicity makes you a social pariah.


I wish traffic during my daily commute wasn't so bad.

Granted. One morning a 100 car pile up kills hundreds(several school buses involved). Traumatized and afraid, people avoid that road like the plague. Unfazed, you commute using the same route you always had, passing the cluster of crosses that mark the lives lost everyday. Slowly depression sinks in, and you begin to wonder what's the point of it all if your life could be taken in a moment's notice just to fulfill a petty wish.

I wish for a "Hamburger in Paradise" from Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville.

Granted. I plays loudly inside your head every time you blink.

I wish for a nice day.

Granted. It's a nice day in England.

I wish I didn't have to put my blood, sweat and tears into making a shed.

Granted. It now requires the bones of dogs, cats, and birds to be complete.

I wish to take another vacation, starting tomorrow.

Granted. It lasts for 1 minute, then back you go.

I wish for vacation time to arrive soon.

granted but you have to spend it in Grimsby

I wish my computer had a more powerful processor

Granted. Your computer now has the greatest processor known to man, but you had to remove everything else in your tower to make room for its immense size.

I wish turn-based JRPGs weren't so addictive.

Granted. They suck.

I wish for lunch.

Granted. You are presented with the most amazing meal you've ever seen, but a burly man in a tutu smashes your teeth down your throat, screaming about how he couldn't walk for a week after your last night together and he thinks you need to get yourself checked out for the clap. And he's probably pregnant.

You've never seen him before, but your girlfriend chucks you, the hospital gives you dry socket while replacing your teeth, and to cap it all, you never got to eat the meal. Instead you're served chocolate milkshake for two weeks which you have to drink through a straw. It tastes, smells, and has the texture, of turd.

I wish I could get my fiction published.

Granted. Even after intense advertising and great reviews by your publisher, they couldn't even sell two copies. Massively marked down, it still doesn't sell. In the literary world, your name becomes synonymous with "failure". You never write again.

I wish my phone has full LTE everywhere I go.

Granted, but then you drop it down a well

I wish I didn't just get ninja'd

 War Kitten wrote:
Granted, but then you drop it down a well

I wish I didn't just get ninja'd

Granted. But what you thought was a wicked wish ended up falling flat.
(Ninja'ed? That was almost 3 hours ago! )

I wish I could make the world's tastiest donuts.

Granted, but nobody wants to eat them, as they don't come from Starbucks.

I wish I had more time to play video games.


(Weird, for me when I went to post mine, yours didn't show up until AFTER I posted mine. Technology eh?)

Granted! Your pc, phone, playstation, xbox and all other mediums break so you have all the time in the world to stare at blank screens.

I wish I wasn't bald

Granted. Your head is covered by an endangered species of itchy fungus.

I wish my grass would be dry enough to cut.

Granted. Your grass becomes extremely dry. When your lawnmower blade hits the dry stalks the friction causes them to light. The ensuing firestorm engulfs your home, and begins to spread to other houses. In all, 34 homes were destroyed by the blaze before it was contained.

I wish I was always prepared for a natural disaster.

Granted. The world implodes itself, but since you are immune to natural disasters, you are all alone, with no internet, staring into an abyss where your friends and neighbours once were.

I wish everyone understood sarcasm.

Granted. But your sarcasm makes you a social pariah. People spit in your direction rather than look at you. Bolder, nastier parents point you out to their children and say "Behold, the lowest form of wit - spit at him, children! Spit at him!" It turns out people understood you all along, they just weren't very fond of you.

I wish we would have a long and happy summer.

Granted. You have a longer and depressing winter.

I wish I was a tad shorter.

Granted. But with the loss of height, you lose the respect of your peers.

I wish I had more 40mm bases.

Granted. You have a crapload of 40mm bases, but no figures to put on them.

I wish to paint something new.

Granted. You get to paint the new Age of Emperor Imperial Space SigEldarMarines TactWraithTitan Squad.

I wish to be able to instant transmission.

Granted. After years of intense training, you have attained Super Human level. As your hair glows a bright blonde, you attempt your first transmission! Teleporting across the room, you inadvertently arrive in a space occupied by a common housefly. Irrevocably spliced with your DNA, you slowly transform into a Super Monster devouring your friends and family.

I wish I had taken off work today.