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2012/11/18 03:19:34
Subject: Parts of the 40k background that make you laugh (or giggle)
Squats being replaced by orangutans that know more about technology than the Adeptus Mechanicus. They're probably the biggest trolls of the 40k universe.
ENOZONE wrote: Squats being replaced by orangutans that know more about technology than the Adeptus Mechanicus. They're probably the biggest trolls of the 40k universe.
Squats still exist, and Jokaero have been around since 2nd ed, and maybe Rogue Trader.
"Did you ever notice how in the Bible, when ever God needed to punish someone, or make an example, or whenever God needed a killing, he sent an angel? Did you ever wonder what a creature like that must be like? A whole existence spent praising your God, but always with one wing dipped in blood. Would you ever really want to see an angel?"
2012/11/18 04:17:17
Subject: Parts of the 40k background that make you laugh (or giggle)
Regiment: 91st Schrott Experimental Regiment
Regiment Planet: Schrott Specialization: Salvaged, Heavily Modified, and/or Experimental Mechanized Units. "SIR! Are you sure this will work!?"
"I HAVE NO IDEA, PULL THE TRIGGER!!!" 91st comms chatter.
2012/11/18 04:28:21
Subject: Parts of the 40k background that make you laugh (or giggle)
ENOZONE wrote: Squats being replaced by orangutans that know more about technology than the Adeptus Mechanicus. They're probably the biggest trolls of the 40k universe.
Squats still exist, and Jokaero have been around since 2nd ed, and maybe Rogue Trader.
Psh, you could have a Jokaero army in Rogue Trader, and this is not even a joke. Their stats were horrible, though you could have an entire army filled with plasma guns because you took the component parts of your bolters and lasguns and the Jokaero would tinker with them.
I'm for one glad that they were brought back, although the method of their return is somewhat dubious.
2012/11/18 04:35:07
Subject: Parts of the 40k background that make you laugh (or giggle)
Tyranids invade Craftworl Iyanden. There's a Hive Tyrant who's been smacking everyone around, so the Avatar calls it out for a challege... The Hive Tyrant calls in a full dozen Carnifex, who proceed to whipe the Avatar from existence. That's how Tyranid Challenges should be.
2012/11/18 05:01:41
Subject: Parts of the 40k background that make you laugh (or giggle)
Rogue Trader days when reading up on crime and punishment in the Imperium. Many crimes carry the death penalty but for lighter offenses like littering or late library books you can get away with lifetime service in the Imperial Army.
2012/11/18 06:55:03
Subject: Parts of the 40k background that make you laugh (or giggle)
A little story in the Imperial Guard Codex stating that because of a Munitorium stuff up, a whole Guard regiment was executed, but the entire division was already annihilated.
Commissar Yarrick and his nemesis also give me a good laugh. They remind me of a grim version of Tom And Jerry, Ghazgull being the Cat.
Chenkov gives me a few laughs as well as Nork Deddog.
"Tell the Colonel... We've been thrown to the Wolves." -Templeton.
1W OL 1D
I love writing fiction based upon my experiences of playing; check 'em out!
http://www.wattpad.com/user/baxter123
2012/11/18 07:37:16
Subject: Parts of the 40k background that make you laugh (or giggle)
Ork background is just awesome. Some of my favorite bitz include the operation of the Shokk Attack Gun, the fact that Stormboyz are Orks who rebel against their elders by drilling, practicing formations, and having uniforms, and the part where Wazdakka crashed his bike into a Titan cockpit, killed the entire Titan crew, and emerged unscathed.
I am also amused by the more ludicrously grimdark aspects of the fluff, such as the case where the Death Korps kept shelling a city for four entire years after the last signs of life were extinguished, just to be thorough. Also anything to do with Commissars executing their men for no good reason whatsoever.
I'm also a fan of Nurgle, specifically because of the concept of "Nurgle loves you. He loves all creatures, and he loves them equally. Sadly, humans are outnumbered by bacteria trillions to one, so your needs are kind of a low priority."
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/11/18 07:38:03
2012/11/18 09:28:14
Subject: Re:Parts of the 40k background that make you laugh (or giggle)
-Draigo rampaging in the Warp and making swords from Bloodthrsters. -Jokaero not having language but having a ring that can be lascannon, melta and flamer in the same time. -Mephiston tearing trough entire Tyranid attack force and even killing Hive Tyranit - all with his hands. -Orks are by their nature -Space Wolves.... -They survived onslaught of tens of Thousands of Guardsmen and they were actually able to defeat them, all by themselves. -The fact that their fleet can tear Imperial Navy like they are nothing is even more hilarious. -They fought three SoB orders and push them back like they are nothing. -Emperor punching Russ with his fist and as a result rendering him unconscious him for days
Can't remember the rest now...
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2012/11/18 10:45:45
The universe has many horrors yet to throw at us. This is not the end of our struggle. This is just the beginning of our crusade to save Humanity. Be faithful! Be strong! Be vigilant!
2012/11/18 11:25:49
Subject: Parts of the 40k background that make you laugh (or giggle)
I should have left him there. He had served his purpose. He owed me nothing - yet he gave himself to me willingly. Why? I know not. He is nothing more than a pathetic human. An inferior race. A mon-keigh. But still I broke off my wings so that I might carry him easier. I took him from that place, into the snowstorm where our tracks will not be found. He is heavy. And he is dying. And he is slowing me down. But I will save him. Why? I know not. He is still warm. I can feel his blood ebbing across me. For every beat of his heart, another, slight spill of heat. The heat blows away on the winter wind. His blood is still warm. But fading. And I have spilled scarlet myself. The snow laps greedily at our footsteps and our lifeblood, covering them without a trace as we fade away.
'She sat on the corner, gulping the soup down, uncaring of the heat of it. They had grown more watery as of late she noted, but she wasn't about to beggar food from the Imperials or the "Bearers of the Word." Tau, despite their faults at least didn't have a kill policy for her race.'
2012/11/18 11:30:59
Subject: Parts of the 40k background that make you laugh (or giggle)
I personally like the "blessing of the bomb" from the Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer, as well as when the crazy guy in Xenobiology eats his pet kroot.
Admiral Chester W Nimitz wrote:The war with Japan had been re-enacted in the game rooms here by so many people and in so many different ways, that nothing that happened during the war was a surprise.
entire Blood Angels,GK codex...and Flesh Tearers are hilarious...
The Wolves go for the throat. We go for the eyes. Then the tongue. Then the hands. Then the feet. Then we skin the crippled remains, and offer it up as an example to any still bearing witness. The wolves were warriors before they became soldiers. We were murderers first, last, and always."
-- First Captain Sevatar, when asked why the Night Lords aren't the Emperor's sanction force against other Legions.
2012/11/18 23:00:03
Subject: Parts of the 40k background that make you laugh (or giggle)
BlaxicanX wrote: A young business man named Tom Kirby, who was a pupil of mine until he turned greedy, helped the capitalists hunt down and destroy the wargamers. He betrayed and murdered Games Workshop.
2012/11/18 23:17:03
Subject: Parts of the 40k background that make you laugh (or giggle)
Ogryns, Nork in particullar (I fething want one)
Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer
Ciaphas Cain (especially with Jurgen)
Orks (just about everything about them)
and special mention of the possibility that Yarrick is near immortal because Orks believe so
yeri wrote: I personally like the "blessing of the bomb" from the Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer....
Reminds me of:
Biggest reference to this would be the Holy Orbs of Antioch in the BT codex.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/11/18 23:21:20
Mandorallen turned back toward the insolently sneering baron. 'My Lord,' The great knight said distantly, 'I find thy face apelike and thy form misshapen. Thy beard, moreover, is an offence against decency, resembling more closely the scabrous fur which doth decorate the hinder portion of a mongrel dog than a proper adornment for a human face. Is it possibly that thy mother, seized by some wild lechery, did dally at some time past with a randy goat?' - Mimbrate Knight Protector Mandorallen.
Excerpt from "Seeress of Kell", Book Five of The Malloreon series by David Eddings.
"You need not fear us, unless you are a dark heart, a vile one who preys on the innocent; I promise, you can’t hide forever in the empty darkness, for we will hunt you down like the animals you are, and pull you into the very bowels of hell." Iron - Within Temptation
2012/11/18 23:41:49
Subject: Parts of the 40k background that make you laugh (or giggle)
"The Tau of Sept Aut're fall under attack from Tyranids. Necrons under the command of Immhotk arrive in orbit and annihilate the Tyranids. Overjoyed at their salvation, the Tau prepare a welcome ceremony for Immhotk and his retinue."
Five Minutes Later
"The Eradication of Aut're begins"
Necroshea wrote: You - You there, wolf heathen! I long for combat!
Wolf heathen - I accept your challenge, but only on my terms! 250% points for me!
You - Ha! You've activated my trap card! Allied army! Come forth to assist!
Friend - Sup
Wolf Heathen - An equal point match?! This is not acceptable! Tau friend! Form up on me!
And then some guy throws a manta at the table and promptly breaks it in half sending figures and terrain everywhere.
2012/11/18 23:49:28
Subject: Parts of the 40k background that make you laugh (or giggle)
"The Tau of Sept Aut're fall under attack from Tyranids. Necrons under the command of Immhotk arrive in orbit and annihilate the Tyranids. Overjoyed at their salvation, the Tau prepare a welcome ceremony for Immhotk and his retinue."
Five Minutes Later
"The Eradication of Aut're begins"
Wow,are Tau that stupid?
And I' will add - IF teleprting into a wall
- Bjorn calling Logan young one and all the SW in the back pissing from laughter ( in the brink of civil war with the Inquisition )
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/11/18 23:53:48
ADB: I showed the Wolves revealing the key weakness at the heart of the World Eaters; showing Angron that his Legion was broken and worthless compared to the others; that he was the one primarch who couldn't trust his own warriors, and that they didn't care if he lived or died; showing that loyalty to brothers and sons is the heart of success for the Legiones Astartes, to the point even Lorgar makes a big deal out of saying the World Eaters and their primarch were massively outclassed by Russ, and Angron was too stupid to see the lesson Russ had sacrificed time, sweat, and blood, to teach. We're talking about a battle the Wolves won, by isolating the enemy general through pack tactics, and threatening to kill him, without a hope of defending himself. It was a balance, 50/50 - Angron overpowered Russ, and the Wolves were losing ground to the World Eaters; but Russ and his warriors had Angron by the balls, and barely broke a sweat. They won, no question. Lorgar even says: "The Wolves won, meathead."
Dorn won’t help you either. He’s too busy being the Emperor’s groundskeeper, hiding behind the palace walls. The Wolf is too busy cutting off heads as our father’s executioner, while the Lion holds on to his secrets, and has no special fondness for you. Who else will come? Not Ferrus, certainly. Nor Corax either. Even as we speak, I suspect he flees for Deliverance. Sanguinius?’ Curze laughed cruelly. ‘The angel is more cursed than I. The Khan? He does not wish to be found. So who is left? No one, Vulkan. None of them will come. You are simply not that important. You are alone.’ Konrad Curze to Vulkan
2012/11/18 23:56:02
Subject: Parts of the 40k background that make you laugh (or giggle)
"The Tau of Sept Aut're fall under attack from Tyranids. Necrons under the command of Immhotk arrive in orbit and annihilate the Tyranids. Overjoyed at their salvation, the Tau prepare a welcome ceremony for Immhotk and his retinue."
Five Minutes Later
"The Eradication of Aut're begins"
Wow,are Tau that stupid?
And I' will add - IF teleprting into a wall
- Bjorn calling Logan young one and all the SW in the back pissing from laughter ( in the brink of civil war with the Inquisition )
To be fair, I think that was supposed to be first contact between Tau and Necrons. They probably know better now.
Necroshea wrote: You - You there, wolf heathen! I long for combat!
Wolf heathen - I accept your challenge, but only on my terms! 250% points for me!
You - Ha! You've activated my trap card! Allied army! Come forth to assist!
Friend - Sup
Wolf Heathen - An equal point match?! This is not acceptable! Tau friend! Form up on me!
And then some guy throws a manta at the table and promptly breaks it in half sending figures and terrain everywhere.
2012/11/18 23:57:44
Subject: Re:Parts of the 40k background that make you laugh (or giggle)
Ooooo - this :
These Chapters can never be Ultramarines, for their gene-seed is not that of Robute Guilliman. Nevertheless, they will ever aspire to the standards and teachings of the great Primarch.
ADB: I showed the Wolves revealing the key weakness at the heart of the World Eaters; showing Angron that his Legion was broken and worthless compared to the others; that he was the one primarch who couldn't trust his own warriors, and that they didn't care if he lived or died; showing that loyalty to brothers and sons is the heart of success for the Legiones Astartes, to the point even Lorgar makes a big deal out of saying the World Eaters and their primarch were massively outclassed by Russ, and Angron was too stupid to see the lesson Russ had sacrificed time, sweat, and blood, to teach. We're talking about a battle the Wolves won, by isolating the enemy general through pack tactics, and threatening to kill him, without a hope of defending himself. It was a balance, 50/50 - Angron overpowered Russ, and the Wolves were losing ground to the World Eaters; but Russ and his warriors had Angron by the balls, and barely broke a sweat. They won, no question. Lorgar even says: "The Wolves won, meathead."
Dorn won’t help you either. He’s too busy being the Emperor’s groundskeeper, hiding behind the palace walls. The Wolf is too busy cutting off heads as our father’s executioner, while the Lion holds on to his secrets, and has no special fondness for you. Who else will come? Not Ferrus, certainly. Nor Corax either. Even as we speak, I suspect he flees for Deliverance. Sanguinius?’ Curze laughed cruelly. ‘The angel is more cursed than I. The Khan? He does not wish to be found. So who is left? No one, Vulkan. None of them will come. You are simply not that important. You are alone.’ Konrad Curze to Vulkan
are da best!!! 
1W OL 1D
1500 Pts - Dravone 54th "Royals" Infantry Regiment
The universe has many horrors yet to throw at us. This is not the end of our struggle. This is just the beginning of our crusade to save Humanity. Be faithful! Be strong! Be vigilant! 
