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Hmmm, let's see here.
*Rifles through ragged clothing. Produces an oil can*

This will be tricky.

*Makes a trail of oil to BC for the tank to follow*

*Tank consumes oil and goes back behind couch*

I tried.

Im back! I was somewhere doing somthing in the valuts of terra cant say what but its over now (fething maguns grumble noizes) so..... what have you been doing.. looks at what was once a commisar. My face and floating letters say it all.

*rough voice*

You could say I got promoted.

*teleports into the room*

-Holy crap crazy weekend with the other elder gods! Ithaqua really knows how to throw a party!-

*Looks around*

-I see you mortals have done nothing useful sense I was last here...-

Not quite, we succeeded in making Kroot Hawks number 6 on the endangered species list, which reminds me that I still have some Knarlocs on the way

I think you'll find I made breakfast, that's arguably useful. [Hands zombiekilla a plate]

[Sighs at tank] You guys tried. I'm sure it'll come back when it's hungry.

"And I cleaned up the extra and belligerent soldier comp[any and their vehicles"

proudly points to ash piles of soldiers(smaller piles) and vehicles(bigger piles) a pair of major scorch trails on the floor between the piles.

 e.earnshaw wrote:
Im back! I was somewhere doing somthing in the valuts of terra cant say what but its over now (fething maguns grumble noizes) so..... what have you been doing.. looks at what was once a commisar. My face and floating letters say it all.

I see that your trip to Terra did not teach you grammar or structure.

 zombiekila707 wrote:
*teleports into the room*

-Holy crap crazy weekend with the other elder gods! Ithaqua really knows how to throw a party!-

*Looks around*

-I see you mortals have done nothing useful sense I was last here...-

I am mortal no more, xenos.
I released a single while you were gone.

I am immortalized in the minds of my followers. And in the Warp.

*Looks at Selym and laughs... and laughs... and laughs... and laughs... AND LAUGHS!!*

-Pathetic how the emotions of mortals are able to cause such trouble! Weak useless being of the warp you are less then mortal at the very least they have souls you are nothing but emotions. Also not a xenos I resent that comment!-

*puts up both middle fingers and stomps around Selym*

Cthulhu, eat your bacon before it gets cold, and stop teasing the daemon. He can't help having terrible parents.
[Points at large tray of bacon on table]

"OOOH! Bacon!" licks lips, "Always room for bacon!"

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
Cthulhu, eat your bacon before it gets cold, and stop teasing the daemon. He can't help having terrible parents.
[Points at large tray of bacon on table]

*sobs*

Daddy touched me in places

*sobs more*

Like my knees!

* *

I-is that the Emperor?

Die, Deceiver!

*Flood of dakka hits Earnshaw*

[Is leaning over sofa trying to lure tank out with a biscuit] [Tank flees upon sound of excessive Dakka]
Damnit! Who's fething-about now?

...! [Rugby-tackles Verviedi to the floor] I'm genuinely unsure if that is the Emperor, but I feel compelled to request you stop that.

Ok, I don't think I can cancel that order for Knarlocs. The customer support person would not listen or even agree to take them back without me getting my refund, so I guess we will have some new pets around here. Try not to look them in the eyes, that's a sign of aggression.

*Loud helicopter noises followed by the thump of a large container landing*

I guess they're early, hehe.

*Crate busts open to reveal one Greater Knarloc stepping outside*

Hmm... I wonder what happened to the others. Oh...

*Picks up greater Knarloc and throws it in the upper stratosphere*

-Stupid pet anyways! You guys want pets I got the thing!-

*Waves hands. portal opens spewing forth millions of shoggoth who begin eating everything*

- They are so cute, and cant be hurt by conventional means! HOORAY!-

[Looks up from sitting on the tech-priest] What the Hell, Cthulhu. No. We don't want those. Send them somewhere else please, like the realm of rainbow ponies.

OOC: They're also not immune to fire.

-The realm of rainbox ponies is already a burning pile of poo this place needs some color so accept them!-


OOC: If that's true... I got some BEEF with my GM lol

"THanks Cthulhu! Now I have the main ingredient for Splurgoth Souffle! It's a real treat!" has baking goods out, and grabs some of the Cthulhu spawned monsters which he beats and batters down till they are freshly dead, using some breath power to quiet them, churns the up and adds seasonings and other spices and eggs and milk,

"Just wait, you guys will love this!" puts the batter in baking dish, loads into a oven which has the ability to ignore sounds and vibrations "Special oven just made for souffle!"

*Implanted macrostubber locks onto BC, swings upward and fires*

(CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK)

Sometime I hate how effective my own weapons are at turning anything nearby into red mist and then running out of dakka. I am, however, grateful that I won't have to justify yet another murder of a useful Imperial official.

I wanted to keep him as a pet, Cthulhu. And he isn't stupid, they're actually pretty intelligent, for a beast of burden, anyway.

*Begins building a war sphere to rescue Knarloc from certain death*

One can always hope.

"Oh this Knarloc?" Knarloc is happily eating spare meat on baking table of Dragon size. "He gets to test the souffle!"

Cool! I always wanted one as a krootling, but there are age limits to purchasing these things.

*Climbs on top of Knarloc*

Now I just need to mount a gun on top, and things will be a whole lot more interesting around here.

[Looks at the clicking gun] Well, that was unnecessary. Wait... "another"?
Then again, so is this. [Removes hat, pulls out stick of butter and thickly wipes butter on Verviedi's optics] [Stands up]

Is that baking? Ooh! [Kicks a shoggoth and wanders over to see what the dragon is making]

Why is everything yellow?

*Repeatedly walks into wall*

*Knarloc licks butter off of Verviedi*

Easy boy, if you're looking for an appetizer you shouldn't start with the one made almost purely out of metal. *To Verviedi* Sorry, if he's hungry I can't do much about it.

Well, will you look at that...
[Butter tank rolls an over-sized ball up to Blackjack's Knarloc and wags its turret] [Tank bounces playfully]

[Facepalms] Whilst that's adorable, I'm beginning to have my doubts about the A.I... [Shrugs] Who am I to argue with a several ton excitable tank?

Well, I think it's perfect. Besides I think I have some friends around for it somewhere. Experimentation with drone AI gone horribly right.

*Knarloc bites down on ball, and chews on it, attempting to make it squeak.*

Not what I had in mind when I ordered a knarloc, but I don't think I could stop this if I tried to.