Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

 zombiekila707 wrote:

 KaptinBadrukk wrote:
*vaporizes Zombiekilla707*

*energy flickers off armor*

I'm setting this to level 16, wide field.

*fires it. ZK707 dies*

*weaponry ex machina*

"The Blood God" by Inquisitor A. Vect
This dataslate contains information on the Blood God, Khorne.
It also happens to be covered in spikes that, once they taste blood, will spit bio-acid at anyone within 20 feet.
It has a scope. For some reason. Good luck with that.

 KaptinBadrukk wrote:

 zombiekila707 wrote:

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
[Starts firing hell pistol at daemons, successfully hitting several] It's like clay pigeon shooting but better!

[Narrowly avoids being landed on by a dead daemon] Okay, less fun...

[Takes a dying daemon and sprays the blood over Zombiekilla] There we go. [Locates invisible book] [Sets it alight]

YOU FOOL YOU JUST SET THE NECRONOMICON ON FIRE!?

*Giant flash of light as the chaos gods break reality and enter our world*

THE BOOK IS THE ONLY WAY TO SET THINGS RIGHT NOW WE ARE ALL DOOMED!

*opens the book. reads*

Once upon a time, there was a chaos god named Tzeentch. He was very evil.

What is this?

*Grabs book*

Get your stinking paws off the book you damn dirty MUTIE!

*Begins flipping through pages*

Klaatu Barada N... Necktie... Neckturn... Nickel... DAMNIT THE FINAL WORD IS BURNED OUT!

*Looks at Buttery Commissar*

WAY TO GO MUTIE!

*beams out*

*makes a chiming noise, waiting for someone to take the "weapon"*

*beams the weapon out of Selym's hands*

[Picks up dataslate from Selym] ..? [Sits down amidst the chaos and reads]

[Looks up] For the last time! I'm not a mutant, pretty sure you're the only mutant in the room. [Sighs]

*prints off a piece of paper that reads "We're in a room?" *

 Selym wrote:
*prints off a piece of paper that reads "We're in a room?" *

Well thanks machine we knew that. Just what outside the room is a problem. Plus all the walls are broken down so its more of a "roof" then a room..

*Feeds the Necronomicon into the machine*

We need a new one!

Here's the ammo. *throws ammo box*

 zombiekila707 wrote:
*Feeds the Necronomicon into the machine*

The Boot
A typical, bog-standard, Fire Warrior's boot.
It is covered in metal plates and has a dartblower under the insole, which fires into the wearer's foot.
When worn, it enhances the weaarer's psychic reflection in the warp, making them more vulnerable to Daemons.
Can be thrown long distances, due to ignoring physics. But its defining feature is the smell.

*inserts rifle into the machine*

I better get something good out of this, those axes on the sides don't come cheap.

[Throws boot at Zombiekilla] Hey, you're right, it does throw well.

Oh, by the way, Blackjack... [Points to mess in corner] I seem to be making a habit of this, but there's some vital organs.

[Goes back to reading dataslate] Hm. Looks like we're going to need some supplies...

Request supply drop, over!

*supply crate lands in front of him*

 2BlackJack1 wrote:
*inserts rifle into the machine*

I better get something good out of this, those axes on the sides don't come cheap.

The Mk V Flashlight
The common household flashlight. Commonly (and incorrectly) referred to by Guardsmen as a Lasgun.
This flashlight is capable of making some rather impressive strobe effects, but is only harmful to epileptics.
More importantly, is that this flashlight is attached to a Grenade Launcher, which fires Timed Nuclear Bombs.
Features and Internal Plasma Reactor, a Scope, Revolving Chambers and a Rapid-Fire Mechanism.
Is collapsible.

*takes Flashlight*

No axes? I guess I'll have to manage.

*pulls out several knives and tape*

Oh, and I'll get around to those, BC. I just need to improve my gun quick.

*Meets up with random guy with chainsaw arm and have a heated private conversation In the middle of the warp storm. Gets hit by boot and gets pissed but chainsaw arm dude holds me back. Finally after some face palming go back to the room while guy with chainsaw arm holds back the "Army of darkness" and the chaos gods*

Hey so I got it! A old HUMAN friend let me know the words!

*Clears throat*

Klaatu Barada Nikto!

*The skies clear and the chaos gods are sucked away back into the warp.*

Thanks Ash! Stay grovy!

Ash replies "Stop being such an donkey-cave!"

*Ash leaves in a 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88*

Ok... we are all ok and Ash brought up some points about how I am a mutant who is constantly being injected with advanced form of the FEV virus while most of you have light levels of the FEV that hasn't even hurt your DNA. So until I get new directives from the Enclave you can all live...

*The sounds of cheering ewoks fill the air*

What the feth was that?

*Walks back over quickly*

What the hell just happened?

 Verviedi wrote:
*Walks back over quickly*

What the hell just happened?

Please Insert Weapon for Conversion

[Climbs up onto tank and sits next to engineseer] Still here, huh? Here, have a strange xenos helmet that makes my nose itchy.

[Coughing from doorway of tank] [Looks down] No I wasn't flirting! Besides, I gave you flowers yesterday!
Ohgakit'swednesdaynight.

[Climbs down] Okay, I'm here now. [Links arms with Daemonette and walks back into tank] [Tank hatch locks from the inside]

[Engineseer rather wisely climbs down and goes on a tea-break]

*Is outside the room waiting for his chance to strike*

*to himself* Where's my money, bitch? Where's my money? That's good.

[Tank hatch unlocks] [Shuffles out blinking and retrieves coffee and a sandwich from kitchen] [Leans on side of tank and looks around while chewing]
[Finishes eating and is gently pulled back into tank by shirt collar] ..? [Hatch locks again]

Hm...

*Inserts laspistol into Selym*

This better give me something good. I'll have to fight some reanimated corpses to get my Radium pistol back...

*jabs with bladed rifle enthusiastically*

Yeah, this will work perfectly. Now, who will be the test subject...

*walks in*

2BJ1, what test are you talking about?

 Verviedi wrote:
Hm...

*Inserts laspistol into Selym*

This better give me something good. I'll have to fight some reanimated corpses to get my Radium pistol back...

The Capatupult
The Capatupult is a catapult that fires the heads of recently expired Ork Wyrdboyz.
Despite the mechanism being the size of a campervan, it can be lifted by a single human.
Has been painted in snow-camouflage for some reason.

*bursts in with a revolver*

WHERE'S MY MONEY BITCH??????

*raises PKP Pecheneg*

GO BACK TO BATTLEFIELD HARDLINE!

I'm done, okay? You just give me my money, and you and I, we're done.

There's no money in BATTLEFIELD, only in Hardline!