Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

Putting it mildly, you are in the worst possible of all hells, wherein you shall rot, burn and suffer in agony!
Don't mind me, I'm just being an angsty tool.
Shut up, me!

No, this is Battlefield!

 Selym wrote:
Putting it mildly, you are in the worst possible of all hells, wherein you shall rot, burn and suffer in agony!
Don't mind me, I'm just being an angsty tool.
Shut up, me!

By the Emperor! A talking box! I am in the warp. Bloody terra on rollerskates... I'm in the warp.

...Well. At least I don't ever have to see another Commissar again.

 thenoobbomb wrote:
No, this is Battlefield!

Another Guardsman? At least I'm not alone here. How long have you been stuck in here for?

I've been playing on this map for a while.

[Yawns and stumbles out from tank]
I think I'm suitably repentant. Repented? I couldn't reach to whip myself very well, so I asked my lady friend to help.

She was quite good at it really. [Far away expression] We got a bit... Distracted. [Mumbles]

[Blinks] Oh damn it. That wasn't purifying the soul at all, was it? That was just being naughty. [Sighs]
[Sits down on sofa and lights a smoke] I think I need a nun.

If you come over here, I'll give you a none.
I think it means a "Nun", a religious person.
That's just stupid.
That's bipeds!

Hmm, another guardsmen. This should be fun.

*licks outer rim of beak*

You're going to get pudgy if you don't find some work soon, fella. Between those nids and TNB corpses..

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
[Yawns and stumbles out from tank]
I think I'm suitably repentant. Repented? I couldn't reach to whip myself very well, so I asked my lady friend to help.

She was quite good at it really. [Far away expression] We got a bit... Distracted. [Mumbles]

[Blinks] Oh damn it. That wasn't purifying the soul at all, was it? That was just being naughty. [Sighs]
[Sits down on sofa and lights a smoke] I think I need a nun.

A man once told me sex equals minus kills.

*sighs*

It's hard to actually fight for your food when most of it practically dies for you around here. The knarloc farm kept me active, but I'm starting to think knarlocs aren't meant to be domesticated.

Damn it. Not a Commissar... uhhh, sorry Commissar. I didn't mean to abandon my post. A witch banished me to this horrid place. I got my Uplifting Primer in good order. I didn't even smudge the holy blank square

*Spots a Kroot*

You know, for all the talk of the greater good the Tau have some creepy bedfellows.

Creepy? You live in a world with savage fungus, a horde of insects that only want to eat you, a highly religious and oppressive hierarchy, and I'm the creepy one? I could go on, but I think you get the point.

You eat people too, mate. I'm just saying.

 thenoobbomb wrote:

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
[Yawns and stumbles out from tank]
I think I'm suitably repentant. Repented? I couldn't reach to whip myself very well, so I asked my lady friend to help.

She was quite good at it really. [Far away expression] We got a bit... Distracted. [Mumbles]

[Blinks] Oh damn it. That wasn't purifying the soul at all, was it? That was just being naughty. [Sighs]
[Sits down on sofa and lights a smoke] I think I need a nun.

A man once told me sex equals minus kills.

I think you've just lost the game of life.
Hey, could someone roll me? My lower facing is getting stiff.

It still tastes better than the gak they give you.

[Hands guardsman a smoke and stays sitting on sofa] Try not to die, I guess. [Shrugs] [Goes back to staring at wall]

Something wrong, Commissar? Did you run out of ammo for your bolt pistol?

 Selym wrote:

 thenoobbomb wrote:

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
[Yawns and stumbles out from tank]
I think I'm suitably repentant. Repented? I couldn't reach to whip myself very well, so I asked my lady friend to help.

She was quite good at it really. [Far away expression] We got a bit... Distracted. [Mumbles]

[Blinks] Oh damn it. That wasn't purifying the soul at all, was it? That was just being naughty. [Sighs]
[Sits down on sofa and lights a smoke] I think I need a nun.

A man once told me sex equals minus kills.

I think you've just lost the game of life.
Hey, could someone roll me? My lower facing is getting stiff.

I don't get a lot of kills, though :(

*walks in*

I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor. From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be "Sir". Do you maggots understand that?

No.

I just reached First Lieutenant rank, so..

 sing your life wrote:
*walks in*

I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor. From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be "Sir". Do you maggots understand that?

*Snaps to attention*

Sir, yes sir!

[Looks up] Too noisy.

I ran out of bolt shells months ago. My funding was cut off after I used it to paint my Leman Russ yellow.

Bull gak, I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair!

SIR, YES SIR!

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
[Looks up] Too noisy.

I ran out of bolt shells months ago. My funding was cut off after I used it to paint my Leman Russ yellow.

Haha, I get it. Lemon Russ. That's a clever joke, Commissar.

If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human fething beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian gak! Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no bigotry here. I do not look down on Witches, Elfdar, Twists or joker. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that?

You're a hacker?!

No, I'm your drill instructor. Don't fething interrupt me.

Sir, the Private would like to let the Senior Drill Instructor know that he has already passed basic training sir!