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My job as a Commissar isn't to actually fight. It's to shoot people who actually do fight for doing stuff I don't like.

Birdboy? That's it, you six sided somehow intelligent inanimate object!

*pours jar's contents down garbage disposal*

*looks around*

Ok, that may have been a bit too much.

[Leans on bar] That, that doesn’t sound right… Thass not what I do at all. [Puzzled]
I thought our duty was ta encourish people and make ‘em.. Make ‘em… [Zones out] ..Cakes?

[Removes an olive from a drink on the counter and feeds it to the hat-caterpillar] I wonder what sort of butter-commissarfly you’ll hatch into. Heh.

[Stands up and clears away empties from the bar and wipes it down] [Resumes drinking, doesn’t seem to notice the newest bottle is in fact caramel flavour-syrup]

*Walks into bar, ignoring shouts and prayers*

Em, thanks, guys, for your support! I'll give you rain or something!

*Picks BC up*

...You're drunk.

"Did you figure that out by yourself, Emperor, or did your mother have to help you?"

*Looks around the bar*

"I hope none of you Terrans actually believe he can give you rain..."

*Whispers to ZergSmasher*

Shush! I'm sorry that the body I created is too... divine looking...

I don't think you have to worry about ZS ruining your 'holiness'. These people are men of the Imperium, and probably would rather stab him than listen to what he has to say, because he is a xenos. Take this for an example.

*Takes a breath and addresses the crowd*

Everyone! This isn't the Emperor, it's some ex adeptus mechanicus morphed into a form of him!

*quickly dodges several thrown bottles and sits down again*

I rest my case.

 ZergSmasher wrote:
"Did you figure that out by yourself, Emperor, or did your mother have to help you?"

*Looks around the bar*

"I hope none of you Terrans actually believe he can give you rain..."

Just to let you know I'm not from Holy Terra. I was born on Cadia.

 Verviedi wrote:
...You're drunk.

Ent no rulesh against it! [Carries on happily swigging caramel syrup mixed with quite possibly paint thinner, judging by the smell]
B'sides, I appointed a deputy! [Points at TCL] I'm respobsible!


ooc: That was an entirely accidental typo, but it's pretty phonetically valid.

*Woman wearing an entirely too low cut top runs up*

Oi, no.

*Puts hand between her and BC*

I'm pretty sure you can't consent when drunk.

*Follows her gaze*

And I'm actually fused with the armor right now. It takes a very long time to remove.

Yes, about 5 hours.

It seems you are a real ladies man, Commissar Caterpillar.

...??? [Guards bottle from woman]
[Frowns] Commishariat drinky. Not for young ladiesh.

...! [Remembers] Verververviedi, you should put your hand in the garbage disposhal. Kroot put Selym-cube in there.

[Considers doing it] [Looks at fingers] Do I need ten?

Alcohol huh, I never really had time for it myself, I was always too busy.

*takes a tentative sip from random bottle*

Tastes of motor oil.

*checks label*

It is motor oil, mixed with amasec.

[Embarrassed] M'not a very good bartender when've already started drinking.

[Finishes bottle] [Stows it neatly on the counter] ... [Dozes off]

Today... is Christmas! There will be a magic show at zero-nine-thirty! Chaplain Charlie will tell you about how the free world will conquer Communism with the aid of God and a few Marines! God has a hard-on for Marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps! Do you ladies understand?

*Throws bread roll at SYL to interrupt his rant*

*dodges bread roll*

Is chow allowed in the barracks, Private Obama?

NO, SI-

I mean, this isn't a barracks, it's a room. There's a fething office complex over there, and a transdimensional battle tank.

Transdimentional battle tank? What's that?

[Blinks and wakes up very slowly] [Makes it about four paces before a hangover strikes from orbit]
[Shuffles back to the bar and starts mixing something]

[Looks at SYL] Shhhh... Is quiet time.

 KaptinBadrukk wrote:
Transdimentional battle tank? What's that?

*gets fished out of the disposal unit by the SoB*

Thanks for the help you lot, the biped that wants to eat me has got me. Again.
Yeah, and what's a Transdimensional battle tank?
Probably another disposal unit.
Yeah, and it could trans.. trash... dime...

*struggles to make a joke*

I should shut up now... What is it doing?

*The Cube is being cleaned by the SoB*

Ooh, that's nice.

*mashes up several different herbs into a wooden bowl*

Try this, it should help with the hangover problem. And don't worry, none of the plants should be lethal for humans.

*frowns*

Paralysis may be an issue though.

[Appears to have accidentally made a jug full of Lego bricks, strawberry milk and dish soap]
M'not a very good bartender when I'm hungover either... [Pulls face] Tastes like misadventure.

[Looks at Blsckjack's creation] Sure, why not? [Carefully tries a little] ... Iffit fuppofed to bake by tumg gnumb?

Yeah, sure. Why not? I wouldn't recommend eating any large meals with that in your system. It tends to make you cough it right out again, or your throat stops working and yoy choke on it. But, besides that and varying amounts of numbness and paralysis you should be able to do whatever you want, free of a hangover.

[Finishes small amount of mixture] Yeah, that is a lot bedder. Thanks! [Grins]
[Attempts to stand up, becomes entangled with stool legs and overbalances]

...The view from the floor is most captivating this afternoon. Think I may stay down here for a little.

...Hello Sister of Battle feets. [Attempts to quickly stand up and fails entirely]

*the SoB decides to teach BC to not get drunk again, and shoves The Cube into BC's gob*

Oh lord why!?
Its mouth looks like a rainbow!

Rainbow?

*firmly between BC's jaws*

Whatever it was drinking last night has caused some trippy effects.
I can hear orange.

Wait...have you taken over someone?

Huh?
I'm a cube...