Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

 poppa G wrote:

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:
Compel, there have been studies done.

http://jonmillward.com/blog/attraction-dating/cupid-on-trial-a-4-month-online-dating-experiment/



Long story short, online dating is heavily stacked in favor of women. My opinion: who cares. It's not about how many times you swing the bat, it's about how many times you hit the ball.

hahah damn.

If you want a woman's online dating experience just look up a slide show of dic pics, while listening to stereotypical cartoon construction workers catcalling on loop. It's roughly equivalent.

Something i would like to know about dating is, for the lack of a beter word, ''protocol''.
When i get her number how much time should i spend ''getting to know her'' before asking her to go out with me?
How long should i wait before trying to kiss her?
I had another question but i forgot what it was.

From experience i know its better not to take things too fast, yet i dont want to make the mistake of going too slow.
Funny enough none of the 3 proper girlfriends i had in 19 years of my life did i pick up in a conventional way.

Also in the initial stage, how can i make it obvious that i like her as opposed to ending up in the ''friendzone''?






I talk weird when i had a few beers...

Daemonhammer wrote:
Also in the initial stage, how can i make it obvious that i like her as opposed to ending up in the ''friendzone''?

There is no such thing as the "friendzone", it's a concept invented by entitled s who can't stand the thought of a woman they're interested in not wanting to sleep with them. It was never going to work out, even if you'd been faster the absolute best you could have hoped for would be a brief doomed "relationship" before she realized she wasn't interested. If someone is legitimately interested in you romantically or sexually then it doesn't matter how long you wait, as long as you don't reject them if/when they express interest in you.

haha nah it wasn't just the texts. But I'll get into that in a sec. But..Okay so she is/was a party girl. Goes out drinking with friends, smokes weed, has done just about every damn drug on the market. I've never dated this type of girl before so I consulted one of my party buddies who has a lot of experience with these types of women. I told him about her actions and reactions towards me and my words. He basically said that she is in it only for the action. Although with our latest get together I now think differently. And about the texts. If someone likes you would they really only send an average of 10 texts a day? I'm used to girls that send 100+ texts to me. So it's just different, not used to the lack of communication.
And no I'm not clingy, that's how I've gotten this close to her. Because her last BF was insanely clingy and threatened suicide if they broke up, pull that beta card. So as you can imagine she would be pretty turned off if I acted that way with her.
So yeah, dating a 'stoner' introvert has been very different for me to say the least. And before you think she may be a slut due to her 'drug past' she has only had two relationships and 'been' with two guys, her relationships. So I think she would be faithful to me and I'd be able to trust her.

How can you be a party girl if you're introverted I thought introverts were people who like solo activities a lot, parties seem the opposite of that to me.

A definition of 'introvert' and 'extrovert' I like is:

Introvert: Someone who loses energy from being in the company of others. An introvert may need some alone time to go and recharge their batteries.

Extrovert: Someone who gains energy from being with others. An extrovert when left alone to their own devices may become sluggish.

So, it's entirely possible to be a party type person, yet be introverted in day to day life. - You just simply go home at the end of an average party and feel exhausted. Whereas, an extrovert may go home and immediately start planning the next one.

 Peregrine wrote:

Daemonhammer wrote:
Also in the initial stage, how can i make it obvious that i like her as opposed to ending up in the ''friendzone''?

There is no such thing as the "friendzone", it's a concept invented by entitled s who can't stand the thought of a woman they're interested in not wanting to sleep with them. It was never going to work out, even if you'd been faster the absolute best you could have hoped for would be a brief doomed "relationship" before she realized she wasn't interested. If someone is legitimately interested in you romantically or sexually then it doesn't matter how long you wait, as long as you don't reject them if/when they express interest in you.

That insult was uncalled for.

And if you wait too long before making a move, the other party might loose interest and will begin to view you as just a friend as opposed to a romantic interest.

Daemonhammer wrote:
Something i would like to know about dating is, for the lack of a beter word, ''protocol''.
When i get her number how much time should i spend ''getting to know her'' before asking her to go out with me?
How long should i wait before trying to kiss her?
I had another question but i forgot what it was.

From experience i know its better not to take things too fast, yet i dont want to make the mistake of going too slow.
Funny enough none of the 3 proper girlfriends i had in 19 years of my life did i pick up in a conventional way.

Also in the initial stage, how can i make it obvious that i like her as opposed to ending up in the ''friendzone''?

I talk weird when i had a few beers...

The point of dating is to get to know one another, so once you get your number you should be asking her on a date from the get go (with the standard short 'wait time' so as to not appear entirely desperate. Unless you mean like 'relationship' status, in which case it depends, some people end up in one really fast, other people just play it by ear, sleep together a couple times, then one day they have 'a talk', etc. so there isn't much an answer.

Kissing her, look for the signals, if you are getting closer to eachother physically, if you catch her looking at your lips (it sounds like bs PUA gak but this one is one of those body language signs that is actually true...provided you dont have anything in your teeth or cracked lips or something), some people say at the end of the first date, personally I advocate waiting a couple dates.

As for friendzone... most socially well adjusted females know that if a guy is asking for their number or at all interested in them, its probably not for 'just friends'. If she's the type of girl who is usually surrounded by other guys or says 'she prefers being friends with guys because its less drama', just walk away, she is going to be one of the most overly melodramatic girls you will ever meet, your relationship with her will be full of jealousy, confusion, and complications (which you will, naturally, be entirely to blame for) and it won't end well for you by any means.

Otherwise, there is no such thing as a 'frienzone', so drop that line of thinking. However, do be aware that being 'too nice' or 'too friendly' without there being any sort of prospect of a relationship forming first can disqualify you as a potential suitor, particularly younger girls, for a variety of reasons I wont even try to explain.

How can you be a party girl if you're introverted I thought introverts were people who like solo activities a lot, parties seem the opposite of that to me.

Intorversion/Extroversion is (psychologically speaking) a continuum/spectrum across which people fluctuate over time. Beyond that, introversion/extraversion does not, contrary to popular belief, refer to behavior, but rather refer of personality. Introversion means that you obtain gratification/mental energy from externalization, whereas introversion obtains that via internalization. While partying is a form of externalization, it doesn't mean that it is a behavior that is unenjoyable to an introvert, just that an introvert doesn't necessarily turn to partying to make themselves feel better after a bad day at work.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

haha nah it wasn't just the texts. But I'll get into that in a sec. But..Okay so she is/was a party girl. Goes out drinking with friends, smokes weed, has done just about every damn drug on the market. I've never dated this type of girl before so I consulted one of my party buddies who has a lot of experience with these types of women. I told him about her actions and reactions towards me and my words. He basically said that she is in it only for the action. Although with our latest get together I now think differently. And about the texts. If someone likes you would they really only send an average of 10 texts a day? I'm used to girls that send 100+ texts to me. So it's just different, not used to the lack of communication.
And no I'm not clingy, that's how I've gotten this close to her. Because her last BF was insanely clingy and threatened suicide if they broke up, pull that beta card. So as you can imagine she would be pretty turned off if I acted that way with her.
So yeah, dating a 'stoner' introvert has been very different for me to say the least. And before you think she may be a slut due to her 'drug past' she has only had two relationships and 'been' with two guys, her relationships. So I think she would be faithful to me and I'd be able to trust her.

Do yourself a favor and don't listen to your buddy, everybody is different and there isn't any archetypal pattern of behavior involved with being a 'party girl' or a stoner girl or whatever, other than the implied behavior associated with partying/getting stoned.

And while a low msg count could be indicative of her not being interested, it also depends on what she's doing with her life, if shes in a social setting inconducive to her texting you, well duh, she only has so much time to msg someone... Also keep in mind, that 10 high quality and meaningful text msgs mean a hell of a lot more than 100 low quality short pointless text messages about irrelevant things.

Isn't "friendzone" just meaning that the person you're into sexually sees you as a non-sexual friend what's so controversial about that kind of thinking? It does happen in life after all.

Daemonhammer wrote:
That insult was uncalled for.

Oh, it was definitely called for. And it wasn't aimed at you.

And if you wait too long before making a move, the other party might loose interest and will begin to view you as just a friend as opposed to a romantic interest.

No, this is completely wrong. If someone is really interested in you then they'll make a move even if you don't. If you wait "too long" and they're only interested in you as a friend it's because they've learned enough about you to know that they aren't interested romantically. If you had been faster they might have gone on a date or two because hey, why not give you a chance, but the "relationship" wouldn't have lasted very long before ending for the exact same reasons that they're "friendzoning" you. You're only going to miss out on a relationship with real potential if you wait too long to express interest AND you reject them when they express interest of their own.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Cheesecat wrote:
Isn't "friendzone" just meaning that the person you're into sexually sees you as a non-sexual friend what's so controversial about that kind of thinking? It does happen in life after all.

It's controversial because "friendzone" has a connotation of entitled bitterness, as if the person is somehow abusing you by only wanting to be friends.

Peregrine I must disagree with you here. Its something that must happen to you before you truly understand it.

Daemonhammer wrote:
Its something that must happen to you before you truly understand it.

No, I think the description of "friendzoning" is perfectly clear. The fact that I dislike the concept does not mean that I don't understand it.

 poppa G wrote:
And before you think she may be a slut due to her 'drug past'

Uh, what ? I am confused about how someone could use that reasoning.

 Peregrine wrote:
It's controversial because "friendzone" has a connotation of entitled bitterness, as if the person is somehow abusing you by only wanting to be friends.

If someone “only” wants to be my friend, I am usually grateful. Potentially sad they do not want to be in a romantic relationship, but still grateful for what I have.

 Peregrine wrote:

It's controversial because "friendzone" has a connotation of entitled bitterness, as if the person is somehow abusing you by only wanting to be friends.

That's probably true for a lot of people's perception and probably isn't healthy view either, but at the same time I feel having a relationship where one person wants the friendship to be sexual and one doesn't usually isn't going anywhere good anyways as one of them's needs aren't being

fulfilled so it's better split up than hold onto relationship where one person desires aren't really be satisfied, that to me is "friendzoning" (not that I really use the term).

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 poppa G wrote:
And before you think she may be a slut due to her 'drug past'

Uh, what ? I am confused about how someone could use that reasoning.

Yeah, I thought that was odd. Most of the women I know are smart, confident and have class... They all do/have done drugs, pretty much. That could just be the sector I work in, mind.

Also, enjoying sex doesn't make a woman a 'slut'.

 poppa G wrote:
If someone likes you would they really only send an average of 10 texts a day? I'm used to girls that send 100+ texts to me.

During my single days, if a romantic interest had sent me 100+ texts every day, I would have dumped them *quickly* and gotten a new number. Yikes. Obviously it must be an age thing.

I don't always get 10 texts a day from my fiance.

Yeah, a few years ago I thought getting that many texts a day were awesome, I liked the attention. Now? She prolly be psycho...

chaos0xomega wrote:
Yeah, a few years ago I thought getting that many texts a day were awesome, I liked the attention. Now? She prolly be psycho...

Well...most of them did turn out to be crazy..

So we've been at the friends with benefit stage for a bit now. We went longboarding today. I told her I liked her. She likes me back. Next step in relationship.
Give me a week, guys. I got this.
Goodness that feels good to know that.

So, I met a girl this sunday where I least expected it : in an esport bar. I got her number, and judging by the texts she sent me afterward, she wants to see me again too. We will meet again at the same esport bar next Saturday, and I am wondering if I should invite her to join me and some friends when we will go watch some movie before Saturday. The only thing that worries me a bit is that she is quite younger than me : she is 19, I am 27. Actually, we were both surprised to discover there was such an age gap. Then again, she was there with her ex (and her ex new girlfriend), so she has already more experience than me .
Actually, even if when do not end up in a romantic relationship, it seems she may be pretty open-minded when it comes to movies, so maybe next time I want to see some crazy/weird movie like Wrong Cops, I will have an easier time finding someone enthusiastic about it to see it with!

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
Actually, even if when do not end up in a romantic relationship, it seems she may be pretty open-minded when it comes to movies, so maybe next time I want to see some crazy/weird movie like Wrong Cops, I will have an easier time finding someone enthusiastic about it to see it with!

This is the right way to look at it. The best way to find someone to date is to meet people in general, and that has obvious other benefits in your life.

You just met, the right way to look at it is to not look at it until it becomes a possibility

Also, whats an esport bar?

 Polonius wrote:
I don't always get 10 texts a day from my fiance.

I think it's different with kids now. During Easter I had my sister and her kids over, and the one literally had his phone in his hand the entire time he was over, eating with the other hand. I opened my mouth to say something and got a "pick your battles" look from my sister.

I didn't own a cellphone until 2006 or so; so it's pretty alien to me. I imagine I get less than 20 texts a month and a good percentage of them are automated from my PC or Amazon telling me my latest box of unneeded gak is waiting on the porch for me to clutter my hovel with. When my wife needs me, she just calls me.



Automatically Appended Next Post:

chaos0xomega wrote:
Also, whats an esport bar?

If the answer is anything other than "a sports bar frequented by prostitutes"; I'm going to be disappointed. Probably a typo rather than a clever portmanteau.

chaos0xomega wrote:
Also, whats an esport bar?

Oh. I would have explained somewhere else, but I thought it was not necessary here. Esport, for electronic sport or something, is competitive video gaming. With professional players and all that. The homeland of esport is South Korea where it is about as big as soccer, but it is slowing becoming more popular elsewhere. Dakka, I thought you were geekier than that .
That is why I was totally not expecting to meet a girl there . Though I am not sure I would have found more girls in a sport bar. Actually, there was much more girls than where I teach computer engineering .

 Ouze wrote:
If the answer is anything other than "a sports bar frequented by prostitutes"; I'm going to be disappointed.

Sorry for the disappointment.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
Also, whats an esport bar?

Oh. I would have explained somewhere else, but I thought it was not necessary here. Esport, for electronic sport or something, is competitive video gaming. With professional players and all that. The homeland of esport is South Korea where it is about as big as soccer, but it is slowing becoming more popular elsewhere. Dakka, I thought you were geekier than that .
That is why I was totally not expecting to meet a girl there . Though I am not sure I would have found more girls in a sport bar. Actually, there was much more girls than where I teach computer engineering .

Huh, thats exactly what I was hoping you would say it was, had no idea that was a thing... i wonder if there are any nearby and/or there is any money in it... need to find a way to draw the ladies in though... chicks dig geeky dudes right?

chaos0xomega wrote:
chicks dig geeky dudes right?

Depends which one. I feel it is safe to say most do not, though.

I think it's almost entirely a SE Asia phenomenon, centered around South Korea (though probably Japan are getting more involved too).

There might be a couple of similar things in California. I doubt you'll even find one in London.

Glasgow couldn't even manage a LAN party place without it shutting down incredibly quickly.

 Compel wrote:
I think it's almost entirely a SE Asia phenomenon, centered around South Korea (though probably Japan are getting more involved too).

Well, it is becoming more popular in France. Hence the bar in Paris.
It is not in any way as big as in Korea, but it is getting bigger. Also, that is quite recent. It may have changed a bit since the last time you checked. Also, there is one esport bar in London : http://www.bit-tech.net/news/gaming/2013/05/15/esports-bar-opening-in-london/1 .

Yeah, it has been a couple of years since I looked into it.

Amazingly, that London one does look like it's nearly been open a year now!