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 daedalus wrote:
I wouldn't expect to you, nor am I telling you to. trex's comment just reminded me of an anecdote relevant to bronyism and dating.

Like I've been saying from the beginning. You're your own person, living your own life. All I can do is speak from my own personal experiences as objectively as I can manage.

And thank you for being helpful. Like I said, Im just tired of being scared of things like this. I want to try. and im going to tommorow.
Sigh......Why do I do this to myself? Why am I so scared of all of this.
I doupt I wouldnt be scared if we didnt work together that much, but In the end, what is the worse thing that could happen? She says no and a few awkward hours for like 3 days?

hotsauce, just go for it, but remember no means no, and don't lay it on too thick (no pun intended), yknow? Less potential for awkwardness in the future.

All im thinking is this "Would you be interested in getting coffee or maybe go to a movie sometime?" I know it sounds cheesy, but not desperate

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
All im thinking is this "Would you be interested in getting coffee or maybe go to a movie sometime?" I know it sounds cheesy, but not desperate

Do you have any idea the kind of stuff she likes? Going to see a movie is a pretty weak first date.

 Barksdale wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
All im thinking is this "Would you be interested in getting coffee or maybe go to a movie sometime?" I know it sounds cheesy, but not desperate

Do you have any idea the kind of stuff she likes? Going to see a movie is a pretty weak first date.

drink and party is what I know she love to do.

 Barksdale wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
All im thinking is this "Would you be interested in getting coffee or maybe go to a movie sometime?" I know it sounds cheesy, but not desperate

Do you have any idea the kind of stuff she likes? Going to see a movie is a pretty weak first date.

You could try asking.

 Ashiraya wrote:

 Barksdale wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
All im thinking is this "Would you be interested in getting coffee or maybe go to a movie sometime?" I know it sounds cheesy, but not desperate

Do you have any idea the kind of stuff she likes? Going to see a movie is a pretty weak first date.

You could try asking.

Maybe just try "Hang out and do something?"

I think your original idea was fine. Coffee/drinks sounds good. Any kind of setting that gives you a chance to talk is a good one.

Maybe save a film for another time.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

 Ashiraya wrote:

 Barksdale wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
All im thinking is this "Would you be interested in getting coffee or maybe go to a movie sometime?" I know it sounds cheesy, but not desperate

Do you have any idea the kind of stuff she likes? Going to see a movie is a pretty weak first date.

You could try asking.

Maybe just try "Hang out and do something?"

Swing and a miss.

...sorry dude. Women do not want to "Hang out and do something."

Is she into any particular type of movies? Maybe you can better target that. She likes drinking and partying? Maybe you could suggest a brewery tour or something. You guys have to have breweries in Cali, right? Target the activity to the interests of the audience, man.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Medium of Death wrote:
I think your original idea was fine. Coffee/drinks sounds good. Any kind of setting that gives you a chance to talk is a good one.

Maybe save a film for another time.

This, also. Even lunch at a place she'd like would be a pretty safe bet.

Ok, how about "Would you like to get lunch sometime? Or Maybe some coffee?"

Seems pretty solid, but don't try to write a script.

Ofcourse, but I have to think of something coherant or else I would end up babbling like I know I would

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Ofcourse, but I have to think of something coherant or else I would end up babbling like I know I would

Think of an opening line so that you get through the whole sentence without fumbling it because you're so nervous you can't think clearly. Just don't try to write a script for the whole thing, you're having a conversation, not reading a prepared speech.

See, I think the movie thing isn't a horrible idea. It's generally considered a no-no for a first date with a girl you've never really spoken to, but hotsauce works with this girl, so I'm guessing they've done the whole 'get-to-know-you' thing already. Asking her out for a movie is something a friend would do, so you shouldn't feel too nervous asking her in that sort of context, as opposed to something that is unambiguously a date. Pick a movie you want to go and see, that you think she'd like and just go 'Oh hey, I hear [insert movie] is pretty sweet - wanna go? All my friends have seen it already.' If she says yeah, then great, you got her out. At least you know she likes you as a person to spend a bit of time with and doesn't think you're some weirdo who's gonna murder her, plus it'll be a nice little confidence boost that you got her to meet you outside of work, something to build on. You'll go, watch the film, have a nice time, then afterwards say something like 'Hey this was nice! wanna grab a drink some time?'

If she says no to the movie? Well, feth it, if she won't go out as friend, she definitely wouldn't have gone out on a date and you haven't mugged yourself off by asking for one upfront. With your confidence issues, the Trojan Horse is definitely the way to go, I reckon. Yes it's devious, but if it's a straight choice between 'being a bit sneaky to get what you want' and 'hashtagforeveralone', for me it's not even a decision. That's Game. Game is fundamentally dishonest. I don't meet women and go 'hey, fancy going out for a drink then back to mine so you can sit on my face?'

I finesse it.

I don't meet women and go 'hey, fancy going out for a drink then back to mine so you can sit on my face?'

I'm shocked and disappointed.

I also need to change tack...

 Medium of Death wrote:

 Albatross wrote:

 trexmeyer wrote:
He's admitted that he is over 300 pounds Peregrine. Unless he is the most charming and intelligent guy in a ten mile radius he isn't going to hook up with a hot girl.

'A cat can look at a king.' Plus, he has the advantage of actually knowing the girl. If it was a cold approach, I'd be inclined to agree with you, but presumably this girl has gotten to know him a little bit, which would help. Personality does go a long way. I'm not exactly a skinny dude (in fact I don't weigh that much less than hotsauceman, though I am quite tall) but I'd wager that I get more chicks than anyone here, quite comfortably.

This is some crossover from the "fat Americans" thread. It really depends on how you carry that weight. It doesn't matter terribly if your tall or built but weigh more. It'll probably look proportionally fine. Which I'm sure it does on yourself, you stallion you. It's when you're fairly short and fat or just morbidly obese that it becomes an instant visual problem.

Yeah, I'm inclined to agree with you, though that problem is not insurmountable, and thinking that way certainly doesn't make a person 'delusional'. Calling a person with weight issues 'delusional' for thinking they might have a shot with a girl they fancy definitely does make you a bit of a knobhead though. I don't mean you, just, y'know, putting it out there.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Avatar 720 wrote:

I don't meet women and go 'hey, fancy going out for a drink then back to mine so you can sit on my face?'

I'm shocked and disappointed.

I also need to change my pants...

Fixed.

 Avatar 720 wrote:

I don't meet women and go 'hey, fancy going out for a drink then back to mine so you can sit on my face?'

I'm shocked and disappointed.

I also need to change tack...

I'm confused, because normally I do that, and if they come back, and then it feels like a horse eating grain from my hand, but on my face, then I know they're interested.

 Albatross wrote:
See, I think the movie thing isn't a horrible idea. It's generally considered a no-no for a first date with a girl you've never really spoken to, but hotsauce works with this girl, so I'm guessing they've done the whole 'get-to-know-you' thing already. Asking her out for a movie is something a friend would do, so you shouldn't feel too nervous asking her in that sort of context, as opposed to something that is unambiguously a date. Pick a movie you want to go and see, that you think she'd like and just go 'Oh hey, I hear [insert movie] is pretty sweet - wanna go? All my friends have seen it already.' If she says yeah, then great, you got her out. At least you know she likes you as a person to spend a bit of time with and doesn't think you're some weirdo who's gonna murder her, plus it'll be a nice little confidence boost that you got her to meet you outside of work, something to build on. You'll go, watch the film, have a nice time, then afterwards say something like 'Hey this was nice! wanna grab a drink some time?'


I finesse it.

Fair point, but I still have to think that this is an intelligent women. She would know what im trying to do either way.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

 Albatross wrote:
See, I think the movie thing isn't a horrible idea. It's generally considered a no-no for a first date with a girl you've never really spoken to, but hotsauce works with this girl, so I'm guessing they've done the whole 'get-to-know-you' thing already. Asking her out for a movie is something a friend would do, so you shouldn't feel too nervous asking her in that sort of context, as opposed to something that is unambiguously a date. Pick a movie you want to go and see, that you think she'd like and just go 'Oh hey, I hear [insert movie] is pretty sweet - wanna go? All my friends have seen it already.' If she says yeah, then great, you got her out. At least you know she likes you as a person to spend a bit of time with and doesn't think you're some weirdo who's gonna murder her, plus it'll be a nice little confidence boost that you got her to meet you outside of work, something to build on. You'll go, watch the film, have a nice time, then afterwards say something like 'Hey this was nice! wanna grab a drink some time?'


I finesse it.

Fair point, but I still have to think that this is an intelligent women. She would know what im trying to do either way.

For feth's sake, stop trying to predict the fething future, fething go out there and fething ask her if she'd like to see a fething film. Obviously sans the 'fething'. You cannot possibly predict what she will or will not know. You're not a fething mind-reader, so the only way you will possibly know is by asking. So stop coming back to us, and start going over to her.

I am going to do it. Tommorow I will.

I think the entire thread can be summed up with a single picture:



Seriously...try swinging the bat on the girl you want to date. If it doesn't go through then swing again at a more realistic pitch next time. It's not about how many times you swing the bat, but rather about how many times you hit the ball.

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:
I think the entire thread can be summed up with a single picture:

After a really gakky day, I needed that, I laughed so hard.

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:

Seriously...try swinging the bat on the girl you want to date.

Literally no one should swing any bats at any girls they wish to date, at any time. That can never wind up with a consensual situation.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

 Albatross wrote:
See, I think the movie thing isn't a horrible idea. It's generally considered a no-no for a first date with a girl you've never really spoken to, but hotsauce works with this girl, so I'm guessing they've done the whole 'get-to-know-you' thing already. Asking her out for a movie is something a friend would do, so you shouldn't feel too nervous asking her in that sort of context, as opposed to something that is unambiguously a date. Pick a movie you want to go and see, that you think she'd like and just go 'Oh hey, I hear [insert movie] is pretty sweet - wanna go? All my friends have seen it already.' If she says yeah, then great, you got her out. At least you know she likes you as a person to spend a bit of time with and doesn't think you're some weirdo who's gonna murder her, plus it'll be a nice little confidence boost that you got her to meet you outside of work, something to build on. You'll go, watch the film, have a nice time, then afterwards say something like 'Hey this was nice! wanna grab a drink some time?'


I finesse it.

Fair point, but I still have to think that this is an intelligent women. She would know what im trying to do either way.

So? It doesn't matter what she thinks you're trying to do, it's the look of the thing that's the point.

I'm a fething ninja at this stuff mate, you can't talk your way out of it with me!


Also, Nuggz is basically right. She's just a girl. Chill. Have fun with it.

What i need to keep saying to myself is "It really isnt going to be as bad as you are imagining it, you are trying just play it safe and you need to stop that"

I leave for 18 months, 18 months, and you degrade into talking about how to get women.

A tip from me on how to get women: Don't be gay. Other than that, you'll all do fine.

It's good to be back.

What ever happened to Canaris? Wasnt he a bit of a womanizer?

chaos0xomega wrote:
What ever happened to Canaris? Wasnt he a bit of a womanizer?

He was a bisexual who was a lot of fun.

 Albatross wrote:
See, I think the movie thing isn't a horrible idea. It's generally considered a no-no for a first date with a girl you've never really spoken to, but hotsauce works with this girl, so I'm guessing they've done the whole 'get-to-know-you' thing already. Asking her out for a movie is something a friend would do, so you shouldn't feel too nervous asking her in that sort of context, as opposed to something that is unambiguously a date. Pick a movie you want to go and see, that you think she'd like and just go 'Oh hey, I hear [insert movie] is pretty sweet - wanna go? All my friends have seen it already.' If she says yeah, then great, you got her out. At least you know she likes you as a person to spend a bit of time with and doesn't think you're some weirdo who's gonna murder her, plus it'll be a nice little confidence boost that you got her to meet you outside of work, something to build on. You'll go, watch the film, have a nice time, then afterwards say something like 'Hey this was nice! wanna grab a drink some time?'

If she says no to the movie? Well, feth it, if she won't go out as friend, she definitely wouldn't have gone out on a date and you haven't mugged yourself off by asking for one upfront. With your confidence issues, the Trojan Horse is definitely the way to go, I reckon. Yes it's devious, but if it's a straight choice between 'being a bit sneaky to get what you want' and 'hashtagforeveralone', for me it's not even a decision. That's Game. Game is fundamentally dishonest. I don't meet women and go 'hey, fancy going out for a drink then back to mine so you can sit on my face?'

I finesse it.

I have to disagree. If you like her, I think you should tell her that you like her and ask her for a drink and make it obvious that it's a date...You don't want to just be her friend, you want to be her boyfriend. Send the right messages from the start. She'll not be wondering what's what and you'll have a good base point to work from.
Also if she says no to the date, then you have your answer, rather than ending up in friend limbo for ages till she ends up with some aggressive alpha douche-nozzle.
My 2 cents.

Im married now, but back when i was single i HATED it when I found out good guy friends of mine had started out wanting to date me and i never knew.

reason one, because if we have been good friends for a while it makes me second guess the friendship- i think, "oh i thought we were really close...and all those friendship moments we shared were fake because you were just trying to get with me!? why weren't you just upfront to start with?"

reason two, because maybe i would have liked them back but now it is awkward and i just see them as a friend and so we'll never find out what could have happened. And if i didn't like them that way, we could have just gotten that out of the way and went on to be just friends.