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I think I finally found a mutual attraction-Originally asked her to school dance, she was going with friends, but during an NHS assembly she sat by me and gave a few... non friendly looks.

How do I proceed from here?

 Easy E wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
So, obviously no from her. But I'm not giving up hope. Talk to my roommate. He said a lot of girls now me and think I'm a nice guy in the building

Next time you ask someone else, make sure you don't treat it as a thing. Last time, you Emailed and waited for a response. I don't recommend that.

1. Do it face-to-face.
2. Make it almost a casual toss-off remark.
3. Don;t make it a yes-or-no situation

So, somethign like this. You are both sitting there palying video games so you say....

"You just shot me in the face! I guess you will have to make it up to me over lunch this Friday at XXX place!"

Look at her as you say it. Just a thought.

I guess email was stupid. It just I couldn't find her and my friend told me too try to do it.
Sometimes I wonder if all this advice is just conflicting and making me over think it

So, I'm posting because I'm bored and not sure what to do with myself, and maybe just need a vent. My life has been hell (exaggeration, ive been through worse, but its starting to take its toll on me and im beginning to stress) the past few weeks for a variety of reasons, romantic ones included. Since thats the focus of this thread, I'll detail some of my recent misadventures:

New York Comic Con was a bitch. Nothing like spending gak tons of time surrounded by incredibly hot nerdy chicks in skimpy costumes that I will never, ever sleep with. Besides my own personal issues, I'm very much a member of the female friendly environment crowd, I believe they have a right to go about their business without me drooling all over them, so I just generally don't bother in those situations... and yet, apparently opportunities kept coming up. At first it started out innocently enough I suppose... little things like the overly friendly girls promoting a new comic or whatever, things that I didn't really take as flirting so much as attempted salesmanship. Over the day these things kept building up and stacking on top of one another, until two separate events at the end of the night made me think that perhaps I had completely missed a dozen or so potential opportunities.

The first such incident occurred at the end of the evening, I was waiting in the Javitz Center lobby to meet up with my friends so we could head on home. I was standing off to the side of one of the exits just checking out costumes, etc. when a cute redhead (who I am pretty sure was dressed as black widow from the latest captain america movie, specifically the incognito outfit she was wearing in the mall scene where she kisses Steve to avoid the SHIELD agents) comes over and stops like 5 feet in front of me facing perpendicular to my direction. In other words, if I was standing facing the north, she would have been facing east. I check her out (oh, she was FINE) but I try not being a creeper by staring so I'm looking around checking out costumes, looking at my phone, etc. doing anything I can to not look at her. Eventually she sits down in front of me in the same spot, facing the same direction, I keep going about my business. At one point I look over at her and I realize that shes staring right in my general direction, if not directly at me. Her head is still facing "east", but she was very clearly and obviously looking out of the corner of her eye. I assume theres some dude standing by me with a cool costume or whatever and go about my business. I start to get it in my head that maybe, just maybe, she was checking me out, so I decide I'm going to ask her about her 'costume' (if that is in fact what it was) except just as I decide to do this a friend of hers comes by and sits down with her and they start talking. *shrug* oh well I say, and go back to my business. At some point her friend gets up and leaves, and around that time I get a text from my own friends telling me to meet them on the corner. So, I text back, and start to move. As I look up from my phone I see that she has now turned towards my direction and she is saying something/talking to someone. I turn and start walking away thinking to myself "I wonder who she was talking to?" and then I realized that right behind me was a concrete column easily 10-12 ft in diameter and there was literally nobody standing at all near me, forcing me to the inescapable conclusion that she was, in fact, looking at, and attempting to speak to me. Of course, in my head I'm like "Maybe I should turn around? NOPE, already committed, just going to walk away as though nothing happened."

Now, this on its own wouldn't be that bad, and maybe even forgivable if not for what happened next. After getting off the Ferry on my side of the Hudson, my friends and I proceeded to the parking garage. While waiting in the lobby to parking fee, I see this beautiful blonde girl come in with some of her friends. I take some glances at her, and to my surprise, catch her glancing back at me a few times. At one point I moved so that I would be out of her field of view while still being able to check her out (she was that gorgeous that I couldn't keep my eyes off her), and to my surprise shortly thereafter she also changed her position so that she could check me out. As luck would have hit, her group and my group paid off our fees at the same time and we ended up in the same elevator.

Now, the elevator was one of those two door affairs. Where you enter in one pair of doors, and exit by a separate doorway on the opposite side. Now, I was standing in front of the exit doorway, and when I get to my floor, I'm the first one out into the little lobby, and I walk over to the door to the garage and open it, turn around, and everybody else is still in the elevator staring at the door they came in. She had been standing almost next to me in the elevator, and I see her turn to where I had been, and then she realizes I'm not there and then turned around and said "OH! The door is back here" and then everyone started shuffling out. As she was walking towards me (remember, holding the door open), she gives me a good twice over with her eyes (yknow, the whole 'undressing' thing where they look you up and down), and was quite clearly impressed by the dashing figure I presented in my Doc Martens, perfectly fit jeans, and favorite NJ Devils hoodie judging by the smile that creeped over her face. As she walked past me, like literally a foot away from me she looked up at my eyes (gorgeous eyes), smiled wide and said, "Thats so sweet of you to hold the door for me, thank you!" My response? I smiled back and said "Hey, no problem." and as she walked away I thought to myself... "She was clearly into you, obviously flirting with you, she even SPOKE to you, and all you said was 'Hey, no problem!' You gotta be gaking me, you fething failure."

But wait, it gets better (worse). Y'see, my closest friend in the area recently moved away, so I've been filling the void by spending more time with some of my other friends. One of whom, is (was) the girlfriend of another friend of mine. It started out innocently enough, except her boyfriend kept bailing on us at the last minute for various reasons (well within his control I might add). I was okay with it at first, in the sense that I am not at all attracted to her in any way, shape, or form and just regarded her as one of the bros (she plays warmachine with us), but was uncomfortable with it in the sense that she was dating a friend of mine and I wasnt comfortable with the message that might send. It was cool at first, but then she started flirting with me. I went to another friend with my concerns about it and he was of the opinion that it was all in my head and I should just stop worrying. Well this went on a couple weeks, then last friday we met up to watch the devils game over a few beers at a local bar. At this point I found out that she was freshly single, her and my friend had come to a mutual agreement that it wasn't working out and ended it. Now, at this point Im SUPER uncomfortable, especially since once again its just the two of us, I having utterly failed at convincing anyone else I know to come out with me to prevent that from occurring. But, I'm like, whatever, we're just friends... except she attempted a pass at me. It started with little things like her brushing my leg and stuff, but it escalated quickly. At one point she said to me "Between you and me, my sex life has been nonexistant for months now, I'm pretty much ready to go with the first guy that offers." I was like "Wooooaah, slow down there, you just got out of a long term relationship, maybe take a few weeks before you jump into bed and do something you might regret." to which she agreed. Realizing what was happening I changed subjects FAST and started talking about how I wish I could get the hostesses number (she pretty much checked off all the boxes on my 'list of things I look for in a girl'), as well as discussing the monster crush I have on a mutual friend of ours who I've made various attempts at but have been completely unsuccessful with due to circumstance more than anything else. Later on in the evening some friends of mine come by and hang out with us for a bit and she suggests (as a last attempt) that maybe the two of us should go chill out with some other friends at her place, to which I politely decline on the basis that I'm too drunk to drive. She decides to head on out, we say our goodbyes and I was super grateful to dodge that bullet. Except she started texting me later, as well as the day after, and made another pass there. Somehow we got on the subject of my looks, I was like "Eh, I'd give myself maybe a 6 or a 7, I know I'm 'cute' but I'm reasonably sure I'm not 'sexy'. Like I'm attractive, but not in the way girls go crazy over." Her response was to say, "Oh oh oh, you don't know you're beautiful. Like seriously, you're kind of a hottie, solid 8.5, can't believe you haven't realized." I played it off and said, its all subjective anyway, and since then I've been kind of avoiding her though she still posts flirty comments on facebook.

Speaking of which, that hostess? Unfortunately I havent seen her there before, or since, none of my friends (who are regulars) had seen her either. Its like she doesn't even exist. :C

Oh, and that girl I have a crush on? Yeah, so I decided I would try one last time at the Halloween party we were at yesterday. Total failure, at some point I think I realized I wasn't even really attracted to her anymore and kinda just gave up. Also pretty sure she actually might kinda sorta hate me. Not really sure, dunno, just generally pissed about stuff.

I suppose none of this is really all that bad singularly or even taken as a whole, but given the shambles the rest of my life is presently in, it seems like a pretty big slap in the face as to how I'm generally failing at life.

I think there was a discussion a few pages back about how the whole, "generally completely failing at noticing hints" thing is a common occurrence.

I don't know if we came to a conclusion about it though, except for 'practice makes perfect' and try to take a note so you figure it out quicker the next time.

Genuinely don't know what to do about the ComicCon situation. It does seem like a hard thing to figure out, especially if you're like me and not great at the whole understanding general emotional subtlety thing. It does seem like quite a minefield now as it's well documented that there are quite a number of horrible people going to comicon and I imagine that quite a lot of women are (quite correctly, sadly) going to feel on the defensive. So, aside from the 'already commited' part, everything you did there was fine... I think. I would recommend have gone with 'oh my gosh, sorry, thought you were talking to someone else, I'm ChaosXOmega, nice to meet you.' But hey, hindsight is 20/20.

As for your war machine gaming friend, it's right (I think) for you not to get involved with her. It feels kind of like a disaster waiting to happen.

However, I'm not going to be entirely negative this post, because I am going to point something out. That whole 'sexy' conversation. I think you need to keep a hold of that in your brain. The next time a situation comes up with another girl in a different place, I think you should mentally like, bring forward that conversation and, it should, I hope, put you in a good frame of mind to engage with her more and help you avoid yourself becoming your 'own worst enemy.'

But then, what do I know? :p

Been told by some girls that they find my face scary

how the feth am i meant to deal with this?

I am not a bad person at all, hell im quite well known as an honorable, honest and kind bloke always helping out.

Yet girls still fething find me disgusting and ugly

I feel at this point in my life that it's just not even worth it anymore

Girls are absolutely terrible and frankly i dont want anything to do with them anymore

im tired of being treated like a piece of fething trash

even the local drug fethed spankers have more success than i do

Go gay I guess...

I've got to admit, that reads a bit... Well, serial killer-ey to me...
Remember, we're talking about 55% of the human population here, so best not lump everyone together, eh?

post a pic and we can see what youre doin wrong?

 Compel wrote:
I think there was a discussion a few pages back about how the whole, "generally completely failing at noticing hints" thing is a common occurrence.

I don't know if we came to a conclusion about it though, except for 'practice makes perfect' and try to take a note so you figure it out quicker the next time.

Genuinely don't know what to do about the ComicCon situation. It does seem like a hard thing to figure out, especially if you're like me and not great at the whole understanding general emotional subtlety thing. It does seem like quite a minefield now as it's well documented that there are quite a number of horrible people going to comicon and I imagine that quite a lot of women are (quite correctly, sadly) going to feel on the defensive. So, aside from the 'already commited' part, everything you did there was fine... I think. I would recommend have gone with 'oh my gosh, sorry, thought you were talking to someone else, I'm ChaosXOmega, nice to meet you.' But hey, hindsight is 20/20.

As for your war machine gaming friend, it's right (I think) for you not to get involved with her. It feels kind of like a disaster waiting to happen.

However, I'm not going to be entirely negative this post, because I am going to point something out. That whole 'sexy' conversation. I think you need to keep a hold of that in your brain. The next time a situation comes up with another girl in a different place, I think you should mentally like, bring forward that conversation and, it should, I hope, put you in a good frame of mind to engage with her more and help you avoid yourself becoming your 'own worst enemy.'

But then, what do I know? :p

Its beyond a potential disaster lol, not happening, nope, never ever never. I also cant help but feel that whole situation is terribly unfair to me too.

As for everything else, maybe, maybe Im a stud... maybe... yet casanova just cant seem to turn the charm on when he wants to make somethin happen.

 Compel wrote:
I think there was a discussion a few pages back about how the whole, "generally completely failing at noticing hints" thing is a common occurrence.

I don't know if we came to a conclusion about it though, except for 'practice makes perfect' and try to take a note so you figure it out quicker the next time.

Now see, I have the opposite problem I see everything as a hint. Like Halloween. This girl I talked to twice, ran up and gave me a hug, did only what i could describe as nuzzling my chest, and said "Im so happy to see you"
Is that a hint or just a drunk freshmen? Im not sure.

take it as a hunt, but it might be a drunk freshman, only one way to figure it out.

chaos0xomega wrote:
take it as a hunt, but it might be a drunk freshman, only one way to figure it out.

And that is?

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
take it as a hunt, but it might be a drunk freshman, only one way to figure it out.

And that is?

Why, the same thing we do every night Pinky! Try to take over the world!

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
take it as a hunt, but it might be a drunk freshman, only one way to figure it out.

And that is?

There is only one way to "figure it out". You have to ask them to do something with just the two of you. Not a party or group thing.

What Easy said.

Don't sweat it. Be yourself and do your thing.

If you feel like you NEED a relationship, then that drives potential matches away.

Go to Social Events that interest you( cons, local concerts, fun runs, whatever) and have fun. If you meet someone that catches your eye, ask them. But don't go hunting.

If that's just not your style, internet dating works too. There are people who are just too busy to go to these events, but still want to meet new people and try something new.

Check out dating sites tho and see what I'm talking about. You'll find some people( both male and Female) that just throw up a profile and are doing their own thing otherwise.

And then you'll see the super intense "I NEED A RELATIONSHIP TO VALIDATE MY EXISTENCE" people, once again of both genders. You'll know what I mean when you see it, because you'll read their little profile thing and it'll just make you not want to ever be around this person.

Here's another Lesson I learned the hard way: Once you get in a relationship, don't lose yourself in this relationship. Don't change everything about yourself to keep them happy. You're their partner, not their slave.

 Iur_tae_mont wrote:

If you feel like you NEED a relationship, then that drives potential matches away.

Go to Social Events that interest you( cons, local concerts, fun runs, whatever) and have fun. If you meet someone that catches your eye, ask them. But don't go hunting.

QFT....

 mitch_rifle wrote:
Been told by some girls that they find my face scary

Well now I'm curious...

Maybe they meant SCARRY, with two R's, as in scars... chicks dig scars...

I have been told I have a creeper vibe to me by one girl

Well, you should probably stop following her around campus then.

This was a friend....

chaos0xomega wrote:
At one point she said to me "Between you and me, my sex life has been nonexistant for months now, I'm pretty much ready to go with the first guy that offers." I was like "Wooooaah, slow down there, you just got out of a long term relationship, maybe take a few weeks before you jump into bed and do something you might regret." to which she agreed. Realizing what was happening I changed subjects FAST and started talking about how I wish I could get the hostesses number (she pretty much checked off all the boxes on my 'list of things I look for in a girl'), as well as discussing the monster crush I have on a mutual friend of ours who I've made various attempts at but have been completely unsuccessful with due to circumstance more than anything else. Later on in the evening some friends of mine come by and hang out with us for a bit and she suggests (as a last attempt) that maybe the two of us should go chill out with some other friends at her place, to which I politely decline on the basis that I'm too drunk to drive. She decides to head on out, we say our goodbyes and I was super grateful to dodge that bullet. Except she started texting me later, as well as the day after, and made another pass there. Somehow we got on the subject of my looks, I was like "Eh, I'd give myself maybe a 6 or a 7, I know I'm 'cute' but I'm reasonably sure I'm not 'sexy'. Like I'm attractive, but not in the way girls go crazy over." Her response was to say, "Oh oh oh, you don't know you're beautiful. Like seriously, you're kind of a hottie, solid 8.5, can't believe you haven't realized." I played it off and said, its all subjective anyway, and since then I've been kind of avoiding her though she still posts flirty comments on facebook.

Why is this girl objectionable? For gods sake she's almost beating you over the head with a sign reading "feth me"" ...then again i've pulled stupid crap like that myself before.

Never mention your favourite movie is Caligula.

 Bullockist wrote:
Why is this girl objectionable? For gods sake she's almost beating you over the head with a sign reading "feth me"" ...then again i've pulled stupid crap like that myself before.

1) He's not attracted to her.

2) She's a friend's ex.

And he knows she's giving clear signs, he's deliberately rejecting them and trying to direct the conversation elsewhere because he isn't interested.

What Peregrine says. I'm simply not at all attracted to her, I see her as a 'bro' and nothing more or less than that. She's effectively a dude in my book. Part of it might be that she's a heavier girl... but I'd have jumped in the sack with her best friend 5 minutes ago and she's even heavier, so I don't know that thats it either lol.

You Friend Zoned her! LOL!

OMG... I so did... haha

While I normally despise the "pick-up" crowd, they do have one really, really good piece of advice. Get yourself out there, and ask a hundred girls out. Ignoring the fact that some will say yes, some will say no, and some will run away shrieking, you will develop confidence in the act, and that is REALLY important. Get rejected. Get rejected a lot. Get used to it. When you notic that you no longer hesitate, you're where you want to be.

At the same time, work on your smile. This one held me back forever! When my face is at rest, I look like really angry. I'm not. Smile more. Smile before you talk. Smile before you introduce yourself. Smile when you pass by in the hallway. Smile when you walk into a room. And make it just a friendly smile, not a "hi, I'd like to wear your ass as a hat" smile. Warm, friendly smiles are disarming to most people.

After that, work on some fairly neutral, honest, nice, meet-and-greet kinds of things, and try them out. "Hello, I hope I'm not interrupting. I saw you walk in, I thought you were pretty, and I wanted to introduce myself." Extend hand, "My name is soandso." See what happens. If she is with a group of friends, or seems busy, remove pressure by handing her your card (a napkin, whatever) with your number or email address, and saying, "I'd welcome the opportunity to get to know you a bit. Maybe we could coffee sometime?" Unless you get an outright no, tell her that you hope she calls, and be on your way.

Lastly, avoid the pitfall of putting a woman, any woman, on a pedestal. Ever. Nothing good comes from this. Ever.

Filthy Sanchez wrote:
After that, work on some fairly neutral, honest, nice, meet-and-greet kinds of things, and try them out. "Hello, I hope I'm not interrupting. I saw you walk in, I thought you were pretty, and I wanted to introduce myself." Extend hand, "My name is soandso." See what happens. If she is with a group of friends, or seems busy, remove pressure by handing her your card (a napkin, whatever) with your number or email address, and saying, "I'd welcome the opportunity to get to know you a bit. Maybe we could coffee sometime?" Unless you get an outright no, tell her that you hope she calls, and be on your way.

Does anyone ever have any luck with this? I mean, you know absolutely nothing about the person other than they're female and (presumably) alive, so where's the common ground for a date? Are you just hoping that after repeating the same approach with enough women you'll finally find someone both desperate enough to go on a date with a completely random stranger and compatible enough with you that the date isn't a waste of time? I really don't understand how this is supposed to accomplish anything besides getting a lot of awkward rejections and possibly a reputation for being incredibly desperate.

 Peregrine wrote:

Filthy Sanchez wrote:
After that, work on some fairly neutral, honest, nice, meet-and-greet kinds of things, and try them out. "Hello, I hope I'm not interrupting. I saw you walk in, I thought you were pretty, and I wanted to introduce myself." Extend hand, "My name is soandso." See what happens. If she is with a group of friends, or seems busy, remove pressure by handing her your card (a napkin, whatever) with your number or email address, and saying, "I'd welcome the opportunity to get to know you a bit. Maybe we could coffee sometime?" Unless you get an outright no, tell her that you hope she calls, and be on your way.

Does anyone ever have any luck with this? I mean, you know absolutely nothing about the person other than they're female and (presumably) alive, so where's the common ground for a date? Are you just hoping that after repeating the same approach with enough women you'll finally find someone both desperate enough to go on a date with a completely random stranger and compatible enough with you that the date isn't a waste of time? I really don't understand how this is supposed to accomplish anything besides getting a lot of awkward rejections and possibly a reputation for being incredibly desperate.

Yeah....I think a connection needs to be made to do anything really