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So I have been playing Warhammer 40k for a while, playing games, painting or just enjoying collecting them. Recently I sold of some models and used the money to buy more models. I recently expanded into WHFB and have enjoyed this hobby. My family, namely my mom and dad constantly make comments when they visit about how I need to grow up and stop spending money on stupid gak etc. Each time they do this I always overthink things and ask myself if I even want to play the game anymore. I just don't know what to do anymore and its just giving me a headache trying to figure out how to deal with it...

Anyone have any ideas how to deal with this or have dealt with this before?

Are you living on your own and managing your other responsibilities with your own funds?

If yes, then tell them that it is your life and show them the door.

If you enjoy the game, then keep playing. You earn the money for it, you own the time you choose to put into it, it's your call invtrhe end.

Perhaps your parents would rather you go out every friday night and get wasted at a bar and do a bunch of drugs? Certainly parents of all people should understand you could be doing far worse them playing with toy soldiers?

Does your hobby interfere with your "real" life? Are you not going to school/work because there is a good game of 40K going on? Are you short on rent or groceries because you bought a Landraider instead? Are you giving hand jibbers for money so you can afford the latest issue of WD? If the answer to these questions is no then I don't see the problem. Your parents sound like jerks, to be honest. What you do with your time is frankly none of their business.

feeder wrote:
Does your hobby interfere with your "real" life? Are you not going to school/work because there is a good game of 40K going on? Are you short on rent or groceries because you bought a Landraider instead? Are you giving hand jibbers for money so you can afford the latest issue of WD? If the answer to these questions is no then I don't see the problem. Your parents sound like jerks, to be honest. What you do with your time is frankly none of their business.

This sums up my feelings on this matter

Thanks for the responses, I think I'm gonna just let them know where I stand, and if they don't like it they can leave...

Thank you

I recently came out of the closest, and my Father blames it on my Wargameing because I was spending to much time around men.

People get weird ideas. In the end just do what's best for you. As long as you aren't putting yourself in finically trouble with your wargameing or the such, then you are alright.

 Lockark wrote:
I recently came out of the closest, and my Father blames it on my Wargameing because I was spending to much time around men.

People get weird ideas. In the end just do what's best for you.

Congrats!

I can't stress the bolded, underlined enough. Truer words have never been typed.

We'll done Lockark. That takes courage.

 ironicsilence wrote:
Perhaps your parents would rather you go out every friday night and get wasted at a bar and do a bunch of drugs?

My parents gave me a hard time as well, until I pointed this out to them. They never quite accepted my hobbies... but they did quit hassling me about them.

My dad always told me my toy soldiers would never get me anywhere, and they were a waste of time. When I was subbing, I used Beastmen models (Minotaur, centaurs, satyrs, etc) to teach Greek mythology. Then I landed my work promotion because of the time, detail and effort I put into painting and sculpting (among other things, obviously). I pointed these out, and he promptly shut up. Find a way to incorporate them into real life, if possible, and they'll lose the ground they stand on.

You could always go over to their house and mock them for the things they enjoy.

Or, you know, explain that well adjusted adults all have hobbies.

 Lockark wrote:
I recently came out of the closest, and my Father blames it on my Wargameing because I was spending to much time around men.

People get weird ideas. In the end just do what's best for you. As long as you aren't putting yourself in finically trouble with your wargameing or the such, then you are alright.

Your dad sounds bonkers.

Does he think footballers, rugby players, cricket players, soldiers, firemen are all gay too? They're all male dominated professions that involve spending a lot of time with other men. And Wargamers don't see each other naked...

 Lockark wrote:
I recently came out of the closest, and my Father blames it on my Wargameing because I was spending to much time around men.

People get weird ideas. In the end just do what's best for you. As long as you aren't putting yourself in finically trouble with your wargameing or the such, then you are alright.

Was your Father in the army? wink,wink, nudge

Advise to the OP

 Shadow Captain Edithae wrote:

 Lockark wrote:
I recently came out of the closest, and my Father blames it on my Wargameing because I was spending to much time around men.

People get weird ideas. In the end just do what's best for you. As long as you aren't putting yourself in finically trouble with your wargameing or the such, then you are alright.

Your dad sounds bonkers.

Does he think footballers, rugby players, cricket players, soldiers, firemen are all gay too? They're all male dominated professions that involve spending a lot of time with other men. And Wargamers don't see each other naked...

Oh the man is a massive prick. He also blames Video Games, Comic Books, TV, the internet, japaness cartoons and anything eals "geeky" for makeing me come out as a Transgendered person.

But I didn't mean to detract from Dylanj94's issue. I was just shareing my life experiences. His family may just be worried about your finical well being, and their is nothing wrong with that. But you also can't live your life worrying about what other people think.

 Lockark wrote:
I recently came out of the closest, and my Father blames it on my Wargameing because I was spending to much time around men.

People get weird ideas. In the end just do what's best for you. As long as you aren't putting yourself in finically trouble with your wargameing or the such, then you are alright.

Im sorry what? What an utter and rather distasteful person. I sincerely hope you told him to stuff it, and yes. Some people do get weird ideas about what wargaming has the power to do with ones mind & soul.

I get much the same from my parents, just ignore it.

At the end of the day I work hard, provide for myself and my kids and manage to still spend some alone time with the misses, any free time I have after that I spend on my hobby.

Nobody get hurt and nobody is missing out, if I didn't spend my time/money on this I would probably just spend it on a different hobby anyway, at the end of the day if you enjoy it and it doesn't effect anyone else don't let anyone tell you it is wrong.

Another thing to remember is that you are the one experiencing your life and if you enjoy something, then that's enough. One of the surest ways to be miserable is to do (or not do) what people tell you that you should rather than what you actually want.

What higher outside source of justification for a hobby could be better than the fact that you enjoy it?

My parents shut up about it when I put myself through college by painting on commission.

OP as long as your finances are well in hand and WH doesnt negatively affect your life, your parent's arguement is invalid. They don't understand understand the hobby and like many people, if they don't understand it they dont like it and think other people shouldnt either. Not to bash your parents but I ran into this issue with my mother and I told her "Your are a close minded and judgemental person. This his my house and you will either respect me and my decisions, or you know where the door is." It's harsh but sometimes your need to be, you're no longer a child and they need to accept that.

If you're not balancing it with the rest of life, if your place, when they visit, is a pigsty covered with gaming stuff, dirty dishes, empty takeaway packaging etc, if you're not functioning well otherwise, then they may seek to blame your hobby for it. The 80s witchhunt against D&D still leaves a miasma of shame around all these games.

If you're a mentally sound, clean, socially well adjusted or capable individual and they are just picking on you because they don't get your hobby, then they are a couple of douche canoes and you should tell them to mind their own.

I know that feeling, I have the same issue with my parents. Just ignore it as long as it is your own money.

Your worked hard to earn it to spend on stuff you like, not to have the people around you judging it where you should spend it.

A lot of people think wargaming and models are childish pastimes. Your parents a hardly unique. It's very likely they will never really get it. In my opinion, gaming/games are a bit childish. That doesn't mean gak.

You should ask yourself if you want to be a person who allows others to set the standards you live your life by. I'm 33 with a wife, a baby, and a successful career-- my father who recently visited simply inquired what I do with those little men. It made my skin crawl.

I think a lot of people have this exact issue. Thank you for posting. Be advised that this website is an affirming place and that can help balance out your parents' unpleasantness.

I'm in the same boat as AesSedai, 32, happily married with a 3 year old and a successful career. My wife supports my hobbies. I make sure the bills are paid, my son is taken care of and I keep my wife happy. My parent sna some of my siblings still look at my funny, but I tell then straight to their face that this makes me happy and I am a well adjusted person that keeps their priorities straight. After a while they stopped questioning and accepted. Now they even ask genuine questions and I do my best to answer them.

I'm not ashamed of my hobbied and I made sure that they knew that it wasn;t something to be ashamed of.

feeder wrote:
Does your hobby interfere with your "real" life? Are you not going to school/work because there is a good game of 40K going on? Are you short on rent or groceries because you bought a Landraider instead? Are you giving hand jibbers for money so you can afford the latest issue of WD?

You know what's sad? My answer to these questions is yes.

Just let them bash you and don't take it to heart. People don't usually comment on my hobby, but when they do I just chuckle and say with a smile, "Some people drink in their spare time, others sit around and smoke cigs, most people watch TV. I prefer to build and paint plastic models, it's very fun." Most people don't really have much to say back to that. I've also found that girls aren't judgmental at all about it, and in fact when I eventually bring them back to my house, they typically get very interested once they see the vast library of acrylic paints I have, and the wide range of brushes they can use to decorate their nails intricately. I've never once had a girl get turned off by it at all. They often offer to help when I'm sitting there. "Can I paint something?!" That's when I'll task them with something I despise doing, like basecoating some stuff, or doing rivets. LOL!!!

Don't take it to heart when people make fun of you or make comments you find offensive, you have to understand it's a very niche hobby and the majority of people (see: other guys and family members) will always find it strange or humorous in some way because we are collecting what they see as 'toys'. Just learn to accept how others see it, and you'll stop caring what they think.

 frozenwastes wrote:
One of the surest ways to be miserable is to do (or not do) what people tell you that you should rather than what you actually want.

This.

It cannot be stressed enough. We, as human beings, have this almost biological need to please people, even if it requires us to be miserable. In the end of the day, nobody is asking you how they should live their lives, they do as they see fit. Why then should you live yours by anybody else`s standards, rather than you own?

It took me a long time to realize that the shortest way to an unhappy life is trying to cope with other people`s expectations. THEY should deal with their expectations. Not I.

 Lockark wrote:
I recently came out of the closest, and my Father blames it on my Wargameing because I was spending to much time around men.

Dylanj94 wrote:My family, namely my mom and dad constantly make comments when they visit about how I need to grow up and stop spending money on stupid gak etc.

My dad was this way with me with video games. Regardless of how bad of an attitude is, it would probably make things a little better if you could sympathize with what is likely the reason why:

Your parents care for you. They want you to be successful. They want you to take an interest in law or engineering or medicine, and decide to follow that interest through college into a career where you wind up fantastically wealthy, and can afford whatever you want to be happy. Most people have a strong basic instinct for their progeny to succeed. Most people have no understanding how to handle it in a mature way when their children fail to meet their pathway or definition of success and happiness.

What is most likely going on is that they look at this particular activity and see something that won't lead to you getting a girlfriend or a steady, high-paying job. They see something that is a distraction - you might as well be taking drugs. They'll so anything they can to try and get you back on track.

Of course, life is a lot more complicated than these simple desires can usually handle. For my own particular example, I was one of those smart kids who didn't do well in school, and so video games for me were something that I could focus on and actually get good at, for a change. Yeah, it wound up leading exactly nowhere, but at least I didn't go crazy and kill myself like the 8% of teenagers who give it a try. I still, all these years later, haven't wound up anywhere particularly special, and at least I've had a kid, so I can justify it by being a stay at home parent. In that meantime, I've done a fair amount of 40k, and I've had that same concern - it's absorbing my energy to some useless end.

But, as I said, life is more complicated than that. Really, the best we can do is our best. In the case of 40k, it's been trying to turn it into a base for other things to branch out from, like writing, or moving into sculpture. Talking with other people to try and grow as a person and to work on my shaky social skills. No matter how useless what you're doing might look to your parents on the surface, you can use any activity to try and improve yourself as a person. And that will always lead towards something.

People have been talking about it being an issue if it causes disruption in the rest of your life, but the thing I'll add to it, I guess, is that it doesn't prevent you from focusing on other things. From still being able to advance yourself, somehow. That's a very vague piece of advice, but a quick gut check should tell you if this is a problem or not. If you want to get somewhere in life, but you're finding yourself just sort of sliding into painting and dakka, then yeah, that might be a problem. If it's completely irrelevant (as it is for some of the above posters) or even helpful, then of course keep going on with it, regardless.

In any case, I guess the main problem here is that you're constantly second-guessing yourself, and that's no good. Think things through until you can get some clarity of purpose, and then just go with that, confident in that you are making the best decision you can at the time. That's the best any of us can do anyways. Armed with that, you can always dismiss your parent's continued harping as repeating data points that you already considered before making your decision, and if their complaints haven't changed, then you don't need to consider them again until they do.

I started war gaming with the board game HeroQuest in 91 and picked up on 40k in 97. I'm am now 31 and war gaming more than ever. I plan to keep doing so until I die.

I find it ironic that the same people that "don't understand" tabletop wargames would not think twice about sitting down and playing monopoly. They are both strategy games after all.

Ok all this talk of war gaming is making me want to paint something. Off to the Nerd desk!