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The teacher was, indeed, native born Japanese.

And the kid didn't speak one word of it, I promise you.

Seriously, ask anyone who knows anything about the language how to pronounce that word. I don't understand why my word on the matter is somehow not good enough for you. Why would I even bother telling that story if its entire premise were untrue?

three syllable jap word.

Hi-Gu-Re. You had it right.

Onto my story...
Started working as a zoo keeper at the local 'free range' zoo, where animals and cages don't go together.

10th day into the job, I was sitting shot-gun in the safari jeep, where we take a few customers around through a decent sized field with a bunch of different herbivores. This is the second time I had done this, so I wasn't very aquainted with the safety procedures.

So we're driving, and all of a sudden,a Rhino walks onto the dirt road infront of us. My driver slams on the brakes and they screech. Scares the rhino, who turns to face us(the jeep). Its just standing on the road. Normal procedure is to back off and stop the tour, but the jeeps stuck in a 30cm pothole which it can't back out of. Driver turns to me and says
"Draw it away."
To which I respond...
"FETH THAT I VALUE MY LIFE THANKYOUVERYMUCH!"
I relent after a while of him telling me that everybody in the jeep was in danger. I get out of jeep and walk off to the side. Everybody is completely silent in the jeep, so I had to make noise to either scare the Rhino off, or draw it closer to me. I start clapping, and the rhino turns to face me. I, who is currently about to gak himself, do the only thing that comes into mind and start singing "Hakuna Matata", while clapping with the beat.

I eventually walk that far off the road, the rhino gets bored and goes back to its partner and grazes on grass.

I walk back to the jeep, where everybody erupts in laughter. I was red for about an hour. When I got back, my driver pulled me aside and said he had never seen someone physically bore a rhino with singing before.

mfw I realized I wasn't even singing the words right.

Thats more of a comedy story to be honest.

You write a book and sell the film rights.

Damn good thing it didn't turn its storm bolter on you. Good on you for at least doing something though, when the driver chickened out!

Believe me friend, its a lot scarier when you have to stare at a fat-assed rhino while horribly saying "WHEN I WAS A YOUNG WARTHOOOOOOG."

And technically, its always the passenger who has to go out and distract the animal, so the Driver was doing his job.

 Sgt. Vanden wrote:
Believe me friend, its a lot scarier when you have to stare at a fat-assed rhino while horribly saying "WHEN I WAS A YOUNG WARTHOOOOOOG."

And technically, its always the passenger who has to go out and distract the animal, so the Driver was doing his job.

Is it the same procedure when you're doing a tour through the Lion pens?

 Shadow Captain Edithae wrote:

 Sgt. Vanden wrote:
Believe me friend, its a lot scarier when you have to stare at a fat-assed rhino while horribly saying "WHEN I WAS A YOUNG WARTHOOOOOOG."

And technically, its always the passenger who has to go out and distract the animal, so the Driver was doing his job.

Is it the same procedure when you're doing a tour through the Lion pens?

I would hope so

Also, the lions ain't even that bad. They generally only get fiesty while they're either hungry or want to have a feth. Or both.

Seriously, its the meerkats you gotta be scared of. They almost took off my index finger while I was feeding them, Worst thing a lion did was drool on my shorts.

You're more worried about Lions humping you?

Hakuna Matata indeed.

 Sgt. Vanden wrote:
so the Driver was doing his job.

Fair enough. Still, good show. Can't say with certainty I'd have been able to do it. I'm fine with lions and tigers and bears, but rhinos are scary as all else.

StandardFiend wrote:
The teacher was, indeed, native born Japanese.

And the kid didn't speak one word of it, I promise you.

Seriously, ask anyone who knows anything about the language how to pronounce that word. I don't understand why my word on the matter is somehow not good enough for you. Why would I even bother telling that story if its entire premise were untrue?

JHDD starts random arguments when he is bored. Just move on.

I guess I'm lucky (or maybe unlucky) that I haven't had any horror story experiences in my retail career so far. I work at the customer service desk at my local grocery store and did, however, take a couple of the weirdest phone calls ever this summer.

The first one was last month, right after my semester of college ended.

Me: Shop N Save. How can I help you?

Customer: Hi, I bought a pregnancy test from you guys a couple days ago and... it... it's not working.

Me (flabergasted): Um... That's an HBC item. We don't give refunds for those. I can transfer you to my manager, but I don't think we can really do anything.

Customer: Okay. Do that please.

My manager told her the same thing I did but also told her to call the phone number on the back of the pregnancy test box. I learned something new that day, didn't know those things just stopped working.


This other one is a meme among my work friends anymore:

Me: Shop N Save. How can I help you?

Customer: Yo! What kinda cereal you got?

Me: Um... We have all of the big name brands. Are you looking for something unusual?

Customer: *Grunts approvingly* I like that. I like you. You're Confident. You came out strong. You're like "Yo! we got all the brands!" I like it.

Me: Um... thank you? Do you need anything else?

Customer: Naw, I'm good now. Y'all got all the brands. Y'all got that Cap'n Crunch? With the Crunch Berries?

Me: We should have that in stock. Do you want me to check?

Customer: Naw. I'm not gonna make you do that. Stay cool.

Me: you have a nice day too. *Hangs up*

I had to tell that story to another friend to really process what happened. I wasted five minutes, ultimately but it took me a while to figure that out because I kept trying to dig for something out of that story. I guess not all stories have morals.

Sounds like a cool guy. Wish there were more of his kind.

This was a bit of a horror show for the FLGS itself.

They had a group of Pokémon players meeting for quite a while and thought they should probably register themselves with the company.

They are then told that a "club" was registered already for that location.

It was then explained that the "owner" of the property of a FLGS was requesting the registration.
They honestly thought the owner WAS the one who previously registered.

There was some confusion for a bit and then they got the contact information of the person and figured they would sort it out.

So an email was sent explaining that they figured it was time for the shop to register and could they either transfer the club but be listed on as a supporting trainer or change the address.

There was no reply until they were copied on an email saying the club was being "evicted" and that everyone must come to the new location since they are "not wanted".

It was a tactical error since it then gave them a full contact list and they explained that they felt it was time to better support the Pokémon players and the registration would allow them more perks for their clients.
The lady in charge of the group sent some rather nasty email rants saying that they were stealing the group she built from the ground-up etc.

A few weeks later, the group was bigger than ever at the FLGS and it was found out later all the extra promotional stuff the store started giving to customers were never seen by them before.
For years this lady was pocketing all the promotional material, competition prizes, pre-release giveaway stuff... everything!

A few players showed up at the new place to give her heck and it was said back they did not "deserve" any of it, especially being the "traitors" they are (?!?!).
<edit> Ah, forgot to add that players from the former group complained that materials were not forwarded to the club by the registered League Owner/Organizer and she got cut-off.

Amazing how angry people get when their scheme gets found-out.

 Talizvar wrote:
This was a bit of a horror show for the FLGS itself.

They had a group of Pokémon players meeting for quite a while and thought they should probably register themselves with the company.

They are then told that a "club" was registered already for that location.

It was then explained that the "owner" of the property of a FLGS was requesting the registration.
They honestly thought the owner WAS the one who previously registered.

There was some confusion for a bit and then they got the contact information of the person and figured they would sort it out.

So an email was sent explaining that they figured it was time for the shop to register and could they either transfer the club but be listed on as a supporting trainer or change the address.

There was no reply until they were copied on an email saying the club was being "evicted" and that everyone must come to the new location since they are "not wanted".

It was a tactical error since it then gave them a full contact list and they explained that they felt it was time to better support the Pokémon players and the registration would allow them more perks for their clients.
The lady in charge of the group sent some rather nasty email rants saying that they were stealing the group she built from the ground-up etc.

A few weeks later, the group was bigger than ever at the FLGS and it was found out later all the extra promotional stuff the store started giving to customers were never seen by them before.
For years this lady was pocketing all the promotional material, competition prizes, pre-release giveaway stuff... everything!

A few players showed up at the new place to give her heck and it was said back they did not "deserve" any of it, especially being the "traitors" they are (?!?!).
<edit> Ah, forgot to add that players from the former group complained that materials were not forwarded to the club by the registered League Owner/Organizer and she got cut-off.

Amazing how angry people get when their scheme gets found-out.

Holy gak. Unfortunately, not the first time I've heard of that. Heard some nasty stories about LGS owners keeping all the promo stuff and not sharing it.

One of my favourites is still the woman who tried to return a pair of trainers she'd bought her son;

Me: Is there anything wrong with them?

Mum: No he just doesn't want them.

Me: Unfortunately I can't accept them if they aren't faulty as they have been worn.

Mum: He hasn't worn them.

Me: There are clear signs of wear.

Mum: Johnny have you ever worn them?

Johnny: No.

Mum (very angrily) He says he hasn't worn them, are you calling him a liar?

Me: Well there is an inch thick layer of dried mud on the soles, so yeah, he's clearly lying.

Almost beautiful in her blind refusal to accept the facts.

Prompted by a conversation with JamesY... I've remembered a lot of gloriously weird teaching assistant stories.

Pretty sure the mandate on this has expired, so I'll share.

Young boy (6) has been charging girls in the playground 10p a go to look at his.. Cocktail sausage... He gets ratted out by a girl who wanted her 10p back.
Father is called in after school.
My mother (boy's teacher) has to explain what happened.
I'm sat at the back of the room doing book-sorting.
The father goes absolutely apeshit. I turn around in time to hear, "IT'S FREEZING OUT THERE. DO YOU WANT IT TO DROP OFF? DO YOU?!"
And my mother with the most pained expression of trying not to laugh, I've ever witnessed on a person.

 JamesY wrote:
One of my favourites is still the woman who tried to return a pair of trainers she'd bought her son;

Me: Is there anything wrong with them?

Mum: No he just doesn't want them.

Me: Unfortunately I can't accept them if they aren't faulty as they have been worn.

Mum: He hasn't worn them.

Me: There are clear signs of wear.

Mum: Johnny have you ever worn them?

Johnny: No.

Mum (very angrily) He says he hasn't worn them, are you calling him a liar?

Me: Well there is an inch thick layer of dried mud on the soles, so yeah, he's clearly lying.

Almost beautiful in her blind refusal to accept the facts.

My restaurant has had it's fare share of idiot complainers as well. I'll fine with complaints, as they help improve service and point out our weak spots. It's the people that complain about things that absolutely CAN'T happen. A woman calls into the store, saying that we got her to-go order incorrect and wants a complete refund.....for everything she ordered. Her complaints:
1. There was ice in her soda, and she NEVER has ice, we should have known what she wants by now. Even if she didn't ask for it.
2. We put ketchup on her Hamburger. She got irate when I pointed out that not only do NONE of our sandwiches come with ketchup, the kitchen literally has NO ketchup in it. It only comes in single-serving packs the customer applies themselves.
3. Her Grandson's burger had onion on it. Even though he didn't ask for it to be left off, we should have known no kid likes onion.
4. She asked for macaroni salad, and we gave her cottage cheese instead. Our store does not have, nor has had at any point, sold cottage cheese.

When I asked her when she placed this order she stated "about 4 weeks ago".


Another one goes down as an epic encounter where I got an applause from the other customers in the dining area. A woman, unfamiliar with our menu, spends 20 minutes on the phone ordering from her hotel room for her family. As it was a slow night, so I am listening in on the other line on a cordless phone set on mute. After the women changes the order a dozen times the waitress asks if the order is complete, and reads back the entire order, asking if every detail is right. By this time I all ready basically have the order set-up and ready to be cooked. The woman's husband picks up the food. 10 minutes later they are on the phone, using every curse word in the book and using racial slurs towards my waitress. At that point, the waitress hangs up on them. I don't condone the hang-up, but I do understand it.

5 minutes later the husband is back in the store, yelling and cursing. As I am calmly handling the situation he starts listing food that was missing from his meal that he needs refunded for. As I listened to the entire order, made the entire order, and boxed it up I know he is lying. I keep my cool. He demands a refund....for more money than he actually spent.

I calmly give him a small refund ($5, which he us not pleased about), apologize for any miscommunications, and apologize for the waitress hanging up on him. I then stated "However, as I was listening to your rant on the phone, I can legitimately state that that kind of language was completely uncalled for and it is NEVER to be used with any of my staff at any point, regardless of how incorrect your order was."

Needless to say, he starts in on a "do you know who I am?" speech and how he will never be back. I, once again calmly say, " Quite frankly I don't care who you are and not coming back would probably be in the best interest of everyone involved." This is where the applause from the rest of the customers happens. It started with one old man, and spread through the rest. To top it off, our berated waitress raked in a lot of pitty-tips from those that had to listen to it all.

Where I work is a pretty heavy concentration of middle Eastern and mainland Chinese immigrants.

Anyway today randomly this white guy walks up to me while I'm working, he's holding this greasy looking box for a kids meal from red rooster, which already tells me this is going to be another fun customer interaction judging by the displeased look on his face. He tells me he found it on one of the shelves and figured it's not something we'd want on our shelves so far so good. He then says the magic words "I don't mean to sound racist but" then starts off this kind of rant about Muslim and Indian kids and how their parents don't care what they do, keeps going from there. He hands me this greasy box and I can see it's got some half eaten chicken nuggets in it etc and it doesn't look like it less than a few days old... I have to thank him then get the fun of taking it into the back to throw out.

Part of me does want to say, "I'm pretty sure no kid actually does want onions in their burgers. "

I did. Always loved fried onions.

 Compel wrote:
Part of me does want to say, "I'm pretty sure no kid actually does want onions in their burgers. "

Carmelized or raw? If you carmelize them, kids will eat them on the burger.

We serve our onions raw (unless you want them grilled). However, they are whole rings, not diced. The burger is also served open-faced. So literally one second is all that would be needed to remove them.

 cuda1179 wrote:
The burger is also served open-faced.

Heresy.
Not a burger, just a something on bread.

 Alex Kolodotschko wrote:

 cuda1179 wrote:
The burger is also served open-faced.

Heresy.
Not a burger, just a something on bread.

Served open-faced. You then close it before you eat it. It's done for presentation, plus you can add condiments or seasoning if you like.

 feeder wrote:

 Alex Kolodotschko wrote:

 cuda1179 wrote:
The burger is also served open-faced.

Heresy.
Not a burger, just a something on bread.

Served open-faced. You then close it before you eat it. It's done for presentation, plus you can add condiments or seasoning if you like.

That makes more sense lol


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Wife just sent me this, seemed relevant.

https://notalwaysright.com/happy-independence-day-not-always-right/54853

 cuda1179 wrote:
We serve our onions raw (unless you want them grilled). However, they are whole rings, not diced. The burger is also served open-faced. So literally one second is all that would be needed to remove them.

Still contaminated, but if they didn't say they didn't want them...

I think I have the story to end this thread
I had a gun pulled on me by an angry customer.
Why did I have a gun pulled on me?
Well I didnt put enough alcohol in his drink............
I promptly put enough alchohol in his drink.

Another funny one involving our workers......
They called into work sick. But still came in to pick up their checks and than promptly spend their day at the park enjoying themselves.

Another stupid one, I got a margarita cup smacked against my head.
Why?
I didnt put enough alcohol in his drink........
Like seriously people, I told you this isnt real tequila, its fake.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I think I have the story to end this thread
I had a gun pulled on me by an angry customer.
Why did I have a gun pulled on me?
Well I didnt put enough alcohol in his drink............
I promptly put enough alchohol in his drink.

Another funny one involving our workers......
They called into work sick. But still came in to pick up their checks and than promptly spend their day at the park enjoying themselves.

Another stupid one, I got a margarita cup smacked against my head.
Why?
I didnt put enough alcohol in his drink........
Like seriously people, I told you this isnt real tequila, its fake.

Alcohol and guns...

Here are some of my best (worst?) employees playing hooky stories:

1. A guy claims his pregnant sister is in labor and needs to be there as a Spanish to English translator. I've met his sister, she speaks fluent English. I know her doctor, he speaks fluent Spanish as does the nurse.

2. A guy calls in "sick" with the flu. As I drive into work I see him playing basketball with his friends on a court a couple blocks from my home. Yes, he knows where I live.

3. Employee calls in sick, then starts live-tweeting and facebook posting while he is lifting weights. Everyone that is his friend gets the updates on their phone......while they are double-timing it to make up for him not being at work.

4. Employee has "strep throat" on the night of the Homecoming dance, gets his photo in the local newspaper while at that dance, still sticks to his story that he was sick.

5. Guy calls in claiming his mother was just in a car accident. She was actually in my restaurant as I was speaking to him.

6. A guy says he can't make it into work because of the snow conditions. He lives so close I can literally see his home from the store windows.

7. Lady tries calling into work because she can't get her car out of the snow. "no problem" I say, "I'll come pick you up and take you home afterwards." All of the sudden she doesn't need me.

8. Someone's "family emergency" ends up with them being arrested 4 hours later for drunk and disorderly......still sticks to their story.

I think I have the story to end this thread
I had a gun pulled on me by an angry customer.
Why did I have a gun pulled on me?
Well I didnt put enough alcohol in his drink............
I promptly put enough alchohol in his drink.

One of the local bartenders got shot for putting milk in a customer's white russian....


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 cuda1179 wrote:
Here are some of my best (worst?) employees playing hooky stories:

1. A guy claims his pregnant sister is in labor and needs to be there as a Spanish to English translator. I've met his sister, she speaks fluent English. I know her doctor, he speaks fluent Spanish as does the nurse.

2. A guy calls in "sick" with the flu. As I drive into work I see him playing basketball with his friends on a court a couple blocks from my home. Yes, he knows where I live.

3. Employee calls in sick, then starts live-tweeting and facebook posting while he is lifting weights. Everyone that is his friend gets the updates on their phone......while they are double-timing it to make up for him not being at work.

4. Employee has "strep throat" on the night of the Homecoming dance, gets his photo in the local newspaper while at that dance, still sticks to his story that he was sick.

5. Guy calls in claiming his mother was just in a car accident. She was actually in my restaurant as I was speaking to him.

6. A guy says he can't make it into work because of the snow conditions. He lives so close I can literally see his home from the store windows.

7. Lady tries calling into work because she can't get her car out of the snow. "no problem" I say, "I'll come pick you up and take you home afterwards." All of the sudden she doesn't need me.

8. Someone's "family emergency" ends up with them being arrested 4 hours later for drunk and disorderly......still sticks to their story.

My ex coworker actually called in sick with anal glaucoma. He couldn't see his butt going in to work that day...

A waitress at the 4-Bs where I live had her sister call in saying she died....The waitress went in to pick up her check the next day.