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Alien: Covenant.

I wanted to like this movie sooooo badly. And I did, right up to the clearly-breaking-quarantine by bringing sicky-McGee onto the lander and all the ensuing blatant stupidity that lead to the lander exploding.

And they can’t handle a single alien, all armed with assault rifles? Then robot-two takes them to an obvious torture-dungeon surrounded by a thousand corpses frozen in terror.

And everyone’s like, “Yeah, I’ll follow you into the basement after you completely disregarded the corpse of my crew person and yelled at me for killing the monster that *trusts* you. Look into this egg sack with a squirmy thing inside? Sure! Is my face close enough to the egg sack, obviously psychopathic robot-two?”

Oh, and then robot-two steals the colony ship to make a couple thousand alien hybrids.

Analysis: It took a descent start to a movie, and then lobotomized every character so they could do the blatantly moronic thing that would get them killed.

I’m angry that they took a group of interesting characters, and then cast the spell of *dumbfuckery* all over them. You can physically feel the point of the movie where it turns from sci-fi to a slasher flick. Dumb teens sneaking of for murder-sex. Go into the torture dungeon with the obvious bad guy. Oh, this creepy loner likes to dissect things? You should just tie yourself to the table and save us all the misery. Just infuriating levels of idiocy were required to make the plot “work”.

Anyhow, if you shut the movie off after the second guy steps on a spore mine and you just imagine how you want the movie to end, you’ll be happier. So watch to that point and *SHUT IT DOWN*.

Transylvania 6-5000
I saw this and i saw it had Jeff Goldblum. then i saw the disparity in rating of critics vs Audiences and i though to give it a whirl.
I laughed my ass off so much, such visual gags that you wouldnt notice and a blend of old humor i kinda missed.
I will tie everyone down tommorow night and make gamers watch it.

So, I watched a couple of classics for Halloween....

Black Sunday
Way better than the very similar Black Sabbath with Barbara Steele. This one was done by Mario Bava, and even though it is Black and White he really knows how to shoot a film. This thing is full of great atmosphere and is great fun.

Last Man on Earth
Such a nice little film. Price is great and it really subverts so many or the "norms" of 50's society and films. So much fun. The zombies are slow, weak, and uncoordinated and are very little threat to the main character, yet the horror and threat is this film are real. I enjoy this movie so much.

The House on Haunted Hill
The pacing of this film is very slow and talky. It is not scary at all, yet I still love it. The dialogue is whip crack smart and I just love the little jabs and barbs between husband and wife. Price rules in this film. A love listening to this movie.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Transylvania 6-5000
I saw this and i saw it had Jeff Goldblum. then i saw the disparity in rating of critics vs Audiences and i though to give it a whirl.
I laughed my ass off so much, such visual gags that you wouldnt notice and a blend of old humor i kinda missed.
I will tie everyone down tommorow night and make gamers watch it.

Oh, I caught that one on TV one time, but couldn't watch much of it. Certainly has a 'cult film' vibe to it though.

@Easy E: That's a really nice selection of films there.

Executive Decision: Nothing special, but watching non-agenda films from the 90's is pretty damn refreshing. And Kurt Russell, so how can you go wrong?

The Matrix

I saw this for the first time in a long time.

Man, it holds up really well. Every bit of dialogue and scene helps move the Campbellian Hero Journey and the plot/premise of the movie.

It is basically a fairy tale with a veneer of cyberpunk layered over it. However, it was still riveting and exciting to watch.



Sidenote:
I was trying to remember what the marketing and hyper were like around this movie at the time. I just recall the trailers hyping up the idea of "No one can be told what the Matrix is, it must be seen." and no one really knew what the film was going to be about. It is hard to capture that now since it was such a hit. Plus, the internet was still a young thing and all of these computer based concepts were still new to people at the time. It was a time capsule in a sense.

 Elbows wrote:
Executive Decision: Nothing special, but watching non-agenda films from the 90's is pretty damn refreshing. And Kurt Russell, so how can you go wrong?

This film has gone down in legend due to it's perfect handling of star Steven Seagal.

I don't recall the scene where they put him in a garbage can, lit it on fire, then rolled it down a hill... but my memory of that era isn't perfect.

Sherlock Holmes

A buddy cop movie with a Sherlock Holmes veneer pulled over it. They also dipped their toe in the From Hell genre with the villain and Not-Freemasons added in for fun.

Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr. have pretty good chemistry and I was entertained. The Ms. Adler character needed a bit of work, but the Villain was suitably menacing.

I can see why there was a sequel and I wanted to see it after watching this one.

While obviously over the top in a Guy Ritchie fashion, they were the first ones to actually take note of the drug-addled maniac that Sherlock is in the books. That element had been far too long dormant in almost every tight-lipped, upper-crust version of Sherlock portrayed on film in the last 20-30 years. While the movie is just a fun Hollywood explode-em style piece...they did the character a bit of justice.

The Terror

This was the one with Boris Karloff and Jack Nicholson ny AIP. Legend has it that this was made in two days by Roger Corman between shooting two other movies and re-using sets and costumes. Overall, that bit of backstory about the film is more exciting than the movie.

Nicholson played the most unconvincing French cavalry officer of the Napoleonic Wars I have ever seen. I believe it was circa 1806 based on dialogue and he a LT. from the 5th Chasseurs regiment. They did get some green and red in uniform which made it much more accurate than I ever expected.

Anyway, the LT gets separated from his unit and ends up on the cost somewhere in Austria maybe? He comes across a girl. She disappears into the waves. Later, he is found by a witch and her mute/not-mute helper. He then goes to the castle and rudely barges his way in and makes himself at home with the local Baron. Stuff happens, there are strange goings on, nothing is scary, gaslighting occurs, and the girl may or may not be a real, live woman.

Impertinent question: Why would you build a crypt that you could flood with a hatch to the ocean?

One of my favorite movies is Undercover Brother. I enjoy it more than Austin Powers, which is a similar style. However, I understand that it is not for everyone's taste.

I was super-excited to see an Undercover Brother 2 starring Michael Jai White from [b]Black Dynamite{/b] fame! It was a big surprised and I immediately cleared my calendar and watched it.

The people who made this movie did their homework on the original. They had the car, the entrance to the Brotherhood, and other details from the first movie down. The jokes are not as solid, and I think there were some missed opportunities, but Michael Jai White makes a way better Undercover Brother! It also has Barry Bostwick from Spin City as The Man! I fund this amusing. The ending is also funny, but a bit abrupt and flat. it really needed a dance-off like the first one.

They make a few references to modern politics, but considering what they could have done; they were pretty tame. They also make a ton of fun about being "Woke", gentrification, and hipsters. One of the main villains is called Man Bun.

I was amused, but it is not as solid as the first one. The way it ended, it almost felt like a pilot for a TV show.... which would be epic!

@Sigur- I think you would also enjoy this film.....

*is summoned*

I've watched several of the Corman films of that time period, but somehow I think I never watched the Terror. Maybe because I was too obsessed with watching all the Vincent Price ones. Sounds good though.


As for Untercover Brother- I've seen it, and I enjoyed it a lot as well. Never knew of the sequel. Maybe I catch it at some point! Thanks for the suggestion.

 Sigur wrote:
*is summoned*

I've watched several of the Corman films of that time period, but somehow I think I never watched the Terror. Maybe because I was too obsessed with watching all the Vincent Price ones. Sounds good though.


As for Untercover Brother- I've seen it, and I enjoyed it a lot as well. Never knew of the sequel. Maybe I catch it at some point! Thanks for the suggestion.

The Terror is not good.

You might enjoy Undercover Brother 2 better.

Hellboy: The New One

Summary: Hellboy goes to Europe, only to find that everyone is trying to kill him. Some pretty poor CGI action sequences occur in an almost random order as the protagonist is thrown from scene to scene by the whims of a person cranked out of their head. In one sequence dropped out of an elevator to fight a splicer, only to then literally drop into the next scene when the splicer kicks him out.

Analysis: Damn, I like Hellboy. I like the actors. The dialogue is atrocious. The plot is perhaps the worst case of protagonist without agency I’ve ever witnessed. I can’t recall a single change of scene prompted by a decision of the character. Instead, Hellboy and crew are told, “Go here and don’t die. Now go here, and don’t die. You were taking an elevator up? Now you’re going down. Because a splicer wants your eye. And now you’re digging up Merlin’s bones because your friend that you forgot about for 20 years is suddenly your bestie and you’re King Arthur’s final decendant. Ever heard of Excalibur? All yours, Red. But now you... damn, this movie is just a bunch of random ideas for a D&D campaign, put in a bowl and then you draw one idea after the other and that’s what the heroes encounter when the walk through the next door.

I wanted to know. I set my expectations low, but this isn’t even really a story so much as ideas that were filmed and put after the last idea. Just awful.

Willow: Love this old chestnut. Simple, good fun, cool practical effects. A jubilant and entertaining Val Kilmer...gorgeous red-head villainess What's not to like?

Friday the 13th (2008?): Not even sure when this came out, but it's one of the newer revamps. Overall, while not particularly scary it's a great generic slasher film. Teens, beer, boobs, and blood.

Midway: A complete C+/B- of a popcorn Hollywood WW2 flick. Drowning in tropes and comical one-liners...but worth some of the CGI for the ships and planes (ignoring the combat which is waaaaaay over-done and poorly designed). Funded by a couple of Chinese companies it's surprisingly even-keeled. It does feel like a movie from 2005 though, something I've found with a lot of Chines-driven cinema. This movie is worth missing, unless you're bored (as I was at noon the other day).

 Easy E wrote:
It also has Barry Bostwick from Spin City as The Man!

Think you'll find it's Barry Bostwick from The Rocky Horror Picture Show




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The Skull

Peter Cushing buys the skull of the Marquis De Sade, against Sir Christopher Lee's advice.

Should've listened to Chris, decent if low budget and restrained horror ensues.

Definitely worth checking out, especially for fans of Amicus and Hammer Studios.

Speaking of Amicus, really should watch all my portmanteaus again. Cracking little series of films.

Re-watching Boardwalk Empire.

Basically Sopranos/The Wire but set in the 1930s. If you like Scorsese movies, this is the show for you.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:

 Easy E wrote:
It also has Barry Bostwick from Spin City as The Man!

Think you'll find it's Barry Bostwick from The Rocky Horror Picture Show




Automatically Appended Next Post:
The Skull

Peter Cushing buys the skull of the Marquis De Sade, against Sir Christopher Lee's advice.

Should've listened to Chris, decent if low budget and restrained horror ensues.

Definitely worth checking out, especially for fans of Amicus and Hammer Studios.

Speaking of Amicus, really should watch all my portmanteaus again. Cracking little series of films.

This seems up my alley. I will see if I can track it down to watch.

Oh yes, simply based on the premise, The Skull sounds like a load of fun.

Love Willow. Possibly Val Kilmer's best performance? Anybody who isn't sure about him as an actor has to watch Willow.


Blue Velvet (1986)

Boy returns home from collage for a few days, finds a cut-off ear, meets girl, goes to night club with her, a singer lady shows up (boy gets rather obsessed with her), she seems to be involved in some dark going-ons, boy decides to investigate and is pulled into a dark world going on.

If you watch just ONE David Lynch film, this probably is the one to watch (but do watch more of his). Haunting performances, and haunting in general. Nobody keeps you guessing like Lynch, while making the trip down the rabbit hole feel quite so interesting and entertaining, especially so in Blue Velvet. Nowadays the whole "there's a nasty underbelly to US suburb's!" thing is well played out these days. However, Blue Velvet still does it best. Especially watching it for the first time I remember the whole thing being deeply unsettling. Because, again, with Lynch's films you never quite know what's gonna happen next. Positively dream/nightmare-like feeling.

Watch It.

The Skull is available on Amazon Prime, at least in the UK.

£4.49, worth every penny.

Vibes—Jeff Goldblum, Cyndi Lauper, and Peter Faulk in a comedy about a pair of psychics conned into searching for the lost city of gold. It’s not laugh out loud funny, but it is very charming with some clever moments and a great ending. It’ll change the way you think about glowing pyramids.

On a related note: anyone remember Second Sight starring John Loroquette and Bronson Pinchot? Did that hold up?

Vice Versa

A film featuring Fred Savage and Judge Reinhold. Also a film I saw on holiday with my dear old Daddykins in the cinema in Harrogate, where we were holidaying.

Granted, objectively is a pretty weak film. It’s enjoyable, but as a body swap concept, all been done better.

Yet for me it’s special. See, Daddykins was always the bread winner of the house. And that placed certain demands on his time.

It’s not until relatively ( last few months, with Mumsy’s passing) that I’ve had to confront this thing, whatever it is.

I’ve never not loved my Dad, but I was always closer to Mum. And there are good societal reasons for that.

But after Mum passed away, I realised there’s a bit of a gulf between Dear Old Daddykins and I. And this particular movie is a solid, if very early memory, of Father and Son bonding.

K. I’m waffling. And a wee bit drunk. But I hope I’ve sketched out why an objectively ropey movie means a lot to me. And on reflection, always has.

@Bobhelminquisitor: That's another one I've seen the beginning of! (the Lauper/Goldblum psychic one) From what I saw I think that I'll agree with you. Seemed very charming.

@Mad Doc Grotsnik: Oh, that's nice. Let's be honest, in many, many films the context in which we watch the film makes a huge part of what we think of it. Never heard of that film, to be honest, but just judging from the cast I wasn't surprised when I read what year it was released in. I'm not a huge fan of the bodyswap films (well, apart from All of Me, the Steve Martin one). Despite my faith in Community having taken a big hit last year, I think that the Freaky Friday episode is great in almost any regard and to me kinda covers the genre.



Errr.... have I seen anything... I watched Hot Fuzz again, which is slowly, slowly growing on me, but I still think that Shaun of the Dead and End of the World are still leagues ahead. I caught the end of The Goonies. Never seen that one before, because it's one of those films which are a big thing in the US, but not really over here. Probably because it's so out there. Not sure. Josh Brolin in his teens already was much more rugged and manly than I'll ever be.

Last night I realized that Friends is finally off Netflix. Which sucks.

Bloodbath at The House of Death

Spoof horror in a Hammer style.

It’s got Kenny Everett and Vincent Price. And that should tell you all you need to know!


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Sample scene. Mild language.

Boiling Point (1993)

Not sure i've seen that one before. It's basically about a baddie (Dennis Hopper) and his pal Viggo Mortensen working on some heists, while Wesley Snipes and a whole gang of "That guy"s are after them. AND it's based on a true story!
But still, it's entertaining es heck. Mortensen is scary. Hopper is mesmerizing and greatly entertaining to watch (add the fact that I'd just watched Blue Velvet a few days ago. Weird to see him as a basically good-natured, ageing rascal.). I'm pretty sure he was high and/or drunk throughout the whole thing. Snipes is righteous.

Watch It, if you're old like me and find the look of film grain and early 90s things as soothing as I do.


Beyond Skyline (2017)

It's the sequel to the 2010 film Skyline! You know, from that time when for a short while a few alien invasion films were released. Afterwards they showed Skyline of which we watched the beginning. It features Turk from Scrubs and his scrappy band of rich Hollywood people (there's a slight hint of meta humour in there in the beginning, but in general it's played straight, which is nice). Aliens invade and turn people crazy with blue lights. It's not bad. Well, it's not good either, but it's watchable.

Aaaaaanyway, the sequel we only got into about halfway through (watching TV is great. With streaming you basically only watch the stuff you already like and every now and then force you to watch something of which you know it's good. On a tiny screen. With headphones. As nobody intended.). Bunch of people in the Far East sitting in the jungle, going somewhere while explaining the lore of the whole thing to each other around a campfire. HOWEVER, then the aliens appear. And they actually look really good. I didn't expect that. I won't tell much more about the film, but the climax is something to be seen. Feels like a French action film from like 20 years ago, when the grittiness and down-to-earth-ness is shed, and insanity erupts in action scenes.

It's watchable. The whole franchise (chuckle) is. In general, Pass. If you're curious - Watch it. Which is a horrible bottom line to a review.


Air America (1990)

Mel Gibson and Robert Downey Jr. work for Air America, one of the cover-up companies run by the CIA to smuggle drugs and guns across South-East Asia during the Vietnam war.

It's an odd film, that one. It's bascially a buddy comedy about a very grim topic. The thing's been in development for quite a few years, and it was rather expensive at the time. The ending was reshot, that much I know. I assume that during the development process it got watered down a lot and rewritten a bunch of times. The whole film seems kinda uneven in terms of pacing and story in general. There are some funny bits, mostly courtesy of Mel Gibson's character. And I guess most people have watched it at some point, but it's really not very good, despite all the star power and good production.

Fun fact: this one got pulled rather quickly from German cinemas after the outbreak of the Gulf War.

Pass.

Jumanji; Welcome to the Jungle

Part genuine sequel, part reworking. But utterly charming, giving various actors a bit of a challenge.

Also, it’s got Karen Gillan in it, so that’s +4 Doc’s right there.

yeah, I heard it's pretty good. Good to have it confirmed from yet another source.


Disaster Artist (2018)

James Franco's very own project for displaying an interpretation of how the famous film The Room came to be. He's got the accent down, that's for sure. He looks too young though. But anyway. Everybody knows The Room. If not, watch it.

Overall this is a fun film and they do well in keeping the mystery about Tommy Wiseau. It's more or less told via the eyes of his best friend and co-star of the film. The best thing of course is watching them produce scenes from The Room (in the very end there's like 6 more minutes of a side by side comparison of the Disaster Artist's version of the scenes and the originals. The attention to detail is stunning.

There are some things I didn't quite like. The music was oppressive, with a mix of period music and that horrible "US indie darling film inspirational stock music". Also - I don't need to see ALL of James Franco's friends. I have this very ambivalent feeling about Alison Brie. Didn't much care for her in Community, love her in GLOW, didn't care much for her in this film. Rather often throughout the film someone like her or Seth Rogen pop up and you think "oh, here's Seth Rogen", not a character. This gets especially weird when the main character and his girlfriend Alison Brie meet Brian Cranston in a café and talk. Brian Cranston plays himself, Brie plays a character in the film, but she seems as "hollywood star" as Cranston does in the scene. It's odd. In general this also makes the film feel a bit odd, in that it has a slight air of "successful people getting together to poke fun at someone who hasn't made it". Of course the film's also very affectionate towards the whole production of The Room, but there's also an appropriate amount of fun poking. Which is a bit odd. It's like hip Hollywood people getting together for a laugh to play out a really important day in your life.

Despite all my nitpicking, the film's alright. It's nice. It's NOWHERE as good as Ed Wood of course (with which it gets compared to often, due to obvious reasons), but a solid effort.
Watch It, if you're interested in The Room.

Nosferatu

The old, silent, clack and White film. Would you believe I have previously watched this movie twice before! What is a third time between friends.

Count Orloff is sinister and other worldly, the direction with shadows is great. The story is straight Bram Stoker, but the Vampire bight is covered by a plague sweeping the land. Overall, I like many of the scenes in this film.

This is not to everyone's taste, but I like it!


Casablanca

This movie is considered a classic and I had never seen it before. I got to see it on the big screen in a movie theater.

I can see why it is so beloved. The action is mostly dialogue driven, and as I get older I am even more drawn to this type of screen play. The movie is filled with sub-text, innuendo, and foreshadowing. It is a great metaphor for America's entry into the war.

Revisiting the classics, I see.

We watched Nosferatu in school. Not sure I've watched it since. BUT last month I watched a documentary on horror films in which they showed miniature recreations of the sets they filmed Dr.Caligari in. It's really interesting to see to what lengths they went to paint false shadows, slanted walls, etc. Really interesting stuff.