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 Henry wrote:
Bullet Train

A delightfully silly slapstick action splatter fest. I haven't grinned this much for the entire duration of such a middling film since the first Kingsmen movie.

I found comparisons with another show that didn't spare the ketchup, The Hateful 8: a film I have previously raged about for it's amazing characters being thrown away by an incompetent finale. Bullet Train's cast of rogues aren't quite as good but the adventure they go on and the conclusion are much better.

My wife and I compared it more to some Guy Ritchie stuff like Snatch, or Lock Stock, but yes. . . Bullet Train was some crazy good fun for what it is.

Is it as utterly stupid as Shoot 'Em Up?

I only saw Airplane last year for the first time, but it's really, really good. I even enjoyed Spaceship (which by chance I caught on TV just a few weeks later). Apart from the variety and density of gags you get with Airplane, as pointed out before, I think the main reason why the spoof films of the past (ie up to the mid-90s) are so much stronger than the abysmal stuff that followed in the early 2000s is that they didn't take the audience as being so stupid as to not get a joke unless they linger on it. The only reason one would need dedicated and multiple shots of reaction faces is if the filmmakers either don't believe in the gag or they take the audience to be too thick to get it unless they're being told that this was funny now.

Not to mention all the background stuff, the throwaway gags, and so on. Airplane is just funny.


I only ever saw Top Secret about 1.5 times. They never showed it much on German-speaking TV due to all the Eastern Germany stuff, but it not only reminded me how good a lead Val Kilmer used to be, but also what a musical performer he is. Good stuff.


Just becuase I'll also mention a personal all-time favourite of mine (and a later spoof film), Loaded Weapon 1. Good fun. Oh, and I have a soft spot for Scary Movie 2 for some reason. Can't remember why, but it helps if you like Anna Faris. The hat joke in Scary Movie 3 is also remarkably good, because a.) it comes out of nowhere, b.) it's not being referenced or acknowledged by the characters, c.) it's a daft and funny visual that works for everybody.

Wrath of Man

Mockney Hack Guy Richie returns with another distinctly average at best crime thriller. It’s still got Jason Statham in it, but this time it’s a Right Royal Not-Cockney Barrel of Monkeys because it’s set in the US of A.

As I said, this is distinctly, almost painfully, average at best. There’s nothing particularly wrong with it (apart from maybe Evil Trevor out of Eastenders doing a really bad accent). It’s just…..average. As if someone actively tried to make an average film, made it 17 times, and took the most average scenes from each.

How average? I actually expected more from Mr Statham.

Best bit? Post “I don’t see what all the fuss is about” Malone and his stupid face tattoos gets all murdered to death by Jason Statham. That’s up there with Paris Hilton in Wax Works getting jobbed in Pointless Celebrity Catharsis.


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Bad guys also have unfeasibly good body armour. Pistol and Rifle rounds pinging clean off, not even leaving a scratch or a dent,

Woah, woah, woah, woah..... the bad guys get body armor! Body armor that actually stops bullets!

That is pretty rare in any Hollywood flick!

For instance…..we’re shown infection takes mere seconds to complete. Yet we’re told it started somewhere near South Korea and India.

That is hysterical. In the book World War Z we're told outright the infection started in China. Hollywood has to be more circumspect. What country lies between Korea and India?

As if someone actively tried to make an average film, made it 17 times, and took the most average scenes from each.

Mad Doc you've definitely missed your calling as a reviewer. Siskel and Eibert wish they came up that line.

That would involve having to watch every film.

Some of them involve, against all taste, reason and common decency, James Sodding Corden.

Bill and Ted Face The Music

Grown up Bill and grown up Ted have spent the intervening years trying to fulfill their destiny, with little success. Just as the thought of giving up begins to dawn on them, the stakes suddenly escalate.

Despite the inevitable personnel changes, BATFTM manages to feel like it belongs in the series. Just as bonkers as the first two (and no more capable of standing up to scrutiny for anything resembling continuity,) things march along at breakneck speed without giving the viewer too much time to pause and consider the lunacy. The "twist" is pretty much obvious from the very beginning, but what matters here is the (totally unbogus) journey. 90 minutes of uncynical, light-hearted stupidity that evokes just the right amount of nostalgia without feeling too mawkish.


Malignant

Few horror movie fans won't know the name James Wan. Arguably the most influential figure in the genre this century, having brought franchises like The Conjuring, Insidious and Saw to the screen.

Understandably then, his return to the genre, after dabbling in blockbuster territory, was a matter of some interest.

What a shame that it's a steaming pile.

It starts well enough, apparently treading the well worn path of parental/pregnancy anxiety, a theme which has given us classics like Rosemary's Baby and Alien, but quickly shows it's heading in a different direction.

Wan's direction is possibly the only redeeming element, the whole thing does look good, shots are framed creatively. My favourite sequence following the heroine through the house from the top down, looking for all the world like a dark and spooky clip from 80s arcade dungeon crawler Gauntlet.

But it's the third act that really kills this movie. Nobody watches horror expecting unrelenting realism, but the whole premise of the reveal stretched my credulity so far as to start to become unintentionally funny, which is the death knell for any horror.

I daresay if Wan's name wasn't attached, my expectations would have been lower and perhaps my reaction more positive. That's pretty much the only basis I could suggest anyone watch it in all honesty, with very low expectations. Then perhaps the superior direction and cinematography will make the time investment feel better spent.

On face the music, Little Bill and Little Ted slot in beautifully, being convincing chips off the old block, without the movie being about them specifically.

Bill and Teds plan, without Rufus giving a helping hand is predictably well meaning, but daft. Yet our two idiot heroes still manage to just about understand the possibilities of time travel to get the job done.

I don’t think I can truly say it’s as instant cult/classic as the first two, but it’s still a welcome addition all the same.

In fact, I’d induct into the Church of Latter Day Sequels. It doesn’t really add much, and it’s far from necessary to see it to appreciate the originals, it by no means detracts from them, or attempts to be ironic about them.

My big reservation would be how it plays to an audience that hasn't grown up with the other two, but that's not me and I can only call it how I see it as a person who did.

Not sure that’s necessarily a bad thing, if it helps others discover the brilliance of Excellent Adventure and Bogus Journey.

Batman 1989 again.
Still my favorite batman movie.
I'm also disgusted to be of an age where Hollywood can be so predatory using things I really liked as a kid to try to draw me into a movie I don't want to see. - The Flash.
But it did get me to want to sit down and watch this one again.

Part of me wonders what this movie would have been like if David Lynch had directed it.
More cops in donut shops probably. Almost worth it.

 Ensis Ferrae wrote:

 Henry wrote:
Bullet Train

A delightfully silly slapstick action splatter fest. I haven't grinned this much for the entire duration of such a middling film since the first Kingsmen movie.

I found comparisons with another show that didn't spare the ketchup, The Hateful 8: a film I have previously raged about for it's amazing characters being thrown away by an incompetent finale. Bullet Train's cast of rogues aren't quite as good but the adventure they go on and the conclusion are much better.

My wife and I compared it more to some Guy Ritchie stuff like Snatch, or Lock Stock, but yes. . . Bullet Train was some crazy good fun for what it is.

I see Bad “I do wish people would stop encouraging the talentless goon” Bunny is in it.

If he doesn’t get all ded, so I can get my safe catharsis of seeing the pointless suffer without actually suffering, I’m not watching it.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:

If he doesn’t get all ded, so I can get my safe catharsis of seeing the pointless suffer without actually suffering, I’m not watching it.

I have no idea what this Bad Bunny thing is. All I can say is...

Might give it a watch then.

Hostel

Let’s be honest. The film’s notoriety outstrips its competency.

But as a foundation of a new strain of horror? It has its unpleasant place.

Looking back however, there were movies of presumably equally unpleasant notoriety I saw as an adult, and thought were no great shakes.

Think Psycho, A Clockwork Orange, Night of the Living Dead, The Exorcist et Al.

Except the films mentioned above are objectively good.

Hostel is pure Shock Factor. Nothing more, nothing less. Boobs, violence, gore and not much more.

That does have its place, but unlike the aforementioned “video nasty” predecessors, it lacks the charm and social commentary. Unpleasant people are unpleasant, and in turn, unpleasant things happen to them. And that’s yer lot.

I’m not sure if it’s a master stroke, or accidental vague competence, but I find myself rooting more for the (utterly awful) baddies, than the moronic ‘goodies’.

As a dedicated gorehound I do appreciate its overall atmosphere, and the effects are well done.

But….it asks no relevant or salient questions of its audience, distracted as it is by just trying to be as nasty as possible.

I’d like to say “it’s been done better”. But torture prawn is such a low rent approach to horror, it all blends into one.

Except Saw and maybe it’s first couple of sequels. Hamfisted as Saw gets, it at least had some form of vague point behind it all.

Tales from the Crypt - Demon Knight

Low budget, not low effort. Pretty damned entertaining with some fun effects.

Creepshow

You want to see Leslie Nielsen as a straight man villain? This is the movie for you. Also starring Stephen King. First segment is iffy, but the rest is good fun.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Tales from the Crypt - Demon Knight

Low budget, not low effort. Pretty damned entertaining with some fun effects.

Creepshow

You want to see Leslie Nielsen as a straight man villain? This is the movie for you. Also starring Stephen King. First segment is iffy, but the rest is good fun.

Those are both fun.
Don't for get to look for Creepshow 2.
I never did see the next Tales from the Crypt movie after demon Knight. I think it's called Bordello of blood.

Oh I’ve got the other Creepshows in the stack.

Bordello of Blood I’m hoping is on Amazon.

Never really saw Hostel as it is not my thing. However, isn't the gimmick behind it that the people doing all the killing and torturing are pretty much bored rich folks? Therefore, it is a ham-fisted metaphor for capitalism or social hierarchy or something?

That comes in the somewhat superior sequel.

The first one was just pushing boundaries without a particular point or message other than “humans can be awful”. An exercise solely in finding out just what you can get away with.

The third of course takes what little world building and realism the series had and flings it out the window.

Mad God

While I'm sure in certain circles the name Phil Tippett gets all the recognition it warrants, given his contribution to visual effects it's somewhat remarkable he's not, at least from my experience, as well known as the likes of Harryhausen.

An Oscar winner, with credits on the original Star Wars trilogy, Jurassic Park, Robocop and many more (some admittedly more influential than others,) it surprises me that when I discovered that Mad God was his creation, the name rang only the faintest of bells.

If Mad God served no other purpose than to highlight the career of it's creator, then it would have served a purpose, but in reality it's a much more complex beast.

Firstly, it's been 30 (thirty) years in development! As Tippett's singular vision, he's only been able to work on it intermittently, and stop motion of any kind is hardly a quick process. It's also a feature length animation made for $150k, although I'm not sure if that's before or after 30 years of inflation.

It's really hard to judge what to talk about with a film this complex that's arguably had and even more complex production. There's enough on screen for a dissertation, let alone a brief review.

It's almost impossible to talk succinctly when it comes to what this film is about, to explain what it depicts would be challenging enough.

The briefest synopsis is that a mysterious figure lowers a seemingly endless stream of creatures (The Assassins) into hell one by one in an apparent attempt to complete a mission the objective of which is unclear aside from it appears to require explosives.

It's the visuals that are the reason to watch though. Following the Assassin's progress ever deeper into the pit reveals increasingly bizarre and disturbing activities and creatures like nothing else I've seen. Think Terry Gillingham adapting Clive Barker, or possibly the reverse.

90 minutes of stop motion animation with zero dialogue and no talking Chickens or a Yorkshire man and his dog won't be for everyone, it took me two sessions myself, and Mad God will likely remain an oddity in the history of cinema. But as a testament to one man's vision and dedication (and perhaps one of the most compelling interpretations of The Warp in any media anywhere) Mad God is worthy of note.

Kingsman 2 The Golden Circle

So far so good. Absolute nonsense. James Bond written for 8 year olds. But that's fine.

What, you don't LOVE Bad Bunny? After The Best Canadian Destroyer Ever??

Anyway, on to nicer things:

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Tales from the Crypt - Demon Knight

Low budget, not low effort. Pretty damned entertaining with some fun effects.

Creepshow

You want to see Leslie Nielsen as a straight man villain? This is the movie for you. Also starring Stephen King. First segment is iffy, but the rest is good fun.

Bordello of Blood used to be on surprisingly often back in t'day of the late 90s 'round here, and it's a lovely film. I'm pretty sure I'd see Demon Knight, but I don't remember anything. But I've been trying to hunt it down last year, couldn't find it. May have to buy the DVD. Last DVD I bought was Deep Rising (along with Streets of Fire for the second time, because I couldn't find my DVD any more).

Creepshow is cool. Last segment may be problematic for some people, but come the heck on. It's good.

What a day! 7yo is off on a brownie camp, so we blackmailed the 10yo to watch Back to the Future.

Now this little one is a touch neurodivergent and has never connected with films that much, so his little sister rules the movie night roost with much younger films he isn’t interested in.

It’s such a good film. Watching him enjoy it, especially the gloriously cringey bits, was a sight to see. It’s such perfect entertainment

Try him on Masters of the Universe!

Like the Dolph Lundgren film? It’s a bit… sweaty… I think…

Fair. To me it’s cheesy funfunfun. But of course you’ll know your son better than anyone.

Though proper props as ever to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. A movie which had absolutely no reason to worry about actually being good because Wee Me and millions like me just wanted to see More Turtles. Instead we get a shockingly competent Kung-Fun movie.

Sod it. That’s going up the spout tonight, because it’s genuinely good!


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Chronicles of Riddick

By all rights? This should’ve sucked more than a super massive blackhole.

A late sequel to a slightly better than middling but otherwise disposable ropey SciFi monster flick.

It lifts so much from a variety of other films.

It should be an absolute, incoherent mess of a movie.

But it’s just…not. It’s fun. It’s thrilling. It’s interesting.

I’d call it a Guilty Pleasure, but there’s no reason to feel guilty about enjoying it.

For horror anthologies, my favorite has always been Tales From the Darkside. I rewatch some of the segments on YouTube every now and then, and they hold up.


Masters of the Universe rules, if you’re looking for guilty low-budget fun. Same with Super Mario Brothers, really. They both work better for kids who are unfamiliar with the original source material.


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Chronicles of Riddick feels like a mediocre film adaptation of a really good book. It has that weird combination of over-convoluted backstory and over-simplified main story that makes David Lynch’s Dune so good/bad.

Funny, just the other night a friend of mine showed Back to the Future to her son for the first time.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
...
Though proper props as ever to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. A movie which had absolutely no reason to worry about actually being good because Wee Me and millions like me just wanted to see More Turtles. Instead we get a shockingly competent Kung-Fun movie...

That's quite true. Even as a kid I never liked TMNT, but a friend showed me the film and that kinda won me over. At least for the film. And I'm glad I never saw the sequels until I was MUCH older.

Masters of the Universe I may have seen around the same time. I was pretty excited when it came on TV, had my parents videotape it for me. Next day I watched it and was pretty disappointed. I was hoping for a beefy 80s action swordy stuff (wasn't familiar nor did i care very much for He-Man [i probably was a bit too old as well], but the film looked different from the tiny pictures in the tv magazine. Instead we got this kinda sad mess. I haven't seen the film in a while, but I have yet to watch it once and enjoy the ride. Very much the same with Super Mario Brothers. And don't get me started on the people who think that the Street Fighter film was any fun.

As always when it comes to Cannon films though, I highly suggest watching all the documentaries on Cannon films and Menahem Golan.



Many of the horror anthology things especially never made it here I'm afraid. The Tales from the Crypt films did, but I'm pretty sure that the show itself was never dubbed and shown on tv. Neither Tales from the Darkside. But I'll look it up on youtube if it's there!

Gangs of New York

That’s….that’s twice DiCaprio has played an Irish character, and just sort of…not bothered with the accent. No. Wait. He’s giving it a try! And……I think he’s just thought better of it.

This film is long.

This film is boring.

For shame, Mr Scorcese. For shame.