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Love the Phantasm series!
It's just a shame that every film leaves you with more questions that you never really get any answers to.

Four Brothers

One of the problems with professional critiquing of all forms of art is that it is difficult to sum up the subject of the criticism without using some form of grading system. Then, with a five star system as an example, anything below four stars is usually ignored by the public.

So, Four Brothers (from way back in 2005). This is not a bad film, but not one I would recommend to watch unless there is nothing else on TV. It's a two and a half star at best. Four fostered boys, supposedly the most troubled cases encountered, come together as men to mourn the violent death of their mother. Seeking revenge for the killing they uncover a conspiracy that leads to lots of shooting and tough men being tough men.

And it's crap. The script is crap, the action scenes are particularly crap and the actors are putting in a lot of effort for little result. Chiwetel Ejiofor is desperately trying to channel his inner Denzel "American Gangster" Washington with laughable results (even more laughable given that that film didn't came out until two years later and is magnificent).

But what elevates it beyond being tepidly bad is that the set up, plot, pacing and conclusion are actually very good. Indeed, the script drops little nuggets of character interaction throughout that are given time to develop so that when we reach the show down the resolution makes sense and is satisfying.

What a strange film that, in spite of everything bad about it, is quite watchable.

2001: A Space Odyssey. A notoriously boring film that drags on, and on and Ariston...but its a wonderful vision of the future, which took just a little bit longer than 2001 to be realised, although we're REALLY behind on a moonbase and a trip to Jupiter.

Oh, and Monoliths. We'll have to figure those out at some point...

SamusDrake wrote:
2001: A Space Odyssey. A notoriously boring film that drags on, and on and Ariston...but its a wonderful vision of the future, which took just a little bit longer than 2001 to be realised, although we're REALLY behind on a moonbase and a trip to Jupiter.

Oh, and Monoliths. We'll have to figure those out at some point...

The thing that FINALLY got me over the hump and able to finish that slog was reading an article on the technical innovations that film introduced to the world. . . So at the end, I was able to sit down and watch the whole thing in one go because I was paying more attention to the "magic behind the curtain" than I was the actual story.

 Ensis Ferrae wrote:

SamusDrake wrote:
2001: A Space Odyssey. A notoriously boring film that drags on, and on and Ariston...but its a wonderful vision of the future, which took just a little bit longer than 2001 to be realised, although we're REALLY behind on a moonbase and a trip to Jupiter.

Oh, and Monoliths. We'll have to figure those out at some point...

The thing that FINALLY got me over the hump and able to finish that slog was reading an article on the technical innovations that film introduced to the world. . . So at the end, I was able to sit down and watch the whole thing in one go because I was paying more attention to the "magic behind the curtain" than I was the actual story.

I tried to approach 2001 with an open mind, despite that I found it an absolute god-awful drag.

The Godfather

At the age of 42, you’d think I’d have seen this by now. But…you’d be wrong.

This is really rather good, isn’t it!


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Guardians of the Tomb

Chinese blockbuster. Billed as “Jumanji meets The Mummy”.

It’s got Kelsey Grammar in it, and Li Bingbing. So not exactly short on starpower. But that being said, I do kind of suspect Mr Grammar particularly wanted some new drapes for his boudoir, or had perhaps received an unpleasant tax bill. Like when Anthony Hopkins was in that Bloody Awful Transformers Movie (no, not that one. That one).

His voice sounds really odd. Like he had to have a studio sessions to re-do lines.

I’m not holding out much hope, but I’m open to it being fun, rather than just ropey.

Hellraiser: Judgement.

The final installment of the series prior to last year's softboot, Judgement is clearly aware it exists in a post James Wan, post Eli Roth world, and cuts its visual cloth accordingly.

This isn't an illogical move for the franchise, and by and large it works as far as it goes, anyone looking for any inspiration as to what a Slaanesh cult would really look like can do worse.

My chief complaint is that this feels like an existing movie that's been reworked to accommodate some Hellraiser lore, and not all that convincingly. At it's heart, there's a not terrible Se7en-lite serial killer film, which couldn't stand on its own two feet as is, but if it could have reclaimed some runtime from the Cenobite shenanigans doesn't feel irredeemable.

Equally, the Cenobite elements offer up some interesting ideas, if not exactly staggeringly insightful (how do you look for depraved souls when humanity itself is becoming more and more depraved as a whole?) But none of it feels like the film needs it to be there.

Both halves suffer from the barely 1h15m runtime, nothing feels fully explored or explained to the point where there's anything satisfying.

There's some attempt at world building and perhaps an attempt at setting up a sequel we now know we won't ever see, but while there's some worth elements that serve to move the franchise forward, Judgement is ultimately unsatisfying.

For Judgement, I liked the ordered banality of hell. Pen Pushers “just doing my job” type stuff.

 Azreal13 wrote:

 Sigur wrote:



I just learned that there are 15 Puppet Master films (including a cross-over). Could it be the longest-running (in terms of number of sequels) horror film series?

A quick Google says yes, unless you only count movies with an actual cinematic release, in which case it's just a paltry 1 film.

Ha, good point. Which horror franchise would be the one with the one with the most cinematic releases then? Saw? There's 9 of those, right?
Halloween might get awfully close to that actually. (not sure if 4 got a cinematic release, 3 I assume did).

I'm not going to cheat just yet and just look it up, but Halloween I'm guessing at least 7, the first 3 originals, the reboot and then the more recent re-reboot adds another 3.

But I've just finished watching Crystal Lake Memories and I don't think a Friday 13th movie has ever been released straight to home media, so that's in the double digits.

 Azreal13 wrote:
I'm not going to cheat just yet and just look it up, but Halloween I'm guessing at least 7, the first 3 originals, the reboot and then the more recent re-reboot adds another 3.

But I've just finished watching Crystal Lake Memories and I don't think a Friday 13th movie has ever been released straight to home media, so that's in the double digits.

I did a tally in my head earlier, and thought 1, 2, 3 got a cinematic release (hard to imagine 4 and thereafter being in cinemas), H20, Resurrection, Rob Zombie, Rob Zombie 2, Halloween (no other title), Halloween Kills and probably another one you mentioned above in the latest reboot series. So 9 or 10.

I've never been a huge Friday 13th fan, so wouldn't know, but I'd be surprised if they all got cinematic releases. But it's not impossible.




I watched a film!

Starchaser The Legend of Orin (1985)

So I watched a documentary on Paul Verhoeven, they mentioned Flesh and Blood from 1985, which looked really interesting, I tried to look it up, youtube spat out a bunch of 1985 films. I'd never heard of Starchaser before, so I was intrigued. I watched it. It goes for a whopping 1hr40min, which is pretty long for an animated film. First film to use 3d computer technology too, which apparently tripled the initial budget to 6 mio. dollaridoos.

Anyway, it's about Orin who is a strapping young lad, but humanity seems to have been enslaved by robots and the robots have them mine energy crystals to keep the robots and the robot space fleet running. It reminded me of Robot Apocalypse ("it was AFTER the apocalypse...") and the scary 2-parter Outer Limits episode with the robot overlords. He finds the hilt of a sword whilst mining, he gets away, and for the first time sees the world outside the mines, meets scary monsters and colourful companions and then goes to experience Star Wars.

It's made in a such a way that I'm rather sure it hasn't been shown on TV or elsewhere since the early 1990s. Certain ideas were a bit weird.

My favourite character certainly was Fembot. She should have been the hero.

Anyway, it starts out rather interesting and charming, but ends up being a bit long and VERY MUCH Star Wars for the second half. Which is a shame.


Hate to say it, but Pass. It's not very good.


Fun fact: Wikipedia cites a review of the film from White Dwarf magazine under the "Critical Reception":

Alex Stewart reviewed Starchaser: The Legend of Orin for White Dwarf #79, and stated that "if you're stuck with a houseful of brats on a rainy weekend, clamouring for some sanitised mayhem, then Starchaser's for you. It'll keep them quiet, and you'll probably find it amusing yourself".[7]

 Sigur wrote:

 Azreal13 wrote:

 Sigur wrote:



I just learned that there are 15 Puppet Master films (including a cross-over). Could it be the longest-running (in terms of number of sequels) horror film series?

A quick Google says yes, unless you only count movies with an actual cinematic release, in which case it's just a paltry 1 film.

Ha, good point. Which horror franchise would be the one with the one with the most cinematic releases then? Saw? There's 9 of those, right?
Halloween might get awfully close to that actually. (not sure if 4 got a cinematic release, 3 I assume did).

Without cheating and checking online, Alien/Predator has to have the most theatrical releases - 4 mainline Alien movies, 2 AvPs, 2 Alien Prequels, and 5 Predator movies for 13 installments, and I think they were all released in cinemas.

That's two franchises with crossovers, you can count the crossover for either franchise, but you can't add two franchises together.

The Matrix

Just showed this modern classic to my son. He enjoyed it. The violence might be the only thing that didn’t age well, specifically the lobby shoot-out scene. The response was less “so cool” and more “those poor people”.

All the darkness and rain and skulking about in derelict buildings really made me want to watch Dark City again.

@Azreal13: I'm inclined to agree. I mean somehow studios like to squeeze the two into the same stories for some reason, but i'd say that they are two separate franchises.

@BobtheInquisitor: The bit about the violence is very interesting. But yeah, good film. Holds up, doesn't it?


Ice Cream Man (1995)

Clint Howard plays the titular ice cream man who's had a rough past and how either kills or protects children. It's complicated.

In fact, it's weirdly complicated for a 1995 (kids?) horror comedy that cost 2 million dollars, at least the main character is. It's almost as if they weren't sure whether to make him a bad guy (for one straightforward film) or a good guy (possibly for sequels?). He's mostly a troubled bad guy though.

There were some things I liked. Like the cameraderie of the kids, facing a world in which the grown-ups are mostly useless or crazy.

There were some bad things. Like the production value, some of which looked incredibly cheap.

Then there were some bewildering things, like the 'fat kid' being a kid in a fat suit for 85 minutes. They couldn't find a fat kid actor in the US in the 1990s? Another bewildering thing: Jan-Michael Vincent playing one of the two cops who investigate the disappearance of a kid.


Pass. It's not really scary, it's kinda endearing at times, but mostly it's just meh.

The way we view Gun violence has shifted a lot since then. There weren’t so many stories that began with two loners carrying a duffel bag full of guns into building back then, so the audience was primed a little differently. The 80’s and 90’s were full of heroes mowing down hordes of faceless goons, and audiences wouldn’t bat an eye.

The Crow - City of Angels

Sequelitis bites - but perhaps not as hard as its reputation suggests.

The original is of course superior, and frankly probably should’ve been a One And Done. But studio gonna studio and churn out sequels.

There are the makings of a genuinely decent sequel here though. It builds on the original premise and mythos well enough. The supporting cast and villain are pretty solid. But our leading man just doesn’t quite have the charisma. Rather than Doing A Bond and delivering his own take on our hero, we instead get Vincent Perez playing Brandon Lee playing Eric Dracen - and not terribly well.

Now that could be a fault of direction and what have you, it the end result is a dodgy performance. Not helped that in certain scenes where he’s trying to play it cool, he unfortunately resembles Richard Richard from Bottom, as the smile is less confident and more manic.

Worth a watch for the curious.

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
The way we view Gun violence has shifted a lot since then. There weren’t so many stories that began with two loners carrying a duffel bag full of guns into building back then, so the audience was primed a little differently. The 80’s and 90’s were full of heroes mowing down hordes of faceless goons, and audiences wouldn’t bat an eye.

well, that's nice. I assume the next step is to view guns as something that's maybe carried by police and otherwise only happens in films and fantasy. Maybe then we get the full circle and have silly fun with violence again.

Either way - matrix is a cool film and holds up. I just wish there hadn't been any sequels.

That Orin was re-branded as Titan A.E. here in the states, and I think I watched it in the cinema even.

I also watched Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within at the cinema because I am old and there was not much else to do back then!?!

I saw a double feature of Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within and Kiss of the Dragon In the theater. What a waste of a day.

@Easy E: I think Titan A.E. was a different film. Starchaser is from 1985 and I think that Titan A.E. was pretty well, received, wasn't it?

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
I saw a double feature of Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within and Kiss of the Dragon In the theater. What a waste of a day.

Now there's a time capsule.

I think we talked about The Spirits Within a few pages ago. Indeed I also saw it at the cinema, because ...well, what Easy E said. (Heck, I've also seen The Patriot and Pearl Harbor at the cinema. The former I remember quite vividly, because while waiting for the thing to start we got our Vampire: The Masquerade character sheets out in the lobby and worked on our characters. As you do. ) Also, I remember a 'big debate' around the release of that film, and Tom Hanks being very concerned, that CGI might replace actual proper actors in the near future.

Speaking of Kiss of the Dragon - what do we think of Jet Lee? I Never quite got the appeal beyond the very impressive athletic stuff the guy's able to do.

For me, given English isn’t his native tongue?

Jet Lin remains solid. What he can’t necessarily put into English words, he can emote with his face.

I enjoyed Titan AE. The soundtrack was great and got me through a fair chunk of Uni.

Final Fantasy looks gorgeous, but doesn't make a great deal of sense beyond that. Especially as a Final Fantasy movie, as it doesn't seem to link to any of the games. Still, I'm always happy to listen to Donald Sutherland.

In order to discuss Jet Li, I need to start with Jackie Chan (and to some extent Chow Yun Fat).

Jet Li basically followed Jackie Chan’s footsteps from Hong Kong stardom to US …attempted stardom. (Did he go before or after Chow Yun Fat?)

Jackie Chan was already a household name before any of his movies ever hit US theaters. His first for-US release was Rumble in the Bronx, which felt like one of his Hong Kong films that had not been watered down. Sure, it took place in the Bronx, but it was some outside-view Hong Kong version of the Bronx that added to the charm of his movie. He released a couple other HK style movies before the Tuxedo, which felt like a watered-down-for-westerners version of a Jackie Chan movie. Fortunately for him, he was able to use his stunt, martial arts and comedic strengths in breakout hits like Shanghai Noon and Rush Hour.

Jet Li…not so much.

He was also a household name for his martial arts films, but his big US theater debut was Romeo Must Die. Romeo Must Die was…well, it was watered down action with a heap of unfortunate ‘sub’ text. His follow up, Kiss of the Dragon was bad. He did well as the villain in Lethal Weapon 4, but he never made anything like a Shanghai Noon in his oeuvre. He’s still a star, but almost in spite of his lack of hit movies or iconic roles.

Chow Yun Fat’s career is Jet Li’s dark reflection. He’s still best remembered for The Killer and Hardboiled. His US films started with The Replacement Killers, self sabotaging itself with its very title, and Bulletproof Monk, charitably described as a Sean William Scott vehicle. I don’t remember any big roles he had in any US films until Dragonball Evolution, which begs the question what crimes he committed to earn that karma. He had to go back to non-US films like Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon to catch a break. To this day, if you want your movie to bomb, put a clip in the trailer of Chow Yun Fat making a funny.

So, basically Jet Li (as a career actor) is the lukewarm middle between Jackie Chan and Chow Yun Fat. It’s still nice to see him in stuff, but he’s not going to get me into a theater by himself.

@Mad Doc Grotsnik: Yeah, solid is a good way to put it, I suppose.

@Bobtheinquisitor: Yup, I see it very similarly as you described. Jackie Chan is the man (and late 90s US films are pretty much dismissable. He did surprisingly well in stuff like Shanghai Noon and Rush Hour, but the Tuxedo and so on...meh). His films are the gold standard. Jet Lee to me always lacked the charisma, and the fresh, more comedic approach (combined with amazing skills) which make Chan's films just so much fun.

Chow Yun Fat is an endlessly charismatic actor rather than a martial arts man (as far as I know). And he's said to be a really cool dude as well. To me Jet Li never really worked as a charismatic actor, nor an outstanding martial arts man. My favourite scene of his is the fight with Dolph Lundgren in The Expendables. And somehow I found Tony Jaa (for instance, because he just came to mind) more impressive as a straight-laced martial arts actor. There is something about Jet Li, but he never really clicked with me.

Chow Yun Fat also had a great little movie with Marky Mark Wahlberg called the Corrupter. That was a good flick.

Replacement Killers had one of the greatest opening scenes of all time, right up there with Desperado and preceeding Blade by a year or two.

Chow Yun Fat is an amazing actor.... but never really had the English chops to get to Hollywood for the types of roles he was a good fit for.

I never saw The Corruptor. I think I forgot it existed before it hit theaters. I don’t know if I saw Replacement Killers or not. I’ll have to look up the opening scene on YouTube.

Chow Yun Fat is a great actor and extremely charismatic…in Chinese/HK films. In the 90’s, he was the epitome of cool. Then when I think of him performing in English, the first things to pop into my head are his Master Roshi and Bulletproof Monk. His agent made some really bad calls.


I’d still love to see him play Batman some day.


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Edit: just saw the opening. That was a solid action scene.

A Monster Calls

It's been a while since I cried at a movie. I held off for as long as possible, but it broke me in the end. It's impossible for me to describe how much I recommend this film. Just be prepared for the water works.

Invasion Day

China launches a cyberattack on the USA when it defaults on its debts.

Former NSA Agent must keep his family alive in the New World Order.

I kind of feel this is going to be negative stars…


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Ahh. Mere “hours” into the “invasion” and our hero has been nicked, and given a “Citizens Band” by the Local Sheriff, because apparently…erm….not even a fight?


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Why do I do this to myself?


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Oh, and the Citizen Bands? Just….casually know your name when you put them on.

We also have Not At All Casual Racism, where they hoof out the Hispanic Guy.

Not to mention awful acting. You know it’s a bad film when you want the “hero” to hurry up and get ded.


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So….China repossesses the USA. And everyone, but our plucky “hero” just sort of….goes along with it,

Was that sponsored by Fox News?


Steamboy
A beautifully animated film about amazing steampunk technology.

Too bad the movie kind blows like steam out of a gasket. Boring and super-anime tropey.


Mandy
What is this. First, it is a Nick Cage movie, and he is Cage-y. Second, who ever made this was high as a kite.

Oh, plot? A.... a guy's wife is killed by a cult, and he gets revenge.

Probably one of the most "Metal" films I have seen in a long time. Not good, but Metal.