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Guns

And the maker of Hard Ticket to Hawaii returns! More boobs! More nonsense! Erik Estrada, out of CHiPs! Even more really bad transvestites which wouldn’t fool anyone, and don’t really serve a plot purpose.

I want to slag this film off. I really do. It’s an excellent example of being able to film what you want not being a necessarily good thing.

But, under the most solemn laws of film watching, I am honour bound not to slag this film off?

Why?

Danny Trejo is in it, therefore it’s great.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
High Spirits

1988 Spoopy Comedy. Starring Peter O’Toole, Steve Gutenberg, Jennifer Tilly, Liz Smith and Connie Booth, among others. Such as a fairly young Liam Neeson.

The owner of an Irish Castle sets up as a “haunted” hotel to raise funds - only for real ghosts to start manifesting.

For the most part, this is a fun little romp. The sets are absolutely gorgeous, and the cast are clearly all game for a laugh. Which rather made me wonder about its RT Score of 31%.

A little under an hour in, and I know what the problem is. The comedy is a bit too raunchy for kids (blatant innuendos, partial nudity, mild swears), but it’s far too restrained to really appeal to adults. Leaving it neither Arthur Nor Martha in the comedy stakes. And really not the sum of its parts.

And that’s a shame. A little re-editing, maybe a reshoot or two, and it could be either an adult comedy, or a proper family friendly one.

Overall this is a fun watch though, just irritatingly flawed.

Wicked - Part One.

Oh dear, I'd forgotten what it was like to sit in a cinema for a musical. The only option was to literally sink down into the chair, low enough, to hide one's embarrasment.

Otherwise, Defying Gravity" is ****ing awesome when listening to it in your car, being chased by coppers down the A14, but the next best thing is experiencing it in the cinema. The only thing that could have been better was to have the T-Rex and Raptors performing the song at the end of Jurassic Park. That said, we do at least get a singing goat...

Definitely going to be the gold standard in guilty pleasures and not sure how they will top Defying Gravity for part two.

Because I only made it 29 minutes into Gladiator 2 before I had the urge to flee from my seat due to the film feeling like an Asylum "mockbuster" version of Gladiator.


It has some decent parts, but go watch the original again...

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Say cheeeeeeeeeeeeese!

It’s Hard Ticket To Hawaii

Terrible script! Random nudity! Two lasses who are (not very good) Ninja’s for absolutely no reason. Who run about in safari suits with hot pants! A contaminated snake!

See this film? This film is the sort of film that anyone who makes a three or four hour, ego stroking video ranting about a two hour film, when that film was at worst merely mediocre, shall be forced to watch, Clockwork “Not The Ludwig Van, Sir” Style, on a loop, until they actually understand what a bad film actually is.

Nobody can act. Nobody could write effective dialogue. There is not a modicum of skill nor care to be found. But I’m willing to suggest there was at least a surfeit of Bolivian Marching Powder involved.

Right. Now. Well. Hard Ticket to Hawaii. I watch this one every few years, and I tend to fall asleep doing so. Yeah, it's not good, there is not a lot of reasons to watch it. It's not very unfun though. And I fully understand BobtheInquisitor's feelings about these films. Reminds me of a time when the only nudies we got to see came on a Saturday night on late night TV.



"High Spirits"? Spoopy 1988 comedy starring Peter O'Toole and Jennifer Tilly? I imagine the former being on autopilot and not in the film a lot and the latter being all sorts of fun. Given that, I think I can even stand to watch a Gutenberg film.

Wasn’t Darryl Hannah in High Spirits? And Beverly D’Angelo? That’s the one where Steve Gutenberg traded his live wife for the ghost woman by having his wife give up her life to the new girl, right?

She is indeed, and that is the one you’re thinking of.

The whole romance thing really feels like scenes cut in from a completely different movie. Which is probably why it feels so confused, particularly given some scenes are family friendly spooky knockabout silliness. And others? Feel like hastily edited, more explicit scenes from an adult oriented movie.

Such a waste, as cringeworthy romance aside? It is good fun.

Back then there was a whole genre of films about boys becoming ghosts or invisible and finding their ways into women’s locker room showers. I recall High Spirits flirting with that genre a few times with Beverly D’Angelo’s character. I wouldn’t be surprised if, like Ghostbusters, the film began shooting as a much raunchier version of itself before filming, rewrites and final editing eliminated most—but not all!—of those raunchier elements.

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
Wasn’t Darryl Hannah in High Spirits? And Beverly D’Angelo? That’s the one where Steve Gutenberg traded his live wife for the ghost woman by having his wife give up her life to the new girl, right?

That is one bloody accepting wife. Fairly sure how the conversation would go if I suggested my wife might like to die so I can hook up with my ghost side-chick...

Oh she doesn’t exactly agree. She’s more murdered by Liam Neeson’s ghost character, and somehow that make her and Daryl Hannah swap places, and she then cops off with Liam Neeson.

Crispy78 wrote:

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
Wasn’t Darryl Hannah in High Spirits? And Beverly D’Angelo? That’s the one where Steve Gutenberg traded his live wife for the ghost woman by having his wife give up her life to the new girl, right?

That is one bloody accepting wife. Fairly sure how the conversation would go if I suggested my wife might like to die so I can hook up with my ghost side-chick...

It’s got a strong case of This Aged Great, but Inremember even at the time it was messed up. Even more so if you prefer Beverly’s character to DH’s non-character.

Christmas in the Spotlight

Is this even a Christmas movie, or just a cheap ripped from the headlines movie about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey? Hint: It is the later. The Christmas part is simply marketing hype as nothing in this film requires Christmas to make it work.

That said, it is fun to see them avoid copyright law without paying the rights, try to cheaply make you feel like you are watching the NFL, and on a shoestring budget make someone look like a superstar mega-billionaire with legions of fans. For being so wealthy, everyone sure seems to be living the usual White Collar upper-middle class dream! No extravagant displays of wealth here!

I think this one is from Lifetime, but was not 100% sure. It did not have the same successful, derivative Christmas formula of something from Hallmark.

They missed a trick not having her break down from the pressures of fame and move back to her cozy little home town…

Gladiator 2

Trash. Utter, utter drivel.

As you may have noticed from this thread, I’ve a remarkable tolerance for bad movies, and indeed a probably very, very irritating knack for finding something positive.

Not this time. It’s just crap. Not at all helped by our lead not only resembling Jake and Logan Paul, but sharing their complete lack of charm and charisma.

So much stuff happens because the plot needs it to happen, rather for a compelling reason.

However….

Wicked

Bear in mind my wife and I love this. Our kids have grown up hearing the music. We've seen multiple versions of it onstage. All that said, it was pretty damn wonderful. Took a minute to get used to Grande but a bit in even she was doing a great job. Thoroughly enjoyable. Haven't seen spectacle of that quality and fun since Greatest Showman (still the musical movie to which all musical movies are held).

All that said I've have been pissed if I hadn't seen something before seeing it that it was a part 1 (which if you've heard the musical you'd realize about an hour in when you do the math on what song you're on). My wife hadn't heard that and I forgot to tell her and she was a bit annoyed. Kiddos didn't mind cause it'll be another trip to the theatres. Only downside is that the back half of most musicals tend to be the denser/heavier bits. Most of the really fun stuff happens in the first half so I'll be interested in seeing how they try to make the second half match the first.

So, you can’t say it changed your evening for the better, but, because you saw it it changed your evening for good?

Finding out that this Wicked is almost three hours and is only part one makes me a bit trepidatious. I don't recall the play being 5+ hours.

Sadly never had the pleasure of a stage performance, and only know Wicked through the CD soundtrack, but it felt decent in pace and its only when getting near to "defying gravity" did the time begin to drag. A bit like a Peter Jackson movie, to be honest, but the end of the film is what you've been waiting for.

The Christmas Intern

A retired VP of marketing, who goes to visit her daughter who is running a Christmas themed- start-up company. They are struggling and she steps in to help as an intern.

Starring Jacee Carter, Vivica Fox, and Michael Pare. I pretty stacked cast for what this is, but there are a lot of younger performers as well.

Honestly, these things are craft. No dialogue is wasted and every scene relentlessly moves the story along. Hollywood blockbusters should be this full of craft, but they aren't.

Vivica Fox and Michael Pare? I have to admit my interest is piqued. It’s a shame they don’t make films like this for most other holidays.

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
Vivica Fox and Michael Pare? I have to admit my interest is piqued. It’s a shame they don’t make films like this for most other holidays.

Just to be clear, no one is bringing their A game to this..... they are cashing a check. However, the script is pretty tight.

Stargate

Where one of my favourite franchises began*

And for me it still holds up today. Pretty simple story, told competently with really good special effects. Lovely.

*In which as soon as humans get out among the stars, we’re causing trouble, overthrowing tyrants and nicking everything.

 Easy E wrote:
The Christmas Intern

A retired VP of marketing, who goes to visit her daughter who is running a Christmas themed- start-up company. They are struggling and she steps in to help as an intern.

Starring Jacee Carter, Vivica Fox, and Michael Pare. I pretty stacked cast for what this is, but there are a lot of younger performers as well.

Honestly, these things are craft. No dialogue is wasted and every scene relentlessly moves the story along. Hollywood blockbusters should be this full of craft, but they aren't.

A few years ago I realized how I appreciate that craft. Also: Yup, Vivica Fox and Michael Paré also get my interest. Then it was lost again at the mention of marketing people and some young person's start-up. But a tight story and most of all no wasted dialogue sounds nice.


@Stargate: I like that film. It's not great by any means, but IIRC it looks cool, it's got some neat ideas, and it works. When I was a kid I bought the VHS that came with a soundtrack CD that was pyramid-shaped.

Never been much into the tv show, but a few months ago I watched a bunch of con panels featuring Stargate people (whilst I was looking for Ben Browder panels for he is a wacky man), and Richard Dean Anderson and Amanda Tapping seem to be really neat people and close friends. Also funny: the Daniel Jackson from the tv show seems to have become the real-life Ron Swanson.

Just broke out the only Christmas movie our family watches together.

Wanna guess?



A few years back my mom sent me the book of it, different, but a lot darker than the movie.

Still my favorite, the classic Christmas music is woven perfectly into the soundtrack.

London Has Fallen

Sequel to Olympus Has Fallen.

As latter day actioners go? This is perfectly enjoyable. It’s not exactly doing owt new, but it is doing its things at least competently, especially given it’s a sequel. Importantly, it’s not playing to anyone in particular’s ego.

It is pretty silly in places, given The Bad Lads somehow managed to infiltrate not only the Met Police, but also the Queen’s Guard. And not just a few. Like….effing loads of them. One or two being blackmailed/bribed. Sure. But dozens? Bloody unlikely.

But then, if you’re watching this sort of film for gritty realism, you’re a daft bugger.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
London Has Fallen

Sequel to Olympus Has Fallen.

As latter day actioners go? This is perfectly enjoyable. It’s not exactly doing owt new, but it is doing its things at least competently, especially given it’s a sequel. Importantly, it’s not playing to anyone in particular’s ego.

It is pretty silly in places, given The Bad Lads somehow managed to infiltrate not only the Met Police, but also the Queen’s Guard. And not just a few. Like….effing loads of them. One or two being blackmailed/bribed. Sure. But dozens? Bloody unlikely.

But then, if you’re watching this sort of film for gritty realism, you’re a daft bugger.

I took that film at face value, between that and your rogue agent, Johnny English, I'm not sure how you Brits get anything accomplished.



By the way, you have Part III to watch, Angel has fallen. Imagine the first two, remove the plot, excitement, and 80% of the budget.

But don't worry. Part IV, Night has Fallen has been greenlit.

Oh I’ve seen them all before, including the surprisingly decent tv spinoff, Paris Has Fallen.

Santa’s Slay

“I’m Santa Claus, not f—ing Dracula.”

This is the kind of movie you watch with your family when everyone’s overfull and tired, no one wants to make a decision, and a teenager has the remote control. It was quite fun.

The premise is that Santa’s forced 1000 years of jolly kindness just came to an end and he’s got a lot of slaying to make up for. The film is less a story than a collection of great kills, groaner lines, hilarious set pieces, and cheesy filler. The opening scene is worth the price of admission, but there are also stand out scenes in a strip club, a police station (briefly), an Rankin Bass-style cutaway, and a Troy McLure caliber high speed chase.

The cast is absolutely stacked. Name another film where you can see James Caan killed by Turkey leg, Fran Drescher immolated and Saul Rubinek impaled on a menorah.

It’s not as good as Violent Night, but it has a place in every horror fan’s killer Christmas rotation.

It still amuses me that Fran Drescher was President of the SAG during the most recent strike.

Glad she still gets some work.

Speaking of actors still getting work.....

A Nutty Christmas

Starring Sabrina, The Teenage Witch only she isn't much of a teenager anymore. The idea is that she owns a cookie shop and a magical Nutcracker comes to life and steals her heart! This one is low budget even by made-for-cable Christmas movies. However, I still found a few things to like.....

1. The kitchen in the Cookie shop was on point. It reminded me a bit of my old Bakery. However, no way you can keep that kind of inventory on hand at the shop.
2. The small-town community actually felt like a small town community. The events and the scale of things was on point. Unlike many Christmas movies where the Community Events are far to extravagant and well-attended for an actual small town event.
3. The girlfriend has a bunch of kids and lives in a less than middle class house.
4. They slip in a reference to Sabrina: The Teenage Witch
5. The main actress looks like a real person with a real person body

Cheap, but overall enjoyable and whimsical little flick from 2018 or so.

Watched the coolest World War II picture ever... The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare.

The movie is another Guy Ritchie masterpiece where style resoundingly kicks the out of factual events... bur who cares?

Oh, and Henry Cavill, Patron Saint of the Adeptus Custodes, is in it too.

Five Night's At Freddys

Based on a video game I've never played. A man with serious mental health issues takes a night job at a haunted, run-down, pizza party place to save his sister (Who also has serious mental health issues and is of indeterminate age, I could never figure out if she was a early teen playing a little girl or not) from their cartoonishly villainess aunt. Cursed animatronic shenanigans ensue.

Very much the definition of meh.
The main problem is, it's not even remotely scary (Always a bad sign with horror movies) and pretty stupid but not in a good way.