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Watchmen

I know it gets a lot of stick for the changes it makes to the source material and over-use of Synders patented slow-mo ultra violence, but I still think it's a pretty entertaining movie in its own way.

 Sigur wrote:
Yeah, I'm not keen on seeing it. Pretty sure there's no merit to it. Cannibal Holocaust - possibly, sure, why not. Cultural thing and stuff.

What I like about Cannibal Holocaust is that our victims absolutely deserve what they get.

They are not good people. They are not innocent. And by the time their fate unfolds? I had zero sympathy for them.

I'm currently watching the Fantastic Beasts movies. Two down, one to go. They're not really my thing, much like the 'Arry Po'er movies, but I found the latter engaging in spite of it. The Fantastic Beasts series doesn't have that effect. They're kind of meh, especially once the scrawny sticks come out and the magic starts flying. But yeah, not my thing, so I don't feel particularly compelled to trash the movies either.

 Sigur wrote:
Yeah, I'm not keen on seeing it. Pretty sure there's no merit to it. Cannibal Holocaust - possibly, sure, why not. Cultural thing and stuff.

II found Cannibal Holocaust to be pretty atmospheric when I watched it in the way back when. I'd recommend giving it a try if you aren't terribly sensitive. I'm not the best judge of these things, but I suspect that it doesn't have as much shock value to modern audiences as it did at the time of release. But it's one of those movies that started a craze because if was so good at what it did, and I find it worth watching for that alone if the subject, themes and genre are at all of interest to you.

I’ve only seen the first Fantastic Beasts, and was thoroughly put off by Mr Redmayne’s constant gurning.

I understand his character is meant to be on the spectrum, but man. Enough already,

If I was round a friends and they had it on, I’d shut my gob and just watch it. But the series isn’t something I’d watch for meself.

Yeah, sure takes me a special mood to give those movies a go. It's election weekend here, so I'm in the mood for something completely silly to stay on theme. It's also why I play Goat Simulator 3 at the moment.

Splatter University

Well, we’re off to a bad start, aren’t we! The acting is laughable, and straight in with horrific stereotyping of mental health. Though someone has just been stabbed right in the giggle stick, so hopefully we’re on for some fun kills at least.

Oh, and seems it was released by Troma. Standard, cursory google shows the film was made in 1981, but prior to its 1984 release, 13 minutes of additional scene were filmed to pad the runtime. And…yeah. That opening scene is clearly one of them (students as actors, and bright red blood for gore, rather than the much darker red used in the main body).

Overall? Whilst not offensively bad, it’s distinctly below average. Also, that first scene, added to pad run time? Makes no sense once we know who the killer is. In fact, remove that and redo the very final scene (which kind of tie together) and you’d have a better film right there.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Oh, and might as well cover off? I fully expect these movies, all of them, to be horribly misogynistic. They’re splatter/slashers from the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. So it goes with the territory.

Thankfully the typically poor acting and script writing makes such things laughable.

Next!

Slaughterhouse

What a disconcerting opening! First couple of squishings, and this looks to be Texas Chainsaw but with a Great Big Cleaver And No Mask. Then the title sequence. A trip through a Pork Slaughterhouse, accompanied by music I’d more expect from a not-very-funny-but-gentle 70’s BBC Sitcom.

However, it immediately picks up with some motivation for our loonies - greedy property developers, and bizarrely, 30% Fat Pork Products, and concern for the health of the youth! That’s right, we’ve something actually resembling a plot!

Genuinely enjoyed that one. Quite the Texas Chainsaw knock-off, but entertaining all the same.


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Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers

Written and directed by Fred Olen Rey, effects by Tom Savini. So I should be in for a good time with this one. Bonus points for featuring The Barman Most Likely To Look Like Moe Szyslak In Real Life as voted for by me in the category of The Barman Most Likely To Look Like Moe Szyslak In Real Life.

It’s trashy. It’s cheesy. It knows it. And it doesn’t care one jot. But, for Deliberate Low Rent B-Movie? It’s well made. The acting won’t bother any awards, but everyone is putting effort in and enjoying themselves.

Yep. That was a load of very silly fun. But the last one for tonight. For now, it’s time to retire to my boudoir, and make a start on my shiny new Discworld collection.

 aku-chan wrote:
Watchmen

I know it gets a lot of stick for the changes it makes to the source material and over-use of Synders patented slow-mo ultra violence, but I still think it's a pretty entertaining movie in its own way.

It's honestly a great adaptation. Most of the changes work in the moment and only don't work if you really dissect them. The only one I absolutely cannot stand is moving the "nothing ever ends" line. It's such a powerful moment in the comics, showing us both a rare moment of remorse from our villain as well as a reminder of our general insignificance. In the movie it just reinforces the coward and cynic dynamic from a couple losers that completely misses the point.

And with work over in 18 minutes, it’s nearly time for me to once more descend the winding steps into the crypt of crap.

What is tonight’s offering, dear reader? Will it be a gross out cannibal flick? A by the numbers slasher? A lovely slice of body horror?

Noooooooo

It’s worse than that.

A tale so terrifying, few dare utter its name. A cinematic slice so vile, many have called for it to be wrapped in lead, sealed in concrete and dump into deepest crevice of the deepest ocean.

For tonight,….for my viewing displeasure it’s……

Madame Webb

*wild shrieking, crash of thunder, mad cackling*

@ MDG - Why do you do this to yourself?

I was looking at some trailers on youtube recently, however, and it looks like the SAG strike effect is dropping off and there are unique and interesting looking films just on the cusp of release. Huzzah. I can ignore Madame Webb forevermore!

Yeah. Watch Battlefied Earth instead.



With your friendly bartender!!

16 Wishes

Pretty sure this is made for the Disney Channel or something. It stars a Disney-Kid who turns 16. She is given candles that make pre-written wishes come true.

I am not the target audience for this at all. It is for middle-school, pre-teens up to 17 year olds at best. That said the moral and story beats aren't bad in theory/ The first half is significantly worse than the back half. If you make it that far, the moral is by-the-number but good for the age demo.

A big part of it is Seeing For Myself, and my dissatisfaction with people confusing the merely mediocre with the genuinely bad.

For example? Some of the Phase 4 MCU offerings. Whilst a bunch weren’t up to the usual quality, none of them have been poorly made, written or acted drivel.

And for me, before I watch it (opening scenes playing now), my biggest quibble with Madame Webb is a big old “but how, and why, if Spidey isn’t going to show up”.

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
Yeah. Watch Battlefied Earth instead.



With your friendly bartender!!

"While you were still learning how to SPELL YOUR NAME, I was being trained TO-CONQUER-GALAXIES!"

Released in 2000, G-Saviour tries to be a live-action celebration of the Mobile Suit Gundam universe—though it ends up feeling more like a derailment than a dazzling launch. The film’s ambitions are as colossal as its clunky CGI, which looks like it was done in somebody's dorm room on an Amiga they found in a dumpster.

The film has actors (I'm using that term loosely) and assuming memory serves, might include Ron Canada. His appearance is about as memorable as a cameo in a midnight infomercial.

I especially enjoyed the fact that a Gundam movie was released that doesn't have any mecha on.mecha action in it until the last 10 minutes or so... and when it does I had a flashback of Video Toaster renderings dancing through my brain.


In short, if you're in the mood for a train wreck with extra explosions and plenty of unintentional humor, and acting so wooden you'll be looking for marionette strings, G-Saviour is the quintessential live-action Gundam film.

So, what did I make of Madame Webb?

Decent first half. Manifestation of powers, learning the powers.

Second half? Where we’re going, we don’t need rails! And it becomes rapidly fairly nonsensical.

Overall, I’d say it’s no worse or better than the first Daredevil movie. A lot of stuff happens simply because the plot needs it to happen, but the cast are enjoyable enough.

The effects are really disappointing though. I really don’t understand how you can be desperately pretending to be part of the main MCU, and get your Not-Spider-Man that wrong. For instance, where Spidey does his acrobatics and then lands on a surface, we see him absorb the impact. This guy just sort of…..stops dead. And looks oddly rubbery when in motion.

Do I regret paying £5 for this? Not really. Whilst clearly flawed it’s entertaining enough, if heavy on the genre and general cinema tropes.

The biggest flaw really is the villain and his motivations. So much of his plot is just so there’s a story.

What I did enjoy was our heroine learning her powers. That she can’t just see the future, but that it can be changed by her actions. That’s done really nicely and fairly subtlety.

Overall? A comfy 5.5/10. It ain’t great, but it’s far from an Abomination Unto Nuggan.

Funniest thing is how it avoids naming Peter and May Parker. As if the Directors lived in terror of Marvel doing a Will Smith on them.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:


Funniest thing is how it avoids naming Peter and May Parker. As if the Directors lived in terror of Marvel doing a Will Smith on them.

That's odd, because Sony owns all the rights to everything in the Spider-verse, and leases the characters to Amazon and Marvel Studios.

Never overlook the chance for complications with big firms. Could be that the licence the studio paid for or negotiated didn't include Spidey; or someone higher up didn't want a "new risky venture" to "piggyback too much" or "harm their main spiderman brand".

There's often layers to these things which; from the outside seem like they should be simple choices - which behind the scenes are full of choices and decisions made by people who are often don't care about the lore or anything and are purely going on costs; complexity; marketing; surveys and stuff

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

Better in the original Klingon.

What a great sendoff for the TOS crew. Everyone gets to do something important. The story is topical while also hitting a lot of the classic TOS tropes. The music is great. The acting is perfect for the film. The effects are the best they’ve ever been. George Takei never had to be on the same set as Shatner. Total success as a Star Trek film.

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

Better in the original Klingon.

What a great sendoff for the TOS crew. Everyone gets to do something important. The story is topical while also hitting a lot of the classic TOS tropes. The music is great. The acting is perfect for the film. The effects are the best they’ve ever been. George Takei never had to be on the same set as Shatner. Total success as a Star Trek film.

Some of my favorite movie lines come from STVI.

"Captain's log, stardate 9529.1. This is the final cruise of the starship Enterprise under my command. This ship and her history will shortly become the care of another crew. To them and their posterity will we commit our future. They will continue the voyages we have begun and journey to all the undiscovered countries, boldly going where no man – where no one – has gone before."


I also love the Spock/McCoy Torpedo stuff...

"Doctor, would you care to assist me in performing surgery on a torpedo?"
"Fascinating!"
☆☆
"Where's that damn torpedo?"
"It's ready, Jim. Lock and load!"

 Lathe Biosas wrote:
Released in 2000, G-Saviour tries to be a live-action celebration of the Mobile Suit Gundam universe—though it ends up feeling more like a derailment than a dazzling launch. The film’s ambitions are as colossal as its clunky CGI, which looks like it was done in somebody's dorm room on an Amiga they found in a dumpster.

The film has actors (I'm using that term loosely) and assuming memory serves, might include Ron Canada. His appearance is about as memorable as a cameo in a midnight infomercial.

I especially enjoyed the fact that a Gundam movie was released that doesn't have any mecha on.mecha action in it until the last 10 minutes or so... and when it does I had a flashback of Video Toaster renderings dancing through my brain.


In short, if you're in the mood for a train wreck with extra explosions and plenty of unintentional humor, and acting so wooden you'll be looking for marionette strings, G-Saviour is the quintessential live-action Gundam film.

Interesting. I do love me some Gundam (well, UC, One Year War or shortly thereafter for now), but I'm not keen on live action versions of anime. I'll have to check it out though for curiosity's sake.

Tonight, I’m once again pet sitting. So I’m away from my slasher collection. And indeed my own streaming accounts.

So it’s The Conjuring

This of course proved to be the first in horror’s MCU equivalent. And it’s a superior example of its craft. There’s decent tension, clever scares and a solid pace.

Its main downside is sharing a main actor, and being released around the same time as, Insidious. Oh, and a Director. So I easily confuse the two franchises.

But overall, I think I prefer The Conjuring.

And another slasher film just arrived. Known in some territories as Double Jeopardy. But here, well it’s a word I probably shouldn’t use on Dakka.

But for British Dakkanauts of a certain vintage, it’s a common 70’s/80’s slang for, uh…a lady of negotiable affections, that begins with P.

However, I’m watching them in the series release order, and that’s number 21, so it’ll be some time before I get round to it.

Bill and Ted Face the Music

This speaks to the aging of the MIllenials, and their realization that they will not solve anything, and essentially forcing it onto Gen Z, because Millenials are now too busy with their own lives to save the world. Millenials have now fallen into the same trap as the Boomers.

At least, that is what I took from it......

I enjoyed that one well enough. I’m not sure I’d bring it into the Church of Latter Day Sequels. But I’d certainly not condemn it to the crypt of crap either.

Bill and Ted still feel and act like Bill and Ted, and I enjoyed their wonky selves - a nice build on Good and Bad Robot Bill and Ted.

It is though, sadly, kinda disposable.

Anyone seen any good sci-fi lately?

I'm looking for something with some oomph. Not just pretty images that are supposed to make up for a paper thin plot. (ie. The Creator and Avatar 2)

Star Wars Skellington Crew.

It’s superb.

Do you count Everything Everywhere All At Once as Sci Fi? It definitely has oomph.

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
Do you count Everything Everywhere All At Once as Sci Fi? It definitely has oomph.

Never saw it. Worth watching?

 Lathe Biosas wrote:

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
Do you count Everything Everywhere All At Once as Sci Fi? It definitely has oomph.

Never saw it. Worth watching?

It is a love it or hate it movie about an unhappy woman who gets drawn into a multiverse conflict against a multiversal threat with one of the best introduction kill scenes of any movie villain ever. However, it is one of those movies where the external conflict is a mirror of internal conflict, with a lot to say on failed romantic idealism, generational trauma and suicidal ideation, so it gets heavy at parts. It’s also a movie full of laugh out loud moments and two excellent combat scenes involving dildos. It’s a weird movie. It was also my favorite movie the year it came out.

Its one of the best films I've seen full stop.