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That title and the inspector of the naughty or nice guild having a fling on the job… This film better have some “kids won’t notice” references to shibari, BDSM, knifeplay or hot wax dripping or it’s a total waste of potential.

Have they ever made a Skinemax-style Hallmark movie? Why the heck not??

Santa-n: The Red Awakening

In which Santa is actually Satan or something and therefore you’re all terrible Christians and deserve for your bottom to wish it had never been born and that.

Seems because Santa was worshipped more than anyone else on Christmas, he became evil. Not entirely sure if that stands up to scripture. And it does kind of suggest that excess worship is a bad thing.

I don’t think this is a Christian Movie though. Rather someone who decided Santa sounds a bit like Satan. Certainly it’s on Prime and not Pureflix.

Apparently the Director/Producer takes inspiration from Leonardo DiCaprio to ensure excellence in all he does.

I guess it really is a long way to the top. Suffice to say I’m not a person of faith, and I’ll feeling pretty insulted so far.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Actually, maybe it is trying to evangelise?

It’s hard to tell, because the script is bobbins and the dialogue stilted. Which really isn’t helped by a general lack of background music for most of it.

The people are also really daft. It seems in this world it’s accepted Santa has gone to the daft, and likes to off children. And that’s because people “worship” him instead of your man. And so……they keep worshipping him and allowing non-Christcentric imagery and decorations and that?

Given that’s apparently the root cause….you’d think they’d at least try to get it right.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Utterly dreadful. Bills itself as a psychological horror. And it’s just dreck.

Sounds like propaganda for the "War on Christmas" folks.

I really don’t know if it is or not, it’s that poorly made.

Don’t Open Till Christmas

It’s a Santa Slasher! ‘Raaaaaaaayyyy! This time a British effort.’Raaaaaaaayyy! From 1984…oh…erm…not our finest period for producing horror.

Someone is going around Contemporary London, offing Santa Impersonators. Presumably Because Reasons.

On the upside? Four kills in no time at all see us off to the races with minimal mucking around. So hopefully I’ll at least get a gory giggle if nothing else.

Yeah. This is a mess. The editing is ridiculously bad, and the background music laughable. The kills are alright though. Not too graphic, and just silly enough. Also there’s a question of how the loony knows there’s a Santa Impersonator nearby. I mean, one was in a booth in a Naughty Peep Show!

There is an extended sequence of cat and mouse in the London Dungeon. Which is certainly one way of stretching your budget.

And as we enter the home stretch? For me it’s stone cold classics all the way home. Starting with….

Home Alone

The film that launched a franchise which defined diminishing returns. You all know it, and I’m fairly sure you all love it.

As for the various sequels? Particularly the utterly awful and irredeemable Home Sweet Home Alone? They seem to forget that whilst a wee horror, Kevin is the victim here.

He’s the youngest of his family, overlooked by all and sundry except when his siblings decide to torment him. And he’s smart, rather than a smart arse. Ultimately he’s a sympathetic character.

Home Sweet Home Alone? A spoiled brat so awful, we have no issue making the necessary assumption he did steal the doll. He cheeks his Mum not out of frustration at never being believed over Buzz, but because he’s a little turd that never learned boundaries.

Vitally? Kevin is defending his home, because he sees himself, in that moment, as the man of the house and so it was his duty. Home Sweet Home Alone? Kid convinces himself the people just trying to recover their property are targetting him.

What're your thoughts on Home Alone 2, Doc?

Love it. Absolutely on par.

It’s time!

Die Hard

Yeah, really don’t need to say more, do I?

Please note wider internet, this would be an appropriate use of the relatively new word which apparently means there’s nothing more to be said.


Ready?

Welp.

The only two Christmas things I assuredly watch every year would be Christmas Vacation and the Trailer Park Boys special.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
It’s time!

Die Hard

Yeah, really don’t need to say more, do I?

Please note wider internet, this would be an appropriate use of the relatively new word which apparently means there’s nothing more to be said.


Ready?

Welp.

And then Die Hard 2?

In due course.

But I’ll tell you what my Christmas Day Movie is gonna be.

Return of the Jedi. Was usually the one airing Christmas Day when I was a kid. And hands down my favourite Star Wars movie.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
In due course.

But I’ll tell you what my Christmas Day Movie is gonna be.

Return of the Jedi. Was usually the one airing Christmas Day when I was a kid. And hands down my favourite Star Wars movie.

Wow, we agree on our favorite Star Wars movie? This is a Festivus Miracle!

I’ve got a near complete display of modern figures Jabba’s Palace.

There’s two I’m struggling to get hold of, outside of signed, graded versions. Which aren’t for me, given even if I have to go carded? They won’t be carded for long!

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
It’s time!

Die Hard

Yeah, really don’t need to say more, do I?

Please note wider internet, this would be an appropriate use of the relatively new word which apparently means there’s nothing more to be said.


Ready?

Welp.

Given it was on TV tonight, a good choice. Is it really Christmas until (or unless) Alan Rickman gets surprised by people not counting to 3 as promised?

 Lathe Biosas wrote:

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
It’s time!

Die Hard

Yeah, really don’t need to say more, do I?

Please note wider internet, this would be an appropriate use of the relatively new word which apparently means there’s nothing more to be said.


Ready?

Welp.

And then Die Hard 2?

I just watched Die Hard a couple of days ago, in honor of my late father. It was one of our favorite movies. Tonight, on to Die Hard 2, home of the best weaponized icicle ever.

Don't forget to leave shoes (size 10 US), cigarettes, a Twinkie, and a Beretta 92 pistol in the ductwork for him on Christmas Eve...

Man vs Baby

Rowan Atkinson stars in this four part series that should’ve been edited into a single movie.

It’s a gentle comedy, involving an abandoned Sprog and Rowan Atkinson house sitting. Mishaps occur, and said gentle comedy ensues.

This is enjoyable enough, and solid family fare. Small points deduction for mildly creepy baby cgi face here and there.

Yogi's First Christmas

A fun Hanna-Barbera romp in Jellystone Park involving sabotage, threat of highway construction, and the usual limited animation, because apparently not even movies get a proper lining budget.

Oh,and Cindy Bear may have been someone's furry awakening. Catchy songs, too.

The Muppet Christmas Carol

Welp.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
The Muppet Christmas Carol

Welp.

Does that mean you liked it or didn't?


I have been watching movies all month so I'll mention a few I have seen commented on yet.

Santa Baby

Jenny McCarthy stars as Santa's (George Wendt) daughter who needs to fill in for Santa when he becomes sick, something she has waited her whole life for. Using her skills and background in business she tries to put a modern view on Christmas much to Santa's dismay. This movie is probably what you would expect from a Hallmark movie. If you can tolerate Hallmark movies than this is worth the 90 minutes.


Santa Baby 2

Because why not. Jenny McCarthy is back again in the sequel though most other actors from the original (including George Wendt) are not. This movies plot feels almost like the inverse of the original. One other thing that always stood out to me is there are quite a few musical montages in this movie where as I only recall 2 or so short ones in the original. This isn't really important, just something I always thought about. If you were ok with the first movie you should be ok with the second. Both seem to be available on Youtube right now.


The Grinch (2018)

As a large fan of the original (I have the book displayed on my permanent Christmas shelf in my room) and an appreciator of the Jim Carrey version I went into this movie with a bit of curiosity to see what they would do. Now this was the first time I have watched this and I understand that I am not in the age demographic this movie was made for and I am not that up to date with American pop culture and movies. With that said I made it about 20 minutes in and I turned it off. From the opening scenes my thoughts were that the animation looks so crisp and clean that they looked too crisp and clean. It didn't feel like it was a lived in environment, just one where things were. Again, I understand that this is probably just the way things are these days so I put those thoughts to the side. Then I heard the opening narration and I reached for the remote. The only reason I didn't turn it off then was because my wife was also with me watching this and she is more willing to give things a chance. The narrator did not have the voice I expected, or wanted, and felt like there was no "weight" in the words they were saying. It felt like they were speaking with a feather and when you compare it to the earlier adaptations if was quite off putting. The same can be said about the person voicing the Grinch. It was too friendly and soft with none of the danger or emotion of the other films. And why on earth was the Grinch friendly? I know there was some criticism of the Jim Carrey Grinch for being too "mean", but that is the character. And speaking of mean, the horrible version of "You're A Mean One" that played towards the beginning was just, why? I don't know if this is a "You're not making Christianity better, you're just making rock n' roll worse" or a "Just because you can doesn't mean you should" situation, but either way no. From what little of this movie I saw it just felt that they sanitized the classic story and adaptations to the point where there was no point. Actually I'm sure the point was to make money. How ironic that the story and a character who was a commentary against consumerism now only exists for the pursuit of more money.


Scrooge (1951)

In an effort to remove the Grinchy taste out of my mouth I pivoted to the Alistair Sim classic. A Christmas Carol is my favorite Christmas story (again, I have a copy of the book displayed on my permanent Christmas shelf) and this adaptation is considered one of the best. The only reason why I wouldn't label it as the best is because The Muppet Christmas Carol exists.


I'll spend the rest of Christmas eve watching classic tv specials and get to my favorite movies tomorrow.

I was correctly using Welp to indicate there’s no more to be said.

It’s The Muppet Christmas Carol. Genuine cinematic perfection!

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
I was correctly using Welp to indicate there’s no more to be said.

It’s The Muppet Christmas Carol. Genuine cinematic perfection!

Well, the version with Belle's Song present is - without, it falls maybe one step short of cinematic perfection.

Yep, did the Muppets this morning.

Before bed tonight I think it'll be a change of pace with a film pairing of Krampus (slightly over the top monstery fun) followed by Violent Night
( VERY over the top actiony fun)

Probably accompanied by an amount of drink made of apples (well, mostly apples).

Scumble?

You’re drinking Scumble?

Next thing it’ll be the Special Sheep Linement.

From there, you’ll have Feegles!

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Scumble?

You’re drinking Scumble?

Next thing it’ll be the Special Sheep Linement.

From there, you’ll have Feegles!

All I want for Christmas is a translation...

Go read Discworld. All of it.

Now.

It's called research. Try doing it - Feegles would be enough of a search term to get the gist.

A Very Nutty Christmas

Clarissa the Teenage Witch is a baker in this Chrimboromcom. Baker being one of maybe three careers allowed in Christmasromcoms.

Will she find love? Probably. She does get dumped first though.

Our local cinema had matinee performances of Home Alone and no. 2 for very reasonable prices, so took the kids. The cinema was full of kids who exclaimed loudly and excitedly every time the poor sticky bandits got major trauma, followed by parents trying to quiet them down again afterward. I booed at Trump. It was glorious fun